Are you afraid to die?

[primer]

Are you afraid to die?

I am not and I don't think I ever have been. This is not a sob story. I just want to know if there are other people like me.

I am having some medical issues and there is an 80 percent chance I have cancer. Cancer will not be confirmed until I have surgery and the mass is sent to pathology. Blood tests did not look good. Thursday is my pre-op appointment. Lately I have been reflecting on life.

I think I am going to have the surgery and if it is cancerous, stop treatment there. I do not want to go through chemotherapy or any of the terrible treatments.

Reason: I am 52 years old, single, with no children. I love to laugh and have fun. I have nephews and a niece I am pretty close to. There are no regrets in my life. During those 52 years I have been bitched at, lied to, cheated on, betrayed, belittled and ignored. I know I am not a bad person. I am independent and self-sufficient, I am smart, and I am likeable. After seeing how inconsiderate and disrespectful people are over the past 52 years, I have had enough.

Is this understandable?

Edit: I know I am not perfect and maybe I deserved some of this. In reality, I try not to hurt anyone on purpose. I do not want to make people feel bad. I smile at strangers. 🙂

 

 

 

Edited April 7, 2020 by primer

[Foxhall]

I am sorry to read of your potential diagnosis and I wish you well in recovering from it, from my studies of herbal medicine my one recommendation would be give up sugar.

you are still quite young so you can overcome this and do a lot of things in life yet,

I suppose your initial question caught my eye, 

in response Yes I am afraid to die, 

I am recently 40 and realise I am not as young as I used to be and wonder can I make another 40 +,

at any rate I am realising now I will not be on this earth forever,

there are lots I still want to do, and I would like to leave a lasting impression but I have not figured out what that is yet,

at any rate life is precious, we are only here a certain length,

you have a lot to live for yet, enjoy it while you can.

Edited April 7, 2020 by Foxhall

[Ellener]

@primer sorry to hear you are going through cancer situation at a time like this, hard enough at any time.

1 hour ago, primer said:

I smile at strangers.

And sometime that's all we can do ((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[primer]

I know I am young and could have a lot of life left. If it wasn't for this diagnosis, I am fit and healthy too. Often times people are surprised I am as old as I am.

The thing is, people are mean and inconsiderate and I don't think I want to go through the trouble of fighting for my life. I have been thinking about this for over a week now and my mind is not swaying.

I don't think I am a victim. Perhaps I am sensitive and don't like being treated negatively.

Do other people feel this way?

 

[The Outlaw]

4 minutes ago, primer said:

I know I am young and could have a lot of life left. If it wasn't for this diagnosis, I am fit and healthy too. Often times people are surprised I am as old as I am.

The thing is, people are mean and inconsiderate and I don't think I want to go through the trouble of fighting for my life. I have been thinking about this for over a week now and my mind is not swaying.

I don't think I am a victim. Perhaps I am sensitive and don't like being treated negatively.

Do other people feel this way?

 

I'm deeply saddened by your prognosis and I can only hope that they're wrong. That hit me a little too close to home. Really close. I lost someone a few years ago to cancer and I'm still not over it. And I just don't think I ever will be. But to anyone out there that is mean and inconsiderate of you because of these or any circumstances, I'll say this to them loud and clear. F**k them. Nobody likes being treated negatively. It's understandable and we're all going to have our critics and haters but I just don't feel it's EVER worth giving up on life over. STAND and FIGHT.  

[alphamale]

i'm not afraid of death per se but i am afraid of the method in which i exit the Earth.  Quick and painless or even passing while asleep would be ideal

Edited April 8, 2020 by alphamale

[alphamale]

1 hour ago, primer said:

Is this understandable?

 

totally

[major_merrick]

I'm not afraid to die.  Never have been.  I've got things to live for now that I didn't have years ago and I want to see my kids grow up.  But for me it is more a matter of HOW I die than if or when.  I don't want to die peacefully in my bed of old age.  I came into this world kicking and screaming and covered in somebody else's blood.  It would seem fitting to exit in a similar manner.  😝  I just hope that Heaven has a corner in it that at least somewhat resembles Valhalla.....because a recreation of the Garden of Eden just sounds f***ing boring. 

[spiritedaway2003]

5 hours ago, alphamale said:

i'm not afraid of death per se but i am afraid of the method in which i exit the Earth.  Quick and painless or even passing while asleep would be ideal

^^ Exactly this.  And I don't want to become a burden to my loved ones.

[Art_Critic]

I'm not in the least afraid to die, growing up in a nursing household with my Mom was an RN for 50+ years who saw death all the time I have become accustomed to the feeling that when I go, I go..

I am however afraid that when I die nobody will miss me.. I know logically my Son will miss me but I don't think my wife will miss me in the least and it bothers me..

[amaysngrace]

I would miss you A_C

I notice whenever you’re around.  Or not.

[alphamale]

48 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

I would miss you A_C

I notice whenever you’re around.  Or not.

^^ditto

[Happy Lemming]

13 hours ago, major_merrick said:

I'm not afraid to die.  Never have been. 

Same here...

I am afraid of lingering and wasting away in a nursing home, pooping in a diaper & having someone spoon feed me mush.  No thanks, the minute I can't take care of my own basic needs, I'm punching my own ticket.

[primer]

1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

Same here...

I am afraid of lingering and wasting away in a nursing home, pooping in a diaper & having someone spoon feed me mush.  No thanks, the minute I can't take care of my own basic needs, I'm punching my own ticket.

That's why I feel the way I do about my health scare. I am not worried about passing away and I won't have to deal with mean people AND getting where I cannot take care of myself.

[major_merrick]

12 hours ago, Art_Critic said:

I am however afraid that when I die nobody will miss me.. I know logically my Son will miss me but I don't think my wife will miss me in the least and it bothers me..

I'm not always sure if my partners/family will miss me or not.  And I'm not sure which is worse - them not missing me, or them missing me.  Kind of undecided on that one, since I don't want to be a bother.  Like, if I die early, would it be better for my children not to remember that I existed?

10 hours ago, Happy Lemming said:

I am afraid of lingering and wasting away in a nursing home, pooping in a diaper & having someone spoon feed me mush.  No thanks, the minute I can't take care of my own basic needs, I'm punching my own ticket.

What scares me is getting in an accident or having some kind of disability that takes away my ability to end my life if necessary.  I hope that my husband would have the kindness to end it for me if I reached that point.  I've already discussed it.  He doesn't want to think about it, which is understandable.  But I've already told him that if something doesn't kill me naturally at an appropriate time, I intend to end my own life with dignity before things get bad. 

It seems like the issues that surround death are more complicated than death itself. 

Edited April 9, 2020 by major_merrick

[Miss Spider]

Is it understandable? Absolutely. When you feel like you have been mistreated many years and facing a bad situation, I can definitely see how death might seem preferable. 
 

It’s not the only option though. You could have many more years to live and those could be better years. Things can always get better, even when there seems to be no hope. You don’t have to suffer with negative feelings and you can find people who will care about you and appreciate you and  not mistreat you .I think you should talk to someone about your feelings. Serious illness can make us feel down and tired.  It can make us ponder our lives. It can be daunting and scary to the point we feel ‘why bother’?  It helps to have someone who can listen and give a perhaps more grounded  perspective 

 

Whatever happens. I hope you get through it stronger and much better off . Best wishes to you; friend x 

 

Edited April 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[alphamale]

On 4/8/2020 at 10:28 PM, major_merrick said:

Like, if I die early, would it be better for my children not to remember that I existed?

 

its better for the kids to remember you IF you were nice and loved them.  it would not be better for the kids to remember you IF you were mean and aloof to them

[Ellener]

@primer How are you feeling today?
 

Wanted to share this,

Desiderata

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927
 

[Ellener]

@alphamale I have had some amazing conversations with my son in recent months ( and relatively few melt-downs from either of us! ) but I did joke 'I can die happy now' when he told me he has always felt loved and accepted for himself by me. 

 

[alphamale]

1 minute ago, Ellener said:

@alphamale I have had some amazing conversations with my son in recent months ( and relatively few melt-downs from either of us! ) but I did joke 'I can die happy now' when he told me he has always felt loved and accepted for himself by me. 

 

awwww 😍

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I am not afraid to die.  Just to leave my kids without a mom and my sister without a sister.  

[FMW]

Similarly to the above, I just don't want my mother to have to bury her only child after losing her husband and several siblings in recent years.

So even those of us who have had fortunate lives may not "fear" death.  Most of us just don't want to hasten our demise.  

Decisions on treatment are very personal, as the saying goes sometimes the cure can be worse than the disease.  Just consider all angles.    

I hope that the news is better than you think it might be and that you won't have to make those kind of decisions anytime soon.    

[primer]

@Ellener  Thursday I saw a gynecologic oncologist. They do not want to do surgery until June because of Covid-19. There is a procedure I need before then to prevent kidney damage. I feel like I am good until June.

Thank you!

Edited April 11, 2020 by primer

[Cornholio12]

It's the final phase of life but not in the slightest. 

[Springsummer]

On 4/7/2020 at 7:00 PM, primer said:

During those 52 years I have been bitched at, lied to, cheated on, betrayed, belittled and ignored. I know I am not a bad person. I am independent and self-sufficient, I am smart, and I am likeable. After seeing how inconsiderate and disrespectful people are over the past 52 years, I have had enough.

Is this understandable?

Edit: I know I am not perfect and maybe I deserved some of this. In reality, I try not to hurt anyone on purpose. I do not want to make people feel bad. I smile at strangers. 🙂

I feel so resonated with this. Yes. people are s***ty. 

What I am feeling now is being belittled and disrespected, especially with a work situation. I am fighting against an unfair hiring. Let's see how the s*** will hit the fan.