Long term relationship has ended

[Mike871]

I’m interested to know what people would make of my situation.

I’m 32 and my ex-girlfriend is 26

We had a long term relationship for two years.

Our relationship started off as an honest one. We were both single. We took our time to get to know each other slowly in the first three months of dating. The foundations of the relationship were trusting and solid in my opinion. We hit it off really well. We wanted the same things out of life. She said she wanted to settle down and share good couple experiences and wanted a long term relationship with a view to marriage.

We then moved into her place for the next 10 months’ part time - I would live with her for half the week. I then bought my own place and we lived together full time for another 10 months.

I was going to propose to her this January to take things to the next level.

She was always very flirty but I had full trust in her and accepted her for who she was.

Our relationship was solid. The problems are that I’m a nice guy, probably too nice. I invested too much time into our relationship it was my sole focus. This came across needy, insecure and not confident. I also had different views on finances. I wanted to save for a wedding and a new house for both of us. She would say that I was tight in this regard and she wanted to live more in the moment and be more spontaneous and go out regular but was never actually direct about any of this to me until it was too late or I’m crap at picking up the signs… when I tried to suggest booking places she didn’t seem that interested.

The last three months of our relationship she was being cold and distant. I always asked her if she was okay but she used to come back from work. Tablet on and headphones in for the majority of the night. She said needed ‘space’ a week before Christmas 2019 and broke it off with me for the first time.

We got back together new year’s eve. In this time her phone never left her side. She took it everywhere with her. Our 2-year anniversary would have been valentine’s day but she broke it off with me again 1 week before (7th Feb 2020).  She said she wasn’t trying but didn’t know why. She always said when I tried to make the effort and plan for our anniversary that she “couldn’t look that far ahead”

I believe she did this as she moved her furniture into my house and was renting her place out at the time so needed to give her tenant notice so stayed with me to keep me sweet (but I am speculating)

She then moved all her stuff out at the end of February 2020

I met up with her one last time to get some closure. She told me that she needed time on her own, she wasn’t going to date anyone else for 1 to 2 years. She said she never had a chance to live on her own.

The following week. I heard that she was dating a new guy. I have since found out that he was an ex-boyfriend or old friend of hers. It turns out he was messaging her in July 2019 asking her out for drinks but he himself at the time was engaged. I did something stupid – got involved and liked one of his posts on Instagram on 5th March 2020 – he then grabbed her phone and started belittling me. He told me that he slept with her on that very night.

This guy is the complete opposite of me a mutual friend has told me. Very loud, likes to party hard, outgoing. Living in the moment each and every day.

I believe that my ex used ‘monkey branching’ tactics to setup her new relationship and lied to me for months about this. She used to come home most evenings but the last three months became less and less time that we would spend together. She stayed over at ‘friends’ or ‘family’ so I was told by her. Even the weekends she would be out and about without me.

I believe she is also exhibiting the grass is greener syndrome through this time. She has always had boyfriends and I do not think she likes to be on her own. I think as we were going to take it to the next level she wondered what could be better and got cold feet.

As I said I am a nice honest, loyal guy. I would have made her happy and I would have worked on my issues if she gave me time to make improvements to my social circles to become less dependent emotionally on her and also if she sat me down and discussed the financial side with me. Bearing in mind in August 2019 she was also saving up for the wedding that she wanted.

She is now living between her new man’s place and her place I believe they alternative every week. Unfortunately for me I know this as I have to work with my ex girlfriend and we have to have regular webcam calls due to corona so I see her environment switch each week.

My questions for you relate to the pandemic.

In my head she wanted someone more outgoing and spontaneous to live in the moment with her.

Her new man for example booked a short trip to Paris for them but it was cancelled due to corona 😊 a mutual friend told me this.

She has always insisted that she didn’t cheat on me and she started talking to her ‘friend’ after we broke up.

We are no longer in contact (me and my ex)

Questions

What sort of relationship do you believe she started with this new person – rebound, grass is greener, or was she monkey branching as I think she was?

As she has lived with this new guy full time for the last month – how do you think their relationship will be holding up with the pandemic? If it was cheating then a relationship and attraction was already building. Is it normal for people to move in so quickly? or is it a 'must' because of corona?

Do you think moving in so quickly will amplify their bond and make them grow stronger as a couple?

Or do you think that the honeymoon phase is going to end sooner?  (she has posted perfect moments on insta such as how good he is treating her when she was ill showing masses amounts of chocolate and all different plates of food)

Do you think that my ex will even miss me at all?

I do not believe this guy will be so stupid and leave at the moment. What other options will he have? He has sex on tap at the moment in a global pandemic!

Do you think a relationship where he has tried to prise my girlfriend at the time away (July 2019) will be a healthy one and thrive?

Do you think that he will want a long term relationship with her known full well that it could in future happen to him as she is very flirty and perhaps she will monkey branch again?

Is this relationship a rebound or has she just left me and lied for a new boyfriend as she sees him being the better option?

What sort of man whilst being engaged would openly ask my ex girlfriend out in July 2019? Bearing in mind she has never mentioned nor have I heard of him.

I am recovering. I have read far too many articles. Watched far too many YouTube videos. I was totally in love with her at an unconditional level. I have accepted what has happened to me but I'm curious really if a relationship born like this will be long lasting? I have never done anything like this to any of my other partners and would never dream of doing so.

[ExpatInItaly]

Honestly, OP, too many questions that frankly aren't that relevant to the bottom line. 

Allow me to elaborate: Will they survive? Eh, maybe. Maybe not. The only thing that matters is that she checked out of the relationship with you and made herself available to anyone else. And I too believe she did this long before breaking up with you. That distance you felt and those nights out? My friend, I think you know what she was really up to. The point is that she unfortunately didn't feel strongly enough about you anymore to even bother trying. 

If it hadn't been this guy, it would have been someone else. This wasn't a woman who was truly invested in you. 

[Haerts]

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP, but like @ExpatInItaly said, it's been a while since she's been leaving the relationship without actually doing it. 

The questions you have are normal to have after investing so much time, energy, money, etc, in someone who just left. You're going through a bad time and I guess you would like to have her back. But in all honesty, the sooner you realize she was not the one for you, the sooner you'll be able to meet someone who truly loves you.

Continue "no contact", live a day at a time and slowly completely move away from her. Stop with all these questions. Even if sometime in the future she appears again, the best thing you can do is stay away from her. Isn't she already putting you through enough unhappiness?

Best of luck. You deserve better.

 

[Mike871]

Thank you for your comments. I am trying to my best to move forward. As I mentioned we work in the same place. It makes it more difficult.

Just to add to the story. She was always very independent. She has hobbies. Her classes were about an 1 hours drive away from my house. She used to always stay at her house on a Thursday night and Monday night. Thats why at first we had a part time living arrangement for the first 10 months. My week revolved around her time table. Her classes changed in the last three months of our relationship. Making our time less and less. Her hours changed from Thursday nights to Monday nights, Friday nights and also Saturday mornings. She would always come home between those days but she said she stayed at her parents house on those nights. I had no reason to mistrust her. But looking back perhaps she was with this new guy.

She did change her behaviour towards the end of our relationship. She would go out with the girls more often clubbing nights (or so she told me) rather than spending the time with me. Again I trusted her and told her she should have a good time. She joined the gym and would want to stay behind after work. She would not compromise on going in the mornings instead to spend lets say two evenings a week with me. Bearing in mind we work in the same place and lived in the same house and car sharing made sense. She would tell me to drive my own car and go home and she would see me late on in the evenings after her gym session Again could of been seeing this new man.

She appears happy with her new man now. Its been a few months 'officially' since she left me. As in the UK we are in lockdown due to corona I do not believe anyone can do much and she has been living with him for this time.

@Haerts - you are absolutely right. I invested all of those things. I bought the house for both of us. We discussed 12 months ago that it would be sold and her place sold so that we could combine incomes after marriage and buy a house together she told me thats what she wanted also.

You guys are right. I was blinded by love. She emotionally checked out months ago. Her distant behaviour towards me. She never wanted to do things as a couple anymore towards the end. She saw coming home to me as a burden. I didnt see it coming. If she was honest about all of this it would of made the breakup so much easier. But as I said her furniture being in the house may of put her off being honest. Although as I said I'm a nice guy and its her stuff and she took it freely no hassle at the end of Feb.

 

[elaine567]

At 32 you were looking to settle down and you found a likely candidate.
You invested time, money and energy into this girl, your future bride, the mother of your children.
As she withdrew you became needy, insecure and not confident and that is completely normal.
You were not getting positive feedback from her and that is damaging to your ego and your sense of self worth.
She did not leave because you were needy clingy and insecure, she was leaving anyway and you were reacting to that.
You set it all up, you built the nest, it was perfect.
Only she felt trapped, the nest was not what she wanted and she rebelled, she wanted out.
Monkey branching is common in long term relationships, most want/need a soft landing lined up before they find the courage to jump.
 

[Mike871]

Yes. Those are my thoughts exactly. But I've had time for self reflection. I do agree to some extent. My investment in one person was too much. I needed to have my own life. Hobbies and interests but instead focused these last two years around her and devoted my time to her. I had no friends on top of all this.  I can see how this could of come across as too emotionally dependent on her, insecure and needy. I can also see why she would consider some aspects of the relationship as me being tight with money. I can see that she wanted a man to take her to nice places and live more in the moment. Its too late for any of that now.

When she came back I had a grand total of 6 weeks to fix all of my issues. She never wanted to work on her own issues as I think she had this guy lined up and was waiting to move all her stuff out and keeping me sweet in the process.

when we got back together on new years day. we were together for about 6 weeks until 7th Feb 2020. She arranged 'things' with her friends and family members. To me they were final goodbyes (might be reading too much into it) We saw her parents and stayed over thier house for one last time, we visited her sister and husband. she invited her grandparents out and paid for the meal. We saw her friends for the last time. As i said maybe im reading too much into this but it all feels like a final goodbye in a guilt way... The very last week she decided to go to her aunties on a saturday night for another one of these 'girls nights out' which suprised me as I wanted to spend the time as a couple to fix things. bearing in mind she was also 'busy' with her hobbies (friday night, saturday morning) I asked her via text for a 'rough' time she would be back home on Sunday afternoon but she said she didnt know.... We did argue about this as I saw that we should be focusing time to mend things... The following week she broke off with me for good.

I have since built a good friend base and joined the gym for the social element and enjoyed the classes. The issue I have now is everything is on hold in the UK due to the lockdown and corona virus. I have also had time to reflect on her issues and our relationship. I believe see she was monkey branching. She has a history of not really being on her own. She has always had a man for external happyness. Its sad to think that if this is true her new man knows this. He waited for her. How can a relationship built from cheating thrive? I wouldnt want to be him I would always be wondering if she would monkey branch to the next man. I would also be trying far too hard to impress her...

She in my opinion also has a problem with commitment and is always looking for someone better 'grass is greener syndrome' but having said that we were togeather for 2 years she was also saving for the wedding in August and then it completely U turned!

Yes i should of saw it coming with her being so distant with me in the final few months. As I said I was blinded. I saw her behaviour incorrectly as being so comfortable around me that she treated some of our time together as her time. As she lived me with I thought this was completely normal to want to spend some time alone in the evenings. I was wrong.

 

 

[TeddyBundy1993]

Brother i know you are hurt but the worst I see is you looking for these answers where this girl is enjoying her sex life with old flame.  My suggestion would be never look for answers to these questions.  These questions are nightmare and wont let you move on. 

You should get closure from one things shes gone now and that's it. Whether shes a monkey brancher or her new relationship would work or if shes on grass is greener syndrome phase doesnt matter. This women is not worth to chase or spend time wondering. She is not what she showed you. Stick to one thing and that's shes gone move on to someone else and knowing about her life will do no good to you. Imply NC avoid this women as much as you can. I know at this age you'd be more concern about getting a partner probably for life but mate this girl isnt that person who would stick for life. 

Cut this person off completely. Let that punk dude have her. You'll be better alone than with this women. Life is cruel and watching our dreams getting shattered is depressing.  Month by month you'll go fine. And forget this women. It's for the best believe me

[elaine567]

I know you will get  a lot of advice about getting out there making friends and starting hobbies but if that is not essentially who you are then you will never be happy.
You wanted a girl to share YOUR life with, not some flirty girl who was out all the time at "classes" and clubbing. 
Yes some will tell you that you NEED to have separate lives and that spending a lot of time together is "unhealthy" , but I see it is more unhealthy to put up with  something that  goes against who you really are.
You wanted her at home, you wanted a companion, a wife, not someone whose other interests trumped spending time with you. 
Next time look closely at who she really is, and not who she could be.

BTW flirting is a trait that is commonly associated with poor boundaries and cheating, it is rarely "harmless".                                                                                                                       

[Mike871]

Yes I completely agree with you. Her behaviour was accepted by me and I completely accepted her for who she is and trusted her. I loved her unconditionally. This was wrong!

I would want to do these self improvements for me and no body else. Yes your right that wasnt me when we broke up I had no hobbies and very few friends as I invested so much of my time in her and her family. I loved and respected them all. When you go through these hard times you do have time for self reflection. The last thing I want is being in the house on my own after work. I would want to keep busy and not feel lonely all the time. I know that friends are important. I was never really sociable before. I invested all my time in building up my career before meeting my ex girlfriend.

You are right though. In beginning the honeymoon period she invested all of her time with me. That faded when we moved into my house after August 2019 she became less and less interested in keeping our relationship going. She must of been talking to this new guy flirting and building attraction with him whilst she was with me.

I will still take time to heal from her. I still love her and miss her everyday even though I shouldnt.

You are right though I didnt feel she dedicated enough time to me and she used to say that its normal for couples not to see eachother until late hours in the evening 8/9pm at night. But she chose this life she could of had a better balance with that stuff the classes and near the end the clubbing. But she chose that path. She got bored of the relationship and wanted something new.

[elaine567]

2 minutes ago, Mike871 said:

That faded when we moved into my house after August 2019 she became less and less interested in keeping our relationship going

Interesting.
A friend of mine, was in a relationship; where they spent time at his, time at hers and all was going well.
He then one day went out and bought a house for them both to live in without telling her.
He surprised her with it and whist it was a beautiful house, (he was fairly rich he bought it outright...), she  was devastated and upset.
She had no input into that house, he had bypassed her, ignored her feelings and gave her no choice... she didn't like that,  and whilst he persuaded her to move in, it was never the same and they split up about a year later.

[Mike871]

Your right about that too I believe it all happened too soon for us. But we did sit down and discuss the house purchase and at the time she was happy and wanted to move all her stuff into the house. Perhaps at the time she didnt want to upset me. I bought the house under my name not joint as she already had a property in her name. I had the best of intentions that we were going to buy together in the next year or two after a wedding. She did say when she broke up with me at first that she felt that she didnt spend enough time in her flat. It was her first property purchase. As I said we both lived there for 10 months part time. Then moved into my new house.

As I said I do not believe with her history she has been single for long. Shes 26 very attractive and always had a boyfriend. She has only had short spells of being single (a few months) perhaps she was never ready for any of this and needed to have external happiness in the form of a boyfriend for self worth and validation to make her feel a complete woman and special.

She got bored with being in a very stable relationship with me. It lacked excitement for her. She used to go out often partying before we got together. She told me she was treated very badly by men that only wanted her for one thing. She said she wanted a settled life and to be with someone she could marry and settle down with. She did a complete U turn on this when meeting this ex boyfriend of hers who is the complete opposite of me.

Yeah I do wish things were different but as you and others are saying its probably for the best that she moved on. I didnt see it coming and thats why it hit me even harder to accept. She did lie about everything in the end. Not seeing anyone for 1 to 2 years and then seeing this guy a week later after we broke off. It was very hard for me. She arranged that he pick her up in the work car park (Late Feb) and she went out on a date walking out of the building with me and getting into his car. I do question if she was physically cheating whilst she was with me as I ask why he would come to the office car park and pick her up if we were not split at the time but again it all plays on your mind. I read far to much into all the detail and over analyse things. It goes on in my head over and over again.

Edited April 8, 2020 by Mike871
detail

[Supernova11]

5 hours ago, Mike871 said:

Thank you for your comments. I am trying to my best to move forward. As I mentioned we work in the same place. It makes it more difficult.

I’m going through this to a much lesser degree. I also work with my ex but we only dated for a few months.

It is tough especially if you interact with them every day. The important thing to remember is limited contact at work, no contact outside of work. 

I presume you mention that the meetings are on webcam due to Coronavirus but that you will end up working in the office together once Coronavirus has blown over, is that right?

I also second what others have said here, that there are too many questions. Ultimately no one knows the answers and even if you  had the answers, they wouldn’t give you closure. Closure comes from yourself when you acknowledge you deserve better and decide to move on. And moving on is a process, not a one off action - but we’re here to help and support 😊

[Malin889]

What's so great about her aside from her being, as you said, "attractive"? She hops from relationship to relationship, and it sounds like you were fawning over her, as you said in one of your posts, you said your "week revolved around her time table" and she was never single. Do all guys fawn over her? I don't know, to me, if someone can't be alone, that's a problem. Sounds like she has a bit of low self-esteem. That happened to a friend of mine a few years ago-- they broke up with someone, and suddenly, their ex was with someone else and it looked like they were heavy steady with the new person right away. My friend was in denial for awhile, but then realized that their ex had been with that other person for sometime, during the same time he was with my friend. The ex and the new person didn't last. And your ex and this new guy won't last. She'll move on to someone else in a few months. I know it's hard to think about this now, but be grateful that this happened. You don't want to be with someone like her. To be honest, I don't see what's so great about someone who jumps from relationship to relationship. You dodged a bullet. Like the virus, This Too, Shall Pass. 

[preraph]

There is no way for you to calculate your way to getting back together with her.  Truth is she isn't ready for a serious relationship.  Doesn't matter what makes sense and what doesn't because she's not operating on logic.  She's just operating on emotion and living in the moment like a lot of young people do.  

 

It doesn't matter that she won't likely end up with her ex (unless she oops him).  Because him being eliminated won't make her return to you.  She might try to lean on you some way, which you really shouldn't allow.  Keep it uppermost in her mind that you don't want to "be friends" or otherwise support her.  

 

I'm sorry you work with her.  Been through that.  Ugh.  Takes a lot of strength and discipline.  I did it and it did kind of put my life on hold in some ways.  

[dangerous]

I agree with what others have said. No point doing a post-mortem. Its over, she checked out.

Yes she was underhand, she's jumped straight into another full-on  relationship - she is one of those who needs to not be alone for long, she is the needy one.

It either won't work because the initial honeymoon period will pass, or it will last if the guy keeps her interest, whether that's by treating her mean (fear of losing him) or sucks up to her (placates her). Either way, its of no use to you.

Go NC, sever social media ties, block her calls & texts, and if necessary think about a job transfer if that's possible, if you don't start feeling better about seeing her.

 

[Malin889]

44 minutes ago, preraph said:

There is no way for you to calculate your way to getting back together with her.  Truth is she isn't ready for a serious relationship.  Doesn't matter what makes sense and what doesn't because she's not operating on logic.  She's just operating on emotion and living in the moment like a lot of young people do.  

It doesn't matter that she won't likely end up with her ex (unless she oops him).  Because him being eliminated won't make her return to you.  She might try to lean on you some way, which you really shouldn't allow.  Keep it uppermost in her mind that you don't want to "be friends" or otherwise support her.  

Agree with PR above! And eventually, you'll find someone so much better who wants what you want and doesn't jump from guy to guy. 

[preraph]

Exactly.  The sooner you let her go, the sooner you'll find a better match.  Because you seem like a good person.

[Mike871]

Thanks for all the replies they mean alot and the support is great.

To answer some of the questions - Yes we are all working from home due to corona virus. When lockdown is finished we will all be in the same office. Its a small office we all work on the same floor there will be no avoidance unfortunately. We have to work closely on projects.

I would agree that she must hop from relationship to relationship but she did stay with me for 2 years. Yes I think she is very insecure if im being honest. She is confident in her hobby (classes) but deep down I believe she isnt happy in herself so leans on men to validate her worth and give her external happiness.  Im unsure if she will leave this person (As dangerous said fear of losing him).

As shes insecure and the virus is fully blown she wont be able to hop to another guy quickly. At the same time she wants to look good and two failed relationships would make her look terrible (her view) and yes she cares about what everyone else thinks about her all the time.

The thing is that your right its a fully blown relationship (or trying to be) very quickly. If you think of the timeline she didnt get her flat in order until early March 2020 and I believe her new man had to get a new place due to splitting with his fiance at around the same time - Yes she could of been building up attraction - monkey branching for months beforehand but she didnt count on corona they are both trapped inside like everyone else. The outgoing side, clubbing etc will be put on hold. As they are now living together I would of thought it would be very intense to move in so quickly and a massive adjustment.

To answer your question about whats so good about her. At first she projected a sweet innocent personality. Someone that has been hurt by men in the past. Someone that already had her fun and wanted to settle down and start a proper stable relationship. We discussed our wants in our first few dates. It must of been lip service and she told me what I wanted to hear. The first year of our relationship I was a priority in her life and put first on occasion which I would want on occasion. I always put her first as im a nice guy maybe that was a mistake? She was probably insecure needs constant company and attention. Remembering though that we lived togeather for the majority of the two years we did get on. It was a huge suprise because I trusted her so much and I shouldnt of at all.

 

 

[ExpatInItaly]

31 minutes ago, Mike871 said:

As they are now living together I would of thought it would be very intense to move in so quickly and a massive adjustment.

Yes, for most people, a lot more thought and caution would be put behind a big decision like this.

However, these are two people that were carrying on an affair - if not physically, then most definitely emotionally. People who operate from a place of such careless behaviour are very unlikely to start cultivating and applying good judgment and prudent decision-making skills  so quickly. There's nothing to say it won't be a significant adjustment for both, but they're not even thinking about that right now, I guarantee it. And it may well crash and burn. 

As I mentioned before, though, it doesn't really matter whether or not their relationship fails. What matters is that she was checked out of your relationship enough to even entertain the idea of another man. That't not a woman who was in love anymore, unfortunately, nor one who was interested in trying to improve matters with you. She was already long gone by the time she ended it, on an emotional level. 

One day, maybe a couple years from now when this is all well behind you, I wager you will be thanking your lucky stars you two didn't wind up together. There's a better woman out there for you. 

[Mike871]

Hey thanks for your comments they are all helping me.

I am actually coming to accept what has happened to me. Its hard for anyone to see the love of your life in a bad light. You trust her and love her unconditionally. She does not feel the same and starts to monkey branch working out if the grass will be greener due to stability and boredom. She then takes a massive gamble and moves in quickly to the next man. As you say if it wasnt him it would of been someone else. She does not want to focus on mending things, emotionally checked out of the relationship. Gone months ago but still stays with me until Feb 2020.

Its hard to see that for what it is. Its also hard to think that a her family that I invested two years with would also be in on this. Im pretty sure this to be true. They were a close family and she would tell her parents everything. They knew that over Christmas and when we 'got back' together. They probably influenced her to say those final goodbyes out of pure guilt. But more importantly to ensure her furniture was kept safe over that time.

I hope one day to start dating again, for me this is too soon. I was unaware of what was going on. As I said I had full trust in her. I was blinded though knowning full well she wasnt the same person in the last few months. I didnt want to push. I left her well alone in this time. I thought she just wanted to have her own time whilst living with me.

The facts are there. You dont go from receiving a one message in July 2019 from him to then no messages until we split. That is very far fetched and thats how she left it and insists she never cheated and only spoke to him after we split up. I believe he was the catalyst for all of this. But as you say if it wasnt him it would of been someone else. She wasnt honest. She didnt want to try and make it work between us, try new things. She checked out of the relationship atleast November 2019 but could of been before that.

We had a house warming in August 2019 she seemed happy. We then went on holiday with her family in Mid August 2019. I could tell that whilst on this holiday it was what ever her family said went. I went with the flow. I did not feel like a priority or like a boyfriend that had a girlfriend that wanted me to be there with her.  I purposefully walked slower to see if she would hang back with me or keep up with her family members. She kept up with them I was left behind. We did go on a night out and clubbing I did feel a little out of place and her family noticed. Perhaps from this time spend together we had differences in opinion as her family also like to live in the moment perhaps they influenced her decisions too.

We had a dance/ball type event in November 2019 we did have an argument as her family were testing me. To see how I would behave in some situations. I did not fall in line and do as I was told. They saw this behaviour again as being tight with money and not treating them or thier daugher well. They expressed to her that she should be treated to nice things. I have to look back and agree to that somewhat. She made comments that her previous boyfriends bought her nice things at random. Handbags, expensive clothes, makeup and perfume. As I mentioned my priority was buying the house for the both of us after saving for our wedding.

You are also right. It was probably a lucky escape. Because of all these issues that I have highlighted with her and her familys perception of me. A week before Christmas I decided to buy an engagement ring and I was going to ask her father for permission over Christmas and then take her away perhaps to Paris or Rome something like that and ask her the question. This is why its been a big blow for me. I never saw it coming. Yes I do accept everything, the cheating, emotionally checking out months prior to Christmas, I am moving forward and coming to terms to accept in the end she wasnt the person I fell in love with.

 

 

[Haerts]

3 hours ago, Mike871 said:

Yes I do accept everything, the cheating, emotionally checking out months prior to Christmas, I am moving forward and coming to terms to accept in the end she wasnt the person I fell in love with.

 

 

That's the first step. Realizing that she was no longer the love of your life. 

Now you focus entirely on you. No dating for now, stay away from that because it's all still very recent. Work will be tough, but you'll get through it as well. 

Make sure you keep your mind occupied with great things, find new hobbies, or go back to old ones. Exercise (at home for now), this is the greatest when it comes down to feeling happier and forgetting about someone (plus, you get in shape!).

We've all been there at some point, where we feel lost, confused and unmotivated after breaking up with someone we loved. But the bright side is that we all eventually get over it, as long as we're paving our road to that. Try your best not to think about what happened before, in the end it doesn't really matter. You're a good guy, eventually someone great will come by, I'm sure of that!

Edited April 9, 2020 by Haerts