palimpsest Posted October 7, 2005 Share Posted October 7, 2005 First things first--my husband and I share a lot of interests. We spend a couple of hours exercising, interacting, talking every morning, and spend time together after work discussing politics, religion, what have you. We get along well. He's a good father to our pets. We have some serious problems. He drinks too much--maybe a six-pack or so a night. He has started raging--I would say that he throws something every day. Our sex life is nonexistent--it was great for the first few years of our relationship, then it dwindled, then died. He's not interested, and he won't discuss it. He's gone through phases of calling me "depraved," "perverted," etc. I was devastated for the first couple of years it happened, but right now I'm over it. I'm not attracted to him anymore. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out where I'm wrong in the relationship. He said I was too messy; I came up with a list of chores to do and I do them pretty religiously. He always insists that there's something he "has" to do. He doesn't ever relax. Right now, he's flashing into anger a lot. For the past couple of weeks I've been almost afraid to talk to him because I'm never sure if his mood is going to flip. I'm pretty tired. In spite of this, we get along well. I can't figure out if he contributes more to my life than he damages it. Ideally I'd move out and we could stay good friends. He doesn't meet any of my sexual or emotional needs, but he does meet my intellectual needs, and he does make me laugh. I'm not sure it's enough. He is stressed from work, but refuses to take vacations or quit. We could live on my income if we needed to. I don't feel that he tries. If I even vaguely suggest that I'm consideing leaving he tells me "Fine, I don't need anyone anyway." Both of us have had a lot of experience with individual counseling and neither of us has a positive opinion of it. We've been together 8 years, married for 5. Any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted October 9, 2005 Share Posted October 9, 2005 I would say if you both feel this relationship is worth saving then get into some marraige counseling ASAP! You said you all had been to individual counseling and wasn't impressed. Well perhaps it was the counselor you had. You need to find a good marriage counseor, and there are some out there. If you feel this is something not worth your time and you don't want to put forth the extra effort to make it work, then perhaps its time to move on. Also while in marriage counseling it might be good idea to get your husband in AA for his drinking. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
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