I was played and I wanna know why

[jbryan1984]

I have never been played before. A females point of view on all this would be appreciated.

 

So, I have never been played before in my life. I am 35. I have had 3 major relationships over a 13 year span, never had time for anything else. So, if you will bare with me, its long but I need to spell out all the details. I have never in my life experienced anything like all of this. Let me tell you the story.......

Back in September I meet this girl, 3 years younger than me, with 3 kids. We have a lot in common, I like her, etc. We exchange numbers and start texting. We make plans to hang out at a bar. This is when she first tells me her living situation. She says she lives with her kids dad still. They all live together but pretty much the last 9 months or so "they do their own thing". She tells me she is moving out soon and getting her own place. So, the weeks go on. We do lunch a few times and even go to a haunted house at the end of October. We made out for the first time that night. tbh, before she made out with me this night, is when I got the first thought in my head..... "this girl has made no move for sex, a kiss or anything, wtf?". So after that night, I do not hear from her for 4 days. So, I make the contact and I ask if she just wants to be friends? Cause I mean when you kiss someone for the first time, don't you expect to hear from them again? She says "no, we are on the same page, things will be easier once I move, just been busy".

2 key observations I need you to remember from the night of the haunted house for later. 1. She showed me on snapchat that it has like a built in GPS. You can see where your snapchat friends are. She casually tells me that she uses it to be nosy and also spy on her kids dad. 2. We drove by this restaurant and she says something like "oh I know where we are now, last week I went to that restaurant with my friend". "Your friend?" I say. She says "hehe, my friend". Which later on I learned is her best "guy friend". Let's call him Don.

So finally November comes. I doubted it but she really did move out. This is around the middle of November. We still text and stuff but I have not seen her since the haunted house, when we made out for the first time. So to my surprise, she invites me over on the very first night in her new place. And of course, I would think what any guy would think when you have been talking to someone for 2 months, I am going to get laid. Right? I mean why invite me and nobody else, right? I go there, help her get her router set up and some streaming subscriptions. We watch a movie, drink and talk. Was a fun night, no moves were made. The crazy part is, I go to kiss her on the way out and she turns her head! She turns her freaking head and I kissed her cheek. Weird right? I mean, I already kissed this girl, she invites me over her first night in a new place and she turns when I kiss her? It had never happened to me before.

So the next day, she texts me good morning and I just flat out say "look, am I misunderstanding something here"? Why would you turn away when I went to kiss you? I already asked if you just wanted to be friends. She says for me to please understand this is all new to her. Give her time. At this point, I am really liking this girl. I guess I am a sucker for the hard to gets. I can admit it. So the day before Thanksgiving comes along, big drinking night. She goes out of her way to send me a snap of her eating pizza and watching tv, saying she is not going out tonight. And I had my kid, so I wasn't going out. Sure enough, I wake up on Thanksgiving to her posting a snap of her and her "friend" Don at a bar. And it looked weird, like a loving kind of picture. That's what my gut said anyway. I was kinda pissed about this. So I asked her about it. She says "oh, Don showed up at 1am and was like come on I am taking you out". So, I just trusted her that is her friend. Don also sends me a FB friend request. I ignored it.

So, I probably don't see her for 3 weeks because I am just feeling all kinds of unsure over this Don thing. I do not trust her. I basically gave up. I really only talk to her if she texts me first and we don't really talk about us. So one night in early December, we agree to hang out. We go to a bar, have fun, but she keeps pushing to go to a bar on the otherside of town. Its a rougher bar that I really don't wanna go to. She finally convinces me. I take her there and guess who is there? Her kids dad. He looks sad as hell and even sends us over some shots. At this point I am thinking this is weird AF. She will never in a million years admit it, but I'm not THAT dumb. She brought me there to hurt him obviously. The night gets weirder when one of her girlfriends shows up and asks to talk to her alone. My girl comes back in and says hey I'm sorry but my friend needs me. I'm just gonna go with her tonight. I did NOT buy this at all. But at this point, I am determined to learn the truth. So, I used the GPS on Snapchat, just like she showed me. She was headed back to her house but instead, she stops 2 blocks away. I know she had told me that Don is a couple blocks away. So, I was able to find out his address and pinpoint where she was on the map. Bingo! She got rid of me after I bought her drinks, and he picked her up from the bar to f*** her. So, I blocked her from everything. I did not contact her.

The next day she texts me. "Hey, what's going on? Did you delete your FB?". I said you can drop the act. I know about you and Don the other night. So she calls me and explains that Don picked her up from her friends house. Then I came clean and said, I looked at the GPS, you were at his house! She then says he had to stop and get something real quick and then he took her home. She then goes on to say they got in a big fight and he is now blocked from everything. I asked well what was the fight about? She says "you" (meaning me). She claims she told him she liked me and he got pissed and was done with her. She claims he is/was in love with her. I don't buy it, tell her to get lost.

About 5 days go by and she wants to talk. So, I come over. She sweet talks me and does it very well. She says she likes me, Don is gone now blah blah blah. Then she kisses me. At this point idk what to believe. I am going day by day. We make it through December, all the way to Christmas and things are totally different now. We make out all the time, she calls me babe on text and in person. Still though, she is not wanting to have sex, or at least is not trying to get it started. We go to a concert 3 days after Christmas and have the best night yet. Its like one of those moments when you realize, yeah this person is gonna be around a while. You know what I mean? We have all felt it. On the way home, she basically says we are having sex tonight. She is drunk. We make out hardcore when we get to her house, all the way upstairs. Once she lays down, she kinda starts passing out a little. She's taking her clothes off and saying come on and stuff. Just at that time, in her state, I didn't want it like that. I liked her, I wasn't there for booty. So, she just wanted held all night and that was it.

At this point, I am going over there about 3 times a week. We do lunch, I met her kids, I spent New Years there with her and her kids. Everything is good, she is just still not trying to have sex. And to me this is weird now and I am asking her about it. She tries to say she "just isn't ready, please respect it. Don't forget how long it took me just to kiss you". Mid-January, we go out on a date to Applebees. I noticed she is unusually dressed up nice. I tell her she looks nice. But.... her phone is going off like crazy and you will not believe what she says...... She claims her friend (the same one that "needed" her the night at the rough bar) needed her now. I am all kinds of pissed off. I don't believe her. I am yelling at her as we drive. I took her there though. She's like "omg don't look so sad, you are gonna see me again". Then she kisses me for about 30 seconds and smiles and says goodbye.

So, I'm not stupid, I know what's up. For sure this time. No wonder she is so dressed up. I never even texted her. This time a month goes by. She gets hold of me in February. Its a long text at 2am. In a nutshell she says she is sorry for any hurt she caused me. She really liked me but she was just not ready for what I wanted it to be. She said "when I am ready, you are exactly what I want". Which, I just laughed at that one. She offers to give me my belongings at her house. I go there and get them. We say our goodbyes. I said something like its a damn shame whatever happened in your past to make you this way. She looks confused and I just leave.

 

But wait...... it gets better!

So, I am totally in move on mode. I do what any guy does when he needs to get over someone. You go get laid. I hooked up with 2 girls in February. one twice, one three times. It was what it was, I just did not want them for anything else.

Fast forward to last month.... March 14 to be exact. Out of the blue, she texts me "hey". So, I said hey back. She asked how I been and stuff. She then says "I miss you, you should come over". I sent her a ton of emojis like laughing at her. I tell her no, 3 times, I tell her no. She keeps pushing like "please come over, we need to talk. I need to explain myself, I care about you". So I said, this better be worth my time. I walk in, she is just standing in her living room in shorts and a t-shirt (like her pj's). I walk over to her couch and she says "idk what you are doing but I am going in my bed". So we go upstairs and I am thinking its finally happening! (At last after all this, I will finally f*** her, right?). Nope. We talk for 2 hours about how sorry she is and she hurt me and it was wrong. She even said "I told you that you would know when I am ready". She is clingy AF! Like never before, will not let me go. Just constantly shoving her tongue down my throat, rubbing my chest, running her hands through my hair. But EVERY time I try to put my hands downstairs, she backs me off and giggles and says softly "not tonight, just hold me, please. It'll happen soon, I promise". Then she does something way over the top. She says "tell me you love me". I'm like what? And I say no no I am not saying that. She says will you please say it even if you don't mean it? So, I do, to make her happy. And we go to sleep.

The next day, I hear nothing from her. 2 days, nothing! So finally I text her and say, "well, I knew better. Someone probably blew you off the other night and you felt like s***, is that what happened" (actually someone probably f***ed her and left). She says come over and we will talk. She has a totally different attitude now, almost like she doesn't want me there. Somehow, talk focuses off us and onto what we did during our time apart. I told her about my 2 girls and showed her them on fb. Then she says she slept with a guy TWICE! TWICE! I blew a f***ing gasket man. I was like how in the f*** do you sleep with this dude when you and I have been through all these talks about you are not ready? She grabs both my cheeks with her hands and leans in to kiss me. Tells me because I respect you. I said what? She says to me there is a huge difference between sex where feelings are involved and booty calls. She goes on to say that's all her and this dude did. Some random dude. Met him the same night! I am just all kinds of hurt and mind blown at this point. Then she tries to tell me how hard it is for her to sleep with someone she cares about. She says what do you think happened with my kids dad?

The end folks. As pathetic as I may sound, I had enough after learning that. I just could not believe what she was saying. I didn't even ask her why or what she got out of all this. I just left and I blocked her phone number now too. btw, about "Don", I found out later that they were in fact f***ing eachother. She had known him a long time but yeah they were f***ing.

So, if you are reading this, I mean obviously this girl played me for a fool. She's obviously a whore and for some reason "pretended" to like me (i think) but would not sleep with me. I am just looking for a girls pov.... wtf is going through her head? Why do you think she would do this? I don't have money or anything, what possible motive could she have? And after all that, why would she want held by me, shove her tongue down my throat, rub my chest and s*** and not sleep with me? I'm no Justin Timberlake, but I mean I'm not that bad. I could show you pictures of some of the dudes I know she f***ed and you would question it. I mean, could there be some truth to what she claims? I have even given the possibility that she is PAID by some of these guys. As over the top as it sounds, it is possible. I've heard of people being played but I have never seen someone go through so much effort, waste so much of their own time to do so. What say you?

[kendahke]

 

15 minutes ago, jbryan1984 said:

I meet this girl, 3 years younger than me, with 3 kids. We have a lot in common,

including you having 3 kids?

14 minutes ago, jbryan1984 said:

This is when she first tells me her living situation. She says she lives with her kids dad still.

for future reference, the first time you hear something like this, make it the last time you deal with her. Slam that brakes on and tell her that when she's in her new place to hit you up.

She's mad at her babydaddy for whatever reason and you are how she's getting back at him. 

[preraph]

Well, maybe she really is a prostitute and maybe those guys were just her pimps and she just tortures men until they offer her money.  Who knows.  Anyway, she is way too unfocused to waste any more time on.  She just sounds nutty.  Keep her blocked.  What a mess.

[kendahke]

24 minutes ago, jbryan1984 said:

So, I'm not stupid, I know what's up. For sure this time.

you were sure last time, too... yet there you are.

27 minutes ago, jbryan1984 said:

I mean obviously this girl played me for a fool.

I disagree... you should have bailed the first time she mentioned still living with her babydaddy, but you were too intent on trying to get into her panties that you ended up playing yourself.  You completely participated in everything and you did it from a position of weakness instead of strength.

Self discipline--it's a thing.

[Blind-Sided]

Wow... hell of a story.  No real input here... you know what you did wrong.  Should have walked away the first time your gut told you there was a problem.

[jbryan1984]

2 hours ago, kendahke said:

 

including you having 3 kids? She has 3 of her own.

for future reference, the first time you hear something like this, make it the last time you deal with her. Slam that brakes on and tell her that when she's in her new place to hit you up.

She's mad at her babydaddy for whatever reason and you are how she's getting back at him. 

I  found out a few days ago that a friend of mine messed with her like 10 years ago. He said it was the same thing with him but she slept with him. He said she never wanted held or went on dates with him or anything, they just had sex. That is the mystery in all this for me. It was like she had me play the part of boyfriend and was sleeping with guys and not me. I guess I came here hoping some women might understand wtf she wanted from me.

[Marc878]

You played yourself.

Hopefully you learned? Or not?

[salparadise]

54 minutes ago, jbryan1984 said:

That is the mystery in all this for me. It was like she had me play the part of boyfriend and was sleeping with guys and not me. I guess I came here hoping some women might understand wtf she wanted from me.

She was getting satisfaction and validation from being able to endlessly manipulate you... and you kept coming back for round after round. I suspect that she's BPD, and I don't mean a mild case either. The lesson to be learned is, when a woman plays you for a fool once, don't give her a chance to do it again. Your dignity and self-respect more valuable that whatever she's dangling.

[Malin889]

You said Don was what made you not trust her, but...What kept you going back for more after she said she lived with the father of her kids? You should have walked away right then. Red flag after red flag. She knew she could play with you because you let her. What was so great about her that kept you going? The drama? It obviously wasn't the sex. Was she that charming?  I don't get it. 

[jbryan1984]

Well tbh, I have had red flags before in the past that turned out wrong and I ruined a relationship because I became paranoid over nothing. Why did I keep coming back? I mean, I truly did like the girl, more than anyone in years. This last time around, idk I guess I thought she might of changed. Stupid n pathetic. Lesson learned.

[Redhead14]

There's really no way for anyone to know why SHE did what she did.  You are asking the wrong question.  The better question is why did YOU tolerate it for as long as you did?  Seriously.  A person doesn't really get played, they allow themselves to be played.  If you don't want to be played, you take your pieces off the board and close the game board when it starts feeling like a game. 

Besides all that though, I don't understand why you're so bent out of shape.  You two were never a couple.  It's not like she was cheating on you or anything. She didn't owe you anything.  At best you two were friends and YOU wanted more and it was pretty darn clear that she didn't.  Seems to me that her behavior and attitude demonstrated things clearly, you were just slow on the uptake and having unrealistic expectations. 

Edited April 10, 2020 by Redhead14

[Fletch Lives]

10 minutes ago, Redhead14 said:

A person doesn't really get played, they allow themselves to be played.  If you don't want to be played, you take your pieces off the board and close the game board when it starts feeling like a game. 

 - Bingo.

 

You were not played, you played yourself. You played with a woman who has a SO at home - which is fire. And you got burned.

Specifically, you were the victim of a revenge cheat by a woman who's relationship is on the rocks. But often victims are really volunteers.

Don't play with a woman who lives with a man.

[kendahke]

23 hours ago, jbryan1984 said:

I  found out a few days ago that a friend of mine messed with her like 10 years ago.

However

On 4/9/2020 at 2:06 PM, jbryan1984 said:

Back in September I meet this girl, This is when she first tells me her living situation. She says she lives with her kids dad still.

Nice try, but nope---you played yourself.

23 hours ago, jbryan1984 said:

I guess I came here hoping some women might understand wtf she wanted from me.

I told you in my very first response:

Quote

She's mad at her babydaddy for whatever reason and you are how she's getting back at him.

She never had any intention on having sex with you because she isn't so mad at her babydaddy that she's going to blow up that relationship by having sex with you. Doesn't matter what your friend or the rest of the town you live in did with her--as far as you're concerned, sex is not on offer to you. 

Edited April 10, 2020 by kendahke

[spiderowl]

I really don't know whether she played you.  She sounds pretty strange to me.  She probably had other relationships going on, not necessarily sexual, but was not in the right place emotionally for a serious relationship with anyone.  She obviously wanted you around when she wanted company and was being manipulative by encouraging you to be physically aroused and then blocking you.

At some level, she may still have been attached to her ex.  Basically, she was a mixed-up person and you happened to get attached to her. 

I'm sorry this happened.  I just hope you do not assume every woman you meet in future is out to play you.  She does sound like a one-off.

[schlumpy]

I'm having a very hard time understanding what you liked about her. Was it the challenge of getting her into bed?

Very shallow.

[Realitysux]

She didn't play you.