do women like it when men cheat?

[Letschill]

My friends cheat on their girlfriends all the time. The women seem to accept it no matter what and even get excited from it. What is going on?

[carhill]

Anger is energizing. Women compete with each other for men. That's also energizing. A high value man with multiple women competing for him is attractive. His attractiveness often overwhelms their aversion/repulsion to his promiscuity. They 'get off' on the emotional part. All women? No. There's a subset who live and die on this stuff and will stay with a high value male who keeps them around. It's a value proposition. Relationships are transactional.

[Malin889]

You ask a lot of questions, but then you don't respond. Your posts: 

"Why do women want taken men?"  - They don't.

"Do women want drama?"  - No

"Do women like it when men cheat" -- No.

I'm not sure who your friends are, but the majority of women don't want taken men, don't like drama, and don't want their man to cheat. 

[Foxhall]

Depends on the women's backgrounds I suppose really,

if they are strongly independent and educated type women, they will not tolerate a guy cheating on them,

also if there are children involved, a woman who values herself will not want to set a bad example to her children, such as that it is ok for a guy to cheat on her and for that to be overlooked. (I imagine the opposite of this is also true- a woman puts up with it for the sake of the children but that was probably more so in previous generations)

my own girlfriend, it was perhaps an eye-opener for me how strongly she felt about a previous boyfriend cheating on her, it caused her a huge amount of emotional pain and there was no way he was getting a second chance although he looked for it.

 

 

[alphamale]

20 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

...but the majority of women don't want taken men, don't like drama, and don't want their man to cheat. 

some women do

[Cookiesandough]

9 minutes ago, enigma32 said:

There are two things to think about when it comes to this. First, men generally have to date down a bit when it comes to casual sex or cheating on their SO. Your average looking guy doesn't have hotties beating down his door offering him bj's and free meals but he might have a below average girl doing it. This is because attractiveness is a matter of perspective. 

So, if you have a good looking, charming guy (compared to the women he is cheating with at least) those girls would do almost anything to have that guy in any way they can. They'd rather be the hook up girl for a hot guy than some average looking guy's soulmate. Just the way a lot of ladies are. 

Yep this is true. Same with the a lot of women will stay and forgive if they are into the guy enough. My friend is super  hot and her bf is ugly (imo) and cheats on her all the time with  less attractive and she gets mad but she forgives him because LOVE or whatever. He’s even hit on me before. Man I hate this world. Just kidding

Edited April 9, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Gr8fuln2020]

Women (and men) who have some serious self-esteem issues do. The dysfunctional types...

[rjc149]

1 hour ago, enigma32 said:

They'd rather be the hook up girl for a hot guy than some average looking guy's soulmate. Just the way a lot of ladies are. 

Depends on her age and phase of life. Younger women have stronger preferences for short-term relationships with virile, high-status alpha males. Women over 30 who are looking to rear children and settle down tend to prefer longer-term relationships with more nurturing beta males. This is the duality of female reproductive strategy. Get the best genetics from the strongest men, then ensure the survival of her brood with a weaker, less attractive man who can provide and is less likely to stray. 

OP: I'm assuming you and your friends, and their girlfriends, are young. Young women are more likely to tolerate philandering because it's an indicator of an attractive mate. More mature women are less likely to tolerate it, because it presents too much of a risk to her nest. 

Edited April 10, 2020 by rjc149

[sandylee1]

The women obviously don't care about having a monogamous relationship.  Or they have low self esteem. 

You really can't put all women in one pot, because of the girlfriends of your friends. They're hardly representative of the entire female population. 

[Cookiesandough]

17 minutes ago, sandylee1 said:

The women obviously don't care about having a monogamous relationship.  Or they have low self esteem. 

You really can't put all women in one pot, because of the girlfriends of your friends. They're hardly representative of the entire female population. 

But...but we wouldn’t be on an Internet forum if we couldn’t make generalizations and blanket statements on subjective topics ...

Edited April 10, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

But...but we wouldn’t be on an Internet forum if we couldn’t make generalizations and blanket statements on subjective topics ...

Classic Cookie wit at it's finest

[Fletch Lives]

Sometimes they stay with the man because they love him, or they stay with him for a time. Others leave quickly.

If you want to hold a relationship, don't ever cheat.

 

[alphamale]

13 hours ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Women (and men) who have some serious self-esteem issues do. The dysfunctional types...

hmm let's see....my younger brother is a plastic surgeon in Chicago.  You can imagine how much he makes.  He is one of the highest self esteem people i know but yet he has cheated on every gf or wife he has ever had.  Even when he was in med school he was juggling 2 or 3 women at the same time.  He literally still has women banging down the door to get a piece of him.

[littleblackheart]

14 hours ago, Letschill said:

My friends cheat on their girlfriends all the time. The women seem to accept it no matter what and even get excited from it. What is going on?

What is actually going on here on planet Earth is one or a combination of the following:

1. None of your friends are in monogamous relationships; they just didn't tell you about it, because why should they.

2. Some or all of your friends are lying (about cheating, about cheating all the time, about their girlfriends knowing about it, about them accepting it and / or about them being excited about it).

3. You are extrapolating over a sample of 1.

4. You are finding the most ludicrous scenarios to project your own embittered views of relationships in general.

5. You need to get away from the social circles in which you run.

[kendahke]

16 hours ago, Letschill said:

My friends cheat on their girlfriends all the time. The women seem to accept it no matter what and even get excited from it. What is going on?

how do you mean they accept it? Exactly how do they do this?

[Emilie Jolie]

Totally. I love nothing more than having a cheating SO. I know I speak for all women when I say it makes me feel valued and cared for.  In fact, we have a little party every time he cheats and runs to tell me about it, because he knows how excited it makes me.

I really think the only reason for a guy to cheat is to make their partner happy. A gift to the relationship, if you will.

[Gr8fuln2020]

2 hours ago, alphamale said:

hmm let's see....my younger brother is a plastic surgeon in Chicago.  You can imagine how much he makes.  He is one of the highest self esteem people i know but yet he has cheated on every gf or wife he has ever had.  Even when he was in med school he was juggling 2 or 3 women at the same time.  He literally still has women banging down the door to get a piece of him.

1. do women like it when men cheat? as a title and notion is absurd. WHO 'likes' their partners to be cheaters????

2. If there are any among us who like or enjoy their partners to cheat, are they not dysfunctional? Effed-up in some way?

3. Are you saying that your younger brother is not dysfunctional? So, his behavior is okay, normative to you? Acceptable?

4. What does your brother being a plastic surgeon have to do with being dysfunctional? He may appear to have high self-esteem but that doesn't eliminate his dysfunctional behavior. I merely provided two types of people who may enjoy being with cheaters...it sounds like your brother falls into the latter. Or both. People in high profile, high paying jobs often hide their low self esteem or insecurities in other ways.

5. If your brother is a high paid surgeon, who wouldn't be banging down his door especially if he makes himself available to women hoping to hook a high paid surgeon. Money money money...

I do apologize if I missed your point. What was your point?

[Gr8fuln2020]

17 hours ago, Letschill said:

My friends cheat on their girlfriends all the time. The women seem to accept it no matter what and even get excited from it. What is going on?

Are you sure that they get 'excited' from it?! Dude, if this is true, they knowingly and accept the behavior and get EXCITED about it, don't you think there is something wrong with this? As for accepting such behavior, there is ample research and observations that reveal a number of reasons why people accept poor behavior from others... this part is not a mystery.

[alphamale]

9 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

I do apologize if I missed your point. What was your point?

my point is about the Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules

[mark clemson]

I think a reasonable answer is that MOST, probably the vast majority, do not.

There are 3+ billion women in the world, and every person is a little bit different. There are no doubt some small percentage of women who find it acceptable, perhaps even exciting, due to cultural and family upbringing and/or personal experiences.

Having multiple women interested (not necessarily sexually active) with a man is probably an "alpha trait" and many women seem to respond to alpha traits. However, if it's actual sexual involvement with other women, that particular alpha trait has some pretty obvious drawbacks that no doubt many women are quite aware of.

Final point, there is also a recognized, probably rare, sexual fetish known as a cuckquean fetish that is the female counterpart to the cuckold fetish that some men have. The likelihood of you knowing several cuckqueans with your single social group is probably pretty statistically rare, but I suppose its one possibility. More likely IMO is that they find it a little exciting and have decided to roll with that. Possibly they don't take these particular BFs/relationships very seriously and so don't expect them to last anyhow, dunno.

[elaine567]

I guess the "excitement" is actually "hysterical bonding".
 

[Gr8fuln2020]

13 minutes ago, alphamale said:

my point is about the Golden Rule: He who has the gold makes the rules

Ok. I get that. That means there's enough dysfunction to go around...

[preraph]

I agree with Enigma on this.

 

And there's too many variables.  The point about how they grew up is very basic to all of it.  If they grew up in a chaotic household, they either rebel against it and say "never going to be that way" or they follow in their footsteps and the cycle continues.  

 

I don't know any woman who likes a man who has locked them down in a genuine commitment cheating on them.  Not one.  

But there are a huge percentage of both men and women out there who "assume" commitment just because they're dating someone or seeing them.  And I think the majority of them would be sorely disappointed to know the truth.  If a man hasn't taken action to have a formal commitment with you, he's very likely going to give in to temptation if the right temptress comes along, even if he's not looking for it.  

Also, what others perceive as women overlooking cheating, again, just because you are seeing someone doesn't mean you have an agreement not to see others, but it's a common misperception.  

Some women understand that certain men are having far too good a time to be nailed down and accept it from that guy for a bit of fun.  I certainly have.

I remember this one guy who got a lot of play because he was in a little hotel bar cover band at a small point in time when there wasn't anyplace else much to go in the 70s.  He was sleeping with just about every woman who came in that place or worked there.  He certainly never gave any of them the impression there was any commitment.  Some of those women just accepted him and it for what it was and just got along great with him, and that group included me.  Some got jealous and possessive even though they were not properly dating him at all but just wanted the other women to back off, so there was palpable tension in that bar.   Then one got hysterical and said she was pregnant and then tried to turn all the rest of the women against him for being a cad (why? Can't she manage her own birth control?  It was the 70s.  Everyone was on the pill.)  She basically tried to blacklist him.  I felt bad for him. 

 

And then there was one who fell in love with him and would be crying in the bathroom.  I felt bad for her.  He was with her for awhile and they had a music connection (played some acoustic gigs together) but there was never any commitment.  She wanted him to stop living the really fun life he had and just focus on her.  And he really liked her, but I mean, he was just having too much fun.  He was having the time of his life.  Who in their right mind just gives that up?  

IMO, any woman who can't see the situation that is right before their eyes and accept it for what it is, well, they're just idiots.  I mean, certainly it was easier to see in that little bar microcosm than in many situations, but usually you can tell what's up. 

 

So a lot of women accuse men of cheating who they, in fact, have no commitment whatsoever from.   

 

But to be fair, nearly all women are legitimately cheated on one time or another and a good many men as well.  But if you can't see the obvious, that's your flaw, not the player's.  

[alphamale]

28 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Ok. I get that. That means there's enough dysfunction to go around...

i will not argue with that Gr8fuln2020

[Woggle]

Like I say in other threads no woman that any sane man should want likes to be cheated on. If she values commitment and honesty then she values those things for herself as well.