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Insecure women get great guys. Confident women get the clingers?


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16 minutes ago, carhill said:

I wouldn't settle. Stay strong, but humble and fair, in your mating perspective. The right confluence of person, place and time will come. The more 'out there', meaning more social, the more opportunities for that to occur. Difficult right now, sure, but this will pass. Good luck!

Agree! It's tough because I have a small child, but I'm trying to get more involved with the town we just moved to and working out more, joining the local running club, and getting involved in her school. Of course everything is on hold for now! But yes I'm trying to get out there more. 

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7 minutes ago, Woggle said:

I agree that it goes for both sexes. No woman in her right mind wants a man who always talks MGTOW rhetoric so why should want the woman version of that?

What is MGTOW? 

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1 minute ago, Malin889 said:

What is MGTOW? 

Men Going their own Way and they are pretty much the male version of radical and extreme feminists. 

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Found it:

 

MGTOW is an acronym for Men Going Their Own Way, an online social movement and backlash to feminism where men renounce interactions with women and seek to define and live out their masculinity on their own terms.

 

But here, I'm going to fix it:

MGTOW is an acronym for Men Going Their Own Way, an online social movement and backlash to feminism where men renounce interactions with women and seek to define and live out their masculinity on their own terms alone and paying for sex from now on. 

 

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35 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

Thanks! (Even though I know you were being sarcastic). Do you really think I should settle for less?!  

like everyone, you can choose to live in fantasy or reality...each has it's good and bad points

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OatsAndHall
10 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

That's very true! I knew someone who had a few "dramatic" women in his life... but I only ever heard his side of the story because he was in my life, and I didn't know those women. But I always wondered and still do today what their side of the story would have been, you know? 

I especially see this in narcissists. They treat people like crap, but then they are always the victim. 

 

I think people are focusing on his verbiage; we all define "dysfunction" and "insecurity" differently. I might not call a woman dysfunctional or insecure but she is throwing enough red--flags for me to walk away.

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6 minutes ago, alphamale said:

like everyone, you can choose to live in fantasy or reality...each has it's good and bad points

Yes I’m aware of that and I’m not living in a “fantasy” — although I think you might be with your opinions about women and calling yourself an alphamale.  (I never liked that term by the way.) I’m not looking for the “perfect“ man.  I’m looking for someone who is perfect for me, with their good and bad traits... and again I will not settle if it doesn’t make me happy. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. 

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3 minutes ago, Malin889 said:

Yes I’m aware of that and I’m not living in a “fantasy” — although I think you might be with your opinions about women and calling yourself an alphamale.  (I never liked that term by the way.) I’m not looking for the “perfect“ man.  I’m looking for someone who is perfect for me, with their good and bad traits... and again I will not settle if it doesn’t make me happy. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. 

life is about compromise Malin889

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simpycurious
15 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

I agree completely. It makes sense that these kinds of women would be less likely to be in a relationship, because they don’t need to be in one like someone who is insecure might need to be,  and their threshold for what they will tolerate is much lower than an insecure/needy person. And you never know what a person has to tolerate as an outsider  just looking at a relationship between 2 people, no matter how nice things seem from afar. 
 

But I really have not even seen this play out though. So many insecure chicks I know are with guys I would not consider ‘great’ . 😕 I’m independent, but not at all what I’d call confident or ‘strong’ ,  I’m a little insecure in a lot of ways and I attract clingers a lot. Haven’t seen a correlation either way, really 

What do you consider to be a "clinger"? 

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18 minutes ago, alphamale said:

life is about compromise Malin889

I agree, I never said it wasn’t, but you also don’t want to compromise to the point where you're giving in/up too much where you’re not happy. 

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Emilie Jolie

^^Agreed. It only takes one anyway. Don't listen to the doomsday merchants selling confident, accomplished women as some sort of deficient, mysogynistic abnormalities. You'll find a good guy (there are some left) who will like you just the way you are.

Edited by Emilie Jolie
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54 minutes ago, alphamale said:

life is about compromise Malin889

It doesn't have to be. Just depends on the person and whether they are fine on their own or if they can accept some degree of a togetherness such as not living together. 

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2 hours ago, Malin889 said:

Yes I’m aware of that and I’m not living in a “fantasy” — although I think you might be with your opinions about women and calling yourself an alphamale.  (I never liked that term by the way.) I’m not looking for the “perfect“ man.  I’m looking for someone who is perfect for me, with their good and bad traits... and again I will not settle if it doesn’t make me happy. And I don’t see anything wrong with that. 

If understanding you, what you are after is not a fantasy.   Plenty of accomplished men like can do women who have their act together, you being accomplished proves you do...and not just words.   
That is a partner in life.   Of course these guys are in high demand, part of their issue is filtering out women who say they are all that to get them, but they are not. 

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Comes down to it, most of this stuff is best left unsaid to the opposite sex.  Actions speak louder than words anyway, and some people can't handle extreme directness or take it as an attack upon them (because I guess it applies to them) when you might be talking about someone else and not at all about them.  

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littleblackheart

OP, I've seen all sorts of pairings, and all sorts of reasons for why men or women are single, which doesn't always involve dysfunction. My own personal experience is that I like being single more than I like being in a relationship. I'm fairly secure most of the time, I'm reasonably confident and comfortable in my skin. I've gotten a few things out of my system in the time I've been single, I took the time to heal from a bad marriage, I experimented with being a little more open with men, I refined my social skills with men with some degree of success, and only now, nearly 6 years post decree nisi, do I feel less opposed to the possibility of not being single. It's been a full on but gentle journey of self-awakening and self-awareness, but it's taken a while. 

All this to say we all have a journey that explain where we're at now. I don't know your personal history or what makes you think confident women attract 'clingers' (it's not a 'rule' I've seen played out IRL) but I do think that focussing on things you can control, and having a realistic but positive outlook (yes, cliché, but true) do help.

What kind of things are you doing to meet men who tick your boxes?

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6 hours ago, Woggle said:

Plenty. I am sure you know the saying that says A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle. Anybody should be able to stand on their own but most women who have that mentality also have some level of hostility towards men and trying to make a relationship work with somebody like is nearly impossible. A man has to do constant backflips and walk on eggshells in order to prove he isn't trying to steal her independence and it just isn't worth it. 

 

Yep , you see a lot of it and l guarantee in many cases , well personally l can spot it and don't need to but as some have said right here , spend a bit of time with them and you'll see all kinds of crap come out eventually . 

 

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You don't need your friends to survive either but no good friend would constantly remind them of how not needed they are so why is it okay to do a romantic partner?

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I've certainly never voiced out loud that I don't need a man, actually have never even thought in those terms.  I've just gotten too used to doing everything for myself and it takes conscious effort to allow a guy to do something for me.  And then I like it and appreciate it 🙂

The only woman I've heard actually say "I don't need a man" is someone who has mental health issues and clearly has other issues related to men (and everything else).  So yes, if a woman actually says that to you just move right along.  

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4 hours ago, Emilie Jolie said:

^^Agreed. It only takes one anyway. Don't listen to the doomsday merchants selling confident, accomplished women as some sort of deficient, mysogynistic abnormalities. You'll find a good guy (there are some left) who will like you just the way you are.

 

Yeah and l mean your right to. lt doesn't matter who you are you only need your fit. They could be anyone or someone you least expect and it's hard for anyone to find it's not an easy thing no matter who you are but they're out there somewhere.  All l was trying to say is that there are often commonalities but not always , it's not in stone nothing is and we all have our crap anyway and that's ok we all try to do what we can with our crap, to me it's just about someone that fits and that you fit , crap and all.

 

 

 

 

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Emilie Jolie

Yeah, but what you actually said is that in many cases, you only need to spend a bit of time with these women and

30 minutes ago, chillii said:

you'll see all kinds of crap come out eventually . 

Why would you want to say this in various posts in this particular thread, in which a woman who describes herself as confident and high achieving is sharing her anxieties about finding a good partner, instead of giving her thoughtful or at least reassuring advice on how best to go about finding a good guy? 

Personally, I don't need a man; I want to be with my SO. It's a very important distinction for me. I made a conscious decision to be with a specific partner. My SO doesn't need me in his life either, and I'm perfectly comfortable with that. 

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21 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

This site is riddled with insecure people with dating probs, so not seeing what you’re seeing. 

GOLD Cookies!

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42 minutes ago, FMW said:

The only woman I've heard actually say "I don't need a man" is someone who has mental health issues and clearly has other issues related to men (and everything else).  So yes, if a woman actually says that to you just move right along.  

I've seen it a bit said by older women who's kids have left home and the marriage has ended.  They are finally able to have some *me* time and embrace it.   And you're right about moving on.  They aren't in the space for a relationship anyway.

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littleblackheart

To the OP, there's nothing wrong or bad or dysfunctional about being single either. It's a much better choice than being in the wrong relationship. 

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20 hours ago, Malin889 said:

"Play dumb"? 

Sure if you want an insecure guy, or worse.  Otherwise don’t, ever.   

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Maybe it's semantics that we're getting tripped up on. 

In reality, no woman needs a man and no man needs a woman except to procreate.  I can see where someone saying they don't NEED someone would be off-putting, even offensive.  Most of us find that romantic relationships enrich our lives, so we welcome a healthy one, but not just any kind (touching on the "settling" issue). And those who just aren't interested in any kind of romantic relationship can word it exactly that way, "not interested in romance".  Much less abrasive.

But anyone who says "I don't need...." doesn't care how it's taken anyway.  So again, feel free to move along from them without a backwards glance.  

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