Insecure women get great guys. Confident women get the clingers?

[Woggle]

What it boils down to is that men in general and I imagine women as well don't like to feel like we are on trial or going through the worst job interview ever when dealing with a woman and that is the way some women are with men. They don't seem to get that you can have a harmonious and happy relationship without being a doormat and without constantly needing to fight some battle. It is just exhausting having to deal with a woman like this. While an insecure man will twist himself into knots trying to please her and prove he is a good man any man with sense will just walk away because she will never be happy no matter what.

[Emilie Jolie]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Honestly, there's a lot of guys who just want to have the final say and really hate even having to discuss and negotiate things with women

Truth. Plus the narrative has completely shifted from the original post. Other than @SumGuy, on this thread at least, very few men have even acknowledged that there totally are men IRL who are not comfortable with women being more accomplished than they are. It almost feels like some of posters are taking it personally, as though these threads are talking about them. It's not because they themselves haven't experienced it that it's not true. For me, that's the most frustrating. 

Edited April 18, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[preraph]

All of us women have been told you can catch more flies with honey.  The problem comes in when you're too mad at someone for not doing their part to be that sweet anymore.  To me, that's a good time to leave them.  But I know women who just put up with it and I'm sure their husbands think they're unreasonable for being cranky.  I do think in some instances, honey works.  But I learned in my 30s that it doesn't work on anything substantial (like a lot of job stuff) and you have to get tough and fight fire with fire. 

[Emilie Jolie]

26 minutes ago, preraph said:

All of us women have been told you can catch more flies with honey

Right. Almost like we should be happy with any old 'fly' coming anywhere near our honey. No thanks. 

[Woggle]

If honey does not work in your relationship then you are not in a healthy one. 

[preraph]

Well, my feeling is women shouldn't have to be sweet all the time just to keep someone happy and get them to do their part. It ends up being one way.  I certainly agree there are ways both men and women can approach an issue that will make it easier for the other person to want to cooperate.  

Edited April 18, 2020 by preraph

[chillii]

On 4/19/2020 at 1:43 AM, preraph said:

Honestly, there's a lot of guys who just want to have the final say and really hate even having to discuss and negotiate things with women.  But I don't think that's Chili.  He's got one who may be independent but is having an emotional meltdown during this virus quarantine and is prone to argue quite a bit.  He's probably pretty laid back to even be with her.  She may just be high strung.  Don't know.  

 

I know in my limited experience having serious talks with exes, they seem to really dread any kind of talk like that.  I do it quietly.  The quieter my voice if, the more upset and serious I am.  I used to have a boss who first noticed that about me.  I hadn't really realized it myself.  The reaction I've often gotten when there had to be a talk (which usually was at the end) with bfs is they really just sit there and look guilty while at the same time unrepentent, basically, not communicative, not remorseful.  Usually shocked that it never got loud before I wanted them to take their stuff and go.  Meanwhile, inside I felt like a grenade about to go off.  

Haaaa, thx preraph , forgot about this thread. But nah l'm not a final say type though l'm a get bored very easily type and all these sorts of questions are asked 100s of times so l get pretty lazy and uninterested in bothering tbh l'm afraid.

My women nah she doesn't argue really mind you she will fire up no worries about that.  She's more a depth thing , she's got a lot of soul and emotion and thinks 24 7, l love her ways actually and we talk a lot usually.  Right now though she is under a lot of stress with some very heavy legal stuff too though and admittedly atm she's not herself either but very understandably, matter of fact l'm proud as hell of her keeping it together as well as she is actually.

 

 

 

 

[preraph]

Good. Sorry she's having to deal with too much right now. Things will calm down when that's over.

[chillii]

On 4/19/2020 at 1:03 AM, OpenBook said:

Sorry, didn't mean to trigger you chillii! And you're absolutely right, I didn't read the whole thread before I responded.

This is what I said that I think you reacted to (I haven't figured out yet how to multi-quote, so I just copied what I wrote): "I've always suspected it has something to do with the male ego. They want a woman who magnifies their own leadership and masculinity. A confident woman who carries her weight threatens that (they perceive, anyway). They're afraid she will overshadow them somehow. They want to be regarded as The Hero, The Knight In Shining Armor who sweeps her off her feet and rescues her. The stronger one."

So I went back and read the whole thread. Whoops! This has already been discussed, over and over again.

So maybe I'm wrong! I would love to be wrong about this.

I'm interpreting (from what men posted in this thread) that it's not the independence itself, it's her ATTITUDE about the independence that's a turn-off for men. Ok... So how SHOULD we women view our own independence that would be attractive to you? Or does it not matter whether she is independent or not?

I saw vague descriptions of what men ARE attracted to. They want "feminine" and "warm" and "emotionally available." What does that look like? Can you (general you, toward all males posting in this thread) be more specific about what that looks like?

 

Ahh , no worries you didn't trigger anything just heard it all that's all in these type threads , another 12 pages in this one too now that orta do it .

 

 

 

[chillii]

2 hours ago, preraph said:

Good. Sorry she's having to deal with too much right now. Things will calm down when that's over.

Thx preraph yeah poor thing but all the covid thing is helping actually now they've put of her hearing till next yr so she's getting a break , well if you can call us all having to deal with that instead now a break but anyway.

Edited April 28, 2020 by chillii

[CaliforniaGirl]

In my day-to-day life I don't tend to see huge mismatches like this. That was more high school kind of stuff. I also don't know any actually well-adjusted men who want insecure clingers. Most people aren't one-dimensional. We all have a variety of needs.

The only time I've really seen this exaggerated sort of thing, the girlfriend continuously whining or demanding and the guy continuing to take care of her every need with nothing in return, was in relationships where the guy wanted a high-rent "prize" and figured it was worth it to "pay for" the privilege...but again...just pretty rare.

Here's the thing, though. Couples have their own dynamic and who knows what's really going on behind the scenes. You don't know what ways that needy woman may actually be pulling her own weight and then some. What works for a couple...does. Couples work for all sorts of reasons that may not be apparent from the outside.

Edited May 6, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl