lollipopbeth Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 (edited) Just want to make this clear this is for my best friend not me.. So she has been with her guy for around 4 years, now her fiance. Before he got with her he fancied this girl called "B". They nearly got together. 1.5 years ago he left university and so did "B" since then she told me her fiance hasn't spoken to "B". However, today on Facebook her fiance wished "B" happy birthday and this has upset my friend as she thinks he is showing interest? Despite being engaged. Any opinions? I just think he is being friendly... but she wants others opinions Edited April 10, 2020 by lollipopbeth Wrong letter. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 (edited) She should ask him. He wanted this woman but apparently she didn't want him or seems like they would have gotten together. Sounds to me like he's keeping the door open for her because he had a crush on her then. Guys aren't usually "just friendly" unless you formed a friend attachment to them through work or some common interest that gives them some reason to want to keep up with you besides attraction. Of course, since they didn't get together, he has no idea if they would be able to get along for even 3 hours. Doesn't sound like he really knows her, right? Edited April 10, 2020 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 I can understand why she was upset, given he said he’s liked B in the past. But in the absence of other info, it appears it’s just a harmless Happy Birthday. FB sends you reminders when it’s someone’s bday and it can make you feel obligated to post a Happy bday. It doesn’t have to mean anything. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 1 hour ago, lollipopbeth said: However, today on Facebook her fiance wished "B" happy birthday and this has upset my friend as she thinks he is showing interest? Despite being engaged. Any opinions? I just think he is being friendly... but she wants others opinions Was there more in the message than "happy birthday"? Is he the kind of guy who shows undue interest in other girls and that behavior has already caused problems between them? Is your friend "that chick" who is so insecure she can't see daylight? What does him being engaged matter in just saying "happy birthday" to an ex? Is this the hill she really wants to kill her relationship on? Does she trust him? If she doesn't, why is she with him? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 It's not his ex. It's someone he was crushing on, sounds like. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 Tell her to give the ring back. If a guy is not 100% detached from his past, then he isn't in it 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lollipopbeth Posted April 11, 2020 Author Share Posted April 11, 2020 12 hours ago, preraph said: She should ask him. He wanted this woman but apparently she didn't want him or seems like they would have gotten together. Sounds to me like he's keeping the door open for her because he had a crush on her then. Guys aren't usually "just friendly" unless you formed a friend attachment to them through work or some common interest that gives them some reason to want to keep up with you besides attraction. Of course, since they didn't get together, he has no idea if they would be able to get along for even 3 hours. Doesn't sound like he really knows her, right? They talked for around 3 months before he got with my friend and really liked each other. But nothing ever came of it. They met through university and nights out She doesnt want to seem crazy as it was only "Happy birthday hope you've had a great day" Link to post Share on other sites
Author lollipopbeth Posted April 11, 2020 Author Share Posted April 11, 2020 (edited) . Edited April 11, 2020 by lollipopbeth Link to post Share on other sites
Author lollipopbeth Posted April 11, 2020 Author Share Posted April 11, 2020 11 hours ago, NomiMalone said: I can understand why she was upset, given he said he’s liked B in the past. But in the absence of other info, it appears it’s just a harmless Happy Birthday. FB sends you reminders when it’s someone’s bday and it can make you feel obligated to post a Happy bday. It doesn’t have to mean anything. Yeah thats what I told her. It was a simple "Happy Birthday hope you've had a great day" on her wall. If he was acting up surely he would have used this as an excuse to message her directly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lollipopbeth Posted April 11, 2020 Author Share Posted April 11, 2020 11 hours ago, kendahke said: Was there more in the message than "happy birthday"? Is he the kind of guy who shows undue interest in other girls and that behavior has already caused problems between them? Is your friend "that chick" who is so insecure she can't see daylight? What does him being engaged matter in just saying "happy birthday" to an ex? Is this the hill she really wants to kill her relationship on? Does she trust him? If she doesn't, why is she with him? It was "Happy birthday hope you've had a great day" on her Facebook wall. In the past yes. He used to like other girls pictures B in particular and another 2 girls, but my friend had a long chat with him and he stopped. It wasnt an ex but someone had did really like. I was reassuring my friend that he likes her more as he is engaged to her. That was my point to my friend. She does trust him yes. But she doesn't get why he felt the needed to wish her HB if they no longer speak. Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 It's a simple happy birthday. Public, on her wall. Nothing is being hidden. Your friend sounds really insecure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 2 hours ago, lollipopbeth said: If he was acting up surely he would have used this as an excuse to message her directly Who says he didn't message her directly too? He's engaged, why does he feel the need to reach out to his crush? Your friend may be "insecure" but there is a reason for it. She already told him she didn't like him contacting B, and he stopped but now he is doing it again. The way he probably sees it, is that the potential gain from contacting B is bigger than the loss of upsetting his fiance... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 52 minutes ago, elaine567 said: She already told him she didn't like him contacting B, and he stopped but now he is doing it again. Yeah it wasn’t the smartest thing to do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 He wouldn't be contacting her if he wasn't still hoping to get with her sometime in the future. Men just aren't like that, sending Happy Birthdays to women they barely knew and never went out with. It's hard enough to get them to do it for their wives! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 (edited) Now that OP has come clean in her other thread that the "she" and "her" in this is OP, not some friend, let me rephrase two of my questions: Do you trust him? If you don't, why are you with him? Why do you want to marry a man you don't trust? Quote He used to like other girls pictures B in particular and another 2 girls, but I had a long chat with him and he stopped. So since he's clearly got a proclivity for steering out of his lane and into the paths of other women online, I'm failing to see why you're dealing with him, other than the promise of the title "Mrs." and wearing the big dress being dangled before your eyes. You really want to be married to someone who is already showing you that you're an option? It would appear that talk you had with him went in one ear and out the other with nothing in between to stop the thought long enough for him to adjust his behavior. Edited April 14, 2020 by kendahke 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 To be honest I think it's pretty ridiculous to get upset or be concerned about this. It shows a lot of insecurity. Someone posted "happy birthday" on someone's facebook wall. Come on, now. Really? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JS84 Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 I wish Happy Birthday on people's walls all the time. I just wished a woman I haven't talked to for about 20 years since High School a Happy Birthday the other day. If that's all she found she's probably worrying for nothing. That being said, wishing her a Happy Birthday was still completely unnecessary. Especially if he had strong feelings for her and the gf knows about it. But if he's like me, he probably didn't think anything of it. It sounds like maybe she's not too comfortable with him interacting with the opposite sex, even on a superficial level, at least online. Maybe that's something she should talk about with him. Nothing wrong with setting boundaries and expectations. Especially since they're getting married and it sounds like she's already talked to him about something similar (liking women's pics/posts on facebook). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 I think your friend needs to talk to her FI about this & confess to being jealous, insecure & unhappy. An understanding SO will apologize for the upset that has been caused. That doesn't necessarily mean that the SO will unfriend & completely disconnect from the other person but a good SO will be more sensitive about their partner's feelings. For instance if the FI wrote Happy Birthday from me & my FI on the crush's wall would your friend be OK with that? To me that shows caring within boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
oldtruck Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 On 4/10/2020 at 4:42 PM, preraph said: It's not his ex. It's someone he was crushing on, sounds like. he is still crushing on her. he is know as an orbiter. maintains contact, tries to be her friend with the purpose to go from a Boy who is a Friend to Boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
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