Talou460 Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years now. It’s been quite an intense time. A lot happened very quickly but we seemed happy and compatible. As time went on I realised he, like me, had mental health issues, depression and anxiety as well as an inability to control his emotions, anger being the predominant one. We have had highs and lows but an on going problem has been his lack of interest in sex. He doesn’t like physical contact from anyone. He has ocd and is very sensitive to smells, tastes, textures and sounds. He says he is attracted to me but he has never been massively sexual with any one. I am not a sex maniac but when months go by with nothing at all it knocks my confidence and my self esteem. I know I already had issues in these departments so I’m not putting all the blame on him. I just feel I need more than I’m getting. I don’t know how to approach the subject without feeling rejected and hurt so I don’t approach it and the negative feelings continue. Can anyone help me out please 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus_Luna Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 Honestly, unless he is willing to work with a therapist.... I’d leave. Sex and physical touch are essential in long term relationship. If you’re I have now it will only increase. Not to mention mood swings and a temper are really difficult to live witj. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 1 minute ago, Talou460 said: an on going problem Unfortunately, it's not likely to change. He can't help how he's feeling (or not feeling). You don't mention whether or not he's on medication, but that could make the lack of interest in sex even worse. Two years is an investment, but unless you are willing for things to always be like this then you need to consider ending the relationship. Not the answer you want, I know, but I think it's unrealistic to think things will change after all this time. It's understandable you need more. You're just going to have to make a hard decision and either accept things as they are or break up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Talou460 Posted April 10, 2020 Author Share Posted April 10, 2020 He’s not taking medication. He struggles to admit he’s got issues. He says to me to find someone else if I’m not happy. I think I need to be on my own really. I can’t handle the vulnerability of being in a relationship, especially when it feels so one sided 3 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 10, 2020 Share Posted April 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, Talou460 said: He says to me to find someone else if I’m not happy Then this is what you should do. You aren't married to him so why put up with this? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 Yes, you should find someone else. He can't lead a normal life, and you could. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotus_Luna Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 His response says it all He isn’t going to change Take care of yourself, it’s time to leave Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 4 hours ago, Talou460 said: He’s not taking medication. He struggles to admit he’s got issues. He says to me to find someone else if I’m not happy. I think I need to be on my own really. I can’t handle the vulnerability of being in a relationship, especially when it feels so one sided lf someone said to you find someone else if your not happy then really that pretty well says it all and l very much doubt much is gonna be changing and he doesn't really have the interest to try and make changes, and intimacy isn't something you force anyway, that's just pressure and not real. l think you should move on sorry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 You’re wasting your time. Theses issues which are not gender specific rarely change. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
healing light Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 7 hours ago, Talou460 said: He says to me to find someone else if I’m not happy. This tells you everything you need to know. Instead of working on an issue with you, he would rather throw in the towel and have it his way or the highway. There are multiple layers of issues in your post, not just the sex. I'm sorry, but it's best to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fletch Lives Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 (edited) You have a few issues which may be a little much to be covered here. I would recommend talking to a counselor. Edited April 11, 2020 by Fletch Lives 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 9 hours ago, Talou460 said: He’s not taking medication. He struggles to admit he’s got issues. He says to me to find someone else if I’m not happy. I think I need to be on my own really. I can’t handle the vulnerability of being in a relationship, especially when it feels so one sided It sounds like he's struggling with a whole range of issues. I doubt he's in a position where he can be in a fulfilling relationship with anyone, let alone live up to what you need out of a relationship yourself. It seems like he's unwilling (or perhaps unable) to change for your relationship, so you'll have to accept him as is or move on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 Regardless if you want to or not... it's time to move on. The sex will not change, and you will grow deeper in your resentment to the point where it effects you. Then... when you finally waste a lot of time with him, you will be that much older trying to find someone new. I know that's not what you want to hear... but it's the truth. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 11, 2020 Share Posted April 11, 2020 At this point you're just his mother figure or babysitter. You deserve a real relationship. Unfortunately, this guy is probably never going to be capable of that. Link to post Share on other sites
K.K. Posted April 12, 2020 Share Posted April 12, 2020 On 4/10/2020 at 7:26 PM, Talou460 said: I’ve been seeing my boyfriend for 2 years now. It’s been quite an intense time. A lot happened very quickly but we seemed happy and compatible. As time went on I realised he, like me, had mental health issues, depression and anxiety as well as an inability to control his emotions, anger being the predominant one. We have had highs and lows but an on going problem has been his lack of interest in sex. He doesn’t like physical contact from anyone. He has ocd and is very sensitive to smells, tastes, textures and sounds. He says he is attracted to me but he has never been massively sexual with any one. I am not a sex maniac but when months go by with nothing at all it knocks my confidence and my self esteem. I know I already had issues in these departments so I’m not putting all the blame on him. I just feel I need more than I’m getting. I don’t know how to approach the subject without feeling rejected and hurt so I don’t approach it and the negative feelings continue. Can anyone help me out please Well, this sounds most unpleasant. Good thing is you’re not married to this iceberg. Go forth, find wang. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 (edited) Does he have Asperger's? Sensory issues are very common. It may be he does not know how to deal with this himself. He could try therapy (with someone who understands Asperger's) but then again he may not see himself as having the problem. Edited April 19, 2020 by spiderowl 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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