Broke up Two Days Ago

[jackzv121]

I know it's the

18 minutes ago, Vespil said:

^What @preraph said.

You need to stop thinking about what she's thinking.

That much being said it's perfectly reasonable for you to not want to see her. It's a painful reminder that someone  you cared about, dumped you. Why go through it? You're not even sure she wants to see you for the exchange. Do you think she's being petty? Again, doesn't really matter but it shows how warped your thinking is at this moment

 

 

I know it's the healthy thing to do, it's really hard to train your brain out of certain things, especially with very few distractions. I don't think she's being petty no, she said we would use exchanging stuff as the "goodbye". So I'm sure her plan is to use the lockdown to get over me and then in person will be a piece of cake. Maybe I shouldn't give her that option, show her where she stands.

[preraph]

I'm going to suggest you try to get your mind off it for awhile.  Distract yourself.  I know it's hard right now.  Go fishing?  

[jackzv121]

44 minutes ago, preraph said:

I'm going to suggest you try to get your mind off it for awhile.  Distract yourself.  I know it's hard right now.  Go fishing?  

The closest thing I can do is go to the beach tomorrow which is literally just out the door. But we aren't supposed to leave our houses. But the more I think about this the more the realisation sinks in that she is truly gone. This would be a lot easier if  things were normal right now.

[preraph]

I know. And things might have stayed the way they were if it hadn't been happening at least for awhile. I lost someone as soon as 911 happened. It was one of those re-evaluating priorities things I guess and probably stirred him up wanting to get involved or go to another country or something. It was just that quick. so 911 doesn't even mean to me what it means to most people. 

[jackzv121]

7 minutes ago, preraph said:

I know. And things might have stayed the way they were if it hadn't been happening at least for awhile. I lost someone as soon as 911 happened. It was one of those re-evaluating priorities things I guess and probably stirred him up wanting to get involved or go to another country or something. It was just that quick. so 911 doesn't even mean to me what it means to most people. 

Things would have definitely stayed the same, in fact if I was there I probably could have reversed it. She's a very delicate person and very impulsive and distance breaks her apart, her Grandad just died as well (unrelated to the virus) so a lot has gone through her head. What happened that triggered his sudden change of heart though? Have you spoken to him since 911? Are you single now? Just curious. All I remember of 9/11 is coming home from primary school, seeing it on the tv and running upstairs to play. I didn't understand it very well at 7 years old

[preraph]

Oh he and I weren't married. He is someone I saw off and on when young and then got back together with couple of decades later but long distance and we had just spent a couple of days together not too long before. 

 

What happens when there's big life events is it makes them realize what their priorities are and what's important to them and maybe how they do or don't want to live their life. Now in his case with mine, he was one of those people who like to travel all over the world and got involved in things anyway, so I always knew he would end up moving to another country again soon. I don't know what in particular happened but he has warned me that he had attention deficit disorder, and it is entirely possible he just couldn't concentrate on me and 911 at the same time. 

We emailed just once in awhile but I could tell he had checked out so I quit and then he moved to another country. 

Edited April 12, 2020 by preraph

[jackzv121]

7 minutes ago, preraph said:

Oh he and I weren't married. He is someone I saw off and on when young and then got back together with couple of decades later but long distance and we had just spent a couple of days together not too long before. 

 

What happens when there's big life events is it makes them realize what their priorities are and what's important to them and maybe how they do or don't want to live their life. Now in his case with mine, he was one of those people who like to travel all over the world and got involved in things anyway, so I always knew he would end up moving to another country again soon. I don't know what in particular happened but he has warned me that he had attention deficit disorder, and it is entirely possible he just couldn't concentrate on me and 911 at the same time. 

We emailed just once in awhile but I could tell he had checked out so I quit and then he moved to another country. 

It's really hard for people with ADD to focus on anything. People who flitter and flutter about here there and everywhere can never be long term partners. However, their adventurous nature makes them very attractive and I'm guessing this is what you liked about him?

[jackzv121]

20 hours ago, Vespil said:

Stop giving her all the control. The next step is get to a place where you don't need to "show her" anything.

You're renting her way too much space in your head.

 

I agree. Today has been one of the hardest days so far. I'm hoping it gets easier.

[ExpatInItaly]

10 hours ago, jackzv121 said:

I agree. Today has been one of the hardest days so far. I'm hoping it gets easier.

It does. It takes time, but it does. 

This is normal after a break-up, especially when it wasn't exactly mutual. You'll learn, slowly, to live this new "normal." It's an adjustment but the further away you stay from her, both physically and digitally, the sooner you will heal.