Girlfriend Still in Touch with Ex Across the World....

[eclipse90]

Hi guys,

I have been on again off again with my girlfriend for the past year and a half. We both live in Europe now, but she used to live in New York City. She is in touch with me regularly, we see each other often, she's close with my friends, all of that. Things are great. 

Prior to her moving to Europe, she lived in New York where she dated this very successful woman who is well known in her field (I am successful as well but not as known publicly as she is, after all she is a beautiful woman people fawn over and I'm just a guy with a good body of work behind me). She is stunning (as in the type of beauty that turns heads), they were extremely close like best friends, and they have kept in touch ever since my girlfriend moved here almost two years ago. 

They speak at least once a day, maybe three times a week at a minimum, and follow each other on social media, all that jazz. This would be okay, but I can't lie that it doesn't make me feel semi-skeptical, even though I am the one dating her and living in the same city.

Her ex unfollowed her on Instagram two or three times in the past two years due to her seeing other people or something, but my girlfriend never once unfollowed her. Quite the opposite... she continued to like her photos and watched every single story she posted (I would watch her do it) the entire time even though she was dropped.

The reason I am here is because a few days ago her ex posted a very steamy film still of two women making out and my girlfriend liked it. Now call me dramatic, but I think that's pretty bold to like a photo of two women being intimate on your ex's page that you used to be intimate with when you have a boyfriend... what kind of message does that send to her ex? My girlfriend is surely smart enough to realize that, she knows whose photo it is that she's liking, right? Or is it benign? 

She is very attentive to me and speaking to me as normal, we are still intimate and everything with that is awesome, but am I overreacting to be bothered by this stuff? I know that I am the one in the same city as her and not her ex so I maybe shouldn't care but why can't she just let her ex go? She lives thousands of miles away.

Edited April 11, 2020 by eclipse90

[elaine567]

What are you actually doing here?
You have a bisexual gf to start with, it is an "on and off" relationship and now she is essentially sexting her ex...
It is not OK.
Time to wake up. 

[eclipse90]

43 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

What are you actually doing here?
You have a bisexual gf to start with, it is an "on and off" relationship and now she is essentially sexting her ex...
It is not OK.
Time to wake up. 

Hi Elaine, Thank you for your response.

To be fair, we were on and off because of me and issues of mine, not her, and I do believe their contact is limited to them keeping each other updated on their lives, although very frequently. Does that make it any better? 

I don't want to make a bigger deal over it than I have to, but the fact that she still may compliment her or like suggestive photos on her page makes my eyebrows raise a bit. 

[Erik30]

I don't care if your girlfriend is bi, it's not normal to have so much contact (daily!) with your ex. You're not overreacting... don't give her a pass just because they're both women.

It almost seems like the only reason they're not together is distance. I would be worried to get dumped if that ex ever decides to move to Europe 

[ExpatInItaly]

It doesn’t matter if the ex is a woman, OP. It’s still pretty clear that they haven’t really let go of each other. There’s an emotional attachment there which will make it difficult to build the emotional bond between you and her. Too many tenants renting space in her heart and mind. 

[Fletch Lives]

So find a woman to follow on Spacebook like she does and see how she likes it. Maybe she'll get the message. Automatic hall pass.

[snowboy91]

She's still somewhat emotionally invested in her ex. I get the feeling she's able to still hold on to feelings for her while in a relationship with you and have the feelings associated with that.

She might be capable of dividing her feelings like that, but that doesn't mean you should accept it if you don't feel it's right. You expect her to be completely exclusive with you and not pay any attention to her ex, and I think that's fair.

[smackie9]

If you want things to work, you have to express your feelings even if it shows vulnerability. If this bothers you, explain it to her. Let her understand your perspective.

[d0nnivain]

That would be too much for me.  There is no reason to talk to an EX 3x per week.  If you told me that from Europe your GF reached out to her EX in NYC the epicenter of the US pandemic to make sure she was OK, I'd tell you to simmer down but this is so much more then that.  If your GF lived in NYC she'd be dating this other woman.  They are still connected emotionally & you are the place holder.  Sorry.  

[kendahke]

if she's bold enough to do it in front of you and not care how that makes you feel, then she's more invested in her ex than she is you.

[ShyViolet]

Nowadays with instagram and smartphones, everyone is connected all the time.  It's so easy.  I personally think you are overreacting and overanalyzing this a little.  They are in two different countries, who cares if she likes the other person's instagram posts.  Do you honestly think your girlfriend is going to leave you and travel across the world to be with this other person?  If the answer is no, then who the hell cares if she likes a few instagram posts?