Feel 'Expired' as a 37-year-old single woman. am I?

[Cookiesandough]

26 minutes ago, SumGuy said:

I'm a guy.  The whole sperm thing is very complicated I understand, as in things go bad as in more bad swimmers, but a lot of environmental factors can do that too, at any age...there is also volume, and even more.  Believe you have enough even into your 60s though.   Not that I'd want that anyway, have kids no desire for creating new ones.  And my guys can't get out of the pool anymore  so no worries.

Women having children in their mid 40s is not uncommon in my experience, yes sometime it may take some help, but 37 is still young enough in my understanding.

Sorry I meant "bad" as in causing birth defects etc 

[SumGuy]

13 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Sorry I meant "bad" as in causing birth defects etc 

I believe that is true but also can apply to eggs.  It shouldn't be ignored but recall for us at 40 or so it wasn't a big risk factor.   To be honest environmental factors are likely of more concern, but that is very hard to show and for the environmental chemicals and such that are suspect, major amounts of effort were made to make sure it never will be.  Feel like I'm getting way off topic.

[Cookiesandough]

Agree, that's what I meant sorry. Eggs can "go bad" and  they can stop being released. Sperm can just "go bad" rarely stops being released. Environmental factors have a lot to do with it yes. Sorry back on topic

Edited April 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[SincereOnlineGuy]

17 hours ago, Tina Marie 82 said:

I feel like I'm trying so hard, but I have a feeling my signals are way more subtle than they feel to me. I'm still trying to build up giving a smile to the ones I like...easier said than done!

That is such a common... adjustment.

 

And you've heard a million people say:   "It's when you're not looking around for a relationship, that one will pop-up out of nowhere"

 

So instead, if you just make it your new routine to take a class somewhere...  out with real people in an actual classroom...  so that your focus is on something else, which fosters an environment where its probably better  for anyone kindling a relationship if one is to take flight.

 

(and as I said to another on this forum this month:     "make part of that routine to eat dinner at the school before class (and after...  work? )...  and further immerse yourself in other people (IN an environment where more decent/worthy other people  tend to congregate... than at the bar or at the beach) )

 

It might not matter when, or even IF you ever attain another lover...  but to start such alterations to your 'norm'  quite soon is among the best ways to allow the chance that you might...

 

 

[SincereOnlineGuy]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Awesome. You are a guy too though? Guys sperm goes bad,

 

I wonder if Mick Jagger's sperm has gone bad?

 

And when should we tell the 3yo kid that he could be the product of bad sperm?

 

I wonder if the then-29yo mom knew that Mick may have had bad sperm?

 

 

[nospam99]

Hey folks, I'm hearing that a) OP has a history of difficulty meeting 'good' guys because of shyness and b) the 'mommy clock' is ticking loudly. I have no personal experience to make a recommendation and my own situation is less appropriate, but .... is this lady a candidate for a professional matchmaker AND should she seek one out ASAP? With only opinion to go on, I say do it. What does she have to lose other than the fee?

[Cookiesandough]

hahaha I think his sperm went bad a long time ago!!!Not sure, because a lot of the neurodevelopment disorders don't show until later in life, but it's been linked to some serious ones like schizophrenia and autism. Hopefully not.

45 minutes ago, SincereOnlineGuy said:

 

I wonder if Mick Jagger's sperm has gone bad?

 

And when should we tell the 3yo kid that he could be the product of bad sperm?

 

I wonder if the then-29yo mom knew that Mick may have had bad sperm?

 

 

 

Edited April 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Interstellar]

I read that Mick didn’t want  kids and that his gf pressured him into having one. 

Edited April 14, 2020 by Interstellar

[simpycurious]

47 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

hahaha I think his sperm went bad a long time ago!!!Not sure, because a lot of the neurodevelopment disorders don't show until later in life, but it's been linked to some serious ones like schizophrenia and autism. Hopefully not.

 

And Cookie even knows medicine....not sure things can get more impressive

I wonder if women do worry about their "biological clocks" as a whole?

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, SumGuy said:

Must be something in the water then where i live   or good fertility drugs, don't know..do know their age and they have children and it is more than half in that age group that try it it works for.   In most cases know it is not IVF.    There are also factors beside age, not sure if your health matters but the women who come to mind are in far, far better shape than the average American their age.

Sure..health, and  genetics play a factor.

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Not true. That's based on dated/inaccurate research that actually shows that women at 40 have a higher chance to get pregnant than women at 35. Yes, fertility declines with age, but doesn't mean that it is "rare" to get pregnant after 40. t's simply because women after 40 are less likely to want to have a child, therefore are not trying, or they do not try for many years as women who are younger without IVF because they see it as more urgent,  so it impacts the research too.

Actually a good friend of mine is a doctor and did real research not through random google searches or pop magazines and through talking with drs told her that after age 40 it’s difficult to get pregnant...and on top of that you have other risks in the child’s health being born with various problems.

the real research is looking at women who want to get pregnant...not looking at women who can pregnant.  There are other treatments not just IVF that can help in getting pregnant that women can do that might not be mentioned in the pop health articles your research is based on.

the women who can get pregnant easily around 40 likely have some genetic advantage as well as the man she slept with.

 

with the OP she is 37 so if she meets a guy in the next 6 months she probably doesn’t get married to 40 then having a baby around 41.  

 

There are also adoption and surrogate pregnancy.

 

 

 

 

[Ami1uwant]

1 hour ago, nospam99 said:

Hey folks, I'm hearing that a) OP has a history of difficulty meeting 'good' guys because of shyness and b) the 'mommy clock' is ticking loudly. I have no personal experience to make a recommendation and my own situation is less appropriate, but .... is this lady a candidate for a professional matchmaker AND should she seek one out ASAP? With only opinion to go on, I say do it. What does she have to lose other than the fee?

She probably could afford it.  I’m skeptical in those and the effort they put in and the potential being “ conned” in getting quality. 

She probably could do the female version of finding foreign men.

 

 

[Cookiesandough]

30 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

And Cookie even knows medicine....not sure things can get more impressive

I wonder if women do worry about their "biological clocks" as a whole?

I wonder the same thing

 

13 minutes ago, Ami1uwant said:

Sure..health, and  genetics play a factor.

Actually a good friend of mine is a doctor and did real research not through random google searches or pop magazines and through talking with drs told her that after age 40 it’s difficult to get pregnant...and on top of that you have other risks in the child’s health being born with various problems.

the real research is looking at women who want to get pregnant...not looking at women who can pregnant.  There are other treatments not just IVF that can help in getting pregnant that women can do that might not be mentioned in the pop health articles your research is based on.

the women who can get pregnant easily around 40 likely have some genetic advantage as well as the man she slept with.

 

,

It's not pop research, it's peer reviewed studies/data...My dad is a physician also and they all rely on this research...It declines by about 1/2 since age 30 but is far from "rare" if they are actively trying to conceive.

Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

1 minute ago, Cookiesandough said:

I wonder the same thing

 

It's not pop research, it's peer reviewed studies/data...My dad is a physician also and they all rely on this research...It declines by about 1/2 since age 30 but is far from "rare" if they are actively trying to conceive.

I am not well versed in the female biological clock STUFF  but I have always thought (not sure why) that it was NOT the norm for women to have children in their 40s and 50s.  Glad your Mom did Cookie for sure. 

[Cookiesandough]

17 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

I am not well versed in the female biological clock STUFF  but I have always thought (not sure why) that it was NOT the norm for women to have children in their 40s and 50s.  Glad your Mom did Cookie for sure. 

It is not the norm, I think you are right. It is not the norm because .most women who want kids do it before then...most do not want to wait until they are older to have children. There are issues with having kids that come with age too..not just fertility. But it's not impossible to conceive at that age at all. I don't think my mom was that exceptional. Also a friend's mother had her at 45. Sorry if this is off topic. I am not saying OP should wait around to start her family if that's important to her, I'm just saying what I know to be true.  I'm glad you were born too, simps. Your posts brighten my day!!!!

Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

I disagree Cookie, she had you that is EXCEPTIONAL and your posts brighten my day as well..  Ok, so it's biologically feasible to conceive in the 40s and 50s but why is it not more widespread or more common. I can think of a few reasons that MAY play into it:  society says you have your children eariler?.....you want to be younger so you have more energy with your kids?  What else? 

[Cookiesandough]

15 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

I disagree Cookie, she had you that is EXCEPTIONAL and your posts brighten my day as well..  Ok, so it's biologically feasible to conceive in the 40s and 50s but why is it not more widespread or more common. I can think of a few reasons that MAY play into it:  society says you have your children eariler?.....you want to be younger so you have more energy with your kids?  What else? 

Yes.fertility declines but it is possible for many women until menopause. Also young women can have fertility issues too like pcos etc. Reasons like had kids earlier/done having kids, want to have time/energy for kids, don't want kids, can't find the right partner, fear of birth defects, I'm sure the list goes on.

Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

Those are interesting reasons, Cookie and they make perfect sense.  Did I mention EXCEPTIONAL? 
 

Do birth defect possibilities increase with the mother’s age? 

[Cookiesandough]

yes simpy they do increase with older egg..eggs go bad. 

YOU are the exceptional one. I would love to thank your MOMMA for having you!!!! I'd love to send her some flowers with a note attached that reads "thank you for creating simpycurious<3"

Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Dog Lover 82]

5 hours ago, CollinW said:

Just from the way you've described your past dating life I can already tell you, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your signals are all mental. Shy women swear they're giving off signals but in reality if they could watch a recording of their non-verbal communications they'd be embarrassed at how neutral they look. 

Your effort needs to match your desire. If you really desire a healthy dating life then you need to put the same effort into interacting that you did with your education. Even if that means walking up to a man and dragging him to your lair. Sitting around expecting men to approach you because of a quick glance is low risk and without risk there is no reward. And it's honestly lazy too. 

Seriously, women need to remove the entitlement from their dating expectations and start putting in work to get what they want. 

Unfair equating shyness with laziness or implying I'm not putting work into myself and my situation. I'm so shy that I literally did not talk - did not talk - throughout grade school. I've been working hard with a counselor for two years to build my confidence up. I'm not sure how that could be categorized as lazy. It's not something you just click your fingers and change and I've noted several times in this thread that I've been working hard on it...

[Juha]

6 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Sorry I meant "bad" as in causing birth defects etc 

Yes, as a man ages this happens but the percentages are still very low.  It is not as if an older guy is at high risk to have a baby with issues.

 

I have seen articles that are completely disingenuous about this subject.  Lots of misinformation out there. 

Really need to do your research...

[thefooloftheyear]

Let's put aside biology for a minute...We all know people have done it....Its not the norm, but it happens...

But here's the deal...

So let's say for the sake of argument, a woman approaching late 30's. with no man at the time, but wants kids...Ok...maybe a 1-3 years or longer to find someone suitable(who also wants kids late in the game) to the point where marriage becomes a likelihood...Now entering early mid 40's...

Have kid(s)….

Despite the fact that even younger women get physically dinged from childbirth, unless super fit, its gonna take a toll on a body already on the downside physically....Now...just as you pass 50 the kid(s) will be at a point where they need max attention and max parental involvement...Joints are hurting, need more sleep, etc...So don't kid anyone...The physical limitations will be a real concern....for anyone...Heaven help anyone with a special needs kid at this stage...Its hard enough under ideal conditions..

Now everyone knows, kids cost money....A LOT of money....unless you want to deprive them...Its not like years ago...its a constant stream of hundreds/thousands of dollars every time you turn around...gadgets, school stuff, electronics, braces, glasses, dental work, food, clothes, hobbies, sports, shoes, trips abroad, etc..  the list is endless...So maybe just around the time you get to a point in life where you want to start to take your foot off the gas and pump the brakes, now you cant do that...Its Wide Open Throttle, and your engine has 150k hard miles on it....I guess if you are independently wealthy then this may not apply, but for the majority this is the case...

Oh, and how about retirement?  Well...Great...they'll be headed to college right at the time you want to retire and if you think you were spending a lot of money before, you can forget it, because at that point you will be hemorrhaging money like you can't imagine...Then when you are 75 or so, you can clean out the rest of your dwindled IRA to pay for the wedding(s) and or gifts.....

Here's one last thing...If you do wind up with kids and the marriage doesn't seem to be working out, imagine that scenario?  Now you are late 50's with a pre teen(s) and the financial burdens are even greater...and you are even more weary because you aren't a team any longer...

Just some things to consider..Most people if they did it, wont lament, because they don't want to bring thoughts into their heads that their precious kids were a heavy burden..

I'm not here to rain on anyone's parade, just relaying life experiences.. By all means don't give up if that's your dream scenario...But I do think sometimes people need the hard truths....If you pull that off the table(white picket fence, kids etc), your options go up, and you can always change your mind if the planets align...

Good luck on your search...you certainly aren't "expired"...

TFY

[Cookiesandough]

Wow TFY...you should be the person who goes to schools and teaches adolescents why they should practice safe sex. That's one of the scariest pictures of parenthood I've ever seen someone paint. scary because it's so realistic 

Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Dog Lover 82]

37 minutes ago, thefooloftheyear said:

Let's put aside biology for a minute...We all know people have done it....Its not the norm, but it happens...

But here's the deal...

So let's say for the sake of argument, a woman approaching late 30's. with no man at the time, but wants kids...Ok...maybe a 1-3 years or longer to find someone suitable(who also wants kids late in the game) to the point where marriage becomes a likelihood...Now entering early mid 40's...

Have kid(s)….

Despite the fact that even younger women get physically dinged from childbirth, unless super fit, its gonna take a toll on a body already on the downside physically....Now...just as you pass 50 the kid(s) will be at a point where they need max attention and max parental involvement...Joints are hurting, need more sleep, etc...So don't kid anyone...The physical limitations will be a real concern....for anyone...Heaven help anyone with a special needs kid at this stage...Its hard enough under ideal conditions..

Now everyone knows, kids cost money....A LOT of money....unless you want to deprive them...Its not like years ago...its a constant stream of hundreds/thousands of dollars every time you turn around...gadgets, school stuff, electronics, braces, glasses, dental work, food, clothes, hobbies, sports, shoes, trips abroad, etc..  the list is endless...So maybe just around the time you get to a point in life where you want to start to take your foot off the gas and pump the brakes, now you cant do that...Its Wide Open Throttle, and your engine has 150k hard miles on it....I guess if you are independently wealthy then this may not apply, but for the majority this is the case...

Oh, and how about retirement?  Well...Great...they'll be headed to college right at the time you want to retire and if you think you were spending a lot of money before, you can forget it, because at that point you will be hemorrhaging money like you can't imagine...Then when you are 75 or so, you can clean out the rest of your dwindled IRA to pay for the wedding(s) and or gifts.....

Here's one last thing...If you do wind up with kids and the marriage doesn't seem to be working out, imagine that scenario?  Now you are late 50's with a pre teen(s) and the financial burdens are even greater...and you are even more weary because you aren't a team any longer...

Just some things to consider..Most people if they did it, wont lament, because they don't want to bring thoughts into their heads that their precious kids were a heavy burden..

I'm not here to rain on anyone's parade, just relaying life experiences.. By all means don't give up if that's your dream scenario...But I do think sometimes people need the hard truths....If you pull that off the table(white picket fence, kids etc), your options go up, and you can always change your mind if the planets align...

Good luck on your search...you certainly aren't "expired"...

TFY

OK, OK. I'll just adopt 12 more dogs then. 😂

[Cookiesandough]

1 hour ago, Juha said:

Yes, as a man ages this happens but the percentages are still very low.  It is not as if an older guy is at high risk to have a baby with issues.

 

I have seen articles that are completely disingenuous about this subject.  Lots of misinformation out there. 

Really need to do your research...

 I agree with you that is hard to get accurate info out there. I don't think anyone should wait too long to be a parent though

Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[SincereOnlineGuy]

7 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

hahaha I think his sperm went bad a long time ago!!!Not sure, because a lot of the neurodevelopment disorders don't show until later in life, but it's been linked to some serious ones like schizophrenia and autism. Hopefully not.

 

Bob Dylan just landed his first-ever number one song as a performing solo artist -  I wonder how his... erm...