chillii Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 9 hours ago, Tina Marie 82 said: Unfair equating shyness with laziness or implying I'm not putting work into myself and my situation. I'm so shy that I literally did not talk - did not talk - throughout grade school. I've been working hard with a counselor for two years to build my confidence up. I'm not sure how that could be categorized as lazy. It's not something you just click your fingers and change and I've noted several times in this thread that I've been working hard on it... l didn't realize single children might have a shyness and need time alone. I've got one daughter 18now but she's very much her own person even back in primary school when all the other little shyts were in full flight dishing out all kinds of crap none of it phased her though . But we raised her from day one to never care what others think or do , be you live you and she's still very much that way and l've always been myself to the extreme too . but she's also shy at the same time. And l was too young , very strong about who l was like her but also shy, yet l grew up in a family of 12, l lost most of my shyness in my 20s . Anyway , l'd have to disagree that shyness is hard to read for guys l just adore the suitableness of shy women so not all guys anyway that's for sure , admittedly many do need to be hit over the head with a sign though by the sounds of it unfortunately . My sister had her daughter at 46 l think , hope l didn't mention that already . mum and dad were still having kids late 40s hence we wound up with 12. l envy my daughter tbh, 12 is still a nightmare. l know though women do feel the clock and prefer younger than older however you do still have plenty of time though. The shyness thing tbh look l don;t think that's going to slow down the guy that spots you and is really interested but of course any help from you isn't gonna hurt either so whatever you can muster up would help things a long. l started talking to people more that's how l shook mine and over a few yrs it got better and better. l still get belts of it but mostly l could talk to anyone these days . Link to post Share on other sites
nospam99 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 OP, what do you think about the idea of a matchmaker? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Interstellar Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) Your post made me think thefooloftheyear. When Ms. Right decides the guy is out, and applies to men especially. Visions of being alone, rejected, in your 50’s and your life savings dwindling because of divorce. Scary but realistic stuff. Edited April 15, 2020 by Interstellar 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 11 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: Wow TFY...you should be the person who goes to schools and teaches adolescents why they should practice safe sex No, kids need to learn that the message is to have your kids as early as possible, don't wait till you are "too old" for all sorts of reasons. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) 13 hours ago, Tina Marie 82 said: I've been working hard with a counselor for two years to build my confidence up. It sounds like you're on the right path, at least in written form! You should perhaps go one step at a time, and not overthink or catastrophise as to whether you can find someone, and possibly have children (to which the answer is, yes, you can in theory). Anything can happen in life, nothing is written in stone and even the best laid plans don't come into fruition. Now actually is a really good time for you to hone those social skills and work on building your confidence, because most social interactions are virtual so it is less daunting to be a bit more social. How often do you socialise with friends or colleagues, for instance? Do you sometimes initiate virtual meetups? Edited April 15, 2020 by littleblackheart Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 2 hours ago, Interstellar said: Your post made me think thefooloftheyear. When Ms. Right decides the guy is out, and applies to men especially. Visions of being alone, rejected, in your 50’s and your life savings dwindling because of divorce. Scary but realistic stuff. Smart men that are dating women in these categories(not saying this of the OP, btw) are wise to pay special attention to these clues...Once women hit that age and have those feelings, they feel compelled to not select guys based on the traditional criteria (looks, sexual attraction, general compatibility and common interests), but rather their ability to provide the necessary resources to get to their goal of the kids and all the related stuff..If they can get it all, obviously that's what they would do, but with time fast running out, they will often just settle on the other stuff, because the kids are what's most on her mind at that point...and they don't have the luxury of time to weed through all to get the "ideal".... Normally what happens then is if they wind up staying married while she is creating this great little world with HER kids, the guy is just there to pay for most everything and just do what guys normally would do.. Sex will vanish, she won't give a crap about making him happy, and that's that.. He'll just be the idiot along for the ride.....Or they get a divorce and he's stuck paying either way.... I don't want to paint women as monsters because not all are like this, but many a guy that isn't aware, can fall into a trap...Couple I know this happened to ...One even married and had kids with a woman that was actually a lesbian(obviously he didn't know it at the time and she did a great job concealing it), but wanted kids the conventional way and picked him because he is loaded....She moved on with her gf, gets support, a big house, and the kids and he gets occasional visits and the bill for it all.. TFY 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, elaine567 said: No, kids need to learn that the message is to have your kids as early as possible, don't wait till you are "too old" for all sorts of reasons. "hemorrhaging money"? "toll on the body" ??that's just another reminder why I do not want to have kids at any age...lol Edited April 15, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 A lot of women say that now while they're younger but then they turn around at 40 in a crazed panic l just have to have a child l want to be a mother and they'll do absolutely anything to for fill it , that was kind of that sister of mine tbh. Spent her first 40yrs as a hard ass feministic pain in the rear anti kids marriage establishment you name it- then she got clucky . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Some people don't know what they want. Others do. Some people want it eventually but don't want to waste their youth tied to a toddler. Things happen, relationships they thought would last don't and then they're 40 and stuck looking for someone new quickly! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 On 4/13/2020 at 9:51 PM, Tina Marie 82 said: I feel like I'm trying so hard, but I have a feeling my signals are way more subtle than they feel to me. I'm still trying to build up giving a smile to the ones I like...easier said than done! Hmm. FWIW I think this is telling. I think flirting effectively is sort of a critical skill if you're the kind of woman who needs to draw men to them. (Unless you're sooo good looking that you can just plunk yourself down in a bar and a crowd of men will slowly gravitate around you. Probably not as that's somewhat rare.) You could attempt to take the bull by the horns and ask out the men you find attractive. Of course all that's on hold right now due to COVID, but it won't last forever. If you try that, just be prepared for some "no's" as you never know what might be going on (just divorced, too much work at work, already has GF, etc). Don't let ANY rejections get you down as there is normally a reason and a good chunk of the "really good" guys will probably be taken already. Full disclosure: I'm not dating. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 4 hours ago, Cookiesandough said: "hemorrhaging money"? "toll on the body" ??that's just another reminder why I do not want to have kids at any age...lol Cue certain posters telling C&D that's that's really a shame and she should reconsider and "pass on her wonderful genes" or similar... 😇 Sorry, couldn't resist... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Tina, sometimes it's easier to look generally smiley and approachable to the room in general, although yes, it can get you some unwanted attention that is awkward. But it is kind of hard to single out someone to look approachable to. If you just keep a smile on while talking to other people, friends, and look around making eye contact and smiling, it should make all but the meekest of men feel they could at least walk by and say hi to you. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 On 4/14/2020 at 1:40 PM, Cookiesandough said: ^Hmmm maybe less likely, but people do get married and have families after age 39. I am living proof of that. So many it's not so absolute? I don't think it's absolute, but I don't want to sell someone false hope. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 37 years old is far from expired.60 is expired for most ladies. I have seen many sexy nice ladies over 50 who might be better looking than the daughters at least to me. Interesting thread. I have 2 advanced degrees including PhD and it is no easier for me Women are intimidated. Some told me this or they ignore it. Never boast or act above them. Just hope for a man who tolerates it and does not put it down. Depends on subject of degrees. If it is not so practical or low in status then it is no help socially. 45 is still good for dating divorced guys usually with kids Link to post Share on other sites
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