Don't want to accept it

[k0ukla1995]

Was seeing this guy for a month, absolute man of my dreams, and to my surprise he was actually starting to really like me. The physical chemistry between us was great, we had a lot in common, and loved talking to each other. A lot of it honestly felt like a dream, too good to be true. I really thought our relationship was just going to be purely sexual until he started admitting his feelings for me, and wanted me to share mine with him as well. It was mostly mutual, but there were some mixed signals on his end. And he claims that he wasn't feeling it from me either, but I'm just really slow to develop feelings for someone and TERRIBLE at showing it (which is why he kept wanting me to open up about my feelings).cAnyway, I came to find out he has some serious mental issues, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder but I'm not sure if this was an accurate diagnosis for him, I think it's borderline personality disorder because his moods change really fast. When we were together, it was mostly really good, he was always telling me how beautiful and perfect I am, and it just seemed like we couldn't stop gushing over each other. In between our dates, though, the texting was sort of sparse. He would do the bare minimum texting to check up on me, ask how I was doing, etc, but never seemed to want to engage in conversation. Towards the end is when things got weird. He was about to go all in, texting me more because he knew I liked it, doing thoughtful things for me, we even talked about actually being together the last time I saw him. But there was just something missing, I could tell he was getting cold feet. We got in an argument and ended things that week.

I did the worst thing imaginable and told him to leave me alone as a sort of mind game to make him beg for me, it didn't work, and he ended up telling me he doesn't want to see me anymore. Yes, I know I was wrong in telling him to leave me alone even though I didn't mean it, and I really regret it but I guess it's too late now. I know men often mean what they say, but do you think there's any chance this guy could change his mind? I haven't said anything crazy nor have I begged, I've just kind of let him be because I'm still processing as well. I don't know, I just need to hear something positive because I'm pretty upset and I didn't want to lose this connection at all. I really loved being with him, he's like no one I've ever met.. I just think we moved too fast and both freaked out.

Edited April 12, 2020 by k0ukla1995

[basil67]

I’m a bit confused by the discussion of mental illness.  Sporadic texting between dates is not a sign of Borderline, so I’m not sure what you were seeing.  When you go through the diagnostic criteria, what boxes was he checking?

The reason I ask is to ascertain whether he’s truly a good fit for you.  

[k0ukla1995]

I have BPD, and there were more signs of it in his behavior that I witnessed and stories he's told me from his past I don't want to disclose too much of his personal info though

[basil67]

Without more information, if you felt something was missing and you both got cold feet, it probably wasn’t meant to be.

[ExpatInItaly]

He was the man of your dreams, and yet he: sent mixed messages, seemed distant, was moody and you argued...all within a month?

OP, this was just not going to go anywhere. It doesn't have the foundation to support anything long-term and you don't sound compatible. 

[k0ukla1995]

Idealistically the man of my dreams. We had a lot in common with our long term goals and interests, he was just way more extreme than me and that's what worried me. Seems like a guy who doesn't know how to do anything in moderation as I do and that's why things were so rushed. I really think this whole pandemic situation had something to do with it, we both are under a lot of stress and pressure and I think we were seeing each other too much for lack of anything better to do.

We met at work, and are both out of work RN, so when we go back to work I'm wondering what will happen. I also still have one of his shirts. It's been a few days already and I haven't said anything to him, I don't know, I'm just hoping that when things go back to normal maybe we'll have another shot.