Does my friend's husband have feelings for me? If so, should I tell her?

[heartwhole2]

4 hours ago, usa1ah said:

You are still allowing this to happen. 

 

you keeping quite and not confronting him when he does these things tells him that you are ok with it. 
 

Is it just married men you don’t like attention from?

This is victim blaming. 

[Buffer]

Tell the guy he is creepy and it is making you very uncomfortable. If he is infatuated with you, tell hubby let him talk to Mr creepy 

Buffer

[pepperbird]

I doesn't matter if this man is married, single or otherwise. If his actions make you uncomfortable, tell him. Some guys flirt all the time and see it as harmless fun. I don't know about this guy, but asking him to stop should put an end to it.
If it doesn't, then move d find better friends.

[usa1ah]

On 4/12/2020 at 4:08 PM, CautiouslyOptimistic said:

When I told my husband about what happened to me, he thought it was hilarious!  Just one of many reasons he was not a good husband to me.  He's my ex now.

Sorry he turned out to be such a POS. 
 

Hope you found someone special.

[usa1ah]

On 4/12/2020 at 7:59 PM, heartwhole2 said:

This is victim blaming. 

No it is not. 
 

This is a wife that has not showed any discomfort with what a friend has been doing. She has never told him to stop with what he has been doing. 
 

Now if she had told him from the start to stop then it would be sexual harassment after that point. 
 

OP has continued to hangout with this couple even with everything he has been doing. She is not the victim. 
 

“Does my friend's husband have feelings for me? If so, should I tell her?”

This is not a question from a victim. 

Edited April 14, 2020 by usa1ah

[usa1ah]

Best thing to do is to stop hanging out with this couple. 
 

I would talk with your friend about her husband. Let her know you will not be hanging out with them if he continues. 

Edited April 14, 2020 by usa1ah

[sandylee1]

I do think it's a bit of victim blaming. Its especially difficult when he hasn't been particularly over...he compliments in front of his wife and the touch could have been passed of as an accident.

I personally would stay away from them.

Is he like this with any other women? Or just you.

[usa1ah]

What is she the victim of? 
 

she is just asking if he has feelings for her. If so should she tell his wife. 

[salparadise]

Beautiful women have to deal with this stuff all the time. The guy is lusting, which men naturally do sometimes, but instead of keeping it to himself like an evolved specimen he is trying to get you to participate in his little erotic fantasy. There is a big, needy ego behind this and if he gets even the tiniest bit of encouragement (eye contact, etc.) or, or even the absence of a rude shutdown, it's a big ego stroke and will likely result in even bolder advances. The women who have to deal with this everyday know how to shut it down by ignoring and avoiding the person, or an overt look of disgust if he persists. The look of disgust is equivalent to stomping his ego. I suggest you employ this strategy. I'm surprised your mother didn't teach you this when you started fillin' out your jeans. 

Edited May 2, 2020 by salparadise

[ShyViolet]

There's nothing concrete here to tell his wife.  If you just tell his wife that her husband has been looking at you funny, that will come off like you're trying to make trouble in their marriage.  

Stop being so accommodating and permissive of his creepiness.  Next time he does it, say something rude to him to let him know to knock it off.

[preraph]

On 4/12/2020 at 4:18 AM, ExpatInItaly said:

If he's doing it in front of his wife, she's likely already picked up on it, OP. 

Tell him directly to please stop, as it makes you uncomfortable. Do so in front of his wife if need be. That will probably put an end to it. 

I agree completely with that. the biggest mistake you can make when someone is trying to sneak around is to keep their secret for them. Instead you need to bust him out loud where everyone in the room can hear. You can do it with a laugh in your voice if you want to but do it loudly. And do it right when it happens. Say he rubs up against you again, shout, David, get OFF me! Or, Vanessa, get your husband off me!

[basil67]

2 hours ago, salparadise said:

 I'm surprised your mother didn't teach you this when you started fillin' out your jeans. 

Why are you surprised?  I was certainly never taught it.  Rather, I was of the tail end of the generations of women who've been taught to be nice and not upset the apple cart.   How to deal with men was never part of my learning.   However I made sure to teach my daughter the stuff which I missed out on.    Funny thing is that the women who are being taught boundaries and how to deal with men and further educate other women are criticised for being #metoo.   People don't respond well to women who are not afraid to upset the apple cart.

Edited May 3, 2020 by basil67

[preraph]

Don't feel bad, Basil. I had to learn to deal with all that on my own too. 

[usa1ah]

I taught my daughter how to defend herself. She has used those skills in high school. She is 23 and is not part of the #metoo. She was able to handle the situation to stay out of that club. 

[basil67]

28 minutes ago, usa1ah said:

I taught my daughter how to defend herself. She has used those skills in high school. She is 23 and is not part of the #metoo. She was able to handle the situation to stay out of that club. 

Yes hopefully our modern girls won't have to be #metoo.  That's the whole point of we older women talking publicly about what has happened to us in the past and educating young people on what is appropriate and how to enforce boundaries.   I hope that you also teach your son what is appropriate with a woman.   It's great to have men on board.

 

Edited May 3, 2020 by basil67

[usa1ah]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Yes hopefully our modern girls won't have to be #metoo.  That's the whole point of we older women talking publicly about what has happened to us in the past and educating young people on what is appropriate and how to enforce boundaries.   I hope that you also teach your son what is appropriate with a woman.   It's great to have men on board.

 

Read the book Interviewing Your Daughter’s Date. Those are the principles that I taught my boys. They have taken them to heart. The parents of the girls they date love them. Several have thanked my wife or myself for raising them the way we did. My boys are the ones that deserve the thanks, they are the ones living the principles. 

[basil67]

I'll keep an eye out for the book. Thanks usa1ah.  

[Zona]

If you haven't already, you need to tell your husband that this guy was grinding up against you inappropriately.

I would avoid the guy like the plague. Men like him are usually really persistent, and you don't want him to catch you at a weak moment. You might laugh it off as something that could never happen to you, but it happens all the time to good people. Temptation can be overpowering at times, depending on the mood we are in, or if we've had a few drinks or whatever. My wayward wife shut her AP down for a year and a half before opening the door a crack, which he quickly shoved his foot into.

Protect yourself and your marriage. Remove yourself from this situation permanently.