Long term boyfriend looking up his old crush, they both liked each other he told me other day. other?

[lollipopbeth]

We got together in december 2015

He crushed on this girl in september 2015

In the past he used to like all her photos she posted including all her selfies. I brought it up to him that I didnt like it and eventually he stopped.

I know this is bad (and it is in the past now) but i l look on his messenger in 2017 and in jan 2017 he messaged her congratulations that she got a job. She was at the same uni, doing a different course. She told him that she was moving away. My boyfriend said he might do that one day, even though he told me he would never move out of this area?!  He asked her if she was still single, or if she had a boyfriend. I can't remember the rest. But he did that. She said something along the lines of dont leave it this long next time..

I have never been through his phone again and never brought it up to him! As I cant.

He follows her on Instagram. and I noticed that he had typed her in the search bar recently obviously to look at her profile. Never said anything.

He wished her HB on her wall the other day. Yes I lied in my last post and said it was a for friend..

I brought her up when we got talking about our past the other night and he said yeah he liked her and she liked him. But she had a boyfriend who treated her like sh*t but she chose her boyfriend over him back in 2015. My boyfriend met me a month later and we got together.

He proposed to me around 6 months ago and so we are newly engaged which is my main reason for being concerned.

don't think it is right deep down that he still continues to look her up, wishes her happy birthday and the other day he told me that he liked her and she liked him? We are engaged and surely you wouldnt have this interest from someone you liked in 2015?!

He posted  a story on IG the other week and he kept clicking on it probably every 20 mins to see who had watched it. I laughed and said jeez you are obsessed with who is watching this. He said oh its nobody important anyway? 

Advice please? Has anyone else been through same? What should I do..

Edited April 12, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Consolidate threads

[elaine567]

On your last thread you said you were posting for a friend...

[FMW]

I think you should always pay attention to your gut instinct, and clearly your gut is telling you this isn't cool.  I would feel the same.  

I certainly wouldn't be planning to marry him.  

[smackie9]

If you couldn’t be fully honest with us, tells me you have issues being fully honest with him. Stop asking him questions about it, it’s getting you nowhere. Tell him how you  truly feel and what he has to do if you want to go forward with this marriage. Communication is key.

Edited April 13, 2020 by smackie9

[schlumpy]

Smackie has it right. You can't get married with this hanging over your head.

I don't know what promise he can give you that will be believable. It's pretty easy to hide things from your SO when it's just text.

I think you evaluate his sincerity by observing his actions. If he tries to make this about you and your insecurities or not trusting him then call it off. I'm telling you there is enough trouble ahead for both of you to overcome together without dragging along an ex-lover from the very start.

He should be focused on you. For some reason he feels you are locked in and that he direct part of his attention elsewhere.

[kendahke]

On 4/12/2020 at 10:07 AM, lollipopbeth said:

Yes I lied in my last post and said it was a for friend..
 

how about in this one?

At some point, honesty is going to have to be something you develop.

It sounds to me as if he's not done with her and he's marking time with you until she's free to be with him.

Edited April 13, 2020 by kendahke

[ExpatInItaly]

He still has a crush, OP. 

You have to talk to him. This is an issue that should not be hanging over your head as two plan on marrying each other. 

[elaine567]

It would be foolish to marry a guy who is crushing on another girl.