Guy I met online mentioned my weight and size!

[MissPinkEyes]

So I met a guy on an online dating app and we started chatting for several days.

He didn't ask me my weight or size directly, but when I mentioned about eating chocolate he said something about oh careful do not get fat. I said to him I used to be really skinny and was miserable so now I just want to be whatever size and be healthy, to which he responded "but why can't you be fit and healthy instead"? I responded to him that I can be whatever I want to be.

Then a few days after he talked about this again. We were talking about eating and food and he said "oh careful with your belly!" to which I said I don't care, and he responded "what about getting in your bikini?". I responded I do not care about fitting into a bikini and I'm not obsessed with those things like other women are, that my personal value is not my weight. He didn't respond anything.

He mentioned for us to meet after the lockdown is over but to be honest I don't feel like it because I find his comments inappropriate and rude. Especially when I am a single mom and run my own business! And I still have to be fit because he says so!?

I feel like if I meet him in person he will be measuring me from head to toe.

Men should know how much pressure women feel by society in regards to their bodies and should not do these remarks! He is just an idiot, or am I overreacting? Thank you!

Edited April 12, 2020 by MissPinkEyes

[introverted1]

4 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said:

He is just an idiot, or am I overreacting?

Neither.

He believes "fit and healthy" is important.

You believe "I do not care about fitting into my bikini and I'm not obsessed with those things like other women." 

You're not compatible.  No need to villainise either perspective.

Just curious:  do you have accurate full-body pictures on your OLD profile?

 

[miss2017]

1 minute ago, Vespil said:

He's honest to the point of being offensive but he isn't saying anything most guys aren't thinking.

You might be happy being out of shape with a big belly but guys who have a choice are going to go for the slim women who are in good shape.

Besides being overweight isn't healthy. Lowers the quality of life in so many ways and leaves a person more prone to a boatload of medical problems.

 

 

I am not over weight. I have a normal weight and am in good shape but that’s not my goal in life. 
I like to work out and eat healthy so being in good shape is just a natural consequence of that.

But I didn’t even bothered to say that to him after his rude comments.

[miss2017]

6 minutes ago, introverted1 said:

Neither.

He believes "fit and healthy" is important.

You believe "I do not care about fitting into my bikini and I'm not obsessed with those things like other women." 

You're not compatible.  No need to villainise either perspective.

Just curious:  do you have accurate full-body pictures on your OLD profile?

 

No I do not have full body photos in there. But we added each other as friends on Facebook and I do have full body photos in my profile.

Edited April 12, 2020 by miss2017

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

12 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said:

I feel like if I meet him in person he will be measuring me from head to toe.

 

He definitely will be.  Obviously his #1 priority is physical appearance and since you're not obsessed with physical perfection like he seems to be (I'm assuming he has a perfect physique?), you're not a good match.  Find someone who thinks everything about you is the bees' knees.

[preraph]

He is offensive.  Don't go out with him.  What a jackass.  He's not right for you.  Find a guy in real life instead of OLD who likes you for who you are.  These idiots on OLD think it should be like a catalog they can order a hot body from.  Idiots.  

 

Get off OLD, though, because you aren't putting up body shots and that is ALL these guys on OLD are looking for.  Date local and it will go much better for you.  After the plague, start joining more active activities to meet people.  

Edited April 12, 2020 by preraph

[rjc149]

He's an idiot for bringing up your weight and fitness totally unsolicited before even having met you in person. This demonstrates a serious lack of social intelligence and maturity. You're not overreacting for nexting him. I'd say you're reacting quite appropriately. 

He's not, however, an idiot for wanting his female partner to be fit, healthy, and physically attractive to him. He's not shallow for screening out women he considers to be overweight. I do the same. Personally, I don't feel it's an imposition on anyone to eat right, exercise routinely, and maintain a fit figure. Male or female. I place a priority on my physical fitness, I want my woman to do it too. I'm not compatible with women who believe it's body-positive to be overweight. 

If you don't want to exercise and you prefer to eat whatever you want and not care about your figure and appearance, then it's a compatibility issue. There are plenty of men out there who don't mind, or even prefer, fuller-figured women. Keep at it. You can most certainly be whatever you want to be, and you will most certainly find a man who likes it. 

[SummerDreams]

It seems that being "healthy" is the new way that men hint to women that they should be fit. This guy was not exactly obsessed with weight but he cared a lot as it seemed. And it doesn't only show an attitude he might have towards fitness but also it shows that he doesn't respect the woman's point of view. There is no way I would go on talking with someone who would think it's ok to suggest to me what I should or shouldn't do. Even my H with whom we are together for 10 years he never suggests what I should do, unless I ask him. So OP I would not meet him ever.

[miss2017]

7 minutes ago, Vespil said:

On one hand you say you used to be fit, then you said you can't fit into a bikini and couldn't care less, and now you say you're in good shape and fit.

Are your full body photos on FB reflective of your physical condition right now?

Anyway- to your point- he wants a fit women and you either don't fit that criteria or you're marginal as far as he's concerned and he isn't afraid to tell you that.

What's interesting is that you haven't shut him out- here you are saying (in effect) "should I continue to date this guy?" whereas you clearly are put off by him. Do you expect him to change?

No, I said I used to be skinny. Not the same as fit. And no I didn’t say I can’t fit into a bikini, I said I don’t care about that. And yes I am in good shape but I’m not fit as in fitness women one see on Instagram! I am in shape as a normal woman. 
Yes my photos on Facebook are recent.

I decided to come here to ask you guys opinions before I decide to stop talking to him.

Edited April 12, 2020 by miss2017

[miss2017]

3 minutes ago, SummerDreams said:

It seems that being "healthy" is the new way that men hint to women that they should be fit. This guy was not exactly obsessed with weight but he cared a lot as it seemed. And it doesn't only show an attitude he might have towards fitness but also it shows that he doesn't respect the woman's point of view. There is no way I would go on talking with someone who would think it's ok to suggest to me what I should or shouldn't do. Even my H with whom we are together for 10 years he never suggests what I should do, unless I ask him. So OP I would not meet him ever.

Yes! He is entitled to have his preferences, but to say to someone how one should be?

This is a sensitive topic to me because I battled an eating disorder many years ago. I told him I used to be skinny and miserable, but he didn’t care to know why, he just kept on going with the fit conversation.

I can imagine eating like an ice cream next to him and just hearing his remarks about my belly...

I’m not a piece of meat and I don’t judge people by their % of body fat.

He is not exactly a fit guy cover of Men’s Health, so should keep his mouth shut.

 

[preraph]

Not everyone has a well proportioned bikini body, even if they are super skinny.  I realize the media makes us think so, but no.  I certainly never had a bikini body and I was tall and thin.  

[FMW]

Don't bother with him any further. He doesn't even know you and he's monitoring your food intake.  

[miss2017]

1 minute ago, preraph said:

Not everyone has a well proportioned bikini body, even if they are super skinny.  I realize the media makes us think so, but no.  I certainly never had a bikini body and I was tall and thin.  

My question is why that even matters?

Will it matters when you are grey and old? Where’s the fit body then? 

If he wants a fit woman, go for it. I prefer a man who respects women.

[miss2017]

1 minute ago, FMW said:

Don't bother with him any further. He doesn't even know you and he's monitoring your food intake.  

Yes, ridiculous to say the least.

Edited April 12, 2020 by miss2017

[MeadowFlower]

41 minutes ago, MissPinkEyes said:

So I met a guy on an online dating app and we started chatting for several days.

He didn't ask me my weight or size directly, but when I mentioned about eating chocolate he said something about oh careful do not get fat. I said to him I used to be really skinny and was miserable so now I just want to be whatever size and be healthy, to which he responded "but why can't you be fit and healthy instead"? I responded to him that I can be whatever I want to be.

Then a few days after he talked about this again. We were talking about eating and food and he said "oh careful with your belly!" to which I said I don't care, and he responded "what about getting in your bikini?". I responded I do not care about fitting into a bikini and I'm not obsessed with those things like other women are, that my personal value is not my weight. He didn't respond anything.

He mentioned for us to meet after the lockdown is over but to be honest I don't feel like it because I find his comments inappropriate and rude. Especially when I am a single mom and run my own business! And I still have to be fit because he says so!?

I feel like if I meet him in person he will be measuring me from head to toe.

Men should know how much pressure women feel by society in regards to their bodies and should not do these remarks! He is just an idiot, or am I overreacting? Thank you!

You go girl!! Love how you told him! 

He's an idiot. He barely knows you and he's commenting about your body size. And as you already are well aware, your body ain't for him. Or for anyone else for that matter. It's for you. For you to use. 

I'd let this one go. If it's already an issue now, can you imagine living with that. 

 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

22 minutes ago, rjc149 said:

He's an idiot for bringing up your weight and fitness totally unsolicited before even having met you in person. This demonstrates a serious lack of social intelligence and maturity. You're not overreacting for nexting him. I'd say you're reacting quite appropriately. 

He's not, however, an idiot for wanting his female partner to be fit, healthy, and physically attractive to him.

Yes.  This. 

[miss2017]

11 minutes ago, MeadowFlower said:

You go girl!! Love how you told him! 

He's an idiot. He barely knows you and he's commenting about your body size. And as you already are well aware, your body ain't for him. Or for anyone else for that matter. It's for you. For you to use. 

I'd let this one go. If it's already an issue now, can you imagine living with that. 

 

Yes exactly! I overcame an eating disorder and love my body the way it is, so I don’t need someone body shaming me or any woman.

Especially a guy who doesn’t know anything about you and your life and makes remarks like that.

[lana-banana]

It is possible to desire a fit and attractive partner without constantly making infantilizing and condescending comments (he thinks you don't know the caloric value of chocolate? He thinks your main goal in life should be fitting into a bikini? And he's talking to you like this before you've even MET?). This guy absolutely should be villainized because he's an a**h***. As a fitness nut myself I dated a lot of super fit guys, from gym trainers to Navy SEALs, and not a single one told me to "be careful" with chocolate because they weren't complete dickweeds. 

This guy does not want a fit and attractive partner. This guy wants a woman who is scared out of her mind to eat a bagel. He wants a woman whose appearance is her main source of self-esteem and who will spend her every waking moment obsessing over scales, calories, macros. He wants a woman he can control. Unfortunately there are plenty of women out there who will fit that mold but thank God you are not one of them. Block him with one hand while flipping off the screen with the other, pour yourself some scotch, and forget about him.

[miss2017]

6 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

It is possible to desire a fit and attractive partner without constantly making infantilizing and condescending comments (he thinks you don't know the caloric value of chocolate? He thinks your main goal in life should be fitting into a bikini? And he's talking to you like this before you've even MET?). This guy absolutely should be villainized because he's an a**h***. As a fitness nut myself I dated a lot of super fit guys, from gym trainers to Navy SEALs, and not a single one told me to "be careful" with chocolate because they weren't complete dickweeds. 

This guy does not want a fit and attractive partner. This guy wants a woman who is scared out of her mind to eat a bagel. He wants a woman whose appearance is her main source of self-esteem and who will spend her every waking moment obsessing over scales, calories, macros. He wants a woman he can control. Unfortunately there are plenty of women out there who will fit that mold but thank God you are not one of them. Block him with one hand while flipping off the screen with the other, pour yourself some scotch, and forget about him.

Thank you!

I too believe that being a gentleman is not about being fit or body fat %, but how much their moms educated them to respect women!

I think the way I responded to him clearly shows I don’t care about that and I’m not a woman he can control, so dunno why he keeps talking to me.

I suspect he is the one who ties down his self esteem with his weight, because he mentioned to me he avoids to eat this and that so he doesn’t get fat...

[poppyfields]

I'm confused who the OP is.  Is it MissPinkEyes or Miss2017, or both? 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hmmm, seems like both?  Good catch, poppy.

[simpycurious]

16 minutes ago, lana-banana said:

It is possible to desire a fit and attractive partner without constantly making infantilizing and condescending comments (he thinks you don't know the caloric value of chocolate? He thinks your main goal in life should be fitting into a bikini? And he's talking to you like this before you've even MET?). This guy absolutely should be villainized because he's an a**h***. As a fitness nut myself I dated a lot of super fit guys, from gym trainers to Navy SEALs, and not a single one told me to "be careful" with chocolate because they weren't complete dickweeds. 

This guy does not want a fit and attractive partner. This guy wants a woman who is scared out of her mind to eat a bagel. He wants a woman whose appearance is her main source of self-esteem and who will spend her every waking moment obsessing over scales, calories, macros. He wants a woman he can control. Unfortunately there are plenty of women out there who will fit that mold but thank God you are not one of them. Block him with one hand while flipping off the screen with the other, pour yourself some scotch, and forget about him.

Lana is right. His little comments may seem insignificant but they are "little digs."  This type of thing is really dominate in the athletic world.  Oh, you are a good player but "you are not as skilled as __________."  "Digs" designed to invoke a response or in his case for you to THINK about what you eat.  I can promise you this that no matter what HE MIGHT believe his BODY pales in comparison to elite athletes so my point is WHO IS HE TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING.  I posted this in another thread and think it's appropriate here:  don't try and make someone who (or how) you want them to be but accept them for who they are and HOW they are

[poppyfields]

49 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

Yes! He is entitled to have his preferences, but to say to someone how one should be?

This is a sensitive topic to me because I battled an eating disorder many years ago. I told him I used to be skinny and miserable, but he didn’t care to know why, he just kept on going with the fit conversation.

I can imagine eating like an ice cream next to him and just hearing his remarks about my belly...

I’m not a piece of meat and I don’t judge people by their % of body fat.

He is not exactly a fit guy cover of Men’s Health, so should keep his mouth shut.

 

@miss2017  If this^^ is how you feel, then you've answered your own question. 

Just next him, I don't envision anything positive coming from meeting this chap. 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[miss2017]

14 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Lana is right. His little comments may seem insignificant but they are "little digs."  This type of thing is really dominate in the athletic world.  Oh, you are a good player but "you are not as skilled as __________."  "Digs" designed to invoke a response or in his case for you to THINK about what you eat.  I can promise you this that no matter what HE MIGHT believe his BODY pales in comparison to elite athletes so my point is WHO IS HE TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING.  I posted this in another thread and think it's appropriate here:  don't try and make someone who (or how) you want them to be but accept them for who they are and HOW they are

Exactly! I don’t even have a body type myself!

I care about meeting people and men for who they are inside, to me attraction is more of an energy thing, not about if someone weights more or less or if they have a belly or not.

So yes I accept people for who they are and how they are and want the same from a partner.

[Miss Spider]

40 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Lana is right. His little comments may seem insignificant but they are "little digs."  This type of thing is really dominate in the athletic world.  Oh, you are a good player but "you are not as skilled as __________."  "Digs" designed to invoke a response or in his case for you to THINK about what you eat.  I can promise you this that no matter what HE MIGHT believe his BODY pales in comparison to elite athletes so my point is WHO IS HE TO TELL ANYONE ANYTHING.  I posted this in another thread and think it's appropriate here:  don't try and make someone who (or how) you want them to be but accept them for who they are and HOW they are

Classic Simpy wisdom

 

Also, . If he’s willing to do this to do this with someone he hasn’t even met, imagine how he’s be in a relationship. Be prepared for “you sure you wanna eat that?” “Shouldn’t you be exercising?” every day. So much nope!! 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough