SumGuy Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 23 hours ago, miss2017 said: Yes! He is entitled to have his preferences, but to say to someone how one should be? Unsolicited opinions seem to be common with men in OLD, it's a common story from the women I dated via OLD. We are all not like that by any means. This is a sensitive topic to me because I battled an eating disorder many years ago. I told him I used to be skinny and miserable, but he didn’t care to know why, he just kept on going with the fit conversation. A real warning sign for me when someone seems to be completely not hearing you or engaging in a conversation, rather they seem to be more about telling you how it is what you should do. I can imagine eating like an ice cream next to him and just hearing his remarks about my belly... I’m not a piece of meat and I don’t judge people by their % of body fat. Exactly. I would say he is clueless but I suspect he did this intentionally as his woman maintaining her shape is important. He is not exactly a fit guy cover of Men’s Health, so should keep his mouth shut. Color me not surprised. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) Upon seeing the transcripts, I change my opinion. He doesn’t sound controlling. I think that was a sad attempt at being funny. This is why context is important. Edited April 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 When a guy starts making comments that make you stop and say "heeeeyyy wait a minute......" Time to block /delete. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
miss2017 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 23 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Upon seeing the transcripts, I change my opinion. He doesn’t sound controlling. I think that was a sad attempt at being funny. This is why context is important. Being disrespectful disguised as being funny can be considered a form of gaslighting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Being disrespectful disguised as being funny can be considered a form of gaslighting. I'm not quite getting the gaslighting thing, can you explain? How was he gaslighting you? Rude, yes. Disrespectful, sure. A really warped sense of humor? Also possible, even likely imo. Just not getting the gaslighting thing, from what I understand gaslighting to be. I'm always up for learning new things, can you clarify? Edited April 13, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 He just sounds single minded -- and apparently he has a LOT of trouble finding any non-fat woman who's attracted by him. Gee, wonder why. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) 17 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Being disrespectful disguised as being funny can be considered a form of gaslighting. Maybe he was being disrespectful in disguise or maybe he’s just kind of daft and thought it was appropriate teasing. Don’t see ‘gaslighting’. Regardless,, is he really worth any more of your headspace, much less a 6 page thread Edited April 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough 3 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 28 minutes ago, smackie9 said: When a guy starts making comments that make you stop and say "heeeeyyy wait a minute......" Time to block /delete. Smackie, you cut these dudes much slack. 9 minutes ago, preraph said: He just sounds single minded -- and apparently he has a LOT of trouble finding any non-fat woman who's attracted by him. Gee, wonder why. I wonder if he critics himself with same about of scrutiny? I am guessing he cuts himself a great deal of slack. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 8 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: Maybe he was being disrespectful in disguise or maybe he’s just kind of daft and thought it was appropriate teasing. Don’t see ‘gaslighting’. Regardless,, is he really worth any more of your headspace, much less a 6 page thread To be fair to OP, this thread was only started yesterday...and it does help while away the time 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) 33 minutes ago, miss2017 said: Being disrespectful disguised as being funny can be considered a form of gaslighting. Gaslighting? For real? Pretty soon I expect to read that his comments are a mask for secret homicidal tendencies. Edited April 13, 2020 by introverted1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss2017 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, introverted1 said: Gaslighting? For real? Pretty soon I expect to read that his comments are a mask for secret homicidal tendencies. Ok maybe gaslighting is too much. But is just that I told him before what I think about that subject and he brings it up again teasing me with it. Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, SumGuy said: To be fair to OP, this thread was only started yesterday...and it does help while away the time That may be true but continuing to harp on some bozo whose comments she found offensive and disrespectful serves no good purposes imo. It fosters bitterness and distrust in men, which might negatively impact future relationships. Sometimes it's best to let stuff like this go, they're not a match and leave it at that. Spend her time and energy during quarantine looking for men who are more to her liking. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 Just now, miss2017 said: Ok maybe gaslighting is too much. But is just that I told him before what I think about that subject and he brings it up again teasing me with it. Can't speak for other women, but I love to be teased! Teasing is playful, maybe he was hoping to bring a smile, a chuckle, as lame as the tease was. I understand your reaction though, like I said it's a very sensitive issue for you, so it makes sense that you found it offensive. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 8 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Guys, never talk about a woman's body. You can say, "You look nice", or, "You are beautiful", but that's about it. Anything else, and you are likely to find yourself in the doghouse. This is true. I was watching a tv show the other night and the guy told the girl "you look like you've put on a little weight since I last saw you" and the other women went berserk over it. I would have just said "yeah, life has been good" and then not seen him again if I felt insulted. I don't know why issues around weight are so touchy. Most men like thick women these days anyway. I haven't seen an anorexic person in decades. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: That may be true but continuing to harp on some bozo whose comments she found offensive and disrespectful serves no good purposes imo. It fosters bitterness and distrust in men, which might negatively impact future relationships. Sometimes it's best to let stuff like this go, they're not a match and leave it at that. Spend her time and energy during quarantine looking for men who are more to her liking. I'm not seeing harping so much as just the back and forth and answering most replies, that and a bit more information here and there. Got the impression OP has dropped this guy and just posted to get a check on her thoughts on this with the peanut gallery. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) I recall way back when chatting w a guy on line, it started as a group chat discussing height, I'm a bit taller than average and with my 4 inch heels, I can be six feet! So the guy I had been chatting with sends me a gif of a giraffe, I thought it was hysterical and we had a fun banter about it. Now if I had been at all sensitive about my height, I may have been offended, but I am not sensitive about it and I wasn't offended. It's all just a matter of interpretation, and whether our sense of humor matches, if we enjoy a good tease and some fun banter, or not. No wrong or right here imo, they're simply not a match, the end. Edited April 13, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) Tall girl checking in too!! I’m 5’7 ish and close to 6” in super high heels !! Never got a giraffe comment, but I should...hahah And I agree. I get how weight is more touchy subject to a woman than her height, but guys are so oblivious to this, especially if they are attracted to the woman...like this guy seems to be or he wouldn’t be talking to her... they sometimes don’t know how sensitive of a subject it can be . They think ‘a little weight on her doesn’t bother me, so it shouldn’t bother her haha’ Edited April 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Malin889 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 On 4/12/2020 at 3:47 PM, poppyfields said: I'm confused who the OP is. Is it MissPinkEyes or Miss2017, or both? I was just thinking the same thing Poppy! I was just reading the updated posts and got confused myself. I thought it was just me lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 1 hour ago, smackie9 said: When a guy starts making comments that make you stop and say "heeeeyyy wait a minute......" Time to block /delete. Yes. If you're getting a bad feeling before you've even met, the guy is bad news. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 2 minutes ago, Malin889 said: I was just thinking the same thing Poppy! I was just reading the updated posts and got confused myself. I thought it was just me lol. I wasn't award you could have many Usernames on this site. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Spider Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) I think you can change your username under account settings. Sounds really confusing to me, Edited April 13, 2020 by Cookiesandough Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 4 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said: I think you can change your username under account settings Why change it while posting on the same thread? It did confuse me till I realized MissPinkEyes and miss2017 were one in the same No biggee. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamfana Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) 8 hours ago, Fletch Lives said: Guys, never talk about a woman's body. You can say, "You look nice", or, "You are beautiful", but that's about it. Anything else, and you are likely to find yourself in the doghouse. Absolutely true, and for women too. Never talk about a guy's body or looks other than to compliment. Add in intelligence and financial status, both sexes. Only compliments on those too but probably best left alone. Edited April 13, 2020 by Tamfana 3 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 (edited) 20 minutes ago, Tamfana said: Absolutely true, and for women too. Never talk about a guy's body or looks other than to compliment. Add in intelligence and financial status, both sexes. Only compliments on those too but probably best left alone. I dunno, I rather like being teased and not a huge fan of compliments, I find them to be contrived in many cases and don't need them to know a guy is CRAZY for me and thinks I'm beautiful. lol Don't go by me though, I'm weird. Different strokes and all that. Edited April 13, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
miss2017 Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 40 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Why change it while posting on the same thread? It did confuse me till I realized MissPinkEyes and miss2017 were one in the same No biggee. I couldn’t log in with this one so created a new one to post and then was able to login again. Sorry for the confusion! Link to post Share on other sites
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