Guy I met online mentioned my weight and size!

[nospam99]

Not that I would harangue a woman I hadn't met. But two things....

Women play the fake body bait and switch on OLD all the time. You don't know how many times the guy has met women whose appearance was a disappointment. He also may have learned from experience that women who are nonchalant discussing their diet habits may be a huge red flag indicator of fake photos and being overweight. Nevertheless, not a good tactic on his part. To me, personality, values, goals, and interests count equally with looks. I'll decide whether a woman passes my 'looks filter' based on the photos she chooses to post. Other men, like the OP's contact, may want more assurance to decide to invest in a meeting.

Old and grey is no excuse. Someone, male or female, can be 'old and grey' AND still have a great, sexy body. It's NOT easy, but certainly is possible. It takes dedication and determination. You have to want it. Granted, it's much easier to not exercise and eat whatever you want .... at any age, grey or not. It's still a choice, a lifestyle choice.

Anecdote: I went to my 45th high school reunion three years ago. Most of 'us' were in at least 'good' shape. One of the women was particularly 'striking'. She had been so back in high school, too. But what I later learned is that she is in the habit of getting up at 4am every morning to work out. Dedication, determination, choice.

Edited April 12, 2020 by nospam99

[FMW]

I have no problem with a guy choosing dates based on looks, body, etc.  That's his prerogative, and more power to him.  But maybe he needs to skip OLD where physicality is never guaranteed.  Stick to meeting women IRL.  

Or if he's going to stick with OLD then maybe his profile should explicitly say he's only interested in women who are fit, eat healthy, and work out regularly.  He can then stick with his people and not offend those who don't share his priorities.  

[miss2017]

8 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

Not that I would harangue a woman I hadn't met. But two things....

Women play the fake body bait and switch on OLD all the time. You don't know how many times the guy has met women whose appearance was a disappointment. He also may have learned from experience that women who are nonchalant discussing their diet habits may be a huge red flag indicator of fake photos and being overweight. Nevertheless, not a good tactic on his part. To me, personality, values, goals, and interests count equally with looks. I'll decide whether a woman passes my 'looks filter' based on the photos she chooses to post. Other men, like the OP's contact, may want more assurance to decide to invest in a meeting.

Old and grey is no excuse. Someone, male or female, can be 'old and grey' AND still have a great, sexy body. It's NOT easy, but certainly is possible. It takes dedication and determination. You have to want it. Granted, it's much easier to not exercise and eat whatever you want .... at any age, grey or not. It's still a choice, a lifestyle choice.

We added each other as friends on Facebook. I have there on my profile recent full body photos of myself, so there’s no hiding how I look.

I feel he is the insecure one with low self esteem and body issues and projecting that into me.

[miss2017]

19 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Classic Simpy wisdom

 

Also, . If he’s willing to do this to do this with someone he hasn’t even met, imagine how he’s be in a relationship. Be prepared for “you sure you wanna eat that?” “Shouldn’t you be exercising?” every day. So much nope!! 

OMG no way! I want a partner, not a mom!

[Miss Spider]

19 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

Not that I would harangue a woman I hadn't met. But two things....

Women play the fake body bait and switch on OLD all the time. You don't know how many times the guy has met women whose appearance was a disappointment. He also may have learned from experience that women who are nonchalant discussing their diet habits may be a huge red flag indicator of fake photos and being overweight. Nevertheless, not a good tactic on his part. To me, personality, values, goals, and interests count equally with looks. I'll decide whether a woman passes my 'looks filter' based on the photos she chooses to post. Other men, like the OP's contact, may want more assurance to decide to invest in a meeting.

Old and grey is no excuse. Someone, male or female, can be 'old and grey' AND still have a great, sexy body. It's NOT easy, but certainly is possible. It takes dedication and determination. You have to want it. Granted, it's much easier to not exercise and eat whatever you want .... at any age, grey or not. It's still a choice, a lifestyle choice.

Hahaha I am not so sure about that tactic though when it comes to finding out a person’s body type . I believe in clean eating and exercise, yet my diet still consists of trash sometimes. I had 3 Kit Kat minis and I’m just getting started. My mom is the same  way at 70. She eats like a whole dozen box of those Chinese sugar coated fried balls of flour/donuts in one sitting. She is 115  pounds soaking wet. Lots of over weight people are quiet about their eating habits out of shame. Also, you can eat healthier but if you’re eating A LOT of it, it won’t really matter too much. 
 

HOWEVER. I see your point in asking those questions to discover compatibility on the far ends of the spectrum. A person who puts a lot of importance on a healthy and active lifestyle might be less attracted to someone who evidently doesn’t by what/how much they are eating. That’s vastly different from asking “why do you have to eat that” though. Just walk away and find someone with the habits you like, , don’t pick someone  you don’t like and try to change them 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

But what I later learned is that she is in the habit of getting up at 4am every morning to work out. 

Yup, that would describe me pretty much. 

Partly because I have insomnia and up at the crack of dawn anyway, so will go for a run, or do my Yoga or something.

Plus, I love going down to the bay at that hour, it's quite peaceful. Calms me. 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

She eats like a whole dozen box of those Chinese sugar coated fried balls of flour/donuts in one sitting.

Sounds yummy!!  👍

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, miss2017 said:

Yes! He is entitled to have his preferences, but to say to someone how one should be?

This is a sensitive topic to me because I battled an eating disorder many years ago. I told him I used to be skinny and miserable, but he didn’t care to know why, he just kept on going with the fit conversation.

I can imagine eating like an ice cream next to him and just hearing his remarks about my belly...

I’m not a piece of meat and I don’t judge people by their % of body fat.

He is not exactly a fit guy cover of Men’s Health, so should keep his mouth shut.

 

Just the things you mentioned about is reason not to go out with him.  Looks are very important to him and he will say something else that you will feel is insulting.  Just next him and find a guy who doesn't care about body image.   You aren't compatible.  Don't get angry there are plenty more men out there.

[simpycurious]

18 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Hahaha I am not so sure about that tactic though when it comes to finding out a person’s body type . I believe in clean eating and exercise, yet my diet still consists of trash sometimes. I had 3 Kit Kat minis and I’m just getting started. My mom is the same  way at 70. She eats like a whole dozen box of those Chinese sugar coated fried balls of flour/donuts in one sitting. She is 115  pounds soaking wet. Lots of over weight people are quiet about their eating habits out of shame. Also, you can eat healthier but if you’re eating A LOT of it, it won’t really matter too much. 
 

HOWEVER. I see your point in asking those questions to discover compatibility on the far ends of the spectrum. A person who puts a lot of importance on a healthy and active lifestyle might be less attracted to someone who evidently doesn’t by what/how much they are eating. That’s vastly different from asking “why do you have to eat that” though. Just walk away and find someone with the habits you like, , don’t pick someone  you don’t like and try to change them 

A lot of comes down to having a high metabolism, Cookie.  I am the same but I don't eat a lot of "junk" although it is yummy.  Also, being highly active seems to eat up the calories. Back to the OP, NOBODY needs someone trying to dictate how they live their live.  

[simpycurious]

17 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Yup, that would describe me pretty much. 

Partly because I have insomnia and up at the crack of dawn anyway, so will go for a run, or do my Yoga or something.

Plus, I love going down to the bay at that hour, it's quite peaceful. Calms me. 

I also like the early mornings....it is PEACEFUL and seems  to bring a great deal of CLARITY on things

[miss2017]

16 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

A lot of comes down to having a high metabolism, Cookie.  I am the same but I don't eat a lot of "junk" although it is yummy.  Also, being highly active seems to eat up the calories. Back to the OP, NOBODY needs someone trying to dictate how they live their live.  

Yes especially when you are going through a lockdown and are already stressed. You don’t need additional stress of worrying how you look and to fit others expectations.

[miss2017]

26 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Just the things you mentioned about is reason not to go out with him.  Looks are very important to him and he will say something else that you will feel is insulting.  Just next him and find a guy who doesn't care about body image.   You aren't compatible.  Don't get angry there are plenty more men out there.

I think caring about body image is like choosing a person like you are choosing an oufit. To look good on you.

That is not what love is about. 

[Miss Spider]

29 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

A lot of comes down to having a high metabolism, Cookie.  I am the same but I don't eat a lot of "junk" although it is yummy.  Also, being highly active seems to eat up the calories. Back to the OP, NOBODY needs someone trying to dictate how they live their live.  

Yes. And moderation + exercise. This is just my opinion, but I feel like life is way too short to not enjoy the foods you like (within reason, of course!) I’m not talking about Kit Kat’s btw. I thoroughly regret those xD 

One of my ex’s was super into eating healthy/clean and I would cook us meals breakfast, lunch, dinner, but then I’d eat junk food on the side. He’d shake his head, but luckily he never hassled me about it even though he was against it. He wasn’t as outdoorsy as I like(he did not like camping and we always had to stay in really nice hotels), either, but I never gave him crap about it. That’s the way it should be! 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[Miss Spider]

1 minute ago, miss2017 said:

I think caring about body image is like choosing a person like you are choosing an oufit. To look good on you.

That is not what love is about. 

So you don’t care about looks at all in the men you date? 

[miss2017]

Just now, Cookiesandough said:

So you don’t care about looks at all in the men you date? 

Not really. I care about the energy of a person. How we connect, how we vibe, if we have similar goals, values, if we are compatible and want go help each other grow as individuals. 
So no I do not care about looks or body fat % at all. Call me weird but I fall in love with people’s souls.

[preraph]

1 hour ago, nospam99 said:

Anecdote: I went to my 45th high school reunion three years ago. Most of 'us' were in at least 'good' shape. One of the women was particularly 'striking'. She had been so back in high school, too. But what I later learned is that she is in the habit of getting up at 4am every morning to work out. Dedication, determination, choice.

For what? So that she can pork some 70 year old dude? 

[Miss Spider]

4 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

Not really. I care about the energy of a person. How we connect, how we vibe, if we have similar goals, values, if we are compatible and want go help each other grow as individuals. 
So no I do not care about looks or body fat % at all. Call me weird but I fall in love with people’s souls.

That’s beautiful . You just need to find someone who feels the same 😊

Edited April 12, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[simpycurious]

15 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Yes. And moderation + exercise. This is just my opinion, but I feel like life is way too short to not enjoy the foods you like (within reason, of course!) I’m not talking about Kit Kat’s btw. I thoroughly regret those xD 

One of my ex’s was super into eating healthy/clean and I would cook us meals breakfast, lunch, dinner, but then I’d eat junk food on the side. Luckily, he never hassled me about it even though he was against it. He wasn’t as outdoorsy as I like(he did not like camping and we always had to stay in really nice hotels), either, but I never gave him crap about it. That’s the way it should be! 

SAME....I like to try new things when I travel.  Camping can DEFINITELY be fun just like the Ritz can be.

Edited April 12, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personal message

[poppyfields]

15 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

Yes especially when you are going through a lockdown and are already stressed. You don’t need additional stress of worrying how you look and to fit others expectations.

I wish I had that attitude miss2017, I truly do.  

Not so much about meeting others' expectations, more about living up to my own expectations.

I am getting better though! 👍

I'm still pretty self-disciplined though, like with the dozen fried dough balls cookies had mentioned, I might eat 3 a day, it would take me 4 days to eat the entire box.

My friends think I'm nuts, I'll buy a slice of cheesecake and take 3 days to eat it!  

Everything in moderation I guess, but sometimes I feel I take it to the extreme. 

I agree the guy was outta line, but can't fault him for his preferences. 

My guess is he's had some REALLY bad experiences meeting women who were not at all as they presented themselves on line, and is being overly cautious. 

After a few rejections, hopefully he'll learn to be more tactful. 

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by poppyfields

[miss2017]

1 minute ago, poppyfields said:

I wish I had that attitude miss2017, I truly do.  

Not so much about meeting others' expectations, more about living up to my own expectations.

I am getting better though! 👍

I'm still pretty self-disciplined though, like with the dozen fried dough balls cookies had mentioned, I might eat 3 a day, it would take me 4 days to eat the entire box.

My friends think I'm nuts, I'll buy a slice of cheesecake and take 3 days to eat it!  

Everything in moderation I guess, but sometimes I feel I take it to the extreme. 

I agree the guy was outta line, but can't fault him for his preferences. 

My guess is he's had some REALLY bad experiences meeting women who were not at all as they presented themselves on line, and is being overly cautious. 

After a few rejections, hopefully he'll learn to be more tactful. 

 

That could be easily solved with a ‘hey let’s video chat!’ so he can see the woman before agreeing to meet in person and avoid being rude to her online.

[miss2017]

7 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

That’s beautiful . You just need to find someone who feels the same 😊

Exactly! And is not this guy.

[poppyfields]

4 minutes ago, miss2017 said:

That could be easily solved with a ‘hey let’s video chat!’ so he can see the woman before agreeing to meet in person and avoid being rude to her online.

Would you have been open to video chat before meeting?

I never was, my attitude was always - let's just meet and see if we click!  

Look, the guy was a boob the way he went about this.  

Like I said, after a few rejections, hopefully he'll learn to be more tactful. 

Have you told him you're not up to meeting anymore? 

[poppyfields]

Miss2017, I have another question and hope you don't take offense to it.

But if you were slim, toned and fit, would you feel as offended by his comments as you are now?

[miss2017]

8 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Would you have been open to video chat before meeting?

I never was, my attitude was always - let's just meet and see if we click!  

Look, the guy was a boob the way he went about this.  

Like I said, after a few rejections, hopefully he'll learn to be more tactful. 

Have you told him you're not up to meeting anymore? 

Yes but we are on lockdown now, so meeting in person is not an option. So yes video chat is the second greatest option readily available now where you can check looks, body weight, hair color, teeth color, ears size, nose boogies, you know, all the things that matter...

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by miss2017

[miss2017]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Miss2017, I have another question and hope you don't take offense to it.

But if you were slim, toned and fit, would you feel as offended by his comments as you are now?

Yes. It’s not about my body it’s about his lack of respect to women in general.