can someone self abuse and in turn abuse someone else?

[wtm78]

wife started self harm after marriage. she stab her thigh with scissors or her nails, smash a mug into her face until it broke. let herself roll down a flight of stairs, lock herself in a room with a knife. threaten to jump out the window. punches herself in the face. 

these acts often left bruises on her face, arms and legs. while i understand why she would not want others to know about these acts she would tell others she walking into the lamppost, fell into a drain, knock herself on the door etc.  but what she said to others seems to put me in a difficult position isn't it?

those are the things she done to herself physically. and emotionally, she gives herself a 'all-or-nothing' expectation. she would tell others that she change her whole self to suit me, tried to change herself into my perfect wife until she doesnt recognize herself. and that i dont love her or accepted her as a person. 

of course those were not true, and if i correct her words, she would continue to stick to her words that she has done all those things for me and herself for me and i dont appreciate them. 

i brought her to counseling but she just cries in session so the counselor had to do individual session, after a few sessions she stop going. and i continued for 1 year. separately she sees another counselor and tell her to same thing how she change herself for me and i dont appreciate them. she refused to see my counselor, perhaps my counselor had 1 joint session with us and witness what i said and what she heard is totally different. my counselor hence encourage me to go joint sessions with her counselor. but her counselor accuses me that i am mentally ill and needed medical attention. while she sits there and continue crying. i went back to my counselor and my counselor said i should have walked out the session but i told her i stay because of wife. the 2nd session with her counselor, counselor, the counselor again accuses me of mentally ill and that my brain is faulty beyond repair and needed medical attention. this time i walked out and refused to be gaslight. 

we are now separated 10 months, now wife says she is relieve without me in her life and she doesnt want to get back. so i rephrase and say what i am hearing is that she is happier without me and wants a divorce. she was furious. and accuses me of twisting her words. she then explain she is not happier without me but she is relieve that she can finally be herself again. that i never allow her to be herself and i dont accept her fundamentally. and she keeps picking on every word i used. its walking on egg shell situation...

wife keep sounding like an abused victim, but i am not sure who is actually being abused. is it her own thinking? is this all self inflicted? i did nothing to her, or expect or insist anything from her. 

reality is warped, and this prolong warped reality makes me question my own reality. 

[major_merrick]

Yes, someone can abuse themselves and then blame it on you...either on accident or on purpose.  And society will believe her instead of you EVERY TIME.  You'd better be covering your tracks, keeping records of everything (including your location at all times.)  I don't often advocate for divorce, but you are in great danger.  Square everything away including your finances so that she can't rob you blind, and then FILE FOR DIVORCE.  And when you do, expect that this will get ugly.  You need a good lawyer on your side beforehand, because I guarantee you will be falsely accused.  You are being set up!  If you don't find a way out, you'll lose everything and perhaps be falsely imprisoned.  There is no justice these days....all a woman has to do is claim abuse or assault and your life is pretty much screwed.

Edited April 13, 2020 by major_merrick

[basil67]

22 hours ago, wtm78 said:

wife started self harm after marriage. she stab her thigh with scissors or her nails, smash a mug into her face until it broke. let herself roll down a flight of stairs, lock herself in a room with a knife. threaten to jump out the window. punches herself in the face. 

What you are describing here is well into the realms of mental illness.   As her behaviours posed significant risk to herself, she should have been put on psych hold.  Did you report any of this behaviour to a hospital or doctor?    Did the counsellor arrange for her to be put on psych hold?   What psychiatric help is she receiving?