Falling for Someone by Text

[dangerous]

In my life, I’ve been blessed in having a very wide variety of relationships including LTR’s 20 year marriage, 2 years, 6 months and quickies too. 

Well my thought for this thread is, I think, especially poignant in this time of social isolation in that its’ quite unique: we can take our time with each stage of a new relationship. Texting/ phoning for extended periods of time, before meeting.

As someone, who has enjoyed (to the point of addiction) phone sex, in the past, it reminded me of how easy it is to develop feelings remotely, with the danger of unrealistic visualization and expectations.

A couple of examples from me:

1.   A while ago, I connected with a girl online. Great messaging and then it escalated to swapping photos. One in particular she sent me exhibited a theme I had fantasised over, so our online relationship flourished and became very hot indeed. Calls too. Then after a week or two we met. As soon as I saw her I realized the reality did not match the fanstasy, neither physically or emotionally. We didn’t see eachother again. So in hindsight, I wonder whether it would have been better to not have met and just enjoyed the online thrills, until they petered out: a compartmentalised  transaction of pure fantasy.

2.   My most recent LTR of 2 years ended around 6 months ago and I’ve since been alone, or dating casually, and decided I’m feeling healthy in my mind continuing as I am. About a week ago, I matched with someone online and we’ve been texting daily. Initially, whilst I immediately felt that this woman could be a worthwhile mate, intelligent, interesting and nice to talk to as well as flirty, I thought she was older and not as “hot” as the other girls I’ve recently been dating casually.  Normally, I’d have progressed to a date by now so I would see whether we have a spark/ connection and either escalate or move on. This time however due to lockdown, we’ve kept it at the texting stage. As I said, I started off only lukewarm about the potential of us, but I now find myself waiting for her texts, missing her and building investment in her. Not at all what I had anticipated. So, that’s what I wanted to share here. Extended periods of texting can create heightened sexual tension and emotional investment, which is a double-edged sword: thrilling but not entirely true to life. The decision for me/us now is whether to extend and enjoy this stage, or escalate it. What do you think?

 

Edited April 13, 2020 by dangerous

[ExpatInItaly]

9 minutes ago, dangerous said:

The decision for me/us now is whether to extend and enjoy this stage, or escalate it. What do you think?

 

Escalate it to what exactly, OP? (given the current quarantine circumstances, I mean) 

Edited April 13, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Gr8fuln2020]

Escalate it to phone sex?

Also, are you communicating with anyone else? I wonder if it's the communication and interest you are getting from her during these times of isolation that is the greater contributor to your excitement.

[poppyfields]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Escalate it to what exactly, OP? (given the current quarantine circumstances, I mean) 

I think he might mean escalate to phone sex or sexting like he had done with the first girl in his story. 

I could be wrong.

OP, can you clarify?

Edited April 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[chillii]

Depends what your looking for , if it's just some fun then why not.

But lf l was searching for very very special , lf on the off chance l thought l may've found her sure l'd live a message and skype life or whatever until we figured something out and take the chance.  l wouldn't bother for just anyone's though.

Besides , if l was and did meet that someone very special , we'd only have to isolate ourselves 2 wks jump in the car and sneak straight over to one or the others house and meet. That wouldn't be hurting anyone.

Edited April 13, 2020 by chillii

[dangerous]

2 hours ago, chillii said:

Depends what your looking for , if it's just some fun then why not.

But lf l was searching for very very special , lf on the off chance l thought l may've found her sure l'd live a message and skype life or whatever until we figured something out and take the chance.  l wouldn't bother for just anyone's though.

Besides , if l was and did meet that someone very special , we'd only have to isolate ourselves 2 wks jump in the car and sneak straight over to one or the others house and meet. That wouldn't be hurting anyone.

Lol,well I've been isolated strictly already for 3 weeks!

Escalation = stage 1 = texting (where we are now): great fun, but risk of losing momentum/ slow progression. But that's current life.

Stage 2 = phoning = real time, more margin for incompatibility, "foot in mouth" moments, etc. Make or break: necessary but at this time? 

Stage 3 = meeting. A walk in the park, 2m apart, if agreeable to both sides likely acceptable. Then we will know if its a good match or not. 

I suppose I have nothing much to do, and it is fun at moment, so keep it going in stage 1 until the urge to move on a stage is greater..

[Cookiesandough]

2 hours ago, dangerous said:

Lol,well I've been isolated strictly already for 3 weeks!

Escalation = stage 1 = texting (where we are now): great fun, but risk of losing momentum/ slow progression. But that's current life.

Stage 2 = phoning = real time, more margin for incompatibility, "foot in mouth" moments, etc. Make or break: necessary but at this time? 

Stage 3 = meeting. A walk in the park, 2m apart, if agreeable to both sides likely acceptable. Then we will know if its a good match or not. 

I suppose I have nothing much to do, and it is fun at moment, so keep it going in stage 1 until the urge to move on a stage is greater..

Do you wear masks in the walk?  (serious question)

[dangerous]

24 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Do you wear masks in the walk?  (serious question)

No masks. Personally I don't wear a mask if I'm out alone or shopping but I keep my distance. Also I have been very strict in being insular for 3 weeks. 

[simpycurious]

3 hours ago, dangerous said:

Lol,well I've been isolated strictly already for 3 weeks!

Escalation = stage 1 = texting (where we are now): great fun, but risk of losing momentum/ slow progression. But that's current life.

Stage 2 = phoning = real time, more margin for incompatibility, "foot in mouth" moments, etc. Make or break: necessary but at this time? 

Stage 3 = meeting. A walk in the park, 2m apart, if agreeable to both sides likely acceptable. Then we will know if its a good match or not. 

I suppose I have nothing much to do, and it is fun at moment, so keep it going in stage 1 until the urge to move on a stage is greater..

This seems like devising a play against a really good defense and involves a lot of thinking. 

Edited April 13, 2020 by simpycurious

[dangerous]

40 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Do you wear masks in the walk?  (serious question)

No masks. Personally I don't wear a mask if I'm out alone or shopping but I keep my distance. Also I have been very strict in being insular for 3 weeks. 

 

5 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

This seems like devising a play against a really good defense and involves a lot of thinking.  Mask or no mask. Gessssssh

sorry that doesn't make sense to me. Anyway reprimanding or debating whether a mask is significant is off-topic. (in the UK few people wear them , and secondly the use of them has not been categorically proven to be effective for the public at large, so let's move on?)

Edited April 13, 2020 by dangerous

[Ellener]

Moving on...people did used to 'fall in love' via letter and some cultures still have marriages where there's very little meeting beforehand.

Maybe research how they work(ed)?

Personally I love for a man to write to me, intellectually or romantically. It would probably need to be longer than a text unless he's very good at writing 🖊️

But it does 'capture the imagination' and leave someone free to express themself in writing, which some people do better than in speech.

[chillii]

5 hours ago, dangerous said:

Lol,well I've been isolated strictly already for 3 weeks!

Escalation = stage 1 = texting (where we are now): great fun, but risk of losing momentum/ slow progression. But that's current life.

Stage 2 = phoning = real time, more margin for incompatibility, "foot in mouth" moments, etc. Make or break: necessary but at this time? 

Stage 3 = meeting. A walk in the park, 2m apart, if agreeable to both sides likely acceptable. Then we will know if its a good match or not. 

I suppose I have nothing much to do, and it is fun at moment, so keep it going in stage 1 until the urge to move on a stage is greater..

 

Got yaself quite a list there , throw it out the window. lf you've got anything real for each other it'll survive, if that's what your looking for, probably even grow.

After my divorce my first gf l accidentally met in a forum , but it turned out we were on opposite sides of the world but we survived just fine 6mths before we could finally meet and we were together a few yrs. My gf now and nope believe me l don't have a thing for long distance it's just how it panned out but she was interstate and that was also 3mths before we could meet , bit annoying but doable, we're still together.

 

 

 

[Foxhall]

sometimes the fun can be in the texting , reality doesnt quite match the fantasy,

there are exceptions of course.

[dangerous]

14 minutes ago, Vespil said:

You're wasting your time. Not that there's much better to do at the moment if you're locked inside but if you're focusing on this one person and not exploring other opportunities then you aren't learning from your mistakes and you are destined to keep repeating them. 

 

 

 

 

 

err what mistakes? 

I'm asking for opinions and experiences of texting for longer versus escalating the contact methods, due to the virus lockdown.

Thanks chillii that was a helpful input.

And as I thought might happen, the lady has infact taken the initiative and texted me back today to say that long-term texting has been unsuccessful for her in the past (lack of momentum), and so she's inviting a phone call or a potential outdoors date. I feel that is the way it would have normally gone anyway, but I wondered whether the pandemic lockdown might have lengthened the natural stages of dating... it seems not much in this case.

Edited April 13, 2020 by dangerous
spelling

[dangerous]

1 minute ago, Foxhall said:

sometimes the fun can be in the texting , reality doesnt quite match the fantasy,

there are exceptions of course.

Yep that's what I'm enjoying and savouring in this unusual time

[chillii]

ln both my cases this was something very real so l'm not just talking about just anyone . l probably would've been with the first girl rest of my life actually we knew that from day one , just one of those very rare things, but sadly some things changed there wasn't much we could do. life went on and later on l met my gf now , can't even explain how this happened thought my luck was out for sure but we found each other and she eventually moved down a while back and mostly lives with me now. Still goes back home a little but we're slowly getting sorted.

Anyway , l like her attitude where there's a will there's a way and good luck with her eh.

Edited April 14, 2020 by chillii

[dangerous]

Vespil. Good story, and funny too. My situation not like this though. The example #1 I gave was actually a positive experience overall, and yeh I learnt from it :).

The situation i'm in now, I'm not desperate to meet someone, that's my difficulty: I'm actually really enjoying the casual multiple dating I was doing until lockdown. However this new lady isn't in that vein: that's why I'd like to string out the virtual relationship because when we meet it will either be a letdown, or she will be nice enough to make me reconsider the casual multi-dating which i'd prefer to last a bit longer too lol. Yeh I know, clearly i'm not fully ready to have a serious relationship yet, which again brings me back to my point of whether lengthy virtual communications are viable in the current lockdown landscape we are in.