Eddiecaplan Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 I just needed to post to get this off my chest im a fool. im 39, and had a few relationships but never felt how I did with my gf of 5 years i say 5 years but the longest we ever did together without her dumping me was max 10 months... she would break off by going silent.. or waiting for an argument and then say we just don’t get on/we run our course... various things - I would be devastated for 3/4 months soul searching see therapists and then she would come back tell me how she made such a mistake, and reel me in again and again i know I am a fool for letting her do this to me but I just can’t stop myself, I’ve never had feelings like this for someone - and I know I am crazy... yet, ...guys, if i told you some of the things she has done to me over the 5 years you would say I needed real help as I am not normal to take her back each time some examples are leaving me on holiday when I was ill taking drugs (even at my parents house - can’t prove it but I know the signs and I know my gut) guys messaging her Would go out with friends and not sign into WhatsApp until the next day - not even message to say she got home ok wasn’t there for me when i needed her/couldn’t count on her there’s a lot more and I’m embarrassed to even say them but you get my point. The day after valentines this year I never see her again. I just can’t focus even now I’m tired of going through this every year and bringing my parents and friends down with my low moods. I just wish I could switch it all off. before valentines day I was being told how much she loves me, we were planning things - I had a new job in another country and she was the one pushing for us to go and have this fresh start and I promise you this is no exaggeration- it just changed over night - we don’t work, we just argue - She told me she can’t force feelings for me or force wanting to sleep with me... I was devastated and a lot felt just excuses for me to take the hint and give up fighting the last time we got back together she pleaded and begged me and I made her work for it - it seemed to me as soon as I gave in after 4 months she had got what she wanted and then decided actually this isn’t what I want. im doing all the right things working out keeping busy even talking to other women but I just can’t shake this off inknow how long it took me to find someone to have strong feelings for and I just don’t think I will ever feel that with anyone else I’m 39.... I’ve had that feeling once now in 39 years. My head feels like it will explode i must have listened to every coach or podcast on the net now i am sure she has someone else and that’s all that is going through my head i just can’t shake this off or feel better sorry for the long post Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 13, 2020 Share Posted April 13, 2020 So is she still doing drugs? Do you think that or alcohol are the source of her instability? Or is she mentally ill? You sound codependent with her. But you've been to therapy, so you know better than I do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Eddiecaplan Posted April 13, 2020 Author Share Posted April 13, 2020 She drinks a fair bit... the drugs is like if she goes out with friends I wouldn’t say alot once she comes back, I get the rush and believe all the rubbish and let her reel me back in. I just wish I could block her out and she is bad news and I know this but I just cant i honestly don’t understand how someone can fake it, how someone can say one thing one day and literally the next day the opposite I’m at a loss Link to post Share on other sites
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