Rebecca22 Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 So my ex and I were together 6 years. We had breaks here and there but for the most part the relationship was great. About 6 months ago we both agreed to take a break because he was busy with college and work. Not long after he completely blocked me then I found out he started a new relationship with a 22 year old (he's 18) not even a month later they got engaged. I'm truly heartbroken and miss him a lot I'm afraid he's really gonna go through with this. How can you marry someone you barely even know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alakhiin Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 Rebecca, As someone who still holds a torch for someone long gone, I'd advise you do your best to remove yourself from the situation. Keeping tabs on this will only hurt you for longer and if he goes through with it it will only burn you. It's possible that in the time you took a break or even before he felt that the relationship was something to pick up when it suited, and now he's found someone that he wants to invest in. Marriage is a huge commitment. The length of time he's known her isn't your concern, and whilst it sucks you can't do anything about it. You're busy with work and college, the chances are after you graduate you will have new chances to find people, new places to visit and a chance of finding someone who will wait and grow with you. His blocking you was (and it's childish), way of closing the chapter of his life. Try and do the same, You will smile again and I hope it comes sooner than later. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted April 14, 2020 Share Posted April 14, 2020 4 hours ago, Rebecca Whitten said: I'm truly heartbroken and miss him a lot I'm afraid he's really gonna go through with this. How can you marry someone you barely even know. That's a good question but this pattern of behavior is not infrequent. Two people who have known each for years break up and within six months they are engaged to be married to someone else. I've seen it several times. The only rational thought that I have is that when you break up with a person you want to believe it's because the next one is better because if they are not then what the hell did you break up for? So the person who broke up tends to push the envelope on the new relationship moving into new territory that was verboten before. Now they are talking about living together or marriage or buying a house. Didn't do that in the last relationship, right? So this one must be better. Once you are on the train and the speed picks up it's tough to jump off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted April 16, 2020 Share Posted April 16, 2020 On 4/14/2020 at 4:49 AM, Rebecca22 said: So my ex and I were together 6 years. We had breaks here and there but for the most part the relationship was great. About 6 months ago we both agreed to take a break because he was busy with college and work. Not long after he completely blocked me then I found out he started a new relationship with a 22 year old (he's 18) not even a month later they got engaged. I'm truly heartbroken and miss him a lot I'm afraid he's really gonna go through with this. How can you marry someone you barely even know. He's known her a lot longer than he's let you know that he's known her, that's how. What he told you isn't the truth of what actually went on---what he told you was his way of managing your expectations until he got the green light to move forward with her. Since he's 18 and his brain hasn't completed its development, that is going to fizzle out like the bad idea it is. IIWY, I wouldn't be orbiting him hoping for a second chance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 16, 2020 Share Posted April 16, 2020 I agree he probably already knew her and wasn't being honest. I also agree this won't last, but that's not reason for you to wait around for a foolish liar. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 He's only 18? That means you were dating since you were about 12 or 13? I'm sorry - but childhood loves don't work out 99.999% of the time. I don't say that as a way to try and ease your pain - nothing can do that. But I want to offer a different perspective. Assuming your about his age, plus or minus a year - then you've got a long time ahead of you. You will recover and you will meet someone new. This sort of pain might be a fresh experience for you, but it's natural, normal, and healthy. If you didn't feel this way I'd be worried that you weren't in touch with your emotions or that you were lacking in them. And regarding him immediately running off and getting engaged - a lot of people, much to their detriment, fill up the hole your feeling inside of yourself now by jumping from one relationship to the next. (Or they're addicted to that rush that comes with meeting someone new) Since he's so young and probably hasn't dated anyone besides you I would guess is the first option. So know that you will be in a better place emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically by doing the work you're doing now as opposed to him immediately falling for someone new. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowcones Posted April 18, 2020 Share Posted April 18, 2020 Not many 18 year olds get married and stay married. I know it hurts though. I'm sorry. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 Early 20's are inevitable for mistakes and irrational decisions... It will likely be a long road to forgive and forget, but it's the only way forward - I don't see anyway to rectify this than to move forward and leave him behind. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
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