Blocking out thoughts of ex

[Eddiecaplan]

Hi I just wondered if others constantly think non stop about their ex and what they are doing, who they are with as well as them being intimate their new partner?

how do you deal with and stop that? I just can’t shake it off

[scooby-philly]

Hey @Eddiecaplan - Sorry for your pain and any related "suffering". That question depends on several factors such as the length of the relationship, the depth of it, and the nature of the split and how long it's been since the split. Unfortunately we can't control what our minds and hearts do. I've been lucky enough to never dwell on who they are with after a relationship ended. At least not from a sexual activity/intimacy perspective. But I have been in situations where I was focused on my ex. With my last relationship - which is almost 8 months over, I was thinking about her a lot and still do to a certain degree. Part of that was because of how it ended, part of it was my love for her, and part of it was the fact that in recovery I've had to face my own shortcomings, my own inner child and his dreams and hurts and come clean with myself. Time heals all wounds. It really does. It may not feel that way right now - but having been through two heart wrenching break ups and another few other ones, I know it does. The question isn't trying to stop thinking about her - that can't happen - you're not in control of your mind and heart like that. The question is going into the pain/feelings and learning, growing, reflecting, and when you do think about her - stopping yourself from DWELLING on the thought and using positive self talk and reframing it so you don't spiral and you can eventually say to yourself "stop it, let's move on". 

[Realitysux]

The corona virus makes it more challenging. I am only thinking so much about this because he wrote a lot about it and even ( as I'm writing this the soap opera actor text me "hey babe" and it was followed by "are you sure you don't want the 200 dollar face wash that may not even work" so I'll save the text but I won't respond" or I might say hey babe no thanks but I'm not like that) .. that was a true story .. sorry! What I do when I think about it is I immediately take 5 deep breaths in and 7 out. I then repeat "he is your past not your present and not your future" (more texts from this guy, not joking. He sells skin care and he's texting me) .. then I think of my goals and what my dream man is and what he will look like. I now have a crush on a guy who doesn't even exist but it beats the alternative! Either way the thoughts are just an illusion so change the illusion. 

 

I'm also going to ad that how things end are usually what dictate the recovery time! I would always provide closure to anyone being dumped. 

Edited April 14, 2020 by Realitysux

[Realitysux]

I know this is off topic but I've been through a worse situation then you think and if I made it through today then you will to. This morning I couldn't see a way out if it because I was stuck. Now I have managed to keep my soap Oprah connection for later .. I end up texting him "are you calling me babe to make a sale, because if so then I like it. I'm undecided because I just bought proactive solution because it was the only thing I can find but I'm not sure I would have chosen it otherwise" I didn't just buy it. Had it for months for someone else. Now in a few months when I get myself into shape, I can text him a picture and say I'm ready to try this or that. It won't go anywhere and I'm not really into him but he was on general hospital and I have his phone number. I like it! So my point is that I could sit here and think what if his girlfriend is this and that and they are doing this and that, they probably are. You log onto this forum like a real person and you move forward. On your terms and nobody else's. 

[Rex12]

The only way out is through. An old truism. I always found the more I battled against the constant barrage of ex thoughts the worse it got.

By acknowledge your thoughts and carrying on with your daily life regardless, eventually, your subconscious will grow tired until the day dawns when they're not the first thing you think about when you wake nor the last thing when you go to sleep.

It is also easier if you've put it all out there to your ex. Even if they fudge a response or give you nothing in return you can get closure knowing you could do no more.

Your thoughts work in tandem with hope. The hope of a miracle reconciliation with your ex. Time will diminish hope along with all encompassing thoughts of your ex. Let it happen.

[DJMarky]

"I always found the more I battled against the constant barrage of ex thoughts the worse it got." - that is the same with obsessional thinking (OCD). It's like if someone said "Don't think about XYZ" and you start thinking about it. The more you try to fight it the worse it gets. Trust me, I know.

[amaysngrace]

Be grateful to your heart for reminding your head how it feels and then carry on.