Completely heartbroken and devastated

[ExpatInItaly]

4 minutes ago, rayj83 said:

I know I can't do it on a number of levels, but a huge part of me screams to chase after her, intervene, DO SOMETHING to get her back.

What do you feel you could really do at this point?

[rayj83]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What do you feel you could really do at this point?

Nothing. Except trying to show her I’m a more grown and stable man. Which I really can’t show her because  she wants nothing to do with me. She’s made that clear. 

Edited August 25, 2020 by rayj83

[Difficultstuff]

25 minutes ago, rayj83 said:

Nothing. Except trying to show her I’m a more grown and stable man. Which I really can’t show her because  she wants nothing to do with me. She’s made that clear. 

The 'trying to show her' you've grown would probably just signify you haven't - though I think you have and are doing. In some ways you're lucky that she has made things clear and isn't around, or I suspect you'd be constantly jumping through hoops to try and please her, which would be very unattractive. As someone wise once told me, 'Doing nothing is the hardest thing.'

[assertives]

There really is nothing you can do to "get her back". You can't force, will, manufacture, manipulate, or even love-bomb someone into wanting a relationship with you. It doesn't follow logic. You can grow and definitely be a better version of yourself, but growing and improving is always for you and not for anyone else regardless who you are with. Also, another thing to consider is that while you grow as a person, others too are growing and changing according to their own life goals and timelines. So even if you do reach the point where you feel you've become the person she (or anyone else for that matter) wanted of you, her priorities and qualities she's looking for in a partner could change too.

Also, what she wanted from you as a partner does not necessarily translates into what she would want from the new guy as well. Thing is sometimes we meet people that show us a new side/way of life that opens us up in ways we never knew could and change our perspective as well. The same can also be said for you. You think what you had with her was the benchmark of what you want in a partner, but you could also meet someone who change the way you connect with them ans others and in turn change or have an influence on what you'll then look for in a life partner later on.

[rayj83]

I know I can't force or manipulate her back. I wouldn't want to. And I know we're going in circles. I think what continues to hurt the most is that I showed a vulnerability that was too extreme, even for my liking. And while I've gotten help to deal with it and manage it better, it haunts me that I exposed that to her - someone who said she was falling for me, was crazy about me, didn't want to lose me etc... Yes she was hot and cold from the start, but it's not as if she was hot and cold when things were "good" between us. In other words she liked me for who I was, with the exception of that time I was really in the dumps. New guy seems to fill the void I had - being cheery, positive, etc... because the events I exposed her to turned her off and made her want to fill that by finding in someone the things I was lacking, which, because of the hard times I went through, someone who is very positive, optimistic, etc... I can be that guy, just not all the time. And it bothered her that I was sensitive. Her very best friend was ice cold to me (because she's just known to be like that) and when I met the friend and the friend barely looked at me, and I brought this up with my ex because it bothered me, the ex made me feel crazy or way too sensitive. So it's like she found all the reasons to not be with me and why I wasn't a good life partner for her, and neglected to see all the positive.

I am trying, VERY HARD, to turn my mind away from this. But my mind is very stubborn, and when I get triggered I think about all this and that this new guy essentially serves to fill the areas I was lacking. And I think about how great the sex was, how pretty she was, how sweet she was, how hard it is to find that and that this guy got so lucky and this is all SO UNFAIR. And I don't think she would have seen all this and left me had I not gone through this down period. She even said 75% of the reason she left was because of that depressed/unstable/crying episode. Her words, not mine. 

Anyways, this was also someone from after dating 3-4 weeks said she should feel "excited" to get into a relationship with someone, told me she wanted time/space to figure things out, when and dated someone else for 4-6 weeks, then came back and things were all of the sudden great. In that time I never exposed any of this "instability".

Look, I am so so appreciative of everybody on here. I know I am stubborn - it's how my mind works. It's just that I am having so much trouble letting go and I feel that as time goes by, ANY hope she'd reconsider has gotten slimmer and slimmer and slimmer to the point of it being not even in the realm of possibilities. I think that's why this is getting harder for me, day by day. And to think of her with the new guy, and knowing she's probably telling everyone "see! This is the kind of guy I want!" makes me sick because I could have been that guy if I managed things better in those moments of instability. And she's the last single friend, people were pushing her to move in, get married, etc... and that happening within the time period that it's been (5-6 months with this guy) - it's VERY likely to happen soon. 

Edited August 25, 2020 by rayj83

[assertives]

Social media is only a snapshot of our lives and people usually only post specially curated content. You are making an awful lot of assumptions about this guy, who he is or isn't and their relationship dynamics based on social media alone. You really should remove them from your social media and block them everywhere. Your obsession with the progress of their relationship is not going to do you any favors in moving on and is only setting you back from healing and diverting attention and energy away from working on other more important issues in your life.

[rayj83]

On 8/25/2020 at 9:37 PM, assertives said:

Social media is only a snapshot of our lives and people usually only post specially curated content. You are making an awful lot of assumptions about this guy, who he is or isn't and their relationship dynamics based on social media alone. You really should remove them from your social media and block them everywhere. Your obsession with the progress of their relationship is not going to do you any favors in moving on and is only setting you back from healing and diverting attention and energy away from working on other more important issues in your life.

I blocked them everywhere yesterday. And it felt good. But today's been a struggle again. Thinking of how I messed up, she wasn't happy with me, each day that goes by is another day she's growing attached to him. I don't know why I can't just accept this and move forward. I'm trying. I am also doing everything in my power to fix all the other issues in my life so that I am a better version of myself for my next relationship. I just don't want that to be with anyone else but her. 

[assertives]

Just take one day at a time, one step at a time, or even one moment at a time. Eventually, you'll find yourself thinking less of her bit by bit and one day you'll realise you haven't thought of her in awhile.

Keep yourself busy, pick up a new hobby, or learn a new language. Go for long hikes or camping or even volunteer at local causes/shelter animal sanctuary, etc but stay safe. When things open up, perhaps go for a solo trip. You'll find that the world is so large and suddenly, your problems seem not that big of the deal afterall. Focus on yourself and be a better version of yourself for you. Someday, you may even realise that you don't actually want her as a life partner anymore.

So don't fret now about the future, who you'd meet, who you'd rather be with. Future you would have different expectations and priorities and may want different things. Just focus on the next few steps or tasks or days ahead of you.

Edited August 27, 2020 by assertives

[rayj83]

4 minutes ago, assertives said:

Just take one day at a time, one step at a time, or even one moment at a time. Eventually, you'll find yourself thinking less of her bit by bit and one day you'll realise you haven't thought of her in awhile.

Keep yourself busy, pick up a new hobby, or learn a new language. Go for long hikes or camping or even volunteer at local causes/shelter animal sanctuary, etc but stay safe. When things open up, perhaps go for a solo trip. You'll find that the world is so large and suddenly, your problems seem not that big of the deal afterall. Focus on yourself and be a better version of yourself for you. Someday, when you may even realise that you don't actually want her as a life partner anymore.

So don't fret now about the future, who you'd meet, who you'd rather be with. Future you would have different expectations and priorities and may want different things. Just focus on the next few steps or tasks or days ahead of you.

Thanks - but I'm finding it harder, actually, as time is going on to let her go because it only cements what I already know - she's gone and with someone else. Because she came and went so many times before, and in the end said she had strong feelings for me, I somehow in my heart continue to hang on to the hope, however slim, that she would some day come back, I could show her how I've "fixed" the issues I had and we would be great together. I know you're all gonna tell me I'm delusional and that's not happening. But I'm sure you can understand. 

[ExpatInItaly]

43 minutes ago, rayj83 said:

I blocked them everywhere yesterday. And it felt good. But today's been a struggle again.

This is a great step. You've just done yourself a big favour, even if you are finding today hard. 

[rayj83]

49 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

This is a great step. You've just done yourself a big favour, even if you are finding today hard. 

Thank you. I keep getting sick over imagining her with this guy and why it couldn't have been me, and my failings in the relationship and inability to be stable. Hopefully this will help though. I never felt something hurt this much before. Ugh

[Difficultstuff]

I agree that blocking is a good step. There's nothing I can add to all the solid practical advice that other posters are giving you, but I do especially want to underline how, as @assertives says, a future you - that I know you can't even begin to imagine - who is doing or has done some different things in live may come to have different expectations, priorities and desires.

You've got to kill the hope. I mean all and any of it. All the what-ifs and coulda/shouldas and even just the tiniest notion you're still clinging onto that the things that happened can be changed or made better. It's hard. It's really, really, really hard - because I think it's something that has now become part of your rigid way of thinking about it all, and because you have to do it while also holding onto yourself with care and compassion. And it seems your first impulse here is usually to put yourself down. But you've also got a real chance because of - as it seems to me - how much work you've already done, and the capacity for insight and sensitivity you have.

One way of doing this may be (and I know this probably runs counter to your way of thinking) to tell yourself that you accept that you 'can't let her go' - whatever 'letting her go' means to you. So stop trying to. Accept that it's the worst pain you've ever felt and that there's nothing you can do and  that maybe it'll last forever. Surrender to it. Learn to live with it as it is, and as it may be forever, but recognise too that its shape and contours could also alter and change as time goes on in ways you can't foresee.

Sorry if that all sounds nebulous, just trying to throw some ideas around here to kind of loosen things up a bit, create a bit of space, and give you ways to think differently about your situation. 

[rayj83]

1 hour ago, Difficultstuff said:

I agree that blocking is a good step. There's nothing I can add to all the solid practical advice that other posters are giving you, but I do especially want to underline how, as @assertives says, a future you - that I know you can't even begin to imagine - who is doing or has done some different things in live may come to have different expectations, priorities and desires.

You've got to kill the hope. I mean all and any of it. All the what-ifs and coulda/shouldas and even just the tiniest notion you're still clinging onto that the things that happened can be changed or made better. It's hard. It's really, really, really hard - because I think it's something that has now become part of your rigid way of thinking about it all, and because you have to do it while also holding onto yourself with care and compassion. And it seems your first impulse here is usually to put yourself down. But you've also got a real chance because of - as it seems to me - how much work you've already done, and the capacity for insight and sensitivity you have.

One way of doing this may be (and I know this probably runs counter to your way of thinking) to tell yourself that you accept that you 'can't let her go' - whatever 'letting her go' means to you. So stop trying to. Accept that it's the worst pain you've ever felt and that there's nothing you can do and  that maybe it'll last forever. Surrender to it. Learn to live with it as it is, and as it may be forever, but recognise too that its shape and contours could also alter and change as time goes on in ways you can't foresee.

Sorry if that all sounds nebulous, just trying to throw some ideas around here to kind of loosen things up a bit, create a bit of space, and give you ways to think differently about your situation. 

Thank you for this. This is great advice. I want to comment on the above, especially what I bolded.

I do agree I continue to be stuck with the coulda/shouldas, and it's very easy to pinpoint the failing of the relationship on the way I was showing up emotionally during my vulnerable period. I mean, she said, verbatim, 75% of the reason she left was because of that episode she saw me go through which turned her off/scared her. Made her question my ability to be a long term partner - so she began magnifying other things like that I drank too much (which I curbed once she wanted me to and I Agreed I should cut back), didn't shop for groceries enough - I mean she just looked for everything indicating I wasn't taking good care of myself. In that moment of weakness, I wasn't, but so much of her criticism was unfair in that it was like 10% of the time we were together. The other 25% came down to her feeling we weren't compatible because I was sensitive, not always super positive, etc... like when her friend was a complete a**h*** to me and wouldn't even acknowledge me, I brought it up with my ex to discuss it and even the fact that it bothered me was an issue for my ex. Hence, being too sensitive. This was just one example of things that would happen between us. So, I got a bad review and some of it justifiably so, in my opinion, because the truth is I could and need to handle things better, emotionally. But I've grown and learned like I never have from all these experiences and I know, if I ever got another shot with her, I would be the guy she said she was falling in love with.

To me, the hardest thing to accept is not so much that she left, or is with someone else - but the fact I never got a fair shot, and never will get a shot, at showing her a refined version of myself. So the fact that she is moving in with someone, probably on the cusp of being engaged - all really signify that the door is not only shut but nailed and bolted shut, never to be opened again. If she were single, or dating someone casually, that door maybe remains slightly ajar. You see what I'm saying? But maybe at the end of the day a partner who loved me wouldn't be scared away by this and would have stuck by me and worked it through.

Anyways, this is the worst pain I've ever felt. It's a bit embarrassing to admit, because a lot of people who I talk to about this tell me to just toughen up and man up and move on already - but this breakup was complicated and in many ways shined a light on the parts of myself I'm most self-conscious about. It's like you know you are an awesome partner, but you know in the back of your head there's this one thing that might push someone away. And then boom, it happens, and you start to question yourself and it all cascades from there. 

They say time all heals all wounds, and time seems to actually be making things worse for me as the more time that goes by, the more dead the idea that she might work things through with me becomes. I'm not naive enough to think there's any hope here - but going to your bolded point above, about giving up the hope, that's becoming a task that feels impossible and too painful to even fathom, and is only getting HARDER and more painful for me - not easier nor granting me any sense of serenity. 

Edited August 27, 2020 by rayj83

[assertives]

1 hour ago, rayj83 said:

But I've grown and learned like I never have from all these experiences and I know, if I ever got another shot with her, I would be the guy she said she was falling in love with.

To me, the hardest thing to accept is not so much that she left, or is with someone else - but the fact I never got a fair shot, and never will get a shot, at showing her a refined version of myself.

You see, like I said in my earlier post, future you could have different desires, priorities, hope and expectations. The same also goes for her and everyone else too. Even if you got a "2nd chance" to show her the refined you, the feelings may no longer be there for future her anymore. There are a lot of incidents of people being perfect together on paper, but the spark or attraction is not there anymore. Relationships are not a mathematical equation, just because you have the formulas correct, you should get the result you want. That's not always the case in relationships. Hence why you need to stop going around in circles ruminating about the past and if onlys. It is a fruitless and tiring exercise.

[Difficultstuff]

19 hours ago, assertives said:

Relationships are not a mathematical equation, just because you have the formulas correct, you should get the result you want. 

I strongly agree with this. OP, reading your response to my post before the post above I noticed you really like to assess things as percentages of this and that and the other. But life is dynamic and more complicated. It's not viable to say 'if I'd been 2.67% stronger and 37.83% less emotional 41.65% of the time then it would have worked out. If I can show her I'm 58.92% less needy than on 71.19% of my worst days then she'll fall for me again.'  None of this is a puzzle or riddle to be worked out, and neither is she and neither are you. Life is messy.

There's no formula for giving up the hope. The way to stop running in circles is to stop running in circles. And life will probably make that happen anyway eventually. Your legs'll get tired.

I definitely didn't say anything about achieving a sense of serenity. I mean, it sounds great - if you find it, tell me how...

Stop thinking you have to be something, feel something, do something. Stop even thinking - at least just for now - that you have to learn and grow and refine yourself and all that stuff. It'll happen and is happening anyway. 

[Noproblem]

She is no good, she left you when you needed her the most!

She is not the one!

Leave her be!

 

 

Think about this, would you leave her if she needed you in her worst time, no

but she did, she couldn't survive a week or so seeing you sad and withdrawn! 

This woman can't be trusted to be with you forever,, at best she'll stay with you for a year and then run!

She can't commit!

she won't!

 

Edited August 29, 2020 by Noproblem

[rayj83]

13 hours ago, Noproblem said:

She is no good, she left you when you needed her the most!

She is not the one!

Leave her be!

 

 

Think about this, would you leave her if she needed you in her worst time, no

but she did, she couldn't survive a week or so seeing you sad and withdrawn! 

This woman can't be trusted to be with you forever,, at best she'll stay with you for a year and then run!

She can't commit!

she won't!

 

This is true. That's a huge problem with her. But... I needed to be better at controlling my emotions during the turmoil I was going through (massive debt from past addictions, mom getting a bad form of cancer, strained family relationships, having to leave a wedding early and just being an emotional mess for 2 weeks or so). And being cast aside for being too sensitive for being pissed off her best friend wouldn't even look at me when we met or try to get to know me. It sucks what happened - well it more than sucks - but I do get angry thinking about that she left me in a weak moment, envisioned a life of that with me and just wouldn't let me grow past it. If the same thing happened to her, I'd be there for her 100% and not judge or project a life with her like that. Maybe it's different because I'm the guy and it's emasculating/a turn-off for a woman to see a guy in that frame of mind, even if for a week or two. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, rayj83 said:

Maybe it's different because I'm the guy and it's emasculating/a turn-off for a woman to see a guy in that frame of mind, even if for a week or two. 

If we really love a man, that's isn't the case. At all. 

In fact, many of us are nurturers. We would be more likely to want to be your shoulder to cry on, trying to get you to open up, talk and all the things that we ladies often do when our loved one is in distress. 

[rayj83]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

If we really love a man, that's isn't the case. At all. 

In fact, many of us are nurturers. We would be more likely to want to be your shoulder to cry on, trying to get you to open up, talk and all the things that we ladies often do when our loved one is in distress. 

Thanks. After she left I desperately and persistently tried to change her impression or opinion of the cause of what was happening to me. I tried to work through it with her because I know it’s hard and scary to see a partner going through that. But she just couldn’t get past what she saw. She was convinced it would be a long standing depression and it wasn’t. She thought I was a gamble to be with. Ugh. 

[ExpatInItaly]

12 minutes ago, rayj83 said:

Thanks. After she left I desperately and persistently tried to change her impression or opinion of the cause of what was happening to me. I tried to work through it with her because I know it’s hard and scary to see a partner going through that. But she just couldn’t get past what she saw. She was convinced it would be a long standing depression and it wasn’t. She thought I was a gamble to be with. Ugh. 

We’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: this woman was looking for excuses to end it. If it wasn’t your temporary sad emotional state, it would have been something else. 

Based on everything you have shared about this flighty person, I have no doubt you’d still be broken up by now even if you’d never had the blues for a couple weeks. She would’ve just come up with a different reason. 

You have to stop believing this was only because a bad couple weeks in your life. I have a feeling part of the reason you’re desperately clinging to this idea is because it gives some semblance of control over the narrative: if you’d only been happier, she’d still be there. The  reality (that’s is always been off-on because she just didn’t have the right feelings for you, and was never going to be your Happily Ever After) is just too hard for you to accept....so you continue to deny it, and minimize all the other obvious signs that this woman was not going to stick around forever. 

Once you start to really let go of the story you’ve been trying to sell yourself about this break-up, and start seeing the relationship for the chaotic situation it was, then I think you’re truly start to heal. 

[rayj83]

1 minute ago, ExpatInItaly said:

We’ve said it before, but it’s worth repeating: this woman was looking for excuses to end it. If it wasn’t your temporary sad emotional state, it would have been something else. 

Based on everything you have shared about this flighty person, I have no doubt you’d still be broken up by now even if you’d never had the blues for a couple weeks. She would’ve just come up with a different reason. 

You have to stop believing this was only because a bad couple weeks in your life. I have a feeling part of the reason you’re desperately clinging to this idea is because it gives some semblance of control over the narrative: if you’d only been happier, she’d still be there. The  reality (that’s is always been off-on because she just didn’t have the right feelings for you, and was never going to be your Happily Ever After) is just too hard for you to accept....so you continue to deny it, and minimize all the other obvious signs that this woman was not going to stick around forever. 

Once you start to really let go of the story you’ve been trying to sell yourself about this break-up, and start seeing the relationship for the chaotic situation it was, then I think you’re truly start to heal. 

Thanks I appreciate this. So what do I do when she said she had very strong feelings for me but that 75 percent of the reason she left was because of the blues I had? And that as a result she feared being with me and I was a gamble? I’m trying to reconcile what she said with what I think people on here are saying the reality is which is she was looking for a way out regardless. So I’m clinging to what she said and her words, not so much to the story I am telling to myself. 

[Difficultstuff]

1 hour ago, rayj83 said:

Thanks I appreciate this. So what do I do when she said she had very strong feelings for me but that 75 percent of the reason she left was because of the blues I had? And that as a result she feared being with me and I was a gamble? I’m trying to reconcile what she said with what I think people on here are saying the reality is which is she was looking for a way out regardless. So I’m clinging to what she said and her words, not so much to the story I am telling to myself. 

She's not the arbiter of truth. There's nothing to reconcile. You don't have to do anything.

[Beachead]

@rayj83

4 hours ago, rayj83 said:

Thanks I appreciate this. So what do I do when she said she had very strong feelings for me but that 75 percent of the reason she left was because of the blues I had? And that as a result she feared being with me and I was a gamble? I’m trying to reconcile what she said with what I think people on here are saying the reality is which is she was looking for a way out regardless. So I’m clinging to what she said and her words, not so much to the story I am telling to myself. 

Don't take what your ex tells you as gospel.  What she says isn't absolute truth. 

 My ex, upon our breakup, ripped me to pieces with her words. Told me she needed someone a little stronger and called me weak, while hypocritically monkey branching from one relationship to another, without time to grieve and process the breakup and start a new relationship healed and fresh.  She did this because it was easier to hide, than to face things that she was afraid of dealing with, on her own.   She didn't care that that that kind of behaviour was destructive to the people she'd get into relationships with.  The funny thing is a lot of my weakness was caused by me being very aware of her unresolved feelings for her ex, whom she often talked about.  It resulted in her being hot and cold, on and off..unreliable.  I lost trust in her,  it generated anxiety, I grew exhausted, and it broke my resolve down.  So did my relationship end because of me and my weaknesses in the relationship?  Not necessarily.   And does that period of weakness define me for the rest of my life?  No.   I have the ability to learn, grow and change and improve.  

Going back to you, your ex's opinion of you is only a snapshot of who you were in a moment of time.  It has no relevance to who you are now or who you can be in your future.  You have the ability an the potential to ensure that.  Your problem is you've built her up in your head, into this perfect person, that you lost.  This flawless queen, that you aspire to be with.   Your ex isn't the end-all, be-all of your existence.  If you look carefully, you'd realize she isn't perfect either.  She has flaws.  Weaknesses.  Who is she to judge you, especially during such a difficult time in your life.

The only reason you've latched onto this idea of her is because afraid to face your own life and live it.  You don't think you have what it takes to be on your own, survive and succeed in whatever it is you want to do. I bet you've never thought about YOU want for yourself. Not truly anyway.   What brings you purpose?  What do you want to accomplish? What gets you out of bed?  Makes you smile?  What do you have in our life right now that you are appreciative of?  What mark do you want to leave on this earth when the your time is up?    

What we lack in ourselves, we attempt to take from others, and we never find it, because those of us that do this, are looking for something only found within.   For you its worthiness and validation that you can be loved.  That you mean something.  You've defined your entire being, existence and identity through the love and acceptance of another person.  So when they leave for whatever reasons they leave for, your entire world comes crashing down, because you don't have anything else that brings you purpose, value, and a sense of self-accomplishment.  Your entire world crashes because you've made them your entire world.  In that world, they only exist to service you and your needs.  They don't have your own past, their own wants or needs, or desires.   So you blame yourself for the failure of your relationship, because you think you're the only determinant for its success.  That's ego and its false.  There are several other factors that go into a person's decision to end a relationship.

Until you correct that, you're going to bring your current attitude into all your subsequent relationships in the future and it will contribute to you getting hurt.  Nobody can fix you.  That's YOUR job...and you'll never be perfect.  Nobody is.  Just strive to better yourself everyday and accept that you're human, you have flaws and make mistakes and its okay.  A partner worthy of your love, will accept that, and support it.

- Beach

 

 

Edited August 29, 2020 by Beachead

[Noproblem]

9 hours ago, rayj83 said:

This is true. That's a huge problem with her. But... I needed to be better at controlling my emotions during the turmoil I was going through (massive debt from past addictions, mom getting a bad form of cancer, strained family relationships, having to leave a wedding early and just being an emotional mess for 2 weeks or so). And being cast aside for being too sensitive for being pissed off her best friend wouldn't even look at me when we met or try to get to know me. It sucks what happened - well it more than sucks - but I do get angry thinking about that she left me in a weak moment, envisioned a life of that with me and just wouldn't let me grow past it. If the same thing happened to her, I'd be there for her 100% and not judge or project a life with her like that. Maybe it's different because I'm the guy and it's emasculating/a turn-off for a woman to see a guy in that frame of mind, even if for a week or two. 

There is nothing you did was out of ordinary, the hell with the wedding, why should she care more about you leaving a wedding of people of other people rather than worrying about your state of mind and your sadness.

I would be pissed too if a friend of someone I know would behave this way and be sad for quite some time and upset! 

 

Maybe you have a form of adhd, we tend to be sad and too sensitive over such things that other people wouldn't worry too much about!

 

Regardless, she is no good, stop it. You deserve better

and frankly, right now, your debts and your mom are more important than any girl especially girls who flakes and leave you in your dire momemnts

 

After a year or so, start dating. Work on yourself now!

Stay strong and don't look back

 

this girl is a gemini and she might  come back again, because they have crazy on/off relationships

don't even welcome her back, she'll ruin what's left of your sanity!

 

[ExpatInItaly]

16 hours ago, rayj83 said:

 So what do I do when she said she had very strong feelings for me but that 75 percent of the reason she left was because of the blues I had? And that as a result she feared being with me and I was a gamble? 

Stop believing everything she said when all her previous actions indicate she was never that committed. 

Realize that people don't always tell the truth when they dump someone, and will come up with excuses - especially if it means absolving themselves of responsibility. 

Edited August 30, 2020 by ExpatInItaly