d0nnivain Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 A friend of mine is about to become a grandmother. She has been dreaming for months of going to the hospital to witness the miracle & hold her 1st grandchild. This is a particular blessing because it's her son's child who will be named after her late daughter. My friend's adult daughter died suddenly & unexpectedly 8 years ago. The baby is due next week. With Covid-19, that dream seemed dashed but now the obstetrician has given the new parents his blessing for them to drive 20 minutes & bring the baby to the maternal grandparents for a short visit on their way home from the hospital. My friend wants to hone in on that, go to the ILs house & greet the baby. This will require her to drive 3 hours one way & she has to cross a state line from NJ into PA. She has been telling people she has the virus but was never sick enough for her doctors to prescribe a test for her. Now she claims to be miraculously cured or at least over it enough to go see the new baby. 😷 It has not been 14 days since she claimed illness & as I understand it once you have been diagnosed you need to self isolate for 28 days after you feel better to avoid infecting others. I think her decision is foolhardy & risks too many people's health. The rub is that when she travels DH & I usually take care of her dog. I love the dog but do not want to enable what I see as her risky & unsafe behavior. How do I tell her no, we won't watch the dog ? I'm looking for some diplomatic words to the extent they exist. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 15, 2020 Share Posted April 15, 2020 Uck. Your friend. Very convenient. Why not secretly alert her son or something? I'm hoping that she will be able to "see" the child but not actually hold it. I don't think not watching her dog is going to stop her, though D0nnivain. She'll bring him or find someone else. So not sure I'd get in the middle of that to make a point. Surely if she actually cares about her son or the baby, she'll adhere to wearing a mask, as they all should, really. I just don't think you can make a difference here. She's going to do what she's going to do. I mean, all you could say is, Hey, you just told me you'd been sick, so we can't afford contact with you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author d0nnivain Posted April 16, 2020 Author Share Posted April 16, 2020 I know she's going to do what she's going to do. I just don't want to watch the dog. I love the dog but he has incontinence issues so that just annoys DH & his upset gets me upset. I just don't have the stomach for drama right now. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted April 16, 2020 Share Posted April 16, 2020 Probably no way for you to not feel at least a little uncomfortable about it (since you're a nice person and like to help), but just tell her given the additional stresses of the current situation, you're just not in a position to watch her dog right now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 16, 2020 Share Posted April 16, 2020 Well I think maybe it's time you told her that the dogs incontinence issues are upsetting the household and that she needs to find someone else to take care of the dog. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted April 16, 2020 Share Posted April 16, 2020 She's been telling people she's had the virus, and she wants to go breathe all over a newborn? 🤔 Regardless of her miraculous recovery, the right and sane thing to do would be stay right away from the baby and parents for the first few weeks. Aside from that I'd just use the lockdown conditions as a valid reason for not minding the dog, and perhaps that'd be a good opener to nicely explain that you 're taking this virus thing very seriously and perhaps she should too. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 17, 2020 Share Posted April 17, 2020 I'm astonished that the baby's parents are going to let her anywhere near the baby. It's the parents' job to regulate things to prioritize the baby. Lots of people go nuts about becoming grandparents. It sounds like you have a reason other than "enabling" to say no. You just don't want to have the dog for other reasons. I'll make up a name: "'Mary, I'm sorry. We are not comfortable hosting the dog right now. It's not a good time for us. We're really being super careful." You could end it there or suggest a shelter." You could also add in "We're both freaked out by the virus, and we're taking on no new responsibilities during this time--for our own mental health and for our relationship." I would definitely use the "we" voice (t's you and hubby making the decision--not just you). Frankly, I think it's fine to go fully blunt--that you don't want to take care of a dog with diarrhea and not at this time! I think that's fully legit. But sounds like you don't think your friend will take well to that answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 You should tell her that you're not taking care of the dog because she said she had the virus and it hasn't been 14 days since then..... as in, you're taking precautions to make sure YOU don't get the virus from HER. Then you can also casually mention that you are surprised that she would go to see family members within that same time frame when she said she had the virus less than 14 days ago. You can't control what she does.... her going to see family is really between her and them. But you're not obligated to take care of the dog. Link to post Share on other sites
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