Male in affair

[mark clemson]

On 4/9/2024 at 3:00 PM, Gumbeaux41 said:

 My question is why is she doing that and what should I do.  

Bitterness and you're probably best off NOT responding but saving the texts in case your probable future lawyer thinks you should show them to a judge. Showing a pattern of emotional abuse in texts might/might not influence a divorce outcome - there is a LOT of variance in jurisdictions. But see what your lawyer thinks.

[Gumbeaux41]

I confessed to my affair. She no longer trusts me and says she cannot stay married. My wife called the other woman and is now threatening to kill me.

[basil67]

50 minutes ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

I confessed to my affair. She no longer trusts me and says she cannot stay married. My wife called the other woman and is now threatening to kill me.

Yes, this is what fury looks like.   What did you think was going to happen when you confessed? 🙄

Edited April 19, 2024 by basil67

[Gumbeaux41]

Are you saying I should have not told?  

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

I confessed to my affair. She no longer trusts me and says she cannot stay married. My wife called the other woman and is now threatening to kill me.

Tell us again - why was filing for divorce the worse option? 

Decisions have consequences. You now have no control of this situation. Would have been better to keep your dignity and get out in front of this… file for divorce and settle things as amicably as possible. Now,  you will deal with the consequence of your decisions.

[BaileyB]

2 minutes ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Are you saying I should have not told?  

We are saying that you shouldn’t have cheated. The marriage was irreconcilably broken - it would have been far better to divorce as the end result is the same. But now, the consequences will be so much worse…

[basil67]

5 minutes ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Are you saying I should have not told?  

I am saying that I can't figure out why you're surprised at her reaction.  Did you not consider how she may react to you dropping this bomb on her?

[BrinnM]

3 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Are you saying I should have not told?  

I think what most people are saying is that you should’ve divorced. A long time ago. This marriage is over. She had an affair, you had an affair, or you are still in an affair - so what exactly is your plan? It’s pretty clear that you and your wife don’t like or love one another and you also don’t have any respect for one another - so why do you even contemplate staying with her? I’m not even sure what you’re asking anymore. What is it that you need help with? Or are you just here to vent? That’s completely fine. But again – this marriage is over.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Are you saying I should have not told?  

Honestly, I think that confessing to your wife at this point, when it’s long become clear that the marriage is over, wasn’t the best course of action. 

Confessing makes sense when you want a second chance, not when there is no chance anymore. This way, it just adds to the already existing pain.

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Honestly, I think that confessing to your wife at this point, when it’s long become clear that the marriage is over, wasn’t the best course of action. 

Confessing makes sense when you want a second chance, not when there is no chance anymore. This way, it just adds to the already existing pain.

It may actually prompt her to file for divorce, which has been long overdue. So, in that way, it may have been very helpful - 

Although, as you said, it is certainly very hurtful. 

[Gumbeaux41]

Well tonite we went eat out for our anniversary and when we go there she got mad because last time we went there 5 years ago she said i was talking to the other woman and she remembers we got in a fight there. Well we get home and she gets mad and tells me how horrible i am and kicks me in the bed, hits me and tells me to get out. When i stand up she chokes me around the neck. I then told her i would leave the house to get away from the violence. So now I am in the driveway with her blowing up my phone with txt telling me how horrible I am.

 

[Gumbeaux41]

She also says she wants me dead and wishes I would die.

[Gebidozo]

9 minutes ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

She also says she wants me dead and wishes I would die.

Man, what are you doing?..

Why are you celebrating anniversaries with a woman who threatened to kill you a month ago?

Why are you still living in the same house and keeping contact with a woman who clearly told you the marriage was over and she wanted a divorce?

What, exactly, are you clinging to in this irreparably broken marriage? Why do you keep pouring oil into the flames? You’ve hurt her enough, just get yourself out of her sight, break off all contact, stop reminding her of your infidelity with your presence. 

Stop this madness before it gets even worse.

Edited May 24, 2024 by Gebidozo

[Gumbeaux41]

Our daughter is getting married next Friday and we dont want to mess tje wedding up.

[BaileyB]

4 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Our daughter is getting married next Friday and we dont want to mess tje wedding up.

Ok, but that doesn’t mean that you have to take the woman out for dinner on your anniversary or sleep in the same bed as her. She is unhinged - you need to put some distance between you for your own protection. 

[mark clemson]

So the divorce didn't go through I guess. Interesting.

I think the bottom line here is that you have an emotionally abusive wife. Perhaps you are emotionally abusive back? We only tend to get one side of the story here.

You might consider researching the Drama Triangle if you haven't already. Maybe I'm wrong but I suspect some of those dynamics are playing out in your relationships, unfortunately.

Since it still seems likely that courts/lawyers may get involved at some point, I'd be a bit cautious about whatever you write down, e.g. in text msgs.

[Gumbeaux41]

Wife is out of town 5 hrs away today with daughter and fly. Wife calls this morning at 430 am wanting me to go meet her because she is having anxiety.  I have to work and have things I have to get done today, plus they are heading home tomorrow morning. I have  meeting with a lawyer today to discuss the process moving forward.  I am tired of being told how horrible of a person I am, she hates me, I'm a total f up as a husband, not a man etc. I have to find myself.

[mark clemson]

Certainly doesn't sound like a healthy marriage or one that most people would want to be in. C'est la vie.

[Gumbeaux41]

Dont know if this is a vent or a diary.  I am trying to be remorseful and repent for my wrong doings but I am constantly being told, "I hate you, you are a pc of sh-t, you f-cked another woman in my house, I wish you were dead, I regret ever marrying you, and it goes on an on". I am at a prayer group and I got 114 txt within an hour telling me how horrible I am.  She says she is lonely, and I am not soft or remorseful, but it is kind of hard to when I am getting beat up all the time.  I get woken up at 430 every morning and it starts.  Sucks

[Gebidozo]

2 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Dont know if this is a vent or a diary.  I am trying to be remorseful and repent for my wrong doings but I am constantly being told, "I hate you, you are a pc of sh-t, you f-cked another woman in my house, I wish you were dead, I regret ever marrying you, and it goes on an on". I am at a prayer group and I got 114 txt within an hour telling me how horrible I am.  She says she is lonely, and I am not soft or remorseful, but it is kind of hard to when I am getting beat up all the time.  I get woken up at 430 every morning and it starts.  Sucks

Why are you still living together?

This is pure insanity.

Have mercy on her and on yourself and move out.

[semble]

3 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

 I got 114 txt within an hour 

I wish I could text half that fast.

 

[basil67]

7 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

Dont know if this is a vent or a diary.  I am trying to be remorseful and repent for my wrong doings but I am constantly being told, "I hate you, you are a pc of sh-t, you f-cked another woman in my house, I wish you were dead, I regret ever marrying you, and it goes on an on". I am at a prayer group and I got 114 txt within an hour telling me how horrible I am.  She says she is lonely, and I am not soft or remorseful, but it is kind of hard to when I am getting beat up all the time.  I get woken up at 430 every morning and it starts.  Sucks

So what are you going to do about it?

[mark clemson]

On 5/24/2024 at 11:14 AM, mark clemson said:

I think the bottom line here is that you have an emotionally abusive wife.

          👆

[BaileyB]

9 hours ago, Gumbeaux41 said:

I am constantly being told, "I hate you, you are a pc of sh-t, you f-cked another woman in my house, I wish you were dead, I regret ever marrying you, and it goes on an on". I am at a prayer group and I got 114 txt within an hour telling me how horrible I am.  She says that I am not soft or remorseful, but it is kind of hard to when I am getting beat up all the time. 

It’s hard to have any sympathy for you when you are choosing for yourself. If you want the abuse to stop, you will need to leave and file for divorce. 

Edited August 7, 2024 by BaileyB