Married and sleeping with Co-Worker

[Fletch Lives]

Get another job so you can get away from him and rekindle your relationship with your husband.

Keep something in mind - many cheaters think they can get away with it without getting caught but they often get caught. What are the consequences if you get caught?  - it could turn your life upside down.

[Bittersweetie]

I was the WW. It was the worst choice I've ever made. I can't imagine having had my affair with someone at work...not only jeopardizing my marriage, my jeopardizing my career as well. Have you ever heard the saying, don't dip in the company ink? 

Think about what choices you are making: disrespecting your marriage, your husband, yourself, your workplace. Is that really the kind of person you want to be? 

[mark clemson]

I think you should really think about most of the points being made by folks here. You clearly aren't thinking through consequences, the excitement that goes with "forbidden" activities does intensify things for many people, and the thought that your husband will somehow magically suddenly become more like this guy doesn't make any sense.

If you can't come down to earth you may soon find yourself "shot down" via discovery, and end up begging for your husband's forgiveness while he "wants nothing to do with you" and executes a divorce. It's not uncommon, if you do some reading around here. I'm not sure about spousal support (that varies a lot by jurisdiction) but it's certainly possible you'll lose your job to boot. Where will grandkids be then?

And how about your children? They are clearly adults, but assuming your H is their father, they might look at you very differently if they found out you cheated on Dad.

At least from what I read around here, a lot of folks who get discovered end up feeling that what they got out of the affair wasn't at all worth what they had to give up once it was found out.

Do you want that to be you?

[MadlyDeeply]

Hello Mrsanonymous, just wanted to say I know exactly how you are feeling TRAPPED and in love! You are not alone as you have probably seen on my thread "am I just a crutch" I'm afraid the longer it goes on, the deeper and deeper you get, the longing and pain of not being able to be with the man you love is v painful. If you can walk away now, WALK to save everyone involved getting terribly hurt. If not be prepared for heartache and lots of it. 

[usa1ah]

You said you what your husband the be more like your POS boyfriend. 
 

How can your husband do so with you giving everything you have to your boyfriend. 

[oldtruck]

14 hours ago, mark clemson said:

I think you should really think about most of the points being made by folks here. You clearly aren't thinking through consequences, the excitement that goes with "forbidden" activities does intensify things for many people, and the thought that your husband will somehow magically suddenly become more like this guy doesn't make any sense.

If you can't come down to earth you may soon find yourself "shot down" via discovery, and end up begging for your husband's forgiveness while he "wants nothing to do with you" and executes a divorce. It's not uncommon, if you do some reading around here. I'm not sure about spousal support (that varies a lot by jurisdiction) but it's certainly possible you'll lose your job to boot. Where will grandkids be then?

And how about your children? They are clearly adults, but assuming your H is their father, they might look at you very differently if they found out you cheated on Dad.

At least from what I read around here, a lot of folks who get discovered end up feeling that what they got out of the affair wasn't at all worth what they had to give up once it was found out.

Do you want that to be you?

And, a lot of the kids turn their backs to the WS.

they circle the wagons to protect what is left of the family.

[pepperbird]

OP,

when you get right down to brass tacks, how do you feel about what you're doing? The fact that you came on an internet forum seeking some advice makes me think you aren't too happy with yourself right now.

How to make your feelings stop? I don't know, but I do know that you can control what you do about them. Is this the first relationship you have ever had to end? If not, what do you do on previous occasions?

 

[Will87]

My partner cheated and left me for her married boss, 10 years older than me with two children.

I had absolutely no idea and was blind sided by it, she never admitted it and I had to find out myself.

I can tell you that this will crush your husband, disappoint your family and friends.

I would divorce your husband, when reality sinks in and the consequences of your actions you will definitely regret it.

 

[heartwhole2]

Nothing external, especially a man willing to sleep with you when you're married (they are actually not hard to find), can fix your self-esteem. This is a temporary fix and when the adrenaline wears off, you will still need to learn how to fill up your own cup. And you'll be doing that while dealing with the fallout of your choices. 

You want your husband to be more like the MM. Can married sex feel forbidden and new? Probably not. Certainly not to the extent that affair sex does. 

[colingrant]

On 4/18/2020 at 2:10 AM, MrsAnonymous said:

I want my husband to be like this man I'm having an affair with.

It's such a thrill every time we text, send pics and meet at his house.

I'm with my husband because we've adopted 3 of our grandkids and they need the both of us. 

Having sex with this man is so amazing. I've never been so sexual towards someone and never been satisfied by man the way he has

What I'm doing is wrong but it so feels like it's worth it. I can't get this man out of my head. 

Hopefully my husband changes and becomes more like the man I'm seeing.

My greatest fear is this is only fantasy and not real. 

Your husband has to be himself, and you have to love and accept him as he is. Conversely, your husband has to love and accept you as you are. I honestly hate to tell you this but as a man, he's gotta love you. He can have sex without dating, or disturbing his real life, while you are potentially forfeiting yours for a man who doesn't care. Men are unbelievably good at giving women what they want for sex. If you disbelieve me, stop the sex and see what happens. 

If he wants to be with you, he' won't go anywhere. If not, he'll attempt to keep it going and if it looks like you're serious about not having sex, he'll say he understands and that it was nice while it lasted. You will feel used and abused, and rightfully so. Don't disrespect your husband anymore than you already have. Real men don't have sex with other men's wives. Real men respect other women and would never touch someone else's wife. See you have your bearing distorted, but that's what limerence and infatuation will do. You're hooked to the point where you see your lover as being a real man and a real man (your husband) as one who isn't. 

Here's a pretty good test to see who's right. Be a real woman, tell your husband a real man about your infidelity, grant him a favorable divorce and then see where you stand a year from now. You'll find out quick, who's fake and who's not. So either stop sex with your lover and see what he does, or divorce your husband so that you can find out if your lover is a real man. I already know simply because he's with you and knows you're married. Essentially, you're accepting a cheater into your life and family's life right off the bat, but you're dismissing this flaw for the sake of love and him being a "real man". 

You're fooling yourself, your family, your husband, your adopted children and your children, who have entrusted you  and your husband as providing them with a household of stability and love. Having a lover creates instability and demonstrates a lack of love for your husband, hence the whole design behind the adoption has been compromised. Do you think your lover will help take care of your grandchildren? Seriously, ask him this. I have a hunch, he may start to exit the relationship because that's not what he signed up for. The "real man" just wanted sex and fun and now you're introducing him to responsibility and love giving that is suppose to happen outside the bedroom. 

You haven't cared for the collateral damage up to this point, so just go further and close the deal so that your husband doesn't have to be in competition for his wife while not even knowing some other man has him beat according to her. 

Edited April 20, 2020 by colingrant

[MrsAnonymous]

Thanks for your responses

I can't get over this new man, I want to stop this but as soon as we talk all I want to do is be alone with him.

We ended up having sex at work and I had the use the morning after pill because I was so turned on, I didn't care we weren't using a condom.

My husband suspects something and I do want to end this with the other man but I've never felt this feeling before

Does this man truly love me? 

He tells me he'll do anything for me and a queen deserves to be treated better. I hope he's not just feeding me this for sex..... I so confused and unsure if what I get from him is real or still it just fade away after a while 

Edited April 20, 2020 by MrsAnonymous

[Guildford]

You must confess all to your husband and then get a divorce.  Your husband is not living in blissful ignorance, if he suspects you are having an affair, but does not know for sure and does not know the details, then you are putting him through emotional hell.  Confess and put an end to this sham of a marriage.  Your posting here may have already been recognized by one of your husband's friends.  How may couples have been married for 20 years and have adopted three of their grand children?

[BaileyB]

2 hours ago, MrsAnonymous said:

I can't get over this new man, I want to stop this but as soon as we talk all I want to do is be alone with him.

We ended up having sex at work and I had the use the morning after pill because I was so turned on, I didn't care we weren't using a condom.

Wise up fast because you are about to lose your marriage and your job. 

Edited April 20, 2020 by BaileyB

[usa1ah]

If he has not said a thing about the two of you being together. He is using you as his personal _______ dump. 
 

He is telling you everything you want to hear so you will continue to put out and be his person freak. 

[colingrant]

5 hours ago, MrsAnonymous said:

Thanks for your responses

I can't get over this new man, I want to stop this but as soon as we talk all I want to do is be alone with him.

We ended up having sex at work and I had the use the morning after pill because I was so turned on, I didn't care we weren't using a condom.

My husband suspects something and I do want to end this with the other man but I've never felt this feeling before

Does this man truly love me? 

He tells me he'll do anything for me and a queen deserves to be treated better. I hope he's not just feeding me this for sex..... I so confused and unsure if what I get from him is real or still it just fade away after a while 

I'm going to say this with sincerity, but it'll sound mean, although I'm not trying to be. He'll tell you he'll do anything for you because, 

1) He knows his words controls your body parts to the point where it has you dripping. 

2) Also because you supply extremely easy sex for him. He doesn't have to date, wine, or dine. He just has to be present and talk.  For men who have sex with other men's wives, you are golden. 

I'm saying this because before I married, I would take someone like you to the cleaners. I never messed with married or unavailable women, but everyone else was game. I greatly, greatly regret using so many women in looking back. I guess some were using me also, but a few thought I would be special to them and I knew from day one, they weren't special to me.

I did however leverage my influence to get all the sex I wanted until I was done. I was in my 20's in a major city and used it as an adult playground. I hate this in looking back, but it is what it is. In one way it may have helped me be infidelity free for over 20 years, as I'd had so many experiences, nothing was left on the menu that I hadn't tried. 

Just to put things in perspective. This man controls you, the future of your husband and your three adopted grand kids. No joke. For the sake of your husband and your grand kids, inform your husband so that he can regain control of his own life, because right now your lover controls it indirectly. Your husband's physical health (unprotected sex) and his emotional health (suspicious of your activity) are already compromised and will begin to get costly. 

Both of you will need to get tested for STD's, unless you've already cut your husband off from sex. Only takes one encounter with your husband after being with your boyfriend. Your husband will also be devastated and need independent counseling after your confession. When or if you awaken, don't blame your husband or your boyfriend. Do yourself a favor and be accountable. You're a grown woman who is allowing a man to cheapen you and your family. 

You're addicted to him, so you'll not be able to pull away from him cleanly, unless you quit your job. Don't bring your family down because of your own poor decision making and judgement. Spare them the full brunt of collateral damage. Shrapnel can kill also. 

Edited April 21, 2020 by colingrant

[Buffer]

Well, hubby suspects, you love POS, where to from here?

Every one here has made suggestions. When caught, just a favourable D for hubby, let him have primary care of the grandchildren, you move out and pay child support and alimony. Children really can’t go with you as you will be trying to get POS to take financially responsible for a Mother and a Grand Mother. Most likely you and AP will be looking for new employment as banging at work will lead to dismissal. Hubby may inform HR when caught as well.

I cannot see this ending well for you.

sorry but just one day at a time.

Buffer

[Buckeye2]

6 hours ago, MrsAnonymous said:

He tells me he'll do anything for me and a queen deserves to be treated better. I hope he's not just feeding me this for sex..... I so confused and unsure if what I get from him is real or still it just fade away after a while 

The following was written by a married player explaining why he prefers married women.

My perspective- as a serial cheat. Before I start, I'm no GQ model look alike and I'm not wealthy.

For me, it was always about extra sex. The thrill of the chase and ego boost was a plus, but I just wanted more sex than my wife did. I always loved my wife and certainly never ever wanted to leave her or lose her. Especially not over someone else's wayward wife.

I had a simple method. I used it because it worked. I targeted married women. I figured they were safer for several important reasons.
1- Less likely to be sleeping around with random guys (STDs).
2- Less likely to pull the crazy girlfriend BS and call my wife.
3- In case of an unwanted pregnancy, I had a built in schmuck to pay the tab and would have claimed to have had a vasectomy.

The most important part of being a player is to hide it. I started with shy looks making certain I'd get caught and then doing my best to look embarrassed. If she started to come around more or dress sexier then I'd try a safe compliment. If she called me on my BS (yes, it happened) I simply acted highly offended. After all, I'm a married family man. That usually got me an apology. A few really smart ones just avoided me altogether.

If she accepted the compliment, I knew I had a chance. I never ever wasted time with someone that I didn't want to bed. If the compliment was successful, I simply followed with more as time permitted and just let things develop. Who knew where it would go? When she would speak with me about her frustrations with her husband (they always complained about their husband) I used that to my advantage. If they complained that he didn't do enough with the kids, I was dad of the year. If he didn't help out around the house, I did everything at home so my wife didn't have to. Yes, it was complete BS, but so what. My job was to make them feel special, pretty and needed and to paint the fantasy. After all, my goal was not conversation or friendship. I wanted to score.

Once things progressed and I had to keep it intense unless it was simply a once and done kind of thing. I would do that by pushing her boundaries for sex. Anal, public hook-up whatever. Keep in mind, I'm in it for the sex so I tried for everything I liked and heard more than once statements like... I never even let my husband do that. That was usually with anal, but sometimes public hook-ups also.

I certainly didn't want to be paying for hotel rooms out my pocket. If she wanted to pay, that was fine. Otherwise, we could hook-up anywhere, it didn't matter to me.

I always advised them to keep the secret between us, because it was so special. Actually, I didn't want to get busted. If they got busted, and some did. That was their tough crap to deal with. I certainly never vowed to love/honor/cherish them.

As I look back, I'm stunned at how easy it was and how many fell for my crap. I had some that would try to pull away and I'd feed them the star crossed lovers BS, you know... kept apart by the cruel hand of fate. That worked like magic to seal the deal. I also used things like I think my wife may have cheated on me. Then I'd work in how I got tested for STDs and it was clear and somehow manage to mention my vasectomy (never had one). Understand? I'm safe, you won't catch anything if you sleep with me and I won't get you pregnant. That was the message.

The one thing that sent me running was the fear of getting caught and sometimes I just wanted a quick bang and wasn't in it for a couple of months of an affair. I'm still also amazed by how many didn't see through my crap either. They didn't have to deal with the day to day stresses that adults face with me (finances, mortgages, car payments, child care, time commitments, etc.). With me, it was just fun and sex. The poor bastard at home didn't have a chance once the play was in motion. It also helped me to see him as a douche-bag when his wife whined about him for whatever reason.

I work with a woman that has lost everything over an affair with me. The house, husband, family, etc. It's difficult to see. She hates me now, but I never vowed anything to her or forced her to do anything. That's her tough crap. Her kids are in therapy, their grades tanked and she's struggling financially and the kids blame her, etc. Honestly, I wish she'd quit so I didn't have to see her every freaking day.

I do know a few like me that I consider even worse. They brag and laugh about getting wayward wives to do things and try to get email or text proof to show off. It's pretty easy, just tell her how much he liked doing X with her last night and let her respond. Then they had proof to brag about and trade notes. I didn't do that. I just wanted the sex and avoided the women they talked about. I liked to find the ones who would seem to be the last to ever do anything like this. Goes back to my 3 reasons.

I never flirted with a married woman unless I wanted in her pants. Plain and simple, you do have to hide it so they don't see it coming, but it's really that basic. Other players use different methods, but we all use what works and modify sometimes if we're not progressing to try a different angle. Not all women are the same, and sometimes deviations are required if she'll let you in her pants.

It was never about love, just sex. I sold the fantasy, yes. But that is all it ever was. A fair trade. They were adults and quite frankly should have known better. Am I a predator, I certainly never thought so and I certainly never thought about what would happen to them when we were done. Yes, all my affairs ended. Most stayed married to their H they *****ed about and screwed around on. Therefore, he must not have been that bad. People just get caught up with unrealistic expectations on life I think. For goodness sake, Prince charming is only charming because he wants a blow job.

Before I close, I'll say this as well. An engaged woman would have worked for me also, but I never found one that would go for me. Also, newly married women are much harder to get. I had the best luck with women who had been married for at least several years, throw a kid or two in the mix and they were usually more susceptible to being chased.

It was a fair trade. Attention and compliments for sex.

 

Edited April 21, 2020 by Buckeye2

[Bittersweetie]

Why do think it's okay to jeopardize your career like that? Good grief! What would have happened if you got caught having sex at work? At worst you would both be fired, but unfortunately it today's world you would probably take the brunt of things. Do you have a professional reputation? How would that reputation be after everyone learned you were fired for having sex at work? How would that effect you getting a new job?

And this is in addition to how you are disrespecting your marriage, your husband, and yourself.

Anonymous, you really need to pull yourself together and practically and logically look at the possible consequences of your actions, you are being reckless in so many ways.

Edited April 21, 2020 by Bittersweetie

[Dimjo9]

27 minutes ago, Bittersweetie said:

Why do think it's okay to jeopardize your career like that? Good grief! What would have happened if you got caught having sex at work? At worst you would both be fired, but unfortunately it today's world you would probably take the brunt of things. Do you have a professional reputation? How would that reputation be after everyone learned you were fired for having sex at work? How would that effect you getting a new job?

And this is in addition to how you are disrespecting your marriage, your husband, and yourself.

Anonymous, you really need to pull yourself together and practically and logically look at the possible consequences of your actions, you are being reckless in so many ways.

Hi, 

Character Reference checks are very important especially in Big multi national firms. Lots of good companies are family oriented too..

Her Husband will get over.. Good always triumph over bad deeds.. Anytime everything she did will come back & haunt her for a lifetime..

 

[stillafool]

19 hours ago, MrsAnonymous said:

Thanks for your responses

I can't get over this new man, I want to stop this but as soon as we talk all I want to do is be alone with him.

We ended up having sex at work and I had the use the morning after pill because I was so turned on, I didn't care we weren't using a condom.

My husband suspects something and I do want to end this with the other man but I've never felt this feeling before

Does this man truly love me? 

He tells me he'll do anything for me and a queen deserves to be treated better. I hope he's not just feeding me this for sex..... I so confused and unsure if what I get from him is real or still it just fade away after a while 

Keep doing what you're doing and you'll get fired before the D-day which seems right around the corner.  I wonder if you will still be head over heels in love with this man once your husband finds out and kicks you to the curb.  Does this man truly love you?  There's a way to find out.  Tell him you can no longer live without him and you're going to tell your husband about the affair, divorce and be with him.   If he's truly in love with you he will tell you to do it.  Ask him.

Edited April 21, 2020 by stillafool

[Dimjo9]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Keep doing what you're doing and you'll get fired before the D-day which seems right around the corner.  I wonder if you will still be head over heels in love with this man once your husband finds out and kicks you to the curb.  Does this man truly love you?  There's a way to find out.  Tell him you can no longer live without him and you're going to tell your husband about the affair, divorce and be with him.   If he's truly in love with you he will tell you to do it.  Ask him.

Nicely said !! 🍷

[MrsAnonymous]

I'm in corporate and I have a respectful role at the firm I work in. 

I do traveling and my secret man travels with me as well. He wants us to spend the night together in his hotel room. This man makes me so beautiful and I don't believe he'll leave me. At the same time, I need to be there for my grandchildren and I don't know what's going to happen with my husband.

This is just so confusing with so many mixed emotions, I tell myself have sex this once then leave it at that but I end up saying that over and over. I've sent him nudes and it has my face! How can I delete them? At the time I didn't care but now he has a clip of me giving him oral and telling him how nice he tastes along with pics 

This is a mess!

 

[S2B]

Why would you allow your OM to have nudes and videos of you?

im just shaking my head with why you would do that? Even as a single gal I would never allow that! You have NO idea where that info can end up! What if years later your kids see it? 😮

[preraph]

I wouldn't allow anyone to have nudes and sexy videos of me.  

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

If you treat men like they are disposable, don't get mad when they do the same to you.