Married and sleeping with Co-Worker

[BTDT2012]

Did the morning after pill fail?

[Amethyst68]

And if the OM changed his mind tomorrow? Told your he really did love you and wanted the child?

[JimmyNorth]

On 4/29/2020 at 10:22 PM, MrsAnonymous said:

I'm f***ing pregnant, I can't believe it's come to this

MrsAnon, give us an update as to how everything is developing. Don’t let anybody here who is giving you a hard time scare you away.

I used to be a MM and I feel for you. Your OM was using you for sex. It wasn’t about love. Unfortunately you fell hard for the “fantasy” you felt was real.

Its ok to hurt now, it’s better than later. 

[colingrant]

Quote

I can't believe this mess I'm in, I'm done with this affair and wish I stayed loyal. I'd give anything to have things back to what they use to be. That other men just told me he's been thinking and he doesn't truly love me. I going to have an abortion but what do I tell to my husband  this man manipulated me and just used me for sex!

You joyously allowed yourself to be manipulated used for sex though. You  can gaslight yourself or your husband, but not this message board. You enjoyed the hell out of it and was explicit in explaining  the euphoric state he kept you in. If this is real, it's time to introduce yourself to you. In other words, look in the mirror. Admit your leading role in this affair and accept it for what it is. You are/were selfish and saw only what you were willing to see. 

At first, you faulted your husband and now you fault your boyfriend for manipulating you and using you for sex. Come on MrsA. Don't rewrite the story. Tell it to yourself and your husband exactly how it was. You were blind with lust, knew you were wrong, but in reality, you were prepared to compromise everything you stood for, for someone who hadn't even done the f'ing dishes , cleaned the garage,  mowed the lawn, or played with your grand kids. 

Real men play major roles in the lives of there wives and families, yet I hadn't read one sentence where your boyfriend represented himself as a "man" other than providing you pleasure. Any man can do that though.   Your husband has love and compassion. Your lover has fake love, lots of passion and a dick that you has caused you to endanger the health and safety of your family. You''ll have to get checked for STD'S as should your husband. But, more than anything, you'll  have to take complete ownership for the choices you have made and not blame-shift to anyone. 

Face your own demons. Don't further humiliate your husband by blaming him if you decide to confess. You've already given another man you mind, body and soul, permitted unprotected sex and impregnation, but please, please do not further emasculate him any more than you have by placing all of this in his lap. He's just a flawed husband (we all are by the way) who means well, and faithfully loves his wife. His wife however, does not return the love, loyalty or respect. Inform him so that he can get loved by someone in the manner that you provided love to another man, so that he can see once again what it's like to be loved faithfully and abundantly. 

Looking onward, your lover who you held such high regard as being a man, is not done with you by the way. Not by a long shot. The sex was too easy and good for him to just walk away from it. He will not care that you are in a pickle. He will continue to prey upon the weakness of your mind and body that has fed him unfettered access to your "you know what". Wolves and lions don't care about the weakened state of prey, they only see it as a greater opportunity to exploit what's there to be had. 

From here, a couple things will happen. He will give you a shoulder to cry on.  He will present himself as empathetic. He will not pressure you for sex, so as to make it appear he has a conscious and character. He will help console and nourish your fractured heart to healing and slowly seek reassurances he's not as bad as he  appears to be. In your weakened emotional state where you can't confide in anyone except him, and facing an uncertain future, he will have you removing your panties in no time, as you seek solace while sitting in the pile of crap you have created. You'll be here posting, "you didn't mean for it to happen",  that "we just don't understand" and "he's not that bad of a guy",  blah, blah, blah.

Or, he'll simply ignore you because the cost of sex  has now gotten to costly and complicated. People like him don't like complicated side sex. The cost and benefit don't line up, especially if he has other options. Simplicity is the key here and right now, with you being pregnant and falling for him, the cost is beginning to exceed the benefit. He signed up for fun, easy sex and excitement. He got all three without having to spend a dime or time. I'm a man and am giving you the insight of how some men think. The men who are capable of making a woman's heart flutter, drip with excitement and willingness to drop everything in there lives for them, can cause a woman to bankrupt there lives and foreclose on there husbands and boyfriends. 

Removing one's own principles gives rise to giving it over to the unprincipled. 

 

Edited May 3, 2020 by colingrant

[pepperbird]

On 5/2/2020 at 2:54 AM, JimmyNorth said:

MrsAnon, give us an update as to how everything is developing. Don’t let anybody here who is giving you a hard time scare you away.

I used to be a MM and I feel for you. Your OM was using you for sex. It wasn’t about love. Unfortunately you fell hard for the “fantasy” you felt was real.

Its ok to hurt now, it’s better than later. 

JN,

I know you're trying to help, but this didn't happen "to"
 the OP. It happened because of choices she made. That doesn't make her a terrible person or beyond redemption...she just screwed up. To me, admitting that she is where she and she has no one to blame but herself is actually very empowering to her. What she created, she can try and fix. Bad choices she made can be learned from, and if the OP is the same as most, she will hurt, but she will learn and she will hopefully never do something like this ever again.

[Amethyst68]

Quote

Its ok to hurt now, it’s better than later.

I don't know what you mean by that? Better for who? The OP's already destroyed her marriage and for what? Now she's playing victim? With people like you validating that mindset.

No, the OP got where she is through a series of independent choices, she could've said no at any point, she could've stayed loyal to her husband but no like any MM she went after a little bit on the side and is now paying the consequences.

Minimising it, making her the victim does her  no favors. This is a woman who survived every day in the corporate world, she knows exactly who men like MM are, she let herself get played  because she wanted to at that time. Simple as that.

[JimmyNorth]

2 hours ago, Amethyst68 said:

I don't know what you mean by that? Better for who? The OP's already destroyed her marriage and for what? Now she's playing victim? With people like you validating that mindset.

No, the OP got where she is through a series of independent choices, she could've said no at any point, she could've stayed loyal to her husband but no like any MM she went after a little bit on the side and is now paying the consequences.

Minimising it, making her the victim does her  no favors. This is a woman who survived every day in the corporate world, she knows exactly who men like MM are, she let herself get played  because she wanted to at that time. Simple as that.

When I say better to hurt now, I mean let the pain start now so it ends sooner, rather than drag it on and hope.

We should understand that OP is most likely a thoughtful human that fell into the powerful effects of an affair. OP is not malicious of devious.

If OP was a malicious and shallow person, she would not be here on LS with any concern.

Edited May 3, 2020 by JimmyNorth

[usa1ah]

I didn’t see anything from her that showed any sort of remorse or being sorry for her actions. She was actually ready to leave her husband for him if he would take her. 
 

That didn’t happen until the OM dumped her when she got pregnant. 

Edited May 4, 2020 by usa1ah

[JimmyNorth]

39 minutes ago, usa1ah said:

I didn’t see anything from her that showed any sort of remorse or being sorry for her actions. She was actually ready to leave her husband for him if he would take her. 
 

That didn’t happen until the OM dumped her when she got pregnant. 

But can we agree that OP had something missing in her life which led her to this affair? Yes, it was not the right way to handle a broken marriage that had “bad sex” if that’s what was missing. However, we should look into the reasons as to why she went with this OM.

Obviously, if she was infatuated with her husband, she’d be leaving work everyday to go jump on him and love him. But she wasn’t into her husband that way anymore and something caused that. May not have been husbands fault, but what caused OP to disconnect from husband that way??

Would it be fair to say that OP is a sex crazed nymphomaniac that wanted her OM’s sex selfishly??? No, that’s probably not the case. We have to look at the bigger picture here and see what’s up.

Most people want to harshly judge and I totally get it because there is a lot of hurt. But I really do believe that malicious, sex crazy, polyamorous women are NOT that common. Most women who stray FALL IN LOVE, and we have to ask why did that fall in love.

[Marc878]

On 5/1/2020 at 2:04 AM, MrsAnonymous said:

I can't believe this mess I'm in, I'm done with this affair and wish I stayed loyal. I'd give anything to have things back to what they use to be. That other men just told me he's been thinking and he doesn't truly love me. I going to have an abortion but what do I tell to my husband 😥 this man manipulated me and just used me for sex!

Nope, he only was taking what you were freely giving away.

[Marc878]

Nothing uncommon here. It was great!!!!!
Until consequences showed up.

[Dreamer2017]

This thread is now taking a path of its own.  Please let the OP respond

[usa1ah]

2 hours ago, Dreamer2017 said:

This thread is now taking a path of its own.  Please let the OP respond

I don’t think she will be returning. She was here to validate what she was doing. She was not trying or wanting to quit her affair. She was hoping that the OM actually loved her. 
 

Now the circumstances have changed. She got pregnant and the OM dumped her. She has to face a husband pregnant where the child isn’t his. If it is a at fault state, the husband has a clear shot at divorcing her for cause. If it isn’t, then it will be obvious why he is divorcing her. 

[Buckeye2]

On 5/1/2020 at 2:04 AM, MrsAnonymous said:

That other men just told me he's been thinking and he doesn't truly love me. I going to have an abortion but what do I tell to my husband 😥 this man manipulated me and just used me for sex!

See my post on page 2, April 20th

"The following was written by a married player explaining why he prefers married women.

My perspective- as a serial cheat. Before I start, I'm no GQ model look alike and I'm not wealthy.

For me, it was always about extra sex. The thrill of the chase and ego boost was a plus, but I just wanted more sex than my wife did. I always loved my wife and certainly never ever wanted to leave her or lose her. Especially not over someone else's wayward wife.

I had a simple method. I used it because it worked. I targeted married women. I figured they were safer for several important reasons.
1- Less likely to be sleeping around with random guys (STDs).
2- Less likely to pull the crazy girlfriend BS and call my wife.
3- In case of an unwanted pregnancy, I had a built in schmuck to pay the tab and would have claimed to have had a vasectomy."

Now you can also add if the woman is married she’s more likely to get an abortion,

Edited May 7, 2020 by Buckeye2

[usa1ah]

On 5/3/2020 at 8:54 PM, JimmyNorth said:

But can we agree that OP had something missing in her life which led her to this affair? Yes, it was not the right way to handle a broken marriage that had “bad sex” if that’s what was missing. However, we should look into the reasons as to why she went with this OM.

Obviously, if she was infatuated with her husband, she’d be leaving work everyday to go jump on him and love him. But she wasn’t into her husband that way anymore and something caused that. May not have been husbands fault, but what caused OP to disconnect from husband that way??

Would it be fair to say that OP is a sex crazed nymphomaniac that wanted her OM’s sex selfishly??? No, that’s probably not the case. We have to look at the bigger picture here and see what’s up.

Most people want to harshly judge and I totally get it because there is a lot of hurt. But I really do believe that malicious, sex crazy, polyamorous women are NOT that common. Most women who stray FALL IN LOVE, and we have to ask why did that fall in love.

Something was missing from her life. Morals

[JimmyNorth]

3 hours ago, usa1ah said:

Something was missing from her life. Morals

Yes, for sure morals were non existent at this time. But can we say that this woman has forever always been a person with no morals? Or could we say that a number of real reasons in her environment led her to stray? Please note, i'm not in anyway blaming her BS for causing any bad things in her life to stray, i'm merely saying she was not content. Why was she not content and is it deeper than just her marriage. Lets assume that she is a good person at heart to begin with that just made an awful choice.

[oldlion]

I do wish you the best, but like many before you, who ventured into the fantasy land of cheating , life as you know it has come to an end. Your husband suspects something; your AP has basically informed you that all you were to him was an easy lay; and to top it off there are pictures of you with him that you have no way of knowing where they will show up. If he is younger than you and in a subordinate position at your company, you have freely given him bragging pictures he can share with others as well as pictures he can use as leverage to keep you doing whatever he ask.  You need to do some serious thinking and planning what you will do to restart your life. And you do have to restart your life because the life you had before the affair is dead and gone. It's tragic that many have to hurt those they love and themselves to learn that the life they had wasn't so bad after all. I do wish you well. 

[pepperbird]

18 hours ago, JimmyNorth said:

Yes, for sure morals were non existent at this time. But can we say that this woman has forever always been a person with no morals? Or could we say that a number of real reasons in her environment led her to stray? Please note, i'm not in anyway blaming her BS for causing any bad things in her life to stray, i'm merely saying she was not content. Why was she not content and is it deeper than just her marriage. Lets assume that she is a good person at heart to begin with that just made an awful choice.

That's a good starting point. Now she has some choices ahead that may be really hard. I do hope she's okay.

[usa1ah]

19 hours ago, JimmyNorth said:

Yes, for sure morals were non existent at this time. But can we say that this woman has forever always been a person with no morals? Or could we say that a number of real reasons in her environment led her to stray? Please note, i'm not in anyway blaming her BS for causing any bad things in her life to stray, i'm merely saying she was not content. Why was she not content and is it deeper than just her marriage. Lets assume that she is a good person at heart to begin with that just made an awful choice.

You can do what ever you want to shift the blame to her husband. I will never agree with it. 
 

The problems in the marriage are on them both. 
 

OP solely owns the cheating. 

[Amethyst68]

19 hours ago, JimmyNorth said:

Yes, for sure morals were non existent at this time. But can we say that this woman has forever always been a person with no morals? Or could we say that a number of real reasons in her environment led her to stray? Please note, i'm not in anyway blaming her BS for causing any bad things in her life to stray, i'm merely saying she was not content. Why was she not content and is it deeper than just her marriage. Lets assume that she is a good person at heart to begin with that just made an awful choice.

Yeah, no. You do this for every WS post. I don't know if you're actually trying to justify your actions during your affair (maybe even subconsciously since you'll come back saying you're not doing this).

The only was the OP can get any personal growth is to own her  and choices, all of them from choosing to cheat to having sex without a condom whys and then work on she thought they were acceptable.

Honestly not being content as a reason to cheat is one of the weakest arguments I've ever heard. Look if you're not happyr or content then fix it but you'll find the problem is usually within yourself.

Nothing gives you the right to walk over any and everybody else to get that happiness.

It's entitlement, a lack of integrity and morality, a sense of 'the world owes me for....'

[Amethyst68]

Of course I'm not saying stay married if you're incompatible or unhappy but be upfront about it and divorce. I'm not aware of any places you need 2 party consent so you can't use the old they won't agree to a divorce argument. You may have to be legally separated first but it's still able to be done civilly, without cheating and lying.

[JimmyNorth]

1 hour ago, Amethyst68 said:

Of course I'm not saying stay married if you're incompatible or unhappy but be upfront about it and divorce. I'm not aware of any places you need 2 party consent so you can't use the old they won't agree to a divorce argument. You may have to be legally separated first but it's still able to be done civilly, without cheating and lying.

Look, I’m with you on this. I agree. What I’m trying to explain is why cheaters make horrible decisions. I would NEVER say it’s right, I’m just saying that sometimes us humans make BAD emotional decisions. Getting a divorce is the best and most easiest way for everyone. I WISH I had done so in my past as well.

[IndigoNight]

On 4/30/2020 at 11:04 PM, MrsAnonymous said:

I can't believe this mess I'm in, I'm done with this affair and wish I stayed loyal. I'd give anything to have things back to what they use to be. That other men just told me he's been thinking and he doesn't truly love me. I going to have an abortion but what do I tell to my husband 😥 this man manipulated me and just used me for sex!

I really do try to find empathy when replying to people in crusts here. Yet, I have none for you right now. Maybe it was the excited bragging about hot office sex.

He didn't manipulate you!. You were a more than willing participant that loved the hot thrill of having a good looking man make you feel sexy and desirable.

Now you feel used. You should, because he was using you for sex. Again, you were a more than willing participant. 

If he had asked you to move in with him you would have probably jumped at the chance, and never cried out "he just used me for sex". It doesn't matter that you were told here repeatedly what you were doing was a bad idea, and that his intentions were not about love. 

So, now you don't feel beautiful and desired by a man at work. Perhaps you should have realized your husband of many years probably still thinks you are his lovely and beautiful bride. 

Too bad you not only cheated on him, but you were so wrapped up in your tired affair to remember the basics of birth control. Sorry, but I have no sympathy for you. You're a grandmother, so you obviously know about safe sex!

I do however feel a great deal of sympathy for your husband, and the rest of your family. I hope the sex was with what it will do to your family. 

[Just a Guy]

So with all the good advice that was offered to the OP, it all seems to have been like water on duck's back. She has withdrawn into her shell after having excitedly talked about her affair at the start. In all this I feel sorry for the husband as he is the real victim here. I do not think that the OP was at all struck by remorse for what she had done to hurt her husband. She only seemed distraught that her carefully crafted plan to snag the OM came to naught. Now she has fallen back on plan B, her poor betrayed husband who does'nt have the foggiest about what has gone on and will be innocently accepting the love bombing from his guilty wife happily. Even that may not be a bad thing as long as she now decided yo be true to him and only him and foregoes her itch to find a replacement for him. If she is still not satisfied with her marriage she should for the decent thing and divorce him first and then go shopping for a replacement. Maybe a happy ending to a sad story. Best wishes. 

 

 

 

[stillafool]

49 minutes ago, Just a Guy said:

If she is still not satisfied with her marriage she should for the decent thing and divorce him first and then go shopping for a replacement. Maybe a happy ending to a sad story.

I agree but some women just cannot be without a man in their life.  Even if she doesn't love him at least he's a man. That's all that matters to them.