do women argue just to test men?

[Woggle]

Like I always say if anybody male or female needs drama and strife to feel excitement then that means they are a boring person. Interesting people can find excitment and enjoyment outside of arguing and fighting with your partner.

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Woggle said:

Like I always say if anybody male or female needs drama and strife to feel excitement then that means they are a boring person. Interesting people can find excitment and enjoyment outside of arguing and fighting with your partner.

Amen mate.

Edited April 18, 2020 by poppyfields

[preraph]

None of my people whose drama I enjoyed were at all boring.  They did interesting things across the board. 

[smackie9]

Some argue for the empowerment that it gives them...to receive reaction caused by them, getting under one's skin, getting them all riled up, etc...it give them a sense of control. I worked with such person. She did it intentionally and took much pleasure in it. Then one day she did it to herself. She lost control on herself with my supervisor. He knew her game and didn't give her the reaction she was looking for, so she kept at him...she got fired for it...finally!

Edited April 18, 2020 by smackie9

[preraph]

We have one like that at work.  She thinks she's funny.  She's just aggressive.  

[rjc149]

14 hours ago, K.K. said:

I don’t think women argue for no reason. There’s always a reason. Emotions and women just go hand in hand. Sometimes their mood is just off. Sometimes he just sits there with radio static in his head and it’s boring and you’re trying to kick some life into him. Sometimes he just breathes wrong and it’s annoying. 😛 Sometimes you just want to know that he cares enough to argue back? It’s not the arguing that you’re wanting. It’s the emotions. Any emotions.

This, or she's losing attraction/cheating. 

[Kitty Tantrum]

I do like to argue - but in an academic rather than an emotional way. As soon as someone starts losing control of their emotions and actually getting heated/passionately invested in the outcome, I'm OUT.

When I say I like to argue, I mean I like to flesh out and explore ideas through the presentation of facts and evidence and the application of reason. I grew up "arguing," sometimes into the wee hours of the morning, with my dad and my brothers.

That thing that women often do to test men, I would not call "arguing." I'd call that picking a fight. It's a Me-vs.-You thing and has nothing to do with the reasoned maintenance or contention of a position.

[Woggle]

People who raise a big fuss and call it empowerment rarely make empowering moves in life. 

[basil67]

8 hours ago, snowcones said:

Yes.  It's amazing the change you see in personalities once under duress.  I'd argue that it's absolutely necessary to see someone in this condition and how they act before you marry or move in with them.

And not just relationship arguments.   I also want to see them react when something doesn't go their way in a store/restaurant and how they handle frustration on the road.  

[Woggle]

4 hours ago, preraph said:

None of my people whose drama I enjoyed were at all boring.  They did interesting things across the board. 

I think you are in the entertainment industry right? Most of them seem pretty boring to me. They are people who think doing a bunch of drugs and being wasted all the time makes you interesting. 

[preraph]

Was.  They're talented creative multifacted, mostly unboring brave people.   They don't all stay wasted.  But no, I wasn't just talking about entertainment people specifically, though they're popular because they're not boring, actually. 

 

Each to his own.  I don't have a problem if you only like mild unchallenging people.  That may be what it takes for you to not stay upset.  

Edited April 18, 2020 by preraph

[Woggle]

The issue is that I have been through some real drama in life and I have also been around just general craziness and I don't have much tolerance for people who need to manufacture it.

[chillii]

8 hours ago, snowcones said:

There's a difference between truly not giving a fk about whatever it was, in which case, someone would go along with whatever keeps the peace, But deliberately ignoring what is going on, even though things are not good and uncomfortable,  because you don't want to do the hard work to address it is something else.  The latter is what I was referring to in my previous post.

yeah l know  but to we often just don't giva fk about addressing whatever it is either , the two are usually concerned about totally different things and a lot of the time things she's concerned most guys couldn't careless about.

[preraph]

Woggle, so you do what's best for you.  Doesn't mean it applies to all people, though.   Everyone is different on that count.  

[Woggle]

Believe me during normal times I am a lot of fun and my parties and BBQs are legendary. Hang out with me and you can have a ball but at the end of the day people won't feel like drinking the pain away and slitting their wrists and there will be no door slamming and dish throwing.

[snowcones]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

And not just relationship arguments.   I also want to see them react when something doesn't go their way in a store/restaurant and how they handle frustration on the road.  

Totally.  I love it when an undercover jerk reveals themselves.  It makes it easy to ghost them.

[K.K.]

14 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

They calmly and rationally discuss things because they are nice, sane people.

*yawn* 😁 

[chillii]

32 minutes ago, K.K. said:

*yawn* 😁 

Haaaa, crackin me up , that's what l was thinking.

[snowcones]

20 hours ago, Fletch Lives said:

Furthermore, the best relationships have less than a handful of arguments per year. They are easy to get along with, understand that relationships are give-and-take, and pick their battles. They calmly and rationally discuss things because they are nice, sane people.

I honestly agree with this. Although, I would add that if I'm involved in this relationship, the guy has to prove to me that he has emotions and shows them in some other way (preferably a positive way).  My ex-H and I did not get along, we fought like crazy, because we were severely incompatible in almost every way, but it was HIM that would start the arguments cause he was a control freak, whereas I probably would have been happy to learn how to keep our distance from each other in order to keep the peace.  We probably would have been one of those couples who lives separate lives had I had my way and we stayed together, but all he wanted to do was fight and try to change me into whatever he wanted me to be and I wanted him to stop being that person and be nicer (but I never tried to FORCE him to change like he tried to do to me).  I would have been okay to just avoid each other and not collide with each other like we did on an almost daily basis. But he wanted to force it and we argued all day.  So I ended up divorcing him.  Maybe the arguing was good because it forced two very incompatible people who should have never been together to breakup rather than stay uncomfortably together.  That experience taught me the value of being with someone who is compatible with you and that you get along with.  I mean, some people just don't get along, even though they find each other attractive, and that's fine. It's okay to find someone attractive and just let that stay sitting on the table like a beautiful glass sculpture that's only meant to be admired but not touched or explored.  That is where our relationship should have stayed had we been old enough and wise enough to know that (like I do now).  I can now see incompatibility with other men I find attractive, and I avoid them.  It's okay.   I treat them like artwork.  I just admire from afar.  What would be the best relationship is like you said, one that we have less than a handful of arguments per year and easily get along with each other.  Give-and-take when we discuss thing, like you said. A mutual willingness to make the other happy. This would be fabulous to me considering what I came from.  What I don't want is the argumentative guy who does it for control or sport, I don't want the Dr. Spock guy who has absolutely zero emotion either (they exist), and I don't want the lazy avoider guy either. I want a normal, nice, mature, guy who knows how discuss things in an emotionally mature and rational way.

Edited April 19, 2020 by snowcones

[Springsummer]

On 4/17/2020 at 9:07 PM, Letschill said:

A  lot of women seem to argue for no reason. Then they seem to like it when a man argues back. But guys who say nothing lose out. Is this normal?

lose out? I would say the guys are winners. Who needs to be with women that have no other interests in life to make them feel alive and important but to create problem?

[stillafool]

22 hours ago, Woggle said:

Like I always say if anybody male or female needs drama and strife to feel excitement then that means they are a boring person.

Not just boring but draining.  Soon you find yourself doing anything to avoid them.

[Woggle]

51 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Not just boring but draining.  Soon you find yourself doing anything to avoid them.

In my first marriage I would go the grocery store after work sometimes and take forever because I wanted to put off world war three as long as possible or sometimes I would go on the boardwalk and just sit on a bench while telling her I had to work late. Is this what people consider to be exciting and passionate?

[alphamale]

On 4/17/2020 at 9:07 PM, Letschill said:

A  lot of women seem to argue for no reason. Then they seem to like it when a man argues back. But guys who say nothing lose out. Is this normal?

yes letschill it is normal and quite common

[OatsAndHall]

21 hours ago, smackie9 said:

Some argue for the empowerment that it gives them...to receive reaction caused by them, getting under one's skin, getting them all riled up, etc...it give them a sense of control. I worked with such person. She did it intentionally and took much pleasure in it. Then one day she did it to herself. She lost control on herself with my supervisor. He knew her game and didn't give her the reaction she was looking for, so she kept at him...she got fired for it...finally!

 

I had a similar type of a situation pop up a few weeks ago. The co-worker I described previously made a rather rude comment that directly aimed at others in the room, myself included. An administrator got angry with him, told him off and it spurred an argument. I just turned and walked away as I wasn't going to waste my time. I was chatting with the administrator the next day and he mentioned how he was still angry about it and asked me why I didn't jump into the fray.

I laughed and told the boss that he had played right into that person's hands. The yutz said something looking for an argument and a response and he got it. I wasn't going to feed into it as it's a waste of time and I have no respect for the guy's opinion as is. I told him that maybe he needed to try and put the guy in his place from an administrative position but I didn't have the obligation and wasn't going to bother.

[K.K.]

28 minutes ago, Woggle said:

In my first marriage I would go the grocery store after work sometimes and take forever because I wanted to put off world war three as long as possible or sometimes I would go on the boardwalk and just sit on a bench while telling her I had to work late. Is this what people consider to be exciting and passionate?

Noooo!! 🤦‍♀️

Thats just a crappy abusive marriage! With what sounds like a ball busting bitch of a wife. (Sorry) I’m glad you got out of that. 

I hate arguing! I hate when I can’t get along with someone and my blood boils every time they open their mouth. I hate the back and forth s*** talking and screaming. I hate it. That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about sometimes just having it out when emotions arise. Easily. Quickly.

I’m not a fan of the let’s sit down and discuss crap like we’re at a round table meeting. I’d rather have some feelings.. Not abuse. Passion. It’s a dance. Do any other women feel me on this or am I alone here? 

See.. the way it would go in my scenario is that I may do something stupid or thoughtless, (because you know.. emotions) and he would get mad and uncharacteristically raise his voice. I would then cry and he would be horrified at causing me pain. His face would soften and he’d pick me up and set me gently on the counter in the kitchen. He’d whisper how much he loves me and how he didn’t mean to raise his voice. Then he’d lick the tears off of my face and proceed to f*** the s*** out of me!  🙂