AR4441 Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 (edited) Mostly venting here... Well because my ex is in my social circle I got to hear about how she went on some sailing trip for a week and then he came back to our city and has now been living with her for 3.5 months and the last like 3 weeks at her family's home. If she's so avoidant and can't handle intimacy and closeness and needs distance how the hell is she able to handle literally living with this kid for so long? She had literally only been in person with this guy maybe 15 days before "making it official". And now 1 or 2 months into this relationship he's literally living with her? wtf It's sickening. The "funny thing" is, one of the times she was with this kid back in end of July/early August on another trip for a week, she had been "dating" another guy for about a month at that point, having posted pictures of them on instagram together, went on this vacation with her now bf, and I'm SURE the entire time texting the guy back at home telling him she can't stop thinking about him and wishing he was there and all that, then she came back to this other kid, brought him to her family's vacation home, planned to go to one of his family member's wedding before dumping him cold. Then a month later she goes to UK to see this new guy and all of sudden it's her boyfriend and he's living with her I know I'm externally focusing in this post but I'm just venting. I'm so angry and hurt. That was supposed to be me! She told me how special I was to her, how in love with me she was, how she wanted to do this and that in the future with me, that she was always so happy just being around me, that she wanted to date me for 3 years and move and get married and get a dog together, that we had such a connection and always the best time together. I don't understand if she's supposedly so scared of closeness and intimacy and conflict and avoidant how the hell she's able to literally live with this guy like this She ended things with me and apparently another guy because I did things she wanted to do too much, she felt partly contained; then how the hell has this new relationship not set those things off? This guy knows nothing about NYC, doesn't have any friends here, has no job, has no life of his own here, she has no time to herself because he's literally living with her with nothing to do without her, she has to bring him to everything, he's not making a majority of plans not knowing anything or anybody here, he's literally always doing what she wants to do because what else is he doing!? he's got nobody else to hang out with separate from her. What could he possibly be bringing to the table?? What is attractive about being with somebody like this? WTF!?? What the hell does this guy have that I don't? I just do not get it at all. Just why is he getting all of this commitment and love and I didn't? Especially when she expressed so much love and happiness when with me Logically I think that she's really not a good person or at least not somebody I should want to be with considering a lot of things she's done but I still miss her, still want her back, still emotionally feel messed up over her. I wish I could somehow get the logic to click with my emotions. I wish I could genuinely hate her. Instead I feel like if I had been the guy for her she never would have done the things she did and so far it seems she's treating this new boat servant boyfriend like the best thing since sliced bread and wouldn't even think about doing similar things to him that she did to me. Battling to keep my internal monologue about me and all the good things I'm doing to change my life. How I'm working on improving myself. That I have so much going for me. That she doesn't deserve me. But you know how no matter what you say in your head to yourself but you still have that sinking feeling in your chest and gut? yea... Edited April 21, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 To be fair, she hasn't been with this new guy long enough to trigger to her avoidant tendencies, if that's in fact what's going on with her. It may just be that her feelings for you changed and she used that as an excuse to wiggle out of the relationship, unfortunately. Whatever the case, you know far too much about her new relationship. Ask whomever is feeding you this information to stop. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 (edited) It's understandable to feel that way but its unhealthy for you and unrealistic to assume she doesn't move on. A lot of people jump from relationships to relationships and that's not me at all. It's an entitlement. She isn't your girlfriend and she has every right to find someone else. It doesn't reflect you as a person either. The guy is not holding her hostage,she chose him, and he's just a man in love like you were. To me it should be easier to accept that and move on when you view it like that. Time and acceptance is the key! Edited April 19, 2020 by Realitysux Link to post Share on other sites
Author AR4441 Posted April 20, 2020 Author Share Posted April 20, 2020 3 hours ago, Realitysux said: It's understandable to feel that way but its unhealthy for you and unrealistic to assume she doesn't move on. A lot of people jump from relationships to relationships and that's not me at all. It's an entitlement. She isn't your girlfriend and she has every right to find someone else. It doesn't reflect you as a person either. The guy is not holding her hostage,she chose him, and he's just a man in love like you were. To me it should be easier to accept that and move on when you view it like that. Time and acceptance is the key! Never said she didn't have the right to do anything she wants. I'm just sad and hurt and confused why this person is getting all the commitment and love and good stuff she promised me and despite all the love and happiness she professed for me she dumped me cold. What does he have that is so much better that he's getting the best out of her? Especially especially when she's potentially avoidant, dumped me and apparently another dude because she felt contained and I did what she wanted too much and this guy has no life here outside of her and is living with her. Doesn't make sense. As I said, just venting mostly. Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 2 hours ago, AR4441 said: just venting mostly. Hope you feel better soon ((((((((((((((((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Link to post Share on other sites
Irmaa Posted April 20, 2020 Share Posted April 20, 2020 ¨What does he have that is so much better that he's getting the best out of her?¨ You can´t really read her soul and his soul so this is not something that you can say. Maybe you are better off without her. Besides, if it is the other person who took the decision, think: do I really want to be with someone who is choosing someone else? heck, no, you deserve so much more. Hang in there, it hurts now but you will be better and you will thrive again. Be sure of that. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelyplanetmoon Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 OP, sometimes in life you just have to fake it til you make it. It really sucks when you think you can take someone’s word. You end up giving them all of your heart and then it is crushed. Instead of focusing on her words, focus on her actions. Through her actions she is showing you who she actually is. Link to post Share on other sites
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