No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

 

I lost contact with this guy i met online i was getting to know, back in October. I know it will sound bad but i think he was waiting on a call from me then. Life got in the way, work/family etc etc.. but he didnt reach out again either . Forward three months (january 1st)and i thought i would give him a call. I sent a message aswell saying im sorry for the lack of contact, explaining i was busy and if he wants to resume contact id be fine with that.
He replied with "i see".
I just asked what hes been upto and he said hes been busy working and will go away on holiday soon.
I told him my friend tried to set me up with someone but i wasnt interested.
He just straight up then asked me if i liked him and if hes my type. I said sometimes i like him sometimes i dont. ...and then he said he feels like a sandwich. That text exchange ended middle of January. Then a few weeks went by where no one said a word. I assumed he was busy maybe packing for his holiday. I then decide to reach out middle of February, whilst he was on holiday i just asked how he is and got no response.
I thought forget this and decided to block him for a few weeks. I unblocked thinking i was being silly then another month went by n i decided to call him on the 24th march, he missed the call but did call back later (which i missed) and messaged aswell saying he thought i deleted his number and i asked why he would think that. To which he replied he messaged me but i didnt respond. I said i didnt receive anything. ( i assume must have been the time i blocked him) .

We finally ended up speaking about a week ago now, it was a two and a half hour conversation. He seemed quite happy that we were finally speaking after so long. Although He kept repeating how i didnt reply to his messages and how comes i decided to contact him after months. I just said it seemed mutual and that we drifted but i think he was implying it was more from my end and that i left him. He said if you found someone and it didnt work out and then you came back to me its fine just let me know. I just said there was no one else, but i guess that is what he assumed. And then he kept saying im cool and unique and an interesting person. Rest of the time he was asking me a multitude of questions about what ive been doing the last couple of months and where have i been. I kind of replied vaguely though i just said times flown by.

We carried on speaking for another half hour. He asked lots of other questions personal and general. It felt like an interview. He asked about my family, and work life, what my plans are in the near future, told me  i should learn how to cook and it could be a little project for me. Personal question wise he asked about sexual experiences and dating  experiences. So as you can see we talked about pretty much  everything. 

Ill be honest though although  i was trying my best  to open upto him, i think it was him doing most of the talking and answering/asking questions. I think i just  felt shy/awkward since i hadnt spoken to him in a while.

 

Right at the end he asked if i want to see him/meet up, i said i dont mind, and then he said you make it sound like im an option. To which i replied everyone is an option. He said  i guess you could say that.
Eventually he said he had to go, so he cut the conversation short. And was like wow weve been speaking  for nearly 3 hours. 
That was on Sunday, its now been a week and have not heard since. Either by text or call.
So my question is what now. Should i call again? Even though i was the one who called last?

Edited April 19, 2020 by miranda561

[Gr8fuln2020]

Ugh. The whole experience with this guy was just one indication after another of lack of enthusiasm. It didn't seem either of you were really that interested in one another. I would just send a text asking him when he'd like to get together. Keep it short and simple. I would not call him in this case. Let him respond to the text and then, if a conversation is to be had, have it then to plan. If he doesn't respond. You have your answer as to his interest and you should move on. Honestly, don't wait too long unless you are really interested in him, though I don't know why you would be.

[poppyfields]

48 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Right at the end he asked if i want to see him/meet up, i said i dont mind, and then he said you make it sound like im an option. To which i replied everyone is an option.

My take is after a very rocky start months back - you being too busy to return a call/text (in his mind ghosting him), reaching back out but still being afraid to show your hand, acting coy, mixed messages, you finally had your chance when he directly asked if you'd like to get together and you replied with the above quote -- you wouldn't mind?

I'm sorry but put yourself in his shoes.  It was COLD, and then you go on to say "everyone is an option"?

I'm curious what your thought process was when making such comments, so nonchalantly and indifferently.

Do you like this guy?  I'm sensing you would have liked to get together with him, so why the "I wouldn't mind"? Ugh.

You might have shown at least a little more enthusiasm don't you think?  What were (are) you afraid of?

Letting him know you like him?  Why?

Anyway, I actually don't blame him.  Many guys are not into chasing reluctant indifferent women like they used to.

I think the only chance you've got at this point is calling him, being direct and asking him out, planning the date, day and time.

If it's beneath you to ask a man out, then learn from this and vow to never act so coyly again when you like a guy,  and waiting for men to chase you even when you're resisting. 

I'm sorry, I know that sounds harsh but many moons ago I had that same type of entitlement attitude, and I recall being dumped by at least one guy I liked alot because of it.

My friend had set us up and after he dumped me, he told her that was the reason. 

Don't allow your fears to drive your ship miranda , all that will happen is your ship will sink.

 

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

I wouldn't contact him again because it seems you are always the one reaching out to him and not him to you.  You block then unblock and then contact him.  Just let him go.

[Gr8fuln2020]

7 minutes ago, stillafool said:

I wouldn't contact him again because it seems you are always the one reaching out to him and not him to you.  You block then unblock and then contact him.  Just let him go.

He did text her a few times while she had him blocked, so she also missed a couple of his attempts to contact her.

I feel there isn't enough interest in either of their parts to really get traction here. 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

Ugh. The whole experience with this guy was just one indication after another of lack of enthusiasm. It didn't seem either of you were really that interested in one another. I would just send a text asking him when he'd like to get together. Keep it short and simple. I would not call him in this case. Let him respond to the text and then, if a conversation is to be had, have it then to plan. If he doesn't respond. You have your answer as to his interest and you should move on. Honestly, don't wait too long unless you are really interested in him, though I don't know why you would be.

Although it may not seem like it i am still quite interested  in him. 

From what  i can decipher, hes got a lot of pride, and a massive ego. Because in january when i did finally contact  him after three months, i told him about this other guy who was interested in  me and even though i told him its not reciprocated, he continued  to want to see me and speak to me. And the guy this post it about called the other guy a "beg"  as in desperate. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

1 minute ago, miranda561 said:

Although it may not seem like it i am still quite interested  in him. 

From what  i can decipher, hes got a lot of pride, and a massive ego. Because in january when i did finally contact  him after three months, i told him about this other guy who was interested in  me and even though i told him its not reciprocated, he continued  to want to see me and speak to me. And the guy this post it about called the other guy a "beg"  as in desperate. 

Oh oh. You are still quite interested in a guy who is prideful and has a massive ego!?  I understand you like him, but does he like you as much? Anyway, it doesn't hurt to shoot out a quick text. Nothing lost. He should respond relatively quickly if he is really interested in you and not playing any "massive" ego games. 

[poppyfields]

9 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

From what  i can decipher, hes got a lot of pride, and a massive ego.

Sounds like you've met your match! 

I asked this in previous post, but what are you afraid of?  Why are you so afraid to show your hand a bit more, some enthusiasm?  Letting him know you like him? 

Put yourself in "his" shoes --- guy ghosts you months back, he reaches out three months later, YOU suggest getting together and HE responds with "I wouldn't mind" and "everyone is an option." 

What would you think and do after that?

It's not even a matter of pride or ego, to him, YOU are showing indifference = not interested.

Next. 

Think about it.

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[stillafool]

13 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Because in january when i did finally contact  him after three months, i told him about this other guy who was interested in  me and even though i told him its not reciprocated, he continued  to want to see me and speak to me.

What was the purpose of contacting him and telling him about another guy you aren't even interested in seeing?  Why even bring that up?

Edited April 19, 2020 by stillafool

[Mystery4u]

Sounds like you have issues with communication. You give a lot of mixed signals and appear very unenthusiastic. 'I don't mind'? I mean seriously what kind of reply is that when someone asks you to meet up?

The whole episode between you two is so awkward. If I was him I would not be contacting you either.

[smackie9]

An interested guy shows interest, but only when you show interest. You didn’t  so he’s not going to bother. 
 

Tip: if you want a guy to chase you or entice a man’s interest  you have to be flirty fun and responsive. Being present doesn’t count as interest, it how you play it. You showed very little enthusiasm so I don’t blame the guy for not putting in effort. 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

My take is after a very rocky start months back - you being too busy to return a call/text (in his mind ghosting him), reaching back out but still being afraid to show your hand, acting coy, mixed messages, you finally had your chance when he directly asked if you'd like to get together and you replied with the above quote -- you wouldn't mind?

I'm sorry but put yourself in his shoes.  It was COLD, and then you go on to say "everyone is an option"?

I'm curious what your thought process was when making such comments, so nonchalantly and indifferently.

Do you like this guy?  I'm sensing you would have liked to get together with him, so why the "I wouldn't mind"? Ugh.

You might have shown at least a little more enthusiasm don't you think?  What were (are) you afraid of?

Letting him know you like him?  Why?

Anyway, I actually don't blame him.  Many guys are not into chasing reluctant indifferent women like they used to.

I think the only chance you've got at this point is calling him, being direct and asking him out, planning the date, day and time.

If it's beneath you to ask a man out, then learn from this and vow to never act so coyly again when you like a guy,  and waiting for men to chase you even when you're resisting. 

I'm sorry, I know that sounds harsh but many moons ago I had that same type of entitlement attitude, and I recall being dumped by at least one guy I liked alot because of it.

My friend had set us up and after he dumped me, he told her that was the reason. 

Don't allow your fears to drive your ship miranda , all that will happen is your ship will sink.

 

 

I said i wouldnt mind because i didnt want to show too much enthusiasm that is true. I was told by one of my male friends that he will end up having power over me if i show him too much interest. Which is kind of weird since ive seen the messages this particular male friend sends to the women he likes. And he makes it completely  obvious he is interested. 

There was a time he did pursue me, but that lasted about a month myb till i think he just  stopped. He kept saying he suspects hes just my texting buddy as i wasnt amazing at returning calls and speaking on the phone. But then ive had connections with people where it's been mostly texting and barely calls. Which i guess he didnt want. And ever sincr then he only responds to me rather  than initiate.

I wouldnt say its beneath me like in a condescending way, but  i do feel its upto the guy usually. 

He does ask me out but not like setting up a date/time/place etc. He just brings it out in such a casual way, and then when  i reply hes like oh but ill need another photo. 

And then silence for a week

 

 

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I said i wouldnt mind because i didnt want to show too much enthusiasm that is true. I was told by one of my male friends that he will end up having power over me if i show him too much interest.

There was a time he did pursue me, but that lasted about a month myb till i think he just  stopped. He kept saying he suspects hes just my texting buddy as i wasnt amazing at returning calls and speaking on the phone. 

I wouldnt say its beneath me like in a condescending way, but i do feel its up to the guy.

 

 

First paragraph - my advice is if you want to be successful at dating and having men you like pursue you and want to move closer to you, get rid of that notion REAL fast. 

In my experience, which is vast, men love enthusiasm in a woman, they love knowing they're bringing her joy, and that she's interested in him.

Not in an overwhelming way, there's a balance, but the cold indifference you displayed is simply not gonna fly with many men in today's dating environment.

These power plays serve no good purpose imo, as evidenced by what is happening with this guy, right now by what's written in your second paragraph.

Third paragraph, there might be some truth to that in the VERY early stages, however what you're forgetting is that you essentially ghosted him last October, after which you reached back out which I give you credit for. 

But then when he did ask you out, instead of responding "I'd love to," or something like that, you responded in a cold indifferent manner by saying "I don't mind." 

This changes the playing field, it's up to you to make a move now if you have any chance with this guy.

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

12 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

An interested guy shows interest, but only when you show interest. You didn’t  so he’s not going to bother. 
 

Tip: if you want a guy to chase you or entice a man’s interest  you have to be flirty fun and responsive. Being present doesn’t count as interest, it how you play it. You showed very little enthusiasm so I don’t blame the guy for not putting in effort. 

He did say i was unique and not boring, in the last conversation we had. And then referred back to women he knew who were boring according to him. 

Im really not good at flirting  though, im more like a robot 😂. He asked me what i like if he spoke to me in a crude/sexual way in other words would i stop talking  to him, to which i replied i dont know. And then he said its all about balance, saying he can be sensitive but then the other thing aswell. And asked me what  i am. 

[miranda561]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

First paragraph - my advice is if you want to be successful at dating and having men you like pursue you and want to move closer to you, get rid of that notion REAL fast. 

In my experience, which is vast, men love enthusiasm in a woman, they love knowing they're bringing her joy, and that she's interested in him.

These power plays serve no good purpose imo, as evidenced by what is happening with this guy, right now by what's written in your second paragraph.

Third paragraph, there might be some truth to that in the VERY early stages, however what you're forgetting is that you essentially ghosted him last October, after which you reached back out which I give you credit for. 

But then when he did ask you out, instead of responding "I'd love to," or something like that, you responded in a cold indifferent manner by saying "I don't mind." 

This changes the playing field, it's up to you to make a move now if you have any chance with this guy.

Ok so i have  to try and change the manner in which i communicate 😂. Ive never been flirty and girly, its just not how i am. But i can try. 

Since i havnt heard in a week from him i guess i just thought maybe he doesnt care  anymore. But then its hard to tell as in the last conversation he was very expressive and seemed interested. 

 

 

[miranda561]

31 minutes ago, Mystery4u said:

Sounds like you have issues with communication. You give a lot of mixed signals and appear very unenthusiastic. 'I don't mind'? I mean seriously what kind of reply is that when someone asks you to meet up?

The whole episode between you two is so awkward. If I was him I would not be contacting you either.

Im just not used to being forward with men. Even when theyve  been forward with me. 

 

[miranda561]

34 minutes ago, stillafool said:

What was the purpose of contacting him and telling him about another guy you aren't even interested in seeing?  Why even bring that up?

Well its because when i asked him what hes been upto he said hes been working as well as his friends have been trying to hook him up with women.  And coincidentally  at that time my friend  was trying to do the same thing. Hence  i brought it up. 

 

[TheDao]

I honestly do not blame him because that is what most women do.  Women have too many choices, very few guys are going to say no.  I would move on though you haven't even met yet but he is asking personal questions.

[miranda561]

47 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Sounds like you've met your match! 

I asked this in previous post, but what are you afraid of?  Why are you so afraid to show your hand a bit more, some enthusiasm?  Letting him know you like him? 

Put yourself in "his" shoes --- guy ghosts you months back, he reaches out three months later, YOU suggest getting together and HE responds with "I wouldn't mind" and "everyone is an option." 

What would you think and do after that?

It's not even a matter of pride or ego, to him, YOU are showing indifference = not interested.

Next. 

Think about it.

Oh and another thing, in january after me reaching out, i told him about my friend trying to set me up with a guy i didnt even like in the end. And this guy asked why not? I said heisnt my type. Towhich he asked if he is. I said let me see another pic of you. And i replied with "nice". Then he asked if i like him 😂 i said sometimes i do and sometimes i dont. He asked why dont you sometimes. And then he said after a while is he on my wanted list i said he is in between and hes like in bettween wanted and not wanted? Then proceeds to say he feels like a sandwich 😐. 

[miranda561]

4 minutes ago, TheDao said:

I honestly do not blame him because that is what most women do.  Women have too many choices, very few guys are going to say no.  I would move on though you haven't even met yet but he is asking personal questions.

Men have lots of choices too. I dont  want to generalise but i feel its easier  for a man to find a suitable/decent woman than it is for a woman to find a decent man. 

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Ok so i have  to try and change the manner in which i communicate 😂. Ive never been flirty and girly, its just not how i am. But i can try. 

miranda, no one is suggesting you be or act like someone you're not, only that you begin being REAL with men.

Sounds like you really dig this guy, but yet you responded to his date invite in a way that would reflect the exact opposite. 

Why? Because you're afraid of him having power over you? 

Change that mindset, and communicating in an honest and real way will become much easier and more natural for you, guaranteed.  

Edited April 19, 2020 by poppyfields

[smackie9]

21 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

He did say i was unique and not boring, in the last conversation we had. And then referred back to women he knew who were boring according to him. 

Im really not good at flirting  though, im more like a robot 😂. He asked me what i like if he spoke to me in a crude/sexual way in other words would i stop talking  to him, to which i replied i dont know. And then he said its all about balance, saying he can be sensitive but then the other thing aswell. And asked me what  i am. 

Girl if you want success with men you are going to have to learn to loosen up and flirt. It is what it is.

same goes for guys....which would you be more interested in? A guy that is smooth talkin, charming and makes you feel desired? or a guy the sits there like a stump and answers questions in a unenthusiastic mono tone voice?  It’s a no brainer 

[miranda561]

9 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Girl if you want success with men you are going to have to learn to loosen up and flirt. It is what it is.

same goes for guys....which would you be more interested in? A guy that is smooth talkin, charming and makes you feel desired? or a guy the sits there like a stump and answers questions in a unenthusiastic mono tone voice?  It’s a no brainer 

Lol i get what youre saying. I think my way has worked on some people though 😂, except  i changed my mind  about them  in the end.

 

[miranda561]

12 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

miranda, no one is suggesting you be or act like someone you're not, only that you begin being REAL with men.

Sounds like you really dig this guy, but yet you responded to his date invite in a way that would reflect the exact opposite. 

Why? Because you're afraid of him having power over you? 

Change that mindset, and communicating in an honest and real way will become much easier and more natural for you, guaranteed.  

I will think about that. Im pretty certain women he was with before, since hes been in multiple relationships were the opposite of me. And we're more proactive. He said his ex used to complain he wouldnt call her enough. Whereas  with me its like no complaining just no reactions whatsoever. Except me doing it back 😂

[TheDao]

14 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Men have lots of choices too. I dont  want to generalise but i feel its easier  for a man to find a suitable/decent woman than it is for a woman to find a decent man. 

Men have to message 100 women, out of that 100, he will talk to 3 women and if he's lucky he will get 1 date.   Either I'm lazy or smart, I would never do online dating because it's too much work.  I have better things to do than to desperately message 100 women.