No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, Versacehottie said:

A little low hanging fruit and belief that they can each be on each other's back burners--since that is what he thinks she is doing and he is either now doing that as well or may have been all along.  He also could need a little ego stroke and simply be bored himself and then find himself in another game.  Like the very last time he took the bait and probably wishes he didn't now after she then immediately blew him off.

OP, you have a lot of excuses TBH. What do you really want from him?  And depending on what you want how do you see that going?  Like what would the steps be?

I aint no ones back up option. 

And i certainly am not that  desperate  to keep a back up either. I dont  even give enough in order to be that? It wouldn't  be hard for him to find some one else who would be giving him way more. 

And which bait are you referring to? 

Well i want to keep in contact  so it does not go back to months no contact again for a start. And then see what happens after that when the quarantine finally ends

 

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

I am curious to hear the answer to this, too. 

The way you're playing it, OP, makes it seem like you want attention from him but have zero intention of exploring anything further. 

 that's not how it is. I dont need attention. But if i did i can guarantee i could get it,  right now even there is a guy actually interested  in me. Who keeps messaging me. But i hardly ever initiate with him. 

Its weird because  he actually asked me that  question once a while back. When i blocked  and hadnt spoken to him in a while. He was like what do you want from me😳😳

Edited April 29, 2020 by miranda561

[ExpatInItaly]

5 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

He was like what do you want from me

And what is the answer to this question?

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what is the answer to this question?

 

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

And what is the answer to this question?

I want to find out more about him and keep in contact..And eventually meet and see if i get on with him. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 minute ago, miranda561 said:

I want to find out more about him and keep in contact..And eventually meet and see if i get on with him. 

Your actions aren't conducive to this. Do you genuinely not understand that? 

[Versacehottie]

48 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I aint no ones back up option. 

And i certainly am not that  desperate  to keep a back up either. I dont  even give enough in order to be that? It wouldn't  be hard for him to find some one else who would be giving him way more. 

And which bait are you referring to? 

Well i want to keep in contact  so it does not go back to months no contact again for a start. And then see what happens after that when the quarantine finally ends

 

You might not want to be and might not allow it in some regards, but you have no control as to how he sees and what he plans to do with it.  With sporadic contact and dating others and a huge gap of time with no traction, it looks like there is a high probability that you are his back up whether you like it or not.  Sadly, if that's not what you want, unfortunately it's your own treatment and way you have communicated with him and content of what you've done and said that is part of this cause.  Are you just afraid to really try?  I'm mean his actions say he's only marginally interested at best. He's a stranger so if you can get beyond your own pride than there really isn't much face to lose.  Unless you're afraid you won't be able to keep telling yourself those stories that you're not anyone's backup, not desperate and positing like you've got something going on.  You really should be able to face this and go after what you want if overly confident you is really what is going on inside.

The bait: a silly emoji, designed to elicit a response.  He probably wishes now that he didn't answer that because of how you handled afterward by disappearing again.  You are only reinforcing the flakey & backup vibe.

[miranda561]

43 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Your actions aren't conducive to this. Do you genuinely not understand that? 

Yeh i do get that. 

 

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

You might not want to be and might not allow it in some regards, but you have no control as to how he sees and what he plans to do with it.  With sporadic contact and dating others and a huge gap of time with no traction, it looks like there is a high probability that you are his back up whether you like it or not.  Sadly, if that's not what you want, unfortunately it's your own treatment and way you have communicated with him and content of what you've done and said that is part of this cause.  Are you just afraid to really try?  I'm mean his actions say he's only marginally interested at best. He's a stranger so if you can get beyond your own pride than there really isn't much face to lose.  Unless you're afraid you won't be able to keep telling yourself those stories that you're not anyone's backup, not desperate and positing like you've got something going on.  You really should be able to face this and go after what you want if overly confident you is really what is going on inside.

The bait: a silly emoji, designed to elicit a response.  He probably wishes now that he didn't answer that because of how you handled afterward by disappearing again.  You are only reinforcing the flakey & backup vibe.

Well i guess  the only option is to try. Or to leave it.

Personally  i dont see him as the type to keep someone as a back up. Since he was always like either youre serious or lets forget this altogether. 

 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Your actions aren't conducive to this. Do you genuinely not understand that? 

Technically i am the one initiating  contact. Even if it isnt everyday or every week even. 

 

[miranda561]

Three and a half weeks no proper contact 😳🤔😂. Oh apart from the "are you bored lol" as a response  to my gif. 

And i won't  be able to meet him for the forseeable future due to lockdown.( even though he originally asked me if i want to meet him) At the same time don't want to lose contact either. 

So what should i do now.

Edited May 6, 2020 by miranda561

[hippychick3]

This guy has no interest in you. At all. The potential for anything to happen was ruined a long time ago. 
 

Take this time to work on yourself and your communication skills (stop being so aloof in your conversations). Stop calling him and texting him. You are coming across a little desperate and crazy. 

[poppyfields]

1 hour ago, hippychick3 said:

This guy has no interest in you. At all. The potential for anything to happen was ruined a long time ago. 
 

Take this time to work on yourself and your communication skills (stop being so aloof in your conversations). Stop calling him and texting him. You are coming across a little desperate and crazy. 

After all is said and done, what it boils down to miranda is THIS!^^

I don't think it's entirely your fault, gotta admit, I've acted a bit aloof with some guys; not a game, my interest was low.

But they still pursued.  Men are hunters, when they're charged up about a woman, a little aloofness is not gonna stand in their way the majority of the time. 

And it's not like you did/do nothing, you initiate, probably too much now, which reflects interest for sure. 

I dunno, folks are giving you a hard time, but imo I just don't think he's interested anymore if he ever was.  The whole thing has non-starter written all over it, from the beginning.

Either that or he's too insecure to have a relationship with or even just date!

Stay away from insecure men, they will drain you emotionally which is precisely what is happening now from what I can sense from your posts.

Best to move on from this miranda, lesson learned.

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by poppyfields

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, miranda561 said:

So what should i do now.

Nothing, other than working on breaking the fixation you have on this guy. 

[miranda561]

44 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

After all is said and done, what it boils down to miranda is THIS!^^

I don't think it's entirely your fault, gotta admit, I've acted a bit aloof with some guys; not a game, my interest was low.

But they still pursued.  Men are hunters, when they're charged up about a woman, a little aloofness is not gonna stand in their way the majority of the time. 

And it's not like you did/do nothing, you initiate, probably too much now, which reflects interest for sure. 

I dunno, folks are giving you a hard time, but imo I just don't think he's interested anymore if he ever was.  The whole thing has non-starter written all over it, from the beginning.

Either that or he's too insecure to have a relationship with or even just date!

Stay away from insecure men, they will drain you emotionally which is precisely what is happening now from what I can sense from your posts.

Best to move on from this miranda, lesson learned.

 

The last time we spoke he asked me if i want to meet him, and you know  i replied with i dont mind. So i didn't  take that as low interest, and then asking specific questions which you would only ask a potential. Such as about home cooking skills 😂 and my driving and my financial situation. Not to mention the fact he kept going on about how i ditched him basically, after he messaged and how he thought i found someone else and then came back to him. 

 

Its weird because my friend also said he sounds insecure. 

I dont believe hes the type to go after someone that aggressively. Since i told him about the one back in january who was pursuing me (whilst i showed little interest) and he called  him a beg i.e a desperate man.

[miranda561]

4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Nothing, other than working on breaking the fixation you have on this guy. 

I dont have  a fixation on anyone. If that  was the case why would  i also be speaking to other guys.

Its kind of pathetic to use that word when from my original post for months he expressed interest. And only now MONTHS  later ive caught up

[ExpatInItaly]

8 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I dont have  a fixation on anyone. If that  was the case why would  i also be speaking to other guys.

Probably as a distraction while you wait in vain for this guy to chase you. 

[poppyfields]

21 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Not to mention the fact.he kept going on about how i ditched him basically, after he messaged and how he thought i found someone else and then came back to him. 

Its weird because my friend also said he sounds insecure. 

First paragraph, imo this reflects weakness, neediness and insecurity.  

You have never even met him for heavens sakes, and he is whining about you finding another man?  So what if you did, again you have never met!  Ugh. lol

Second paragraph, no it's not weird, he IS insecure, very much so.

Like I said, best to stay away from needy insecure men who go on and on whining about how you "ditched" him and found another guy. They will drain you, and the more involved you become, the more draining it will get. 

Especially before you ever even meet!!

 

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Probably as a distraction while you wait in vain for this guy to chase you. 

Nope. Wrong. 

😂. He chased me lots. So i dont need to be chased again love

[Realitysux]

Um .. I would say move on and initiate NC .. NC is on both ends and that's what you should do! 

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

First paragraph, imo this reflects weakness, neediness and insecurity.  

You have never even met him for heavens sakes, and he is whining about you finding another man?  So what if you did, again you have never met!  Ugh. lol

Second paragraph, no it's not weird, he IS insecure, very much so.

Like I said, best to stay away from needy insecure men who go on and on whining about how you "ditched" him and found another guy. They will drain you, and the more involved you become, the more draining it will get. 

Especially before you ever even meet!!

 

 

And on top of all that he then says im acting/behaving like hes an option. 

I wouldnt say he was whining 😂 but he mentioned it more than once. He repeated himself like four times so he may aswell have been whining lol. Like he kept saying what ive been upto where ive been...and then i just said times gone by quick, then he asked again.."so what have you been doing all this time"..and then about the did i meet someone else and then when it didnt work come back to him. And then acting like its fine if that's the case. But he assumed because i didnt reply to his messages that i had found someone else and that's why i deleted his number. (Which i didnt). So to me it just sounded like he thought about it quite a bit. That's the impression i got. 

Most of the time he comes  across cool like nothing bothers him but then when he said all that made it seem like it does deep down lol. 

And initially i used to think he was wanting to rush things because if i didnt call him he would be like forget you and stop replying to my messages. And thats when the whole i dont want to just be your  texting buddy came in

[ExpatInItaly]

57 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Nope. Wrong. 

😂. He chased me lots. So i dont need to be chased again love

Right. 

In any case,  you need to move on. It's not going to happen with him. 

[poppyfields]

Forget you because you didn't call him enough?  Accusing you a finding another guy? Or ditching him? 

All this before you've ever even met? 

These are huge red flags and a sign he is controller, a guilt tripper, possible gaslighter.   Which many extremely  insecure men are.  He needs you to chase him, to be at his beck and call and even then, he would still be insecure. 

I'm sorry I didn't understand this earlier, but this man is really bad news. 

 

Edited May 6, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

3 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Right. 

In any case,  you need to move on. It's not going to happen with him. 

Well nothing's  going to happen with anyone given the current situation is it. I wasnt expecting to start seeing anyone now was i. 

😳😒

[stillafool]

It would definitely seem like he would have proper contact with you within 3-1/2 weeks if he were remotely interested.  

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Forget you because you didn't call him enough?  Accusing you a finding another guy? Or ditching him?

I think he just used the above as bs excuses to end it.  You should move on and start dating the other guy who is messaging you.

[miranda561]

4 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Good lord, all this^ before you've ever even met. 

Forget you because you didn't call him enough?  Accusing you a finding another guy? Or ditching him? 

These are huge red flags and a sign he is controller, a guilt tripper.   Which many insecure men are.  

I'm sorry I didn't understand this earlier, but this man is bad news. 

 

Its cool. Its hard to get a proper picture from just typing out bits of information. If i said everything would become an essay 😂😂.

😂 he wouldnt say forget me but i think may be hes passive aggressive. Like if he doesnt get his way he resorts to ignoring me completely. But then when i did call him in the end he was perfectly happy to talk 😳🤔. 

I think he thought about it for a while otherwise it wouldn't have come out like that so quickly on the phone  as a sudden thought. I.e. the me finding someone else in the time i didnt contact him. 

My friend (whos a guy) is like he is hot n cold with me because  he wants me to chase him or is insecure so needs reassurance that  i like him. Something along those lines.