No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It would definitely seem like he would have proper contact with you within 3-1/2 weeks if he were remotely interested.  

I think he just used the above as bs excuses to end it.  You should move on and start dating the other guy who is messaging you.

The way ive been with this guy i.e ( hot and cold myself for months) is what i experienced from someone  else( another guy). And i literally couldnt be bothered with that one guy after a month even, i would certainly not entertain any phonecalls for hours on end and initiate a meet up. So relatively speaking this guy (one this thread is about) has had quite a bit of patience still and has gone above and beyond what i myself did when i was in the same position as him with someone  else. 

Edited May 6, 2020 by miranda561

[stillafool]

42 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

The way ive been with this guy i.e ( hot and cold myself for months) is what i experienced from someone  else( another guy). And i literally couldnt be bothered with that one guy after a month even, i would certainly not entertain any phonecalls for hours on end and initiate a meet up. So relatively speaking this guy (one this thread is about) has had quite a bit of patience still and has gone above and beyond what i myself did when i was in the same position as him with someone  else. 

He probably was interested "back then" but now it doesn't seem like he's interested at all.  Perhaps when you were saying no to him another girl was also on his radar, which is understandable considering how hot and cold you were, and now his attention is on her.

Edited May 6, 2020 by stillafool

[stillafool]

42 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

And i literally couldnt be bothered with that one guy after a month even, i would certainly not entertain any phonecalls for hours on end and initiate a meet up

Everyone is having long phone calls because they are in lock down and have time on their hands.

[miranda561]

6 minutes ago, stillafool said:

Everyone is having long phone calls because they are in lock down and have time on their hands.

May be but not everyone. I certainly aint.

This guy is on the front line. He wouldnt have  time for phone call after phone call and works  plenty night shifts

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He probably was interested "back then" but now it doesn't seem like he's interested at all.  Perhaps when you were saying no to him another girl was also on his radar, which is understandable considering how hot and cold you were, and now his attention is on her.

Could be but since he still talks to me and doesnt shut me down i dont think hes decided on anyone either way. 

I talk to others aswell. And there is always one i prefer the most at any given time

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

 

I talk to others aswell. And there is always one i prefer the most at any given time

You're right and that one is always the one who gets time no matter how busy one is.  How much time is he spending contacting you?

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, stillafool said:

You're right and that one is always the one who gets time no matter how busy one is.  How much time is he spending contacting you?

I'll be honest me being who i am i don't always contact him that much i speak to the others more, believe it or not. It depends on the individual.

I think hes just not sure how i feel about him, that was clear by him saying he thinks im acting like he is an option. And fair enough  i guess especially when i contacted him over a month after he messaged me. 

Any way its not always black and white 

Edited May 6, 2020 by miranda561

[chillii]

Wth do you even care if your talking to others , wtf are you even doing then . You even say you prefer some others , whata mess,your just reaping what you sew . Why would he even bother ?

[miranda561]

24 minutes ago, chillii said:

Wth do you even care if your talking to others , wtf are you even doing then . You even say you prefer some others , whata mess,your just reaping what you sew . Why would he even bother ?

I never said i prefer others.. 

He doesn't know i talk to anyone else. Even if i do its usually like a couple of days to a week before i realise we are not compatible and then stop talking to them. He's been the only constant one. 

Also he may be doing the same. So why would i then put all my eggs in one basket

[poppyfields]

A bit of a rant, and somewhat related to the topic: 

I literally cannot wait for this lockdown to be over.  I believe people are now falling back on this excuse as to why someone has ghosted, pushed/pulled back, or otherwise acting like a sh*t. 

“Oh he/she doesn’t want to talk anymore because we can’t meet so why bother.” 

Or

“Once this lockdown is over, I KNOW he will be reaching out and wanting to meet.”

Or

“All these problems are due to the damn lockdown”!

I am a little tired of hearing it TBH.

When someone is interested, they WILL want to keep whatever connection existed before the lockdown or new connection alive and continue talking to you; they are not going to risk losing someone they are truly interested in by ignoring them for the next couple of months, no way.

And if you’re local or even semi-local, you CAN meet and go for a walk WITHOUT a mask, just keep proper social distance.  But it can be done and is being done by interested people.   

In our city which is a very high risk city, our mayor is encouraging people to get out and take walks, and you don't need to wear a mask for that either.

I’m sorry guys, again just so tired of hearing it, and I cannot wait for the lockdown to be over so folks will stop hiding behind this excuse why someone plain ole just isn’t interested.

Rant over!  lol.

Edited May 7, 2020 by poppyfields

[Realitysux]

11 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

A bit of a rant, and somewhat related to the topic: 

I literally cannot wait for this lockdown to be over.  I believe people are now falling back on this excuse as to why someone has ghosted, pushed/pulled back, or otherwise acting like a sh*t. 

“Oh he/she doesn’t want to talk anymore because we can’t meet so why bother.” 

Or

“Once this lockdown is over, I KNOW he will be reaching out and wanting to meet.”

Or

“All these problems are due to the damn lockdown”!

I am a little tired of hearing it TBH.

When someone is interested, they WILL want to keep whatever connection existed before the lockdown or new connection alive and continue talking to you; they are not going to risk losing someone they are truly interested in by ignoring them for the next couple of months, no way.

And if you’re local or even semi-local, you CAN meet and go for a walk WITHOUT a mask, just keep proper social distance.  But it can be done and is being done by interested people.   

In our city which is a very high risk city, our mayor is encouraging people to get out and take walks, and you don't need to wear a mask for that either.

I’m sorry guys, again just so tired of hearing it, and I cannot wait for the lockdown to be over so folks will stop hiding behind this excuse why someone plain ole just isn’t interested.

Rant over!  lol.

I know. If anything, in this quarantine, guys would be making more effort to communicate with you. People do need to let go of false hope and start being more realistic. 

[Realitysux]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

I'll be honest me being who i am i don't always contact him that much i speak to the others more, believe it or not. It depends on the individual.

I think hes just not sure how i feel about him, that was clear by him saying he thinks im acting like he is an option. And fair enough  i guess especially when i contacted him over a month after he messaged me. 

Any way its not always black and white 

Then show him interest. Tell him you're interested in him. 

[miranda561]

7 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

A bit of a rant, and somewhat related to the topic: 

I literally cannot wait for this lockdown to be over.  I believe people are now falling back on this excuse as to why someone has ghosted, pushed/pulled back, or otherwise acting like a sh*t. 

“Oh he/she doesn’t want to talk anymore because we can’t meet so why bother.” 

Or

“Once this lockdown is over, I KNOW he will be reaching out and wanting to meet.”

Or

“All these problems are due to the damn lockdown”!

I am a little tired of hearing it TBH.

When someone is interested, they WILL want to keep whatever connection existed before the lockdown or new connection alive and continue talking to you; they are not going to risk losing someone they are truly interested in by ignoring them for the next couple of months, no way.

And if you’re close by, you CAN meet and go for a walk WITHOUT a mask, just keep proper social distance.  But it can be done and is being done by interested people.   

In our city which is a very high risk city, the government is encouraging people to get out and take walks, and you don't need to wear a mask for that either.

I’m sorry guys, again just so tired of hearing it, and I cannot wait for the lockdown to be over so folks will stop using it to excuse away why someone plain ole just isn’t interested.

Rant over!  lol.

To be honest ive seen lots of threads myself about people ghosting people and not contacting one another due to lockdown. My opinion is it could be  a reason but also not a reason for disappearances  etc..as every individual situation is different. NO one can possibly generalise without knowing alll the facts first.

My city/country is the highest in the world in terms of death rates and under no circumstances should anyone over here be meeting with  their partners/love interests from a different household. And i wouldn't do it myself or encourage it for anyone else. Therefore i will be waiting at least a few months before i meet any one. And that's just  facts. 

This guy did say to meet but i would tell him if i speak to him again that we cannot for a long time yet. He would know anyway since his job is actually pulling apart groups/gatherings of  people who are socialising. 

And speaking for myself i know how easy it is for me to slip into my everyday activities and not contact other people, im not a big phone person. But that doesnt mean i dont want to speak to anyone or want to lose contact with people.

As for him i can't say. I just told you guys the facts in my original post. Main things were he said to meet, and to send another photo before we do,since he only has one (which i didnt follow up on ). And all the stuff about where  ive been all this time and me acting like hes an option etc etc.. and the rest was pretty much a billion other questions about me and my life and family. Trying to find out more about me. At the same time giving me an insight in to his life. talking about his job and his past relationships. Of course going into all that would take far too long. Since it was a three hour convo

 

[poppyfields]

miranda, is this a long distance thing, sorry I forget.

If not, if you are within 30 or even 60 minutes from each other by car, YOU suggest a meet at a half way point, and go for a walk.  

Walk around town, get some take out and sit outside.

It's been long enough don't you think?  What are you afraid of?  Serious question! 

Edited May 7, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

6 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Then show him interest. Tell him you're interested in him. 

I guess i could. 

Hes actually asked me straight many times. Do you like me 😂😂. Which to me shows he has no idea as to how i feel at all lol. 

I do tend to evade those type of questions  though. So instead of saying yes i said for eg. Sometimes and sometimes i dont. 

And once i think  i said do you want to be wanted? To which he replied its upto me how i view him lol

[Realitysux]

8 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I guess i could. 

Hes actually asked me straight many times. Do you like me 😂😂. Which to me shows he has no idea as to how i feel at all lol. 

I do tend to evade those type of questions  though. So instead of saying yes i said for eg. Sometimes and sometimes i dont. 

And once i think  i said do you want to be wanted? To which he replied its upto me how i view him lol

Men like to know that you like them just as women do. If you are in a relationship with someone, you have to he vulnerable with them. I have avoided being vulnerable a few times in my life and all they did was move on. You have to ask yourself what is stopping you from this! If you like the guy, tell him. I don't have a crush right now, I can not wait to have one again. 

 

I'm envious you all have these problems. They seem very easy to solve! 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[miranda561]

9 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

miranda, is this a long distance thing, sorry I forget.

If not, if you are within 30 or even 60 minutes from each other by car, YOU suggest a meet at a half way point, and go for a walk.  

Walk around town, get some take out and sit outside.

It's been long enough don't you think?  What are you afraid of? 

Same city, different towns. An hour away from me. 

It has been long and honestly under different circumstances  i would try and meet. But over here we are not allowed to mix with anyone from other households. And can only go for one walk a day down the road by ourselves  😂😂😂 as tragic as that sounds. And his job being what it is it would be hypocritical of him to then start mixing with me lol. Although to be honest since he suggested it i guess he wants to? 

So currently since we cant meet its a bit up in the air case we end up going our separate ways again as has happened multiple times. 

[miranda561]

11 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

Men like to know that you like them just as women do. If you are in a relationship with someone, you have to he vulnerable with them. I have avoided being vulnerable a few times in my life and all they did was move on. You have to ask yourself what is stopping you from this! If you like the guy, tell him. I don't have a crush right now, I can not wait to have one again. 

Erm same has happened to me multiple times, and the person moves on. As in i treat them either like a friend or very standoffish. In fact the more im interested the more standoffish i act 😂😳. 

He keeps asking me if i like him but doesn't say it himself 😂. In the last  conversation the closest he got to it was youre an interesting person and youre unique. That was about it 😂😂. 

I think theres many things stopping me one being pride and ego for sure. 🤔

If you want a crush again why not join tinder or bumble 😂 just a suggestion lol

[basil67]

15 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Hes actually asked me straight many times. Do you like me 😂😂. Which to me shows he has no idea as to how i feel at all lol. 

I do tend to evade those type of questions  though. So instead of saying yes i said for eg. Sometimes and sometimes i dont. 

"Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't"

Miranda, do you have any idea how obnoxious this comment comes off?   Your friend who's recommending that you play games so that he won't think you're interested is giving you really horrible advice.  Dating isn't about keeping power, it's about finding a harmonious match with both parties have their needs met.

[Realitysux]

3 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Erm same has happened to me multiple times, and the person moves on. As in i treat them either like a friend or very standoffish. In fact the more im interested the more standoffish i act 😂😳. 

He keeps asking me if i like him but doesn't say it himself 😂. In the last  conversation the closest he got to it was youre an interesting person and youre unique. That was about it 😂😂. 

I think theres many things stopping me one being pride and ego for sure. 🤔

If you want a crush again why not join tinder or bumble 😂 just a suggestion lol

No, I am not one for online dating. I'll meet someone in person after quarantine is over. I'm going to spend sometime in the gym and taking care of myself and then I'll go places and meet someone in person!

Maybe if he told you himself then you would feel more comfortable saying it to him. I don't know him but I'd rather just say it and let it go. These things are wasted space in your head. 

Edited May 7, 2020 by Realitysux

[miranda561]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

"Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't"

Miranda, do you have any idea how obnoxious this comment comes off?   Your friend who's recommending that you play games so that he won't think you're interested is giving you really horrible advice.  Dating isn't about keeping power, it's about finding a harmonious match with both parties have their needs met.

 

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

"Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't"

Miranda, do you have any idea how obnoxious this comment comes off?   Your friend who's recommending that you play games so that he won't think you're interested is giving you really horrible advice.  Dating isn't about keeping power, it's about finding a harmonious match with both parties have their needs met.

I know it sounds really bad. But he didnt even seem to care i said that. He was just like why dont you with a couple of crying faces  😢😢. 

That friend( hes a guy) i dont know what his problem is but he always gives me advice or opinions which are negative and would most likely break us apart. Hes tried it several different ways. I just cut him off recently as id had enough. He kept commenting on how this guys not right for me and how he doesnt like me that much and is just pretending to. And various other weird opinions he has. 

But you are right

[miranda561]

8 minutes ago, Realitysux said:

No, I am not one for online dating. I'll meet someone in person after quarantine is over. I'm going to spend sometime in the gym and taking care of myself and then I'll go places and meet someone in person!

Maybe if he told you himself then you would feel more comfortable saying it to him. I don't know him but I'd rather just say it and let it go. These things are wasted space in your head. 

Oh fair enough. I just find it can be convenient. 😂. And quarantine will probably take  a while to be over 🤔. 

It is definitely  a waste of time. I think youre right though if he just says it first would be a little easier 

[Realitysux]

Just now, miranda561 said:

Oh fair enough. I just find it can be convenient. 😂. And quarantine will probably take  a while to be over 🤔. 

It is definitely  a waste of time. I think youre right though if he just says it first would be a little easier

Follow your gut! If it doesn't feel right, don't question yourself. He seems to be giving you more questions then answers. Dating shouldn't be so complicated as relationships should make you feel good. You should be excited and nervous, not on a forum asking these questions. 

[Versacehottie]

6 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Its weird because my friend also said he sounds insecure. 

I dont believe hes the type to go after someone that aggressively. Since i told him about the one back in january who was pursuing me (whilst i showed little interest) and he called  him a beg i.e a desperate man.

You both sound insecure.   Sorry, he's not pursuing you aggressively.  Didn't I predict that you would be back here asking what to do next?  It goes back to the gif, your poor/immature communication skills and having regret because you are not being true to yourself.  It's all pretty tortured really.

Oh, and one of your biggest problems is that you see things as "fixed" where as your own interest in things ebbs and flows---that's the truth for everyone.  Things change.  If he had interest in you at one time, it doesn't mean he is a fixed variable in time.  That can change as he gathers info about how you are and his life changes--other people come into it, etc.

Edited May 7, 2020 by Versacehottie

[miranda561]

1 minute ago, Realitysux said:

Follow your gut! If it doesn't feel right, don't question yourself. He seems to be giving you more questions then answers. Dating shouldn't be so complicated as relationships should make you feel good. You should be excited and nervous, not on a forum asking these questions. 

Its only a guess but i think if i was more open he would be more than happy to be open aswell. He used to always tell me to talk to him/open up to him. I just never really did/do. 

On the phone hes pretty open aswell in a way. Flirty and jokey and shows hes interested. But again im just more reserved still.