poppyfields Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, Realitysux said: Screw that. I read a ton and I'm going to stop reading immediately and find out for myself. I have to find out from a man directly either by his actions or words. I've been a coward and haven't found out for myself. What do I have to loose? If he says no then he says no. Reality, experience IS absolutely the best teacher! That is how I learned, by getting out in world, experiencing life, making mistakes and learning from those mistakes. Edited May 22, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, stillafool said: To me this is just bs. If he wants to talk to you why can't he call you rather than asking you to call him. If he wants you he needs to act like it. Because he would call lots of times and i wouldnt pick up. Or id say id call him later but then resort to messaging instead of calling. So i think he just came to the conclusion i was wasting his time. Ive never really been a phone person Edited May 22, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 Miranda, I am still hoping to get a little CLARITY from you about this so called VETTING PROCESS. What is the guy looking to find out? Your STATS, your measurables, your potential upside???? This is a genuine question. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 5 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Ive never really been a phone person Then why would you become one now? Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 9 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Because he would call lots of times and i wouldnt pick up. Or id say id call him later but then resort to messaging instead of calling. So i think he just came to the conclusion i was wasting his time. Ive never really been a phone person No your actions would not dissuade a truly interested man, miranda. No way. Men are the hunters and it's not like you blew him off. Please stop thinking you did anything wrong, he just wasn't interested. And didn't want to put forth more effort. Why is that such a difficult thing for you to accept? Pride as you said, or ego? Do you know? Edited May 22, 2020 by poppyfields 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: Then why would you become one now? I haven't 😂. But im guessing most guys if they want something genuine would want to speak more often on the phone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: No your actions would not dissuade a truly interested man, miranda. No way. Men are the hunters and it's not like you blew him off. Please stop thinking you did anything wrong, he just wasn't interested. Why is that such a difficult thing for you to accept? Pride as you said, or ego? Do you know? Well he said so. He used his words to say pretty much that. How hes my texting buddy. And he doesnt want to be Well he tried for a few months. And after that he gave up. Edited May 22, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, simpycurious said: Miranda, I am still hoping to get a little CLARITY from you about this so called VETTING PROCESS. What is the guy looking to find out? Your STATS, your measurables, your potential upside???? This is a genuine question. With all the online dating horror stories out there I'm pretty sure everyone has some sort of vetting process when they meet someone new. It would almost be dangerous not to. Everyone will have a different yardstick until they are comfortable moving on to the next step. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 23 minutes ago, Realitysux said: Screw that. I read a ton and I'm going to stop reading immediately and find out for myself. I have to find out from a man directly either by his actions or words. I've been a coward and haven't found out for myself. What do I have to loose? If he says no then he says no. Go for it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, tojaz said: With all the online dating horror stories out there I'm pretty sure everyone has some sort of vetting process when they meet someone new. It would almost be dangerous not to. Everyone will have a different yardstick until they are comfortable moving on to the next step. Hes been the most suspicious of everyone I've spoken to Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 1 minute ago, miranda561 said: Well he said so. He used his words to say pretty much that. How hes my texting buddy. And he doesnt want to be Well he tried for a few months. And after that he gave up. Ok you win. if it makes you feel better to believe that, then go for it, truly. Perhaps it does warrant some merit. But remember, he never actually asked to get together, he asked YOU if you wanted to, big difference. Anyway, I'm all for doing whatever we can to self-soothe. Great learning experience for you too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 10 minutes ago, simpycurious said: Miranda, I am still hoping to get a little CLARITY from you about this so called VETTING PROCESS. What is the guy looking to find out? Your STATS, your measurables, your potential upside???? This is a genuine question. I have no idea 😂. But his friend went through something once where he met up with a girl who wasnt the girl from the pictures he was sent. 🤔 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Ok you win. if it makes you feel better to believe that, then go for it, truly. Perhaps it does warrant some merit. But remember, he never actually asked to get together, he asked YOU if you wanted to, big difference. Anyway, I'm all for doing whatever we can to self-soothe. Great learning experience for you too. Before what i mentioned yeh he did. Several times he mentioned us meeting for a coffee. But you have to understand. I came back to him after a long period of silence. After a couple of months. So maybe hes just being wary. Just seeing it from the other side I put myself in his position and if it was me i wouldnt even be asking about a meeting. This is just my take as someone with a psych major 😂 Edited May 22, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) Ok serious question. Are YOU still interested? If you truly believe he dropped off because he didn't think you were interested nor wanted to be a text buddy, then why not you reach out now? It's been a month but you said you've gone that long before without talking and then reconnected? What's stopping you from doing that now, reaching out? Again, serious question. I'm on your side. Edited May 22, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
simpycurious Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Ok serious question. Are YOU still interested? If you truly believe he dropped off because he didn't think you were interested nor wanted to be a text buddy, then why not reach out now? It's been a month but you said you've gone that long before without talking and then reconnected? What's stopping you from doing that, reaching out? Again, serious question. I'm on your side. I think that she ^^ is genuinely trying to help you see the OTHER SIDE OF THE COIN here Miranda. I just didn't GET or understand what LENGTHS he was asking for or whatever in vetting you. This thread is more fun than doing my running........... 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 3 minutes ago, poppyfields said: Ok serious question. Are YOU still interested? If you truly believe he dropped off because he didn't think you were interested nor wanted to be a text buddy, then why not you reach out now? It's been a month but you said you've gone that long before without talking and then reconnected? What's stopping you from doing that, reaching out? Again, serious question. I'm on your side. I mean i am interested but at the same time i feel like because of my failures before..hes going to expect a lot more from me this time round. And..i can't even meet the guy now. The lockdowns where i am are too strict here. But i haven't mentioned this after he asked about a meeting. So really how can it go anywhere. Knowing him by now he's going to start thinking the worst again like he did before. I dont know if you read it but he said he didnt think things would go anywhere with us. Due to all the hot n cold from me before Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 17 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Hes been the most suspicious of everyone I've spoken to Believe me, I'm not suggesting his vetting process is "normal". This guy definitely has a basket full of hang ups. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 2 minutes ago, tojaz said: Believe me, I'm not suggesting his vetting process is "normal". This guy definitely has a basket full of hang ups. I only sent him one photo. I think most guys i send two or more. But also he could have a basket of hang ups lol Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 16 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I mean i am interested but at the same time i feel like because of my failures before..hes going to expect a lot more from me this time round. And..i can't even meet the guy now. The lockdowns where i am are too strict here. But i haven't mentioned this after he asked about a meeting. So really how can it go anywhere. Knowing him by now he's going to start thinking the worst again like he did before. I dont know if you read it but he said he didnt think things would go anywhere with us. Due to all the hot n cold from me before Due to all the hot n cold from you? And your "failures"? Man, that is some guilt trip he's got you on. It's all YOUR fault. I don't think so, but not much I can do to change your mind. Frankly it sounds like gasligting, causing you to question your actions while taking no responsibility for his or making you feel more comfortable so you would drop your guard a bit and open up. miranda, I think it's best I drop off this thread because this manipulating piece of * is beginning to wind me up and don't want to lose my cool on this forum. Take care. Edited May 22, 2020 by poppyfields 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 44 minutes ago, miranda561 said: I haven't 😂. But im guessing most guys if they want something genuine would want to speak more often on the phone? Doesn't he have your phone number? What is preventing him from calling you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, stillafool said: Doesn't he have your phone number? What is preventing him from calling you? He did used to call me a lot. I would end up messaging and saying sorry i didnt pick up i was doing this/ that. I will call you back. An then end up not calling back. 😳 So after a lot of that scenario. He would instead ask when the best time would be for him to call. As opposed to him calling and me not picking up. And that sort of flopped as well Edited May 22, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 Miranda please don't take offense but you are acting a bit silly. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 13 minutes ago, stillafool said: Miranda please don't take offense but you are acting a bit silly. Why 😂😂😂. Just the word silly made me laugh Edited May 22, 2020 by miranda561 1 Link to post Share on other sites
poppyfields Posted May 22, 2020 Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, miranda561 said: Because he would call lots of times and i wouldnt pick up. Or id say id call him later but then resort to messaging instead of calling. So i think he just came to the conclusion i was wasting his time. Ive never really been a phone person There is nothing bad or wrong with not being a phone person. I hate talking on the phone, it feels awkward to me, until we meet in person. I prefer text or email as a way to connect and stay connected before we meet. Even after we meet, click and begin dating, I still prefer text or email and there is nothing bad or wrong with that. When men have been interested in me, truly interested, they understand that and we text or email until such time we were able to meet and/or until I felt more comfortable talking on the phone. They do NOT just toss up their hands and give up, claiming I'm "wasting his time" because a woman they've never even met isn't comfortable talking on the phone. That is some crazy mind f*** he's playing lemmetellya. Moving forward, don't waste time or energy on self-centered manipulative men like this. Nothing good or positive will ever become of it. Edited May 22, 2020 by poppyfields 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted May 22, 2020 Author Share Posted May 22, 2020 (edited) 31 minutes ago, poppyfields said: There is nothing bad or wrong with not being a phone person. I hate talking on the phone, it feels awkward to me, until we meet in person. I prefer text or email as a way to connect and stay connected before we meet. Even after we meet, click and begin dating, I still prefer text or email and there is nothing bad or wrong with that. When men have been interested in me, truly interested, they understand that and we text or email until such time we were able to meet and/or until I felt more comfortable talking on the phone. They do NOT just toss up their hands and give up, claiming I'm "wasting his time" because a woman they've never even met isn't comfortable talking on the phone. That is some crazy mind f*** he playing lemmetellya. Moving forward, don't waste time or energy on self-centered manipulative men like this. Nothing good or positive will ever become of it. No i don't think there is anything wrong in it either. To be fair he spent a number of weeks/months trying to get me on the phone. He wasnt that blunt straight away. He just kept saying when are we going to break down the invisible barriers and have a talk. And then he was like for all i know you could be a guy behind the screen. But i mean he did try for quite a while. At the end of the day he didnt know much about me as a person or that im not a phone person because i didnt explain it to him properly. So he would have just been guessing at that point..as to why i dont speak to him much. And he only had one photo of me to go on. 😂. Not to mention at that point i abruptly blocked him and then came back a few weeks later. He was asking what i wanted from him and why i came back. I realised later that while he was blocked he was calling me everyday for a week. But due to him being blocked the calls would simply go to answer phone I think his approach with women is to get to know them on the phone. Last we spoke he said its hard to tell how someone really is through text messaging and that people can be disingenuous. Im getting the impression he doesn't trust people easily. Could be from his experiences with his ex. All he said about her was sometimes you just don't know people straight away, the real person and all the negatives come out later on. I remember i just said you must have been through some bad experiences in the past. And he just snapped at me saying isn't that everyone. ..what a weird thing for me to say apparently Edited May 22, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
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