No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

40 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

I think this poster^ is right about this guy Miranda.  Don't put yourself in a situation where HE calls the shots when his words determine what you do or don't do.  You control the narrative and make him realize that you are a total CATCH and it's JOB to win you..................Ladies YOU HAVE THE ULTIMATE POWER.....

Thanks.

Well don't worry i never jump through hoops for anyone.

Im sure he knows that now. 

There are a lot of women who do though. He may end up with one who will do whatever he wants and enjoy doing so or feel obligated to.

Edited May 23, 2020 by miranda561

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, poppyfields said:

I am the same and as far as this guy pushing and going on about talking on the phone (he gave you a time limit?  Omg), this is precisely what I meant when I said when a man is interested in you versus possessing some major hangup he has about women or within himself, he will want you to feel comfortable!  

Pushing you to talk on phone when you weren't comfortable with that yet is a big red flag imo.

Pushing you or any woman into doing anything she's not comfortable with is a red flag!

It's called disrespecting your boundaries and of course you didn't like it and wanted to distance yourself from a man like this!  

What I am wondering is why you didnt continue distancing yourself?

He is one of those guys who wants everything HIS way and if you don't comply, in his mind, you're "hot and cold and a "failure," it's your fault -- these are your own words miranda which came from him and how he made you feel.  It's called gaslighting. 

Do not ever allow a man to make you feel like you failed or it's your fault why things didnt work out. 

You had perfectly legit reasons to act as you did, he was demanding and pushy, that is what I meant when I said he was trying to act "dominant" but failing miserably at it, he came off like a bully!  

Stay away from guys like this, please! 

Yeh he gave me a time limit. But it was after about two or three months. Of me not picking up calls. So it took some time for him to say that.

I dont think he realised at the time that i wasnt into phonecalls. As i just  kept saying i was busy. 

At the start i was distancing myself..but i think i thought he stood out of a lot of others in terms of his career/ambition..intelligence and looks aswell. And i thought who knows when ill come across another who will tick a lot of my boxes. Also my friend was like what are you doing miranda. She said don't let someone like that  go 😂. But she knew those basics. Not how he was as a person.

So that's why i thought id give it a shot. He knows how i am now so he doesn't push me into doing anything.i think he's more like ill take what i can get. 😂😂

 

[poppyfields]

16 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Thanks.

Well don't worry i never jump through hoops for anyone.

Im sure he knows that now. 

There are a lot of women who do though. He may end up with one who will do whatever he wants and enjoy doing so or feel obligated to.

miranda, stick with this^ and you'll be fine.  

And I agree he will someday find a puppet (em, gf) who will jump when he rings, just be thankful you're not that girl!   

 

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[simpycurious]

27 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Thanks.

Well don't worry i never jump through hoops for anyone.

Im sure he knows that now. 

There are a lot of women who do though. He may end up with one who will do whatever he wants and enjoy doing so or feel obligated to.

Good....never do it for a guy.  Be your own person and someone you want to be not someone HE wants you to be.  Independent women who are comfortable in their own skill tend to project  an air of confidence that is very attractive to most men.  

[poppyfields]

39 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Yeh he gave me a time limit. But it was after about two or three months. Of me not picking up calls. So it took some time for him to say that.

I'm sorry, that is not a legit justification for making demands, and issuing an ultimatum which is what his "time limit" was.  And acting like a bully.

If he didn't like that you weren't comfortable talking on phone and preferred messaging or didn't like anything else, OR sensed you weren't all that into him (which you just admitted) then he should've wished you well and walked away.

NOT tried to control and bully you into doing it HIS way, by giving you a time limit, you're not a child for chrissakes, geez. 

Especially given the fact you had never even met! 

Guy is bad news, I hope someday you will see this and stop beating yourself up believing you blew this, you failed, it's your fault. 

You didn't, he did!   By acting like a controlling self-absorbed, a-hat and bully.

You were right to run.  And I think in your case, for you, when you meet the "right" man, the one with whom you feel comfortable, who doesn't pressure you, who respects your boundaries, who will allow you both to get to know each other gradually and naturally, NO pushing, you will want and be ready for a relationship with that man.

Problem is, these days, it seems everyone is in such a damn hurry!  Afraid of "wasting their time."

Which is a shame because developing a relationship does take time!  

 

 

Edited May 23, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

37 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

miranda, stick with this^ and you'll be fine.  

And I agree he will someday find a puppet (em, gf) who will jump when he rings, just be thankful you're not that girl!   

 

Thanks poppy 😅

[miranda561]

42 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

miranda, stick with this^ and you'll be fine.  

And I agree he will someday find a puppet (em, gf) who will jump when he rings, just be thankful you're not that girl!   

 

Apart from those odd moments. Its weird but the last convo i had with him he came across less blunt and not as arsey. .but we'll see what happens. I even said to him hes better on the phone. Than via text. Talking to him i get less offended and he comes across a lot better

Edited May 23, 2020 by miranda561

[miranda561]

28 minutes ago, simpycurious said:

Good....never do it for a guy.  Be your own person and someone you want to be not someone HE wants you to be.  Independent women who are comfortable in their own skill tend to project  an air of confidence that is very attractive to most men.  

Oh i would never change for a guy 😁

[miranda561]

15 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm sorry, that is not a legit justification for making demands, and issuing an ultimatum which is what his "time limit" was.  And acting like a bully.

If he didn't like that you weren't comfortable talking on phone and preferred messaging or didn't like anything else, OR sensed you weren't all that into him (which you just admitted) then he should've wished you well and walked away.

NOT tried to control and bully you into doing it HIS way, by giving you a time limit, you're not a child for chrissakes, geez. 

Especially given the fact you had never even met! 

Guy is bad news, I hope someday you will see this and stop beating yourself up believing you blew this, you failed, it's your fault. 

You didn't, he did!   By acting like a controlling self-absorbed, a-hat and bully.

You were right to run.  And I think in your case, for you, when you meet the "right" man, the one with whom you feel comfortable, who doesn't pressure you, who respects your boundaries, who will allow you both to get to know each other gradually and naturally, NO pushing, you will want and be ready for a relationship with that man.

Problem is, these days, it seems everyone is in such a damn hurry!  Afraid of "wasting their time."

Which is a shame because developing a relationship does take time!  

 

 

I agree it takes time to build something  solid..and rushing doesn't really help.

I think he wants a wife and kids asap 😂. Thats why i think he was trying to rush. Hes only 28 though. So i don't understand the hurry. 

[Miss Spider]

Wanted  to answer your question, but I didn’t want to bump my thread haha.  But no, the bartender is good looking ...he’s just a bit of himbo... intelligence is important to me...? So I canceled with him. Why bother if there’s nothing there?I also decided against friending and messaging the Facebook guy.  I realized there wasn’t going to be a connection there, so why go out of my way to msg and chase...

so now I have even less options than I had before!!!!

Your guy does sound all over the place xD But you don’t seem too bothered by it. Like your style!! I think he might be a little annoyed that he can’t control the situation. 

[miranda561]

32 minutes ago, Cookiesandough said:

Wanted  to answer your question, but I didn’t want to bump my thread haha.  But no, the bartender is good looking ...he’s just a bit of himbo... intelligence is important to me...? So I canceled with him. Why bother if there’s nothing there?I also decided against friending and messaging the Facebook guy.  I realized there wasn’t going to be a connection there, so why go out of my way to msg and chase...

so now I have even less options than I had before!!!!

Your guy does sound all over the place xD But you don’t seem too bothered by it. Like your style!! I think he might be a little annoyed that he can’t control the situation. 

Omg u rejected them both. WELL good for you. Theres nothing worse than a himbo 😂. I mean essentially you stopped the inevitable from being prolonged.... 

And now you can find a guy who you genuinely like 😁. 

thanks for the style comment🤭. I think he may be annoyed/find me annoying. Im the kind of person who when i have something i end up taking it for granted. But if he ends up moving on i may be like nooooooo😂

 

[miranda561]

its been  a month and a half where neither of us contacted the other ( last time we spoke he asked to meet and to send another photo before we do, i decided not to send a photo as i didnt  want to feel like im letting him decide if he wants to meet me based on a photo). I decide to reach out..and say its so surprising how much time has gone by since we last spoke..with a shocked  face..and instead of courteous reply i just got radio silence. And this i exactly part of the reason why i say men with supposed confidence and esteem can be d bags!. I mean couldn't  even muster a polite response. 

 

Edited June 4, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[poppyfields]

miranda, I mean no offense but there is a saying "we are who we attract."

So if you are attracting d-bags, it might be worth your while to explore (within yourself) why that is.  

I don't typically attract d-bags, sure the random 1 or 2 but most of my bfs have treated me well, including my current bf.

 

Edited June 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

miranda, I mean no offense but there is a saying "we are who we attract."

So if you are attracting d-bags, it might be worth you while to explore (within yourself) why that is.  

I don't typically attract d-bags, sure the random 1 or 2 but most of my bfs have treated me well, including my current bf.

You saying i am a d bag? 😂😂

I meant  through old. 

Well you've  read my main thread..and the last update is above you.. i.e the radio silence.. is that me being a d bag? Or him 😁

[poppyfields]

I think it's all related miranda.  I don't want to derail but admittedly you did some things throughout your time interacting with him that might cause him to feel you were less than interested too.

Sorry it didn't work out though and I mean that. 

Edited June 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[CaliforniaGirl]

45 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

You saying i am a d bag? 😂😂

I meant  through old. 

Well you've  read my main thread..and the last update is above you.. i.e the radio silence.. is that me being a d bag? Or him 😁

I think what that means is - we attract what we expect, what we think we deserve in a person and so on. 

[miranda561]

2 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I think what that means is - we attract what we expect, what we think we deserve in a person and so on. 

But i expect  more not less

[CaliforniaGirl]

15 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

But i expect  more not less

But do you? Or is it like a defensive thing? Like, "I'm sick of these D-bags, I need someone who (compared to them) is awesome"?

Because it's just possible you really are expecting the D-bags...you've said so a few times on here...just sayin'...

[poppyfields]

59 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

I think what that means is - we attract what we expect, what we think we deserve in a person and so on. 

That and it can also mean that the vibe/energy we send out to someone, they will in turn, send back to us. 

For example for awhile, again admittedly miranda and no judgment, you acted a bit indifferently, took some time to answer texts, were less than enthusiastic when he suggested getting together, etc. 

Which is fine if you were on the fence about him.   

But that was your vibe/energy.  He eventually picked up on it, and now that is his vibe/energy back to you, which you consider d-baggy.

I don't think he's a d-bag, I just think he lost interest because he wasn't feeling much interest from you, for a long time.

Just my take on the situation. 

Edited June 3, 2020 by poppyfields

[simpycurious]

^^^  Another wonderful post and explanation.  He SENSES your uncertainty which causes him to be less interested and less sure.  I think that is a natural progression on his part and probably what most guys might do. Conversely, you show interest which causes him to exhibit more interest. Kinda simple when you step back and think about it

[miranda561]

50 minutes ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

But do you? Or is it like a defensive thing? Like, "I'm sick of these D-bags, I need someone who (compared to them) is awesome"?

Because it's just possible you really are expecting the D-bags...you've said so a few times on here...just sayin'...

I usually and continuously  give people the benefit of the doubt ... and  they prove themselves to be just as douchey or even more so than the previous 😂

I think finding someome good who i also am interested  in through old is near to impossible.

I think i definitely feel similar to ZA

 

[miranda561]

37 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

That and it can also mean that the vibe/energy we send out to someone, they will in turn, send back to us. 

For example for awhile, again admittedly miranda and no judgment, you acted a bit indifferently, took some time to answer texts, were less than enthusiastic when he suggested getting together, etc. 

Which is fine if you were on the fence about him.   

But that was your vibe/energy.  He eventually picked up on it, and now that is his vibe/energy back to you, which you consider d-baggy.

I don't think he's a d-bag, I just think he lost interest because he wasn't feeling much interest from you, for a long time.

Just my take on the situation. 

Im always  the type of person who is slow to open up in whatever way it is..emotionally/physically whatever. By the time i do. Its potentially too late. 

Also its odd because last time we lost contact over a month..and had the three hour convo he kept asking if id found someone  else and then came back to him ( stating i see him as an option). I said no but i don't think he truly believed  that. So now that the same thing happened again where  i didnt keep in touch. Im guessing hes thinking i went back to my many other options. 

When in actual fact...i just got wrapped up in my own life (quarantine life) 😂. Not actually spoken to many guys 

Its funny how the reality is far from what his mind conjured up.

Im guessing my shocked bitmoji wasnt enough to win him over😂.

Shocked as in how long we havent  spoken 

I was tempted to send the "not crying" bitmoji. ( not really crying just for fun). But refrained.

Now im just  feeling sorry for myself 😢

Edited June 4, 2020 by miranda561

[poppyfields]

23 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Im always  the type of person who is slow to open up in whatever way it is..emotionally/physically whatever. By the time i do. Its potentially too late. 

miranda, it's okay to be slow to open up, me too!

But that doesn't mean acting indifferently or elusively, or being slow to respond to texts if at all.

Do you mean slow to show your interest and feelings?  Cause yeah, that will be a problem typically leading to only those men looking for a  challenge/chase to pursue you. 

And guess what?  Men who enjoy the chase usually end up being d-bags because they're only interested in the chase!  Not the girl.    Generally speaking.  

If you want to attract a good guy, begin by being "good" yourself meaning show some excitement and interest, be responsive to him.  Answer texts in a timely manner, express some enthusiasm when he asks you out.

Don't overdo it, find the right balance that works for you.  

Challenge yourself to try, stretch your emotional muscles, step out of your comfort zone.  

That is how we learn, grow and evolve. 

 

 

Edited June 4, 2020 by poppyfields

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, simpycurious said:

^^^  Another wonderful post and explanation.  He SENSES your uncertainty which causes him to be less interested and less sure.  I think that is a natural progression on his part and probably what most guys might do. Conversely, you show interest which causes him to exhibit more interest. Kinda simple when you step back and think about it

Yeh when i would call him for example or text him. He would be the man in a sense and engage with me more and try to progress  things. 

But otherwise he wont reach out. 

I guess me appearing again 2 months later. Hes like 🙄🤨. Hence the ignoring. 

[miranda561]

42 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

miranda, it's okay to be slow to open up, me too!

But that doesn't mean acting indifferently or elusively, or being slow to respond to texts if at all.

Do you mean slow to show your interest and feelings?  Cause yeah, that will be a problem typically leading to only those men looking for a  challenge/chase to pursue you. 

And guess what?  Men who enjoy the chase usually end up being d-bags because they're only interested in the chase!  Not the girl.    Generally speaking.  

If you want to attract a good guy, begin by being "good" yourself meaning show some excitement and interest, be responsive to him.  Answer texts in a timely manner, express some enthusiasm when he asks you out.

Don't overdo it, find the right balance that works for you.  

Challenge yourself to try, stretch your emotional muscles, step out of your comfort zone.  

That is how we learn, grow and evolve. 

 

 

Yeh definitely. I slow with regards to feelings and opening up. When he would say things like missed  you miranda or i miss you ( just a  example).. i wouldn't  respond in kind. Just would use some random emoticons. 

It sounds silly but even me messaging him acknowledging that its been a long time since we spoke. I felt even that was out of my comfort zone. 😂 because in essence im showing i noticed the huge gap in contact. So what i said was how is it we have not communicated in nearly 2 months. 😯..and then showed my shocked  bitmoji. Followed by you must hate me.

Him .... *radio silence*

I saw he came online. And read it most likely. Not that  im stalking  him but sometimes i check to see if hes online when i am.but lately he hasnt been on AT ALL. But lo and behold  he came and saw my little message 😢