Author miranda561 Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 10 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: It doesn't look that way when you continue to reach out to him. Instead, it looks like you have no other options so you go fishing from him again. I'm not saying that is the case, to be clear, but you're making yourself look a bit desperate and annoying. The impression you're creating to him is not attractive. And to be clear. Its all assumptions because i have plenty of options. Hes just one of the ones i actually think is alright! Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 @miranda561 on the face of it, from your actions it seems like you’re more invested in not appearing desperate, then you are in going in a date with this guy to see if you’re compatible. Either you’re playing hard to get, because you genuinely think it makes you more attractive (it doesn’t), or you’re genuinely afraid to go out on a date with a guy you’re really interested in because of the possibility of rejection, or that you end up not being compatible. If you’re interested in going on a date let him know! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: @miranda561 on the face of it, from your actions it seems like you’re more invested in not appearing desperate, then you are in going in a date with this guy to see if you’re compatible. Either you’re playing hard to get, because you genuinely think it makes you more attractive (it doesn’t), or you’re genuinely afraid to go out on a date with a guy you’re really interested in because of the possibility of rejection, or that you end up not being compatible. If you’re interested in going on a date let him know! Im not trying to not appear desperate. This is just me. Ive always been laid back in my approach when it comes to romantic connections. Im just being me. But i guess this is my downfall..since it appears like im playing games or i have no interest. When he was actively pursuing me i didnt respond in kind. Now that he stopped im like how do i get that rapport back. He already didnt trust me as it was ( when he mentioned feeling like an option). Now i have to deal with the possibility he could be talking to someone else Im not scared to meet him. Again it comes down to people not getting me 🤔. I do want to meet the guy but i left it so long since he last asked i just feel like a fool To even call him n mention it. It would be like "oh hi i know we havent spoken in two months since you asked to meet me and i haven't bothered to keep in touch...but do you want to meet now?" He might literally be like wtf. Edited June 10, 2020 by miranda561 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Weezy1973 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Yes I can see the dilemma. I think you can be your laid back self, while still letting him know you’re interested. You can’t control whether or not he’s dating someone else so not something to worry about. Personally I’d just be as straightforward and honest as possible - something like: “I know I’ve been busy so haven’t been in touch as much, but if you’re still interested in getting together, I’m game.” Use your own words obviously, but just being as honest as possible will get you the best outcome. He’ll let you know either way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) 7 minutes ago, Weezy1973 said: Yes I can see the dilemma. I think you can be your laid back self, while still letting him know you’re interested. You can’t control whether or not he’s dating someone else so not something to worry about. Personally I’d just be as straightforward and honest as possible - something like: “I know I’ve been busy so haven’t been in touch as much, but if you’re still interested in getting together, I’m game.” Use your own words obviously, but just being as honest as possible will get you the best outcome. He’ll let you know either way. So this will be my second time reaching out if i call him. First time i texted saying cant believe so much time has past. Only to get the ignore. I just don't even know how meeting up at this point would work..with all the quarantine measures..and having to social distance etc etc..but i cant be like lets meet when the corona has vanished..🤔. He will be like bye 😂. Hes so neurotic everything has to be according to his terms..otherwise he leaves it. Crazy. But we shall see Edited June 10, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 Your guesses as to what's going on with him are right on the money. He got tired of feeling like an option and he's done. And after all this time, of course he's speaking to other women. Preserve your dignity and don't reach out again. I missed the reasons why you say he's neurotic how everything must be on his terms, but if it's true, he wouldn't make a good partner anyway. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 10, 2020 Author Share Posted June 10, 2020 23 minutes ago, basil67 said: Your guesses as to what's going on with him are right on the money. He got tired of feeling like an option and he's done. And after all this time, of course he's speaking to other women. Preserve your dignity and don't reach out again. I missed the reasons why you say he's neurotic how everything must be on his terms, but if it's true, he wouldn't make a good partner anyway. Is neurotic the right word? 😂🤔. Maybe like controlling. When things dont go his way he will ignore or walk away or be a kid about it basically. Maybe im just too slow for guys to handle. I dont take action quick enough. Which is why i feel he would easily find someone else who would be all over him. ( unlike me). Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 10, 2020 Share Posted June 10, 2020 (edited) Again, I haven't been through your thread in depth, but I don't see him being controlling either. Controlling people don't walk away - they stick around dictating how their partner should behave. Edited June 10, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 On 6/8/2020 at 9:01 PM, miranda561 said: Saying...how has nearly 2 months gone by since i last spoke to you..and you must hate me. Followed by shocked emojis. Miranda if someone sent me a message like this I wouldn't respond either. I would think it's kind of silly. The fact that he still hasn't responded back by now pretty much says he's moved on. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 No he is. At one point he was like im giving you a time limit. Either speak to me on the phone or im done. Just one example. I think he uses silence as a tool aswell. But yeh that's my impression. Oh and another thing he implied pretty much hes looking for a serious relationship. And then he asked me if i can cook and what i can cook. I pretty much said i cant😂. And he was like well you've got time to learn. Not like oh maybe you can get into it for fun. But literally more like learn how to cook because its what a long term partner should do 😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 4 minutes ago, stillafool said: Miranda if someone sent me a message like this I wouldn't respond either. I would think it's kind of silly. The fact that he still hasn't responded back by now pretty much says he's moved on. Is it rude what i said? Well ive had texts go unanswered before..but he always speaks to me on the phone. To be fair from his perspective he's tried quite a fair bit with me. So i guess i dont blame him. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 IDK just text him and ask "how do you like your lasagna?" That should get an answer.😂😂 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) When exactly do you plan to see him if he does get back to you? You've got to come with something more concrete this time when you reach out. Edited June 11, 2020 by stillafool 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 1 minute ago, stillafool said: IDK just text him and ask "how do you like your lasagna?" That should get an answer.😂😂 Good one 😂😂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, stillafool said: When exactly do you plan to see him if he does get back to you? You've got to come with something more concrete this time when you reach out. Oh man if it wasn't for this silly pandemic 😷😤. Things would have been so much easier you know! Like i cant exactly be like yeah wait for me for the next six months till all this is over and we can meet. 🤔. Its just a tough situation. N i dont know if i mentioned it before..but hes a fed. Hes probably been in contact with dozens and dozens of people Edited June 11, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, miranda561 said: No he is. At one point he was like im giving you a time limit. Either speak to me on the phone or im done. Just one example. I think he uses silence as a tool aswell. But yeh that's my impression. Oh and another thing he implied pretty much hes looking for a serious relationship. And then he asked me if i can cook and what i can cook. I pretty much said i cant😂. And he was like well you've got time to learn. Not like oh maybe you can get into it for fun. But literally more like learn how to cook because its what a long term partner should do 😂 He gave you an ultimatum. An ultimatum is a very strong expression of what one will accept in a relationship. An ultimatum is not control because you still have choice. You've done your share of silence with him, so you don't have the moral high ground there. And cooking is a life skill. Would you continue with a guy who didn't know how to wash and iron his own clothes? Lastly, don't blame the pandemic. I doubt he would contact you even if there was no pandemic. Truly, he has written you off and moved on Edited June 11, 2020 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 15 minutes ago, basil67 said: He gave you an ultimatum. An ultimatum is a very strong expression of what one will accept in a relationship. An ultimatum is not control because you still have choice. You've done your share of silence with him, so you don't have the moral high ground there. And cooking is a life skill. Would you continue with a guy who didn't know how to wash and iron his own clothes? Lastly, don't blame the pandemic. I doubt he would contact you even if there was no pandemic. Truly, he has written you off and moved on Well of course he wouldn't. Hes tried his hardest to get to me but it still didn't work. Regardless i do blame the pandemic..as i maybe would have met him by now since the last we spoke he asked to meet. I mean come on there are 50 year olds who don't even cook ( let alone someone 30 years younger). .i have seen it. Their husbands do it. So for that to be a dealbreaker says a lot more about the person than anything else. And i dont ignore peoples messages. I get he doesnt like to text someone hes getting to know But i still think its petty to not reply . So i can be on my moral high ground actually. Edited June 11, 2020 by miranda561 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, miranda561 said: Well of course he wouldn't. Hes tried his hardest to get to me but it still didn't work. Regardless i do blame the pandemic..as i maybe would have met him by now since the last we spoke he asked to meet. I mean come on there are 50 year olds who don't even cook. .i have seen it. Their husbands do it. So for that to be a dealbreaker says a lot more about the person than anything else. I've never dated men like this. I spent a couple hours with a few men today and they don't ask if women cook. I can't date until I'm further along in therapy. My therapists says I can't accept kind treatment. Interesting since I abuse kind men and feel defeated if they don't get hurt. Edited June 11, 2020 by Realitysux 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 OK, so he's a terrible guy with unrealistic expectations. So why do you care that he's moved on? Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: OK, so he's a terrible guy with unrealistic expectations. So why do you care that he's moved on? On a basic level hes ok.. hes career focused/hes young/hes attractive. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, miranda561 said: On a basic level hes ok.. hes career focused/hes young/hes attractive. So, you want a guy who you've got pretty much nothing good to say about just because of the above? And again, why do you care that he's moved on. If he is what you say he is, it's not like he has much to offer. I'm not being mean here. I'm helping you get over him. Edited June 11, 2020 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 8 minutes ago, basil67 said: So, you want a guy who you've got pretty much nothing good to say about just because of the above? And again, why do you care that he's moved on. If he is what you say he is, it's not like he has much to offer. I'm not being mean here. I'm helping you get over him. I know it sounds silly.. but old. Its rare to find all three. I mean i definitely hardly ever find anyone that attractive and a lot just lie about their jobs too its just evident. Man i dont know. 🤔. Link to post Share on other sites
Author miranda561 Posted June 11, 2020 Author Share Posted June 11, 2020 1 hour ago, Realitysux said: I've never dated men like this. I spent a couple hours with a few men today and they don't ask if women cook. I can't date until I'm further along in therapy. My therapists says I can't accept kind treatment. Interesting since I abuse kind men and feel defeated if they don't get hurt. I think he wants a domestic goddess..and is the type to be like women belong in the kitchen. Its good your therapist is helping you realise some stuff 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 1 hour ago, miranda561 said: I know it sounds silly.. but old. Its rare to find all three. I mean i definitely hardly ever find anyone that attractive and a lot just lie about their jobs too its just evident. Man i dont know. 🤔. Those things you've listed are the 'icing on the cake' stuff. It's not where basic compatibility of love and mutual respect lies 3 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted June 11, 2020 Share Posted June 11, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, Realitysux said: I've never dated men like this. I spent a couple hours with a few men today and they don't ask if women cook. When I was dating, I could cook and I assumed men could cook and so I didn't ask. That could be why you don't get asked either. Edited June 11, 2020 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
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