No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

8 hours ago, basil67 said:

Those things you've listed are the 'icing on the cake' stuff.   It's not where basic compatibility of love and mutual respect lies

Well through OLD its usually what most people are judged on when they dont know thr other very well.

In other words  if we met in person properly maybe then love and mutual respect could have been established.

[Alexa 95]

Call your man.

Whatya got to lose? 

[basil67]

11 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Well through OLD its usually what most people are judged on when they dont know thr other very well.

In other words  if we met in person properly maybe then love and mutual respect could have been established.

And if the two of you had gotten on with each other, you probably would have quickly met and possibly created love and respect.  But the contact which actually happened was terrible and with huge gaps, so meeting was out of the question and love didn't happen.

You're chasing a dream.  Time to let it go.

Edited June 11, 2020 by basil67

[Alexa 95]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And if the two of you had gotten on with each other, you probably would have quickly met and possibly created love and respect.  But the contact which actually happened was terrible and with huge gaps, so meeting was out of the question and love didn't happen.

You're chasing a dream.  Time to let it go.

I think she should give it a go.

Why not. He seems genuinely interested in her. Perhaps her hot and coldness got him to back away a bit.

If hes receptive, it could work out. 

 

[basil67]

44 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said:

I think she should give it a go.

Why not. He seems genuinely interested in her. Perhaps her hot and coldness got him to back away a bit.

If hes receptive, it could work out. 

 

She already reached out not that long ago and he ignored her.  In my books, this doesn't reflect genuine interest on his part.

Also, Miranda has criticised him from here to kingdom come.   If she'd said "he's a really terrific guy and I acted like an idiot" I'd have a different approach.   But while she harbours the level of disdain she has for him, it can't work.

Edited June 12, 2020 by basil67

[Alexa 95]

7 minutes ago, basil67 said:

She already reached out not that long ago and he ignored her.  In my books, this doesn't reflect genuine interest on his part.

Also, Miranda has criticised him from here to kingdom come.   If she'd said "he's a really terrific guy and I acted like an idiot" I'd have a different approach.   But while she harbours the level of disdain she has for him, it can't work.

He may just have a giant ego, we don't know She didnt take him up on his offer to meet.

She may not want to admit shes wrong.

Its really upto her though.

 if she had that much disdain for him she wouldnt be making  a whole  thread about it. It is a little confusing.

Im offering up another angle here

 

[basil67]

I can't see how him moving on from something which wasn't working for him is a sign of ego.  I'd call it commonsense.  

You're right that it's confusing.  Miranda has gone zig zagged from agreeing that some of her own behaviour has left a lot to be desired to blaming him for all kinds of things.   I suspect the truth may be that he wasn't all that bad and she wants another chance. But because it's not going her way, she is unfairly lashing out at him.

If Miranda really wants another chance, the best way would be to eat humble pie and apologise for the things she did wrong.   But I'm not sure that she would be able to do this at this stage. 

[Alexa 95]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I can't see how him moving on from something which wasn't working for him is a sign of ego.  I'd call it commonsense.  

You're right that it's confusing.  Miranda has gone zig zagged from agreeing that some of her own behaviour has left a lot to be desired to blaming him for all kinds of things.   I suspect the truth may be that he wasn't all that bad and she wants another chance. But because it's not going her way, she is unfairly lashing out at him.

If Miranda really wants another chance, the best way would be to eat humble pie and apologise for the things she did wrong.   But I'm not sure that she would be able to do this at this stage. 

I would suggest its the best way forward. To show some humility.

How old are they? Im pretty young myself and know how proud people my age can be.

Don't  they say hate is not the opposite of love, its indifference. 😅

He probably hasnt seen this fiery side of her. Only indifference. Lol. Definitely  confusing.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

On 6/10/2020 at 2:04 PM, miranda561 said:

I don't know how old you are but im assuming 40/50/6os  i expect better from someone decades older.

Nope. 

You can be snarky and self-righteous if you want, but you're still not getting anywhere with this guy.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Miranda, it's 16 pages later and you're still contradicting all the nos and jumping on the much more rare yeses so what are you actually asking us anymore? If you want to call him, which you obviously do, then call him, the end.

[Alexa 95]

11 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Nope. 

You can be snarky and self-righteous if you want, but you're still not getting anywhere with this guy.

 i was saying earlier how everyone is so negative on these threads.

Maybe she can try her luck.

This guy likes her it appears  but is trying to save face..

No man would ask a girl out unless hes interested. No way. 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[poppyfields]

5 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said:

 No man would ask a girl out unless hes interested. No way. 

Interested in what though?  😝

Anyway, I tend to agree but that was months ago.  

Things, feelings can change, they've never even met in person. 

But she can try it, something light.  However, she needs to prepare herself, for the possibility he might ignore her again. 

 

[Alexa 95]

14 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Interested in what though?  😝

Anyway, I tend to agree but that was months ago.  

Things, feelings can change, they've never even met in person. 

But she can try it, something light.  However, she needs to prepare herself, for the possibility he might ignore her again. 

 

From what i read i didnt read everything.

He asked to meet her. But she didnt get back to him on that. Anyone would feel rejected, wouldn't they lol.

It doesn't mean his interest is lacking. I would think its down to her now.

I wouldnt  want to ruin someones chances by being negative, when i don't  even know the guy.

 none of us know him, only OP does

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[poppyfields]

6 hours ago, Alexa 95 said:

From what i read i didnt read everything.

Then I would suggest you read everything, the entire thread, because there's a lot more to it.   They both made mistakes.

Guy is no piece of cheeescake and imo miranda is better off without. 

I think she knows this too but as happens lots of times when we start  getting ignored and things are over, we second guess ourselves. 

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

3 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Then I would suggest you read everything, the entire thread, because there's a lot more to it. 

🤔 recent goings on is more significant right. 

16 pages lol

[poppyfields]

2 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said:

🤔 recent goings on is more significant right. 

16 pages lol

I am talking recent. And I just modified my post.  

[Alexa 95]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I am talking recent. And I just modified my post.  

Where he issues her an ultimatum? 

To speak on the phone?

From what i can see more people criticised mirands behaviour and said most men won't put up with it.

Implying his requests were reasonable

[poppyfields]

That was MONTHS ago.

But nevermind, truly..  I hope this doesn't sound rude but since you haven't read the entire thread and yea I know it's long so don't blame you, you don't have all the facts so there is no sense debating about it. 

Guy has moved on, most likely to a local woman he's met in person. 

Like I said, miranda can try reaching out, ya never know, but  I wouldn't hold much hope for things working out.  

It's been almost a year since they first started chatting on line, and it's been one conflict after another on BOTH sides.  They haven't spoken or texted in months. 

This is done.  It's time. 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

15 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

That was MONTHS ago.

But nevermind, truly..  I hope this doesn't sound rude but since you haven't read the entire thread and yea I know it's long so don't blame you, you don't have all the facts so there is no sense debating about it. 

Guy has moved on, most likely to a local woman he's met in person. 

Like I said, miranda can try reaching out, ya never know, but  I wouldn't hold much hope for things working out.  

It's been almost a year since they first started chatting on line, and it's been one conflict after another on BOTH sides.  They haven't spoken in months. 

This is done.

 

No offence taken. 

I find it odd how people who don't know her are so passionate about the guy moving on lol as if they know him personally. Strange. 

From what ive witnessed in this and other threads i would not post any problems of my own. 🤔 

People here are just oddly negative and a bit too invested in breaking down others  connections/relationships. Makes you wonder if misery loves company. 

I'm not saying anymore lol. Plus not been here long. But this is my take 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[poppyfields]

I'm relatively new too, and I'm not typically negative, but I am realistic, there is a difference. 

And after 16 pages, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to get a sense of who he is and who miranda is, and to voice an opinion based on that. 

Assuming one is perceptive enough. 

And in my defense, I did suggest she reach out and let chips fall where they may.  And I have told miranda this off the forum as well.

But I also think it's important to be real with people and not give them false hope. 

Sure there is still hope, one never knows, but given their history for the past year, it's a long shot.

Again, I invite you to read the entire thread for better understanding. 

That's all.

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

53 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm relatively new too, and I'm not typically negative, but I am realistic, there is a difference. 

And after 16 pages, it doesnt take a rocket scientist to get a sense of who he is and who miranda is, and to voice an opinion based on that. 

Assuming one is perceptive enough. 

And in my defense, I did suggest she reach out and let chips fall where they may.  And I have told miranda this off the forum as well.

But I also think it's important to be real with people and not give them false hope. 

Sure there is still hope, one never knows, but given their history for the past year, it's a long shot.

Again, I invite you to read the entire thread for better understanding. 

That's all.

I read a little more.

Didnt she say he thought she had moved on because she hadnt reached out to him or ignored some message? If he asked for advice (hypothetically), people would tell him realistically she has moved on, to someone local most likely . Realistically  she hadnt moved on. 

And have they not been on and off for some time. He always got back into contact with her. That alone shows his interest level in her seems to be pretty high.

I've been in those shoes where people always give the same old advice thinking they know best. When they are in actual fact in the wrong, and results have proven them otherwise.

i would say to her to go for it if she thinks its the right thing to do.

And no one here should assume they know what the man is thinking including you. As she knows him better than any of us combined. That is the truth of the matter.

Where is the op anyway 😅. She could shed some light. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, Alexa 95 said:

No offence taken. 

I find it odd how people who don't know her are so passionate about the guy moving on lol as if they know him personally. Strange. 

From what ive witnessed in this and other threads i would not post any problems of my own. 🤔 

People here are just oddly negative and a bit too invested in breaking down others  connections/relationships. Makes you wonder if misery loves company. 

I'm not saying anymore lol. Plus not been here long. But this is my take 

 

The reality is that there *will* be more problems and mistakes discussed on an advice forum like this than in day to day life. Far fewer people come onto an advice forum to say, “Everything’s going great. Anyway, just wanted to let you know.” There are automatically problems and issues beyond the normal starting relationship bumps in the road when you’re in an advice space.

It’s not weird at all that a lot of the time, there will be “no” OR  “do something differently” responses. There are already so many issues that a person has felt compelled to post to hundreds of strangers asking what to do. And often, the issues are apparently either drastic, unusual or insurmountable enough that even one’s actual friends and family members can’t and won’t help. So that says something too.

If you don’t like it nobody is twisting your arm to read, to be blunt about it. Otherwise, in an advice space where people have no clue what to do and things aren’t working out (in this example, for a whole year of never having gotten even to the point of dating), you’ll hear “no”s and it will only make sense to hear them. Not always. But fairly often? Of course. 

Edited June 13, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

5 hours ago, Alexa 95 said:

I read a little more.

Didnt she say he thought she had moved on because she hadnt reached out to him or ignored some message? If he asked for advice (hypothetically), people would tell him realistically she has moved on, to someone local most likely . Realistically  she hadnt moved on. 

And have they not been on and off for some time. He always got back into contact with her. That alone shows his interest level in her seems to be pretty high.

I've been in those shoes where people always give the same old advice thinking they know best. When they are in actual fact in the wrong, and results have proven them otherwise.

i would say to her to go for it if she thinks its the right thing to do.

And no one here should assume they know what the man is thinking including you. As she knows him better than any of us combined. That is the truth of the matter.

Where is the op anyway 😅. She could shed some light. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well then you might be glad to know that many of us HAVE advised this poster to make a move many times here and she always found a reason not to. I even just advised yet again a whole bunch of pages in, just call. Her response...nah, because I don’t like the phone...

So...? 🤷‍♀️

 

[Alexa 95]

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Well then you might be glad to know that many of us HAVE advised this poster to make a move many times here and she always found a reason not to. I even just advised yet again a whole bunch of pages in, just call. Her response...nah, because I don’t like the phone...

So...? 🤷‍♀️

 

Really? Ok i admit i didnt read everything, who's  going to read 16 pages.

From what i have read though its mostly  the women who are saying shes this and that and has no dignity/ is desperate etc etc. 

Not exactly women empowering. 

But the men are telling the OP to give it a go

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[poppyfields]

Those who followed from beginning know what is written in those 16 pages. 

And frankly, if I had not followed from beginning and wantrd to render a proper helpful response, you better believe I would read all 16 pages. 

Jmo but you do the OP a great disservice by rendering an opinion without knowing all the facts.

I liken it to a doctor rendering a diagnosis without knowing a patients full history. 

Maybe a bad example but hopefully you get the point. 

And also, if you read the entire thread, there were quite a few men who told her she could do better.

And there were also many women, including CG and myself, and others, who advised her to give him a call.

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields