No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[Alexa 95]

3 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

The reality is that there *will* be more problems and mistakes discussed on an advice forum like this than in day to day life. Far fewer people come onto an advice forum to say, “Everything’s going great. Anyway, just wanted to let you know.” There are automatically problems and issues beyond the normal starting relationship bumps in the road when you’re in an advice space.

It’s not weird at all that a lot of the time, there will be “no” OR  “do something differently” responses. There are already so many issues that a person has felt compelled to post to hundreds of strangers asking what to do. And often, the issues are apparently either drastic, unusual or insurmountable enough that even one’s actual friends and family members can’t and won’t help. So that says something too.

If you don’t like it nobody is twisting your arm to read, to be blunt about it. Otherwise, in an advice space where people have no clue what to do and things aren’t working out (in this example, for a whole year of never having gotten even to the point of dating), you’ll hear “no”s and it will only make sense to hear them. Not always. But fairly often? Of course. 

 you think people come on to boards to hear "youre desperate" or "keep your dignity or whatever you have left of it" Im sure this poster wanted to hear statements like that..im sure it helped her greatly. Note the sarcasm.

Im sure  a lot of the time individuals come on and think they'll get some encouragement or hope from people ..and not want to be shot down 🤔

I think i asked @Fox Sake on another thread why there is so much negativity. And he said its to do with the age/generation of the posters. 

 

The op has not replied on here. She may have had enough  lol

[Alexa 95]

6 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

Those who followed from beginning know what is written in those 16 pages. 

And frankly, if I had not followed from beginning and wantrd to render a proper helpful response, you better believe I would read all 16 pages. 

Jmo but you do the OP a great disservice by rendering an opinion without knowing all the facts.

I liken it to a doctor rendering a diagnosis without knowing a patients full history. 

Maybe a bad example but hopefully you get the point. 

And also, if you read the entire thread, there were quite a few men who told her she could do better.

And there were also many women, including CG and myself, and others, who advised her to give him a call.

O.....k

But from what i can see the parts i have read are most likely the most relevant. Why does the history matter when they seem to be on talking terms and he was happy to speak to her. 

Relevant right now is. They spoke and he asked to meet in person. Is that not right.

The men here eg.. @Weezy1973  told her call the guy..and chilli.

Basil ..im assuming  a woman spoke down to her about dignity n all that. This woman is a stranger to the op. So what right does she have to be so rude?

It seems to come from a place of bitterness. 

[poppyfields]

13 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said:

 The op has not replied on here. She may have had enough  lol

I tried to access her profile to send a private message but was not able to.

On other forums, that suggests a ban. 

And since she hasn't returned, well.... that would explain, although can't know for sure. 

Alexa, with due respect if you don't like the "negativity" here, or "bitterness," why stay?  

You're not going to change people's opinions or how they choose to post by complaining about it. 

There are other more gentle forums which are more into coddling a poster than being real with them, even if being real sometimes comes off a bit harsh. 

And many posters appreciate being given the harsh realities because life often IS harsh. 

If not your cup of tea, that's okay!  Like I said there are other forums.. 

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

10 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I tried to access her profile to send a private message but was not able to.

On other forums, that suggests a ban. 

And since she hasn't returned, well.... that would explain, although can't know for sure. 

Alexa, with due respect if you don't like the "negativity" here, why stay?  

You're not going to change people's opinions or how they choose to.post by complaining about it. 

There are other more gentle forums which imo are more into coddling a poster than being real with them, even if being real sometimes comes off a bit harsh. 

And many posters appreciate being given the harsh realities because life often IS harsh. 

If not your cup of tea, that's okay!  Like I said there are other forums.. 

Great. I wanted to see what she had to say.

Now youre telling me to go to other forums? why  because  i added another opinion and you didnt like it? Im not complaining, only highlighting some themes here. 

You speak as if what you say is facts..its just another opinion at the end of the day. 

You think youre being real as if its 100% fact..when you could be wrong 🤔

My approach is always  to try and rectify a situation. Not to give out the usual typical "move on". "Hes not interested". As if you know them. Youre not this mans friend or family member are you? Or am i missing something 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[poppyfields]

I'm not "telling" you to do anything Alexa, I respectfully "asked" why you stay since it's become quite apparent you don't like it here very much, you find it too negative.

No skin off my nose either way. 

[poppyfields]

And for the record, your posts come off as fact also, more so than mine.

I often say I could be wrong.  

Anyway, don't wish to argue, not really my style.  I try to get along with everyone and up till now, have. 

I hope going forward we can get along too.  And respect each other's opinions and each other.

 

 

Edited June 13, 2020 by poppyfields

[Alexa 95]

2 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

I'm not "telling" you to do anything Alexa, I respectfully "asked" why you stay since it's become quite apparent you don't like it here very much, you find it too negative.

No skin off my nose either way. 

Why do i stay? Because id like to offer people much needed help without being patronising, judging, asserting my opinions as if theyre facts..and  not using the typical yawn term "move on". 

[Alexa 95]

5 minutes ago, poppyfields said:

And for the record, your posts come off as fact also, more so than mine.

I often say I could be wrong.  

Anyway, don't wish to argue, not really my style.  I try to get along with everyone and up till now, have. 

I hope going forward we can get along too.  And respect each other's opinions and each other.

 

 

"Guy has moved on, most likely to a local woman he's met in person. 

Like I said, miranda can try reaching out, ya never know, but  I wouldn't hold much hope for things working out.  

It's been almost a year since they first started chatting on line, and it's been one conflict after another on BOTH sides.  They haven't spoken or texted in months. 

This is done.  It's time. "

You're  telling me the above doesnt sound like facts? Ok then  whatever helps you feel better😃

Edited June 13, 2020 by Alexa 95

[CaliforniaGirl]

6 hours ago, Alexa 95 said:

Why do i stay? Because id like to offer people much needed help without being patronising, judging, asserting my opinions as if theyre facts..and  not using the typical yawn term "move on". 

Well, TBH, having only been here for a few days you may just not have a "feel" for the forum yet. Instead of deciding what this forum is like, what the women do, what the men do, what's negative and what's not, you might take a bit of time to get a feel for the forum. You seem to be deciding you know all about us posters, which honestly seems a bit odd for someone who's been around for like 48 hours or something. Sometimes answers to a thread have to do with apparent long-term patterns so that all plays into it too. You've said twice on this thread that you didn't read the whole thread but you jumped in to point fingers anyway. If you can get involved for a little while you'll have a feel for things. Many of us have been advising this poster to be *more* available and talkative to her dates, for instance. Instead of pointing fingers and deciding after 48 hours that you know all about the style of the forum and have a make on what the posters are like, you'll have a better chance of really helping posters as you say you want to do. Anyway, welcome!

[Alexa 95]

6 hours ago, CaliforniaGirl said:

Well, TBH, having only been here for a few days you may just not have a "feel" for the forum yet. Instead of deciding what this forum is like, what the women do, what the men do, what's negative and what's not, you might take a bit of time to get a feel for the forum. You seem to be deciding you know all about us posters, which honestly seems a bit odd for someone who's been around for like 48 hours or something. Sometimes answers to a thread have to do with apparent long-term patterns so that all plays into it too. You've said twice on this thread that you didn't read the whole thread but you jumped in to point fingers anyway. If you can get involved for a little while you'll have a feel for things. Many of us have been advising this poster to be *more* available and talkative to her dates, for instance. Instead of pointing fingers and deciding after 48 hours that you know all about the style of the forum and have a make on what the posters are like, you'll have a better chance of really helping posters as you say you want to do. Anyway, welcome!

After all the "advice" here, hope she doesn't let the advice of strangers ruin what could be an opportunity and stay silent. 

A couple of days, how many threads have i managed to see though? 

I don't  need to be here years to get a grasp of how things are.🙄

Another thread i saw similar  to this one an older one, it was a young man instead. He was asking after a date and about after a months silence, if he should contact the girl. Predictably, the posters were saying hes been friendzoned, she doesn't  care about him etc. Guess what she ended up messaging him herself.

Time apart is not always an indicator of lack of interest. That should be noted and people should be open minded.

Anyway  thanks, i think. 

 

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Alexa 95

[Hopeful30]

On 4/19/2020 at 10:26 AM, miranda561 said:

Right at the end he asked if i want to see him/meet up, i said i dont mind, and then he said you make it sound like im an option. To which i replied everyone is an option. He said  i guess you could say that.
Eventually he said he had to go, so he cut the conversation short. And was like wow weve been speaking  for nearly 3 hours. 
That was on Sunday, its now been a week and have not heard since. Either by text or call.

By mentioning "option" he revealed what he thought of your intention to him (a.k.a. he did not feel like priority) which he did not like. You only confirmed this by innocently saying, "everyone is an option", by which you meant he should not have expectations of you, you want your space to be respected. He laughed it off, and hasn't got in touch because you did not make him feel wanted.

For example, in my situation and what I want in a relationship, I would not want a man that sees me only as an 'option', either. Longterm requires being certain of what you want.

Edited June 14, 2020 by Hopeful30