No contact for a week, shall I reach out?

[miranda561]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to sot yourself out fist. 

You're not ready to date if you make it this difficult to even talk to you. 

Well don,'t, hold back 😳😱🤔

Ive dated before btw not that long ago, to the point where the guy wanted to get married. So 🤷‍♀️. Maybe it also depends on the other person 

 

 

Edited April 24, 2020 by miranda561

[dangerous]

I'd say there is WAY too much drama and over-analysing going on here. 

it clearly doesn't feel natural and is not progressing, I'd say take some time out, think what it is you really want OP, and try again with someone else  when you're ready.

And learn from it and be more honest/ natural next time with the next person. 

[poppyfields]

15 hours ago, LynneVicious said:

I personally think this ship has sailed. I don’t think he’s interested anymore. Also, this is entirely wayyyy too much drama when you’ve only just spoken a few times and not even met. 
 

Move on and forget about him. It sounds like you don’t know what you want. Maybe figure that out before you date. Maybe you’re not ready to date yet. No one says you have to date. People should only be dating when their life is fully in order and they want to include someone in it. Unfortunately, way too many people date for all the wrong reasons. 
 

 

I echo this^.  Miranda, you're spending way too much time trying to get in his head, speculating as to what HE is thinking.

You have no idea what he thinks or feels, and to venture a guess, it's the complete opposite of what "you" think he's thinking. 

My take from reading your posts?  

You're quite attractive, you know you're attractive, hence all the pics of yourself you upload on social media for the world to see.

Your need for validation is huge combined with your aloof attitude suggests an attitude of entitlement.

Your mindset is you don't need to do a thing, never have, including showing proper interest, men will give you attention and chase regardless.  Based on your beauty.  In fact, the more aloof, the harder they chase. 

Not judging, I used to be the same, sort of, it's part conditioning and part entiitlement.  None of it is intentional, it's your vibe, your energy, and it "can" come across online. 

So you finally meet a man who's on to you, your game so to speak. 

The aloof attitude when he asked you out, his comment about feeling like one of your "options."

No need to overthink or overanalyze or wrack your brain speculating what HE is thinking, the simple truth is imo is he got turned off.  Or can't be bothered playing that push/pull game, it gets old. .

Plain and simple.  It happens, move on.

Lesson learned for next guy.  I did!!

Edited April 24, 2020 by poppyfields

[Versacehottie]

15 hours ago, miranda561 said:

Anyway i swear keeping in touch with  a potential is hard when ive just gotten used to doing my own thing for so long. But i know people who have a romantic interest in one another are meant to keep in touch regularly 😳🤔

Apparently he told me his now ex used to complain how he didnt call her enough. Its ironic how with me it was the otherway around 😂 😳

It's really funny that you ended up saying this.  I definitely have felt that just from your posts here--that maybe you have a bit of trouble wanting to connect with others. (but probably on the other hand really really want a connection).  

I think you have to try to connect in ways that do work for you.  If endless messaging and phone conversations are not it (guessing no because you are saying "keeping in touch with a potential"), then YOU should be more eager and bold to meet up soon than later.  Otherwise you are just spinning you wheels and liking someone who you haven't met and have put a lot of effort and most likely your imagination has made this person into more of a dream person than they are.  It's just the most productive for you. I do think that "connection" and keeping in touch ARE the foundation of wanting to be with someone so it's curious to me as why you see it as work.  That probably definitely needs sorting out.  Maybe you just feel that you should have a boyfriend or need to rush for life goals or something to keep up with others but the statements you've made and your actions show that something is holding you back.

Also a "potential"?? Just because you matched with someone on an app?  It's not a sales lead that you need to work or a fish on a hook.  It's a person.  And it's online/app dating so you need to take it a lot less invested.  And be more bold at the same time.  If you are holding onto one guy that you haven't even met from 6 months ago and it's been sporatic conversation and rocky at best where you've both basically been dismissive of each other, it's a reach that it would ever turn into something.  My suggestion would be to stop living in your head and playing games (which actually invests you further for ego reasons not real reasons about a particular person) and just get out there and meet lots of people and have experiences.  You will learn about yourself and what you actually like.  *well as soon as it's possible because of the virus. Good luck

[miranda561]

On 4/24/2020 at 4:15 PM, Versacehottie said:

It's really funny that you ended up saying this.  I definitely have felt that just from your posts here--that maybe you have a bit of trouble wanting to connect with others. (but probably on the other hand really really want a connection).  

I think you have to try to connect in ways that do work for you.  If endless messaging and phone conversations are not it (guessing no because you are saying "keeping in touch with a potential"), then YOU should be more eager and bold to meet up soon than later.  Otherwise you are just spinning you wheels and liking someone who you haven't met and have put a lot of effort and most likely your imagination has made this person into more of a dream person than they are.  It's just the most productive for you. I do think that "connection" and keeping in touch ARE the foundation of wanting to be with someone so it's curious to me as why you see it as work.  That probably definitely needs sorting out.  Maybe you just feel that you should have a boyfriend or need to rush for life goals or something to keep up with others but the statements you've made and your actions show that something is holding you back.

Also a "potential"?? Just because you matched with someone on an app?  It's not a sales lead that you need to work or a fish on a hook.  It's a person.  And it's online/app dating so you need to take it a lot less invested.  And be more bold at the same time.  If you are holding onto one guy that you haven't even met from 6 months ago and it's been sporatic conversation and rocky at best where you've both basically been dismissive of each other, it's a reach that it would ever turn into something.  My suggestion would be to stop living in your head and playing games (which actually invests you further for ego reasons not real reasons about a particular person) and just get out there and meet lots of people and have experiences.  You will learn about yourself and what you actually like.  *well as soon as it's possible because of the virus. Good luck

Dont get me wrong ive met lots of people in person. Thats never been  a problem for me.

But with  the current situation its going to be hard to see this one for a while. So im surprised he was like do you want to meet me. 🤔 

I dont mind texting. But he seems  to pick and choose what hes going to reply to. As in he wont always text back. Hes better with calls i guess he prefers that. Because remember ages ago he said he doesn't want to be just my texting  friend. 🤔even though iv seen him for hours before on whtsapp. 

 

So 2 days ago ( 2 weels since our three hour conversation) i finally messaged...it was just a funny gif. Showing im tired/bored. And he messages back with are you bored lol. And that was it basically. 😂 i didn't answer him

[Versacehottie]

19 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

Dont get me wrong ive met lots of people in person. Thats never been  a problem for me.

But with  the current situation its going to be hard to see this one for a while. So im surprised he was like do you want to meet me. 🤔 

I dont mind texting. But he seems  to pick and choose what hes going to reply to. As in he wont always text back. Hes better with calls i guess he prefers that. Because remember ages ago he said he doesn't want to be just my texting  friend. 🤔even though iv seen him for hours before on whtsapp. 

 

So 2 days ago ( 2 weels since our three hour conversation) i finally messaged...it was just a funny gif. Showing im tired/bored. And he messages back with are you bored lol. And that was it basically. 😂 i didn't answer him

Ok, I will grant you that the current situation makes everything different.  So it's good that you don't endlessly text.  But if you've been talking to this guy for 6 months--he's right--at some point toward the beginning you have been treating him like a texting buddy, while either or both of you are busy with other people, priorities and not compelled enough by each other to make a move.  I don't think you should bend your personal standards for safety and whatever is in place for the area you live to meet him during this time though.  He's probably half playing on your own desperation and boredom for getting back in touch and throwing out a wide net to whoever to see who will bite.

That is not saying he is the entire problem, not a by a long shot.  You both are. If he doesn't reply, he's probably not that into you.  He's also probably not that into boring texts that go nowhere, ie you can't and won't meet up and haven't over a 6 month period.  IMO, why would you show a guy who you aren't dating yet that you are bored anyway?  You being bored makes you=boring, if a person doesn't know you very well..  And sending a gif is a nudge--like "hey, I want to hear from you".  It's a bit immature IF you don't have more of an ongoing connection, which you guys don't.  The hours on WhatsApp (not that you should be monitoring what he is doing, even if he can't tell) is probably talking to some girl who doesn't do this back and forth thing with him. 

So with what you did last, by messaging him with the funny gif and then NOT answering him at all when he did answer you, I think it's you that's playing games.  At the very least you are not being true to yourself and what you want--you want to talk to him and then when you get that opportunity, create that opportunity, you sabotage it.  If you think his response caused you to lose interest in him altogether, then fine and leave it alone and don't answer but I'll bet you will be back on here doing back and forth and somersaults in your mind again shortly.  Sorry it's just my opinion. 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

So 2 days ago ( 2 weels since our three hour conversation) i finally messaged...it was just a funny gif. Showing im tired/bored. And he messages back with are you bored lol. And that was it basically. 😂 i didn't answer him

What did you expect him to say to a gif showing you're bored? It's not meaningful communication. 

It's time to stop reaching out to him. It's a complete waste of time at this point. 

Edited April 28, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[miranda561]

19 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

Ok, I will grant you that the current situation makes everything different.  So it's good that you don't endlessly text.  But if you've been talking to this guy for 6 months--he's right--at some point toward the beginning you have been treating him like a texting buddy, while either or both of you are busy with other people, priorities and not compelled enough by each other to make a move.  I don't think you should bend your personal standards for safety and whatever is in place for the area you live to meet him during this time though.  He's probably half playing on your own desperation and boredom for getting back in touch and throwing out a wide net to whoever to see who will bite.

That is not saying he is the entire problem, not a by a long shot.  You both are. If he doesn't reply, he's probably not that into you.  He's also probably not that into boring texts that go nowhere, ie you can't and won't meet up and haven't over a 6 month period.  IMO, why would you show a guy who you aren't dating yet that you are bored anyway?  You being bored makes you=boring, if a person doesn't know you very well..  And sending a gif is a nudge--like "hey, I want to hear from you".  It's a bit immature IF you don't have more of an ongoing connection, which you guys don't.  The hours on WhatsApp (not that you should be monitoring what he is doing, even if he can't tell) is probably talking to some girl who doesn't do this back and forth thing with him. 

So with what you did last, by messaging him with the funny gif and then NOT answering him at all when he did answer you, I think it's you that's playing games.  At the very least you are not being true to yourself and what you want--you want to talk to him and then when you get that opportunity, create that opportunity, you sabotage it.  If you think his response caused you to lose interest in him altogether, then fine and leave it alone and don't answer but I'll bet you will be back on here doing back and forth and somersaults in your mind again shortly.  Sorry it's just my opinion. 

I havent been speaking  to him for six months though. If you refer to the original post. It said i contacted  him after three months of no contact, In January.  In October we were in contact, mostly texting, and i told him i would call him, and he asked expected time of arrival of call i said i would let him know. And instead of doing that  ended up messaging him, but not calling in the end. Then we drifted apart for a couple of months. And correction, just because  i got back in touch does not make me desperate 😒. A desperate person would certainly  not have let a couple of months pass in between like that. He askee to meet because we had a good conversation  for three hours, where  i guess he thought it would make sense to ask if i want to meet. And hes an essential worker so im sure he knows we cant meet during these times. 

 

I dont think its immature really. Especially not since our phonecall, where he kept saying he thinks hes an option and that he thinks  i only got in touch with him when things didnt work out with  someone else. So i wanted to reach out  just in case he starts  thinking ive gone off to someone  else and we end up drifting apart again. 

I guess maybe  youre right partly when u say if i speak to him it should be like more  action orientated. I think hes maybe more that  type im guessing. 

Towards the beginning he was like, "i knew things wouldnt go anywhere between us"..and apparently thats why he didnt save my number 🤔.

But then when i finally  called him..the recent conversation after months , he decided to actually save  it😂. So im assuming he thought  i finally might want some thing  serious i dunno

[miranda561]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

What did you expect him to say to a gif showing you're bored? It's not meaningful communication. 

It's time to stop reaching out to him. 

So what would have been more meaningful communication then. ? Out of interest

 

[ExpatInItaly]

2 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

So what would have been more meaningful communication then. ? Out of interest

 

Using your words to say hello and ask him how he's doing, instead of of hiding behind a gif. 

[Versacehottie]

5 minutes ago, miranda561 said:

I havent been speaking  to him for six months though. If you refer to the original post. It said i contacted  him after three months of no contact, In January.  In October we were in contact, mostly texting, and i told him i would call him, and he asked expected time of arrival of call i said i would let him know. And instead of doing that  ended up messaging him, but not calling in the end. Then we drifted apart for a couple of months. And correction, just because  i got back in touch does not make me desperate 😒. A desperate person would certainly  not have let a couple of months pass in between like that. He askee to meet because we had a good conversation  for three hours, where  i guess he thought it would make sense to ask if i want to meet. And hes an essential worker so im sure he knows we cant meet during these times. 

 

I dont think its immature really. Especially not since our phonecall, where he kept saying he thinks hes an option and that he thinks  i only got in touch with him when things didnt work out with  someone else. So i wanted to reach out  just in case he starts  thinking ive gone off to someone  else and we end up drifting apart again. 

I guess maybe  youre right partly when u say if i speak to him it should be like more  action orientated. I think hes maybe more that  type im guessing. 

Towards the beginning he was like, "i knew things wouldnt go anywhere between us"..and apparently thats why he didnt save my number 🤔.

But then when i finally  called him..the recent conversation after months , he decided to actually save  it😂. So im assuming he thought  i finally might want some thing  serious i dunno

Oh, I get it about the 6 months ago.  You are mainly seeing things from your perspective not also what his PERCEPTION would be (although you do pass on that he has voiced his perception).  Listen, if you've started talking to someone 6 months ago and still haven't met up it's basically the SAME in terms of perception, from his POV and an outsider's.  It's not that important to you, you are stringing him along, toying with him for your boredom---that's what it looks and feels like to him, regardless of what it is. And when given the chance to give a better or more interested in him impression, you have managed to instead REINFORCE his perception, ie reaching out recently and then when he continues the conversation and tries to make one out of nothing basically (a gif!!), you don't respond at all.  You are betraying how you actually feel in the way you choose to communicate.  You are failing yourself.

My perception of desperate is different than yours for sure. A wider interpretation.  Perhaps his as well. He probably also asked you to meet to see how "serious" you were about it this time around since basically you flake, ie "not serious".

The gif to start a conversation when you are not being pursued by someone and actually DO want to talk to them is what I was saying is immature. If you want to talk to him, why not bring up something from that 3 hour conversation that you link to the present time?  That's more mature and more caring---well unless the gif had something specific to do with your last 3 hour conversation.  Anyway you mishandled because you got what you wanted (hearing back from him) and then promptly dropped the ball.

Stop trying to figure out where this will go, you will never get a guarantee.  You just have to experience it and see what happens.  Personally, I think this one is done and you probably need a clean slate with someone.  Good luck

[miranda561]

53 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Using your words to say hello and ask him how he's doing, instead of of hiding behind a gif. 

Fair enough 

[miranda561]

On 4/24/2020 at 3:29 PM, poppyfields said:

I echo this^.  Miranda, you're spending way too much time trying to get in his head, speculating as to what HE is thinking.

You have no idea what he thinks or feels, and to venture a guess, it's the complete opposite of what "you" think he's thinking. 

My take from reading your posts?  

You're quite attractive, you know you're attractive, hence all the pics of yourself you upload on social media for the world to see.

Your need for validation is huge combined with your aloof attitude suggests an attitude of entitlement.

Your mindset is you don't need to do a thing, never have, including showing proper interest, men will give you attention and chase regardless.  Based on your beauty.  In fact, the more aloof, the harder they chase. 

Not judging, I used to be the same, sort of, it's part conditioning and part entiitlement.  None of it is intentional, it's your vibe, your energy, and it "can" come across online. 

So you finally meet a man who's on to you, your game so to speak. 

The aloof attitude when he asked you out, his comment about feeling like one of your "options."

No need to overthink or overanalyze or wrack your brain speculating what HE is thinking, the simple truth is imo is he got turned off.  Or can't be bothered playing that push/pull game, it gets old. .

Plain and simple.  It happens, move on.

Lesson learned for next guy.  I did!!

Im attractive according to people yes, but  im not a massive fan of social media and don't  really upload or need validation from random people necessarily. 

I dont think im as entitled as you think or that  i come across. I definitely have pride though, for example i would feel like a mug if i kept reaching out to him. Since he reciprocates most of the time its ok. But id never chase him. 

And as for my aloof attitude  when he asked me to meet him, it wasn't intentional, although i did pause for  a long time on the phone 😂. Thinking of what  to say then come out with i dont  mind. Probably the wrong thing to say in hindsight. 

And i know it happens but  in the end i was genuinely interested in this person. I admit initially he was feeling it more than me. But i think i finally caught up. 

Last update: if you read but i messaged with a funny gif which implied that  i was bored. And he asked if im bored. And that was it really. I didnt know what to answer.

So that was it since our three hour conversation from two weeks back. 

[LynneVicious]

And you’re still playing games. He asked you a direct question to your ridiculous text you sent and you ignored him. Again. Just forget about him already. If he wasn’t gone before then, he is now. Geez. 

[miranda561]

58 minutes ago, LynneVicious said:

And you’re still playing games. He asked you a direct question to your ridiculous text you sent and you ignored him. Again. Just forget about him already. If he wasn’t gone before then, he is now. Geez. 

😳😳

[ExpatInItaly]

You need to learn how to communicate like an adult, OP. 

 

[Miss Spider]

Just let him go. Men who  accuse being on catfish are dorks anyway. Not worth the brain space.

[miranda561]

2 hours ago, Cookiesandough said:

Just let him go. Men who  accuse being on catfish are dorks anyway. Not worth the brain space.

😂😂 are they. Dorks in what way. Hes very judgemental about how women look in general. 🤔 when i asked how the women who he was set up with looked, he called them unattractive. 

[miranda561]

7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You need to learn how to communicate like an adult, OP. 

 

Rude

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, miranda561 said:

Rude

No, not really. 

Allow me to explain: gifs and the like are funny or cute if you have established or ongoing communication. You don't have that with this guy. Sending a gif/meme trying to get his attention after yet more silence is what highschoolers might do, because they're still too insecure to be more direct and hold a mature conversation. He in fact tried to reply to you with words, and you once again ran away. 

That isn't mature, Miranda. I can promise you that you would have more success if you engaged in meaningful conversation, and didn't hide every time he tries to gauge you interest in the slightest. 

[Gr8fuln2020]

On 4/28/2020 at 8:02 AM, miranda561 said:

So 2 days ago ( 2 weels since our three hour conversation) i finally messaged...it was just a funny gif. Showing im tired/bored. And he messages back with are you bored lol. And that was it basically. 😂 i didn't answer him

He called you on the truth of the text...it was a 'bored' text. You had time to meet months ago. If it didn't happen during the first couple of weeks, you weren't interested or invested enough to. I allow two weeks to go by at most before I meet someone. Usually within a week. If not, I move on. Many people don't want to waste time. I do find it interesting that he is still responding. I wonder what that is about. 

[miranda561]

43 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

No, not really. 

Allow me to explain: gifs and the like are funny or cute if you have established or ongoing communication. You don't have that with this guy. Sending a gif/meme trying to get his attention after yet more silence is what highschoolers might do, because they're still too insecure to be more direct and hold a mature conversation. He in fact tried to reply to you with words, and you once again ran away. 

That isn't mature, Miranda. I can promise you that you would have more success if you engaged in meaningful conversation, and didn't hide every time he tries to gauge you interest in the slightest. 

Well he's  very 50/50 with his message  responses (as in if he replies at all so i thought sending a gif would make me look less foolish than if i asked him a question  and he didnt answer. But according to you its immature so. 

He is more talkative on the phone than by text message  with me. I guess it comes down to " i dont want to be your texting friend"

Sometimes  i am not able  to call him or its just not a suitable time so i just gave him a text to show  i aint  forgotten about him since out lengthy conversation. Where h3 basically said im coming  across like he is an option

[miranda561]

22 minutes ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

He called you on the truth of the text...it was a 'bored' text. You had time to meet months ago. If it didn't happen during the first couple of weeks, you weren't interested or invested enough to. I allow two weeks to go by at most before I meet someone. Usually within a week. If not, I move on. Many people don't want to waste time. I do find it interesting that he is still responding. I wonder what that is about. 

Well he pretty much did imply I'm wasting his time long ago. But then when i did reach out after months, initially he was cold but then  he ended up still expressing interest.

I cant answer why he responds still. Maybe he hasnt found the one yet and im still a viable person for him. Who knows. 

Its ironic as there was another guy who basically acted the same way towards me as i act towards  the guy this post is about. But there would be no way in hell i would have spent hours on the phone to him, so maybe this guy is still interested  in me. 

[Versacehottie]

1 hour ago, Gr8fuln2020 said:

He called you on the truth of the text...it was a 'bored' text. You had time to meet months ago. If it didn't happen during the first couple of weeks, you weren't interested or invested enough to. I allow two weeks to go by at most before I meet someone. Usually within a week. If not, I move on. Many people don't want to waste time. I do find it interesting that he is still responding. I wonder what that is about. 

A little low hanging fruit and belief that they can each be on each other's back burners--since that is what he thinks she is doing and he is either now doing that as well or may have been all along.  He also could need a little ego stroke and simply be bored himself and then find himself in another game.  Like the very last time he took the bait and probably wishes he didn't now after she then immediately blew him off.

OP, you have a lot of excuses TBH. What do you really want from him?  And depending on what you want how do you see that going?  Like what would the steps be?

[ExpatInItaly]

59 minutes ago, Versacehottie said:

 What do you really want from him?  And depending on what you want how do you see that going?  Like what would the steps be?

I am curious to hear the answer to this, too. 

The way you're playing it, OP, makes it seem like you want attention from him but have zero intention of exploring anything further.