UKJames25 Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 So me and my girlfriend have been going out for just under 3 years. Things have been going smoothly up until the start of this year ish. She has a medical condition which is harsh on her and obviously I feel horrible that she has it and it does effect her of which I was fully aware with from the start. However she has now become quite almost depressive. She's got no self confidence. I have tried and tried with her to boost it step by step however she just comes to the conclusion that I'm wrong all the time and she will fail this and won't do that, which is getting very hard on me after around 5 months of this. It has now gotten to the point where basic conversation is now directed just purely on how bad she is feeling daily and isn't interested in how I am. Yes with the latest government (UK) guidelines it's not fun in the slightest but she's now bearly texting me all day in comparison to how she used to ( 10 texts a day, we live apart currently ). I feel like something is missing now and I'm almost burned out with it all. Yes she is very senative with everything but I guess there does come a point where I have to say no and put my footdown. Of course I want the best for her but I just don't feel like I could do a lifetime of this Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 Is her medical condition chronic or will she get over it at some point? If it's going to be here forever, and sometimes that becomes kind of a solitary journey and you can't really concentrate on relationships. If it's only temporary, then I'd stick it out but I believe I would mention to her that you feel like she doesn't care at all about your well-being anymore and only talks about herself. I would not stay in something that looked like it was going to be a joyless union for the rest of my life. If she is in that situation she should understand that and not want any loved ones to confine themselves to that. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted April 19, 2020 Share Posted April 19, 2020 If she's fading away on you, why don't you let her? It might solve the problem. 2 hours ago, UKJames25 said: S but she's now bearly texting me all day in comparison to how she used to ( 10 texts a day, we live apart currently ). I feel like something is missing now and I'm almost burned out with it all. If she's fading away then why not let her? It's possible that her enthusiasm for the relationship has diminished. Do you want to hang on? If not, start pulling back and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
scooby-philly Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 It's not yours or anyone else's job to "fix someone" while in a relationship. You must love and and honor yourself first and are relationship is only as strong as the roots planted by BOTH PEOPLE. Sure, loyalty and "duty" matter - but only to a certain extant. It's not like you were dating/married for 10, 20, 40 years when a sudden traumatic illness hits. And remember - people most often choose medical conditions (unless it's brought on by behavior like drinking, drugs, smoking, bad diet, etc.) and even if it is, people can choose their attitude. And that is something that you are never responsible for in a relationship - the other persons feelings or attitude. If she can't stay positive, if she's so selfish right now there's no "you" in the relationship - bring it up and if she doesn't change or there isn't a concrete plan that she follows to help herself and your relationship, then say goodbye and ignore any negative, mean, or nasty barbs she might send your way like "no one cares about me"....you can't fix someone else and change starts within. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted April 27, 2020 Share Posted April 27, 2020 Her happiness is not your responsibility. You can't fix her. Is she doing anything to work on herself, to address her depression? Is she seeking therapy or psychiatric help of any kind? If the answer is yes, then maybe there is hope for your relationship. But if she is not seeking any kind of help for her depression, if she is not making an effort to work on herself, and her only plan is to wallow in negativity, then that's not fair to you. If the relationship is not working then it's not working. There's nothing wrong with facing that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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