struggling to cope with lockdown. on my own and have three sick family members.

[Oscar1993]

Normally I don't struggle being by myself but I am finding this very difficult. I am still working from home which I guess is keeping me a little distracted but I am really struggling to focus on working at the same time. Up until last week, my grandad has been very poorly and was admitted to hospital and tested positive for coronavirus. He is so sick and I am terrified for him. My mum is also a nurse and has caught corona. She is the sickest I have ever heard her. On top of this, my other grandad had a stroke on Thursday, he's in a very bad way and I don't think he's going to make it. I am super close to my grandparents, probably closer than I am to my parents which is why this is hitting me so hard. The fact we can't visit makes everything a million times worse and the thought of them being in hospital by themselves, not knowing what is going on breaks my heart. I'm on the edge of tears all the time, I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, obviously my parents are both super worried because their parents are sick. I have my best friend but I don't want to burden her because she has her own family and I realise we are ALL going through a hard time, which is why I feel so guilty making this about me. I am going for a walk everyday but I need fresh air. I live in a one bed flat and I feel suffocated. I just don't know what to do, I have told work about my situation as I'm worried my work is suffering and I don't want them to think I am being lazy when working from home, but obviously they don't really care about how I actually feel. I'm considering booking a few days holiday just to try and relax without the stress of work on top of everything else. I don't know, I feel mentally exhausted. 😔

[basil67]

I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfathers and mother. 

I believe that reaching out to friends is exactly what you should be doing right now.   Your best friend is a best friend for a reason - and they may well enjoy talking about their own stuff anyway.  Have a joint grumble together.   Without knowing what's going on at work, I wonder why you'd say that they "obviously" don't really care about how you feel.  If a work mate of mine was in your situation, I'd be really worried for them and wanting updates .  

As far as working from home goes, I've heard it said people's production goes down about 30% in this situation, so perhaps your output isn't different to anyone else.  But taking some leave may well be a good solution if you need a mental break.  If your bosses are kind, they will understand.

 

 

Edited April 20, 2020 by basil67
spello

[Ellener]

6 hours ago, Oscar1993 said:

I'm on the edge of tears all the time, I don't feel like I have anyone to talk to, obviously my parents are both super worried because their parents are sick. I have my best friend but I don't want to burden her because she has her own family and I realise we are ALL going through a hard time, which is why I feel so guilty making this about me. I am going for a walk everyday but I need fresh air.

You are going through a lot, all at once. I'm so sorry about your grandparents. That's difficult at any time but not being able to be there so much more so.

You can talk to people without burdening them, share things rather than offload strong emotions. Talk to us here and there are online peer counsellors at Seven Cups of Tea.

You already identified that you need fresh air- nature and walking is a good solace and routine during times of duress. 

Crying is natural, don't fight it. I cry every day since all this happened, when I'm alone, I think many people do and it's better than anger and bitterness. 'Cleansing tears'.

Whatever your beliefs make a prayer or meditation for your family, and remember you honour them and their love for you by taking care of yourself.

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[Ellener]

How are you doing @Oscar1993 ?