do you just eventually give up?

[Hopeful30]

I am in the same boat. I've given up finding someone I actually really like, and I'm dating simply to cover as much ground as possible. I don't care to impress anymore, and the way I look at it, the more men I meet, the more I have to choose from in terms of settling long term. 

I've never enjoyed dating, to be honest. I enjoy intimacy and relationships. The only reason  I date is because I hope to find this intimacy and relationship. I no longer question why someone ghosted, or bailed on plans, or barely communicates. It has become normal to meet low quality men, so dating for me is sifting through as many of them as possible and hopefully finding one who is decent enough to settle with.

It's a terrible feeling, crying yourself to sleep at night as you admit to yourself that this amazing feeling of love that you know is possible...is not going to happen. The bright side is I no longer feel worried about being liked. I just go through the motions and hope I'll find something decent along the way. I think this happens to most people who have spent a long time looking for their lifelong partner and only meet disappointments.

[Alexa 95]

16 minutes ago, Hopeful30 said:

I am in the same boat. I've given up finding someone I actually really like, and I'm dating simply to cover as much ground as possible. I don't care to impress anymore, and the way I look at it, the more men I meet, the more I have to choose from in terms of settling long term. 

I've never enjoyed dating, to be honest. I enjoy intimacy and relationships. The only reason  I date is because I hope to find this intimacy and relationship. I no longer question why someone ghosted, or bailed on plans, or barely communicates. It has become normal to meet low quality men, so dating for me is sifting through as many of them as possible and hopefully finding one who is decent enough to settle with.

It's a terrible feeling, crying yourself to sleep at night as you admit to yourself that this amazing feeling of love that you know is possible...is not going to happen. The bright side is I no longer feel worried about being liked. I just go through the motions and hope I'll find something decent along the way. I think this happens to most people who have spent a long time looking for their lifelong partner and only meet disappointments.

Dating is never fun (especially not online), it is better to meet someone organically.

Having missed opportunities  i had with people i knew in person i tried OLD. There are a lot of low ego men on there, who want to get physical without even knowing your second name, and those who have such low self esteem they live for any kind of attention given and keep coming back and forth for said attention.

 I totally understand you. 

Hopefully you find someone you like. 

[Hopeful30]

19 minutes ago, Alexa 95 said:

Dating is never fun (especially not online), it is better to meet someone organically.

Having missed opportunities  i had with people i knew in person i tried OLD. There are a lot of low ego men on there, who want to get physical without even knowing your second name, and those who have such low self esteem they live for any kind of attention given and keep coming back and forth for said attention.

 I totally understand you. 

Hopefully you find someone you like. 

Likewise my friend 🙏

[Miss Spider]

On 4/22/2020 at 4:15 AM, some_username1 said:

Plot twist: she doesn’t exist!

Honestly, I’ve had more dates from Tinder and the like than most have had hot dinners and I’ve never met a woman with even half of all those characteristics.

As an aside I’ve also found with interesting regularity that when I’ve opened up to a girl and used the word “class” to a girl as in “I think you are classy” or “I’m looking for someone classy” things go pear shaped immediately after. Might not be causal, but I can’t help but infer that a lot of women get turned off by that term, perhaps it sets too high a standard for their behaviour or something?

So as far as OP goes as I’ve often said he is better off just focusing on living a productive and interesting life. I know better than most that life isn’t some Weird Science-esque simulator where you can design your ideal partner and that dating (especially in the dating app era) is a futile endeavour if you go into it with a shopping list of requirements.

Classy is kind of a strange compliment and I’ve got it before. It makes me envision myself in a long gown sipping expensive champagne with my pinkie turned up lol. It’s not me and I don’t want that to be me.  So yea. What you said. Also it might suggest he categorizes certain women as classy/trashy because of certain values he’s got. It’s kind of offputting in the way a guy says “you’re the most beautiful woman here” or something equally cringe. Like why you gotta dog every other woman here to put one woman up 

Edited June 14, 2020 by Cookiesandough

[basil67]

So much what @Cookiesandough just said.    I looked up the definition of Classy and it says 'stylish and sophisticated'.   I would say that if a man is stylish and sophisticated, he will naturally attract the same.  He doesn't need to define it in so many words.     And yes, you're absolutely right it does set expectations of behaviour so she may feel that if she ever acts in a way which is not classy, she'll be judged by you for it.  

I would also hightail it out of there if a guy said he wanted a woman who is a Lady or Ladylike because I wouldn't want to live up to those expectations.

 

[Hopeful30]

14 minutes ago, basil67 said:

 

I would also hightail it out of there if a guy said he wanted a woman who is a Lady or Ladylike because I wouldn't want to live up to those expectations.

 

Send him my way! That's perfect for me 😍

[chillii]

Well , just for any of the singles talking to my brother last night he's 53 and single now . He's found some singles hiking group up in he's city they go out to coastal spots or the mountains or where ever for short hikes , 3 or 4 hours.  He's had some great days and met some nice women and says you can walk along together and talk or mingle around with everyone or whatever you like, it sounds really cool actually . He was saying he looked at date sites and hated them so he started looking around at what else is going on and found this  , they go on one or two hikes a month and also have other things too like pub nights , art galleries and different things ,and different people coming and going all the time. They aren't in lock down there and things are getting back to normal , but it sounds great. l think if l was single l'd def' look at something like this , have some real life while actually meeting people too.

PS , Come to think of it a best friend of mine , we met right here on ls actually been friends a few yrs now, she met the love of her life on a 2 wk hike through Spain actually, so there ya go.

 

Edited June 14, 2020 by chillii

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Hopeful30 said:

Send him my way! That's perfect for me 😍

Yeah, you probably don't fart under the doona

[ZA Dater]

7 hours ago, chillii said:

Well , just for any of the singles talking to my brother last night he's 53 and single now . He's found some singles hiking group up in he's city they go out to coastal spots or the mountains or where ever for short hikes , 3 or 4 hours.  He's had some great days and met some nice women and says you can walk along together and talk or mingle around with everyone or whatever you like, it sounds really cool actually . He was saying he looked at date sites and hated them so he started looking around at what else is going on and found this  , they go on one or two hikes a month and also have other things too like pub nights , art galleries and different things ,and different people coming and going all the time. They aren't in lock down there and things are getting back to normal , but it sounds great. l think if l was single l'd def' look at something like this , have some real life while actually meeting people too.

PS , Come to think of it a best friend of mine , we met right here on ls actually been friends a few yrs now, she met the love of her life on a 2 wk hike through Spain actually, so there ya go.

 

Those are not a bad way to meet people. Glad he is enjoying it. I looked into this but the overall age group is much older than I actually want. But yes they are a decent way to meet people as would anything meet up related.

 

[chillii]

5 hours ago, ZA Dater said:

Those are not a bad way to meet people. Glad he is enjoying it. I looked into this but the overall age group is much older than I actually want. But yes they are a decent way to meet people as would anything meet up related.

 

Yeah he said others he'd found were a lot older than even him but this particular one has a great age range so it could be worth some digging.

[elaine567]

40 minutes ago, chillii said:

this particular one has a great age range so it could be worth some digging.

Exactly. All "groups" have age ranges and that is usually down to the founders of the group, who are looking to hang out with people they find interesting.
No-one is suggesting ZA  joins an "old" group but he is getting on a bit himself these days - 36....
 

[an0nym0us123]

On 6/14/2020 at 1:36 PM, Hopeful30 said:

I am in the same boat. I've given up finding someone I actually really like, and I'm dating simply to cover as much ground as possible. I don't care to impress anymore, and the way I look at it, the more men I meet, the more I have to choose from in terms of settling long term. 

I've never enjoyed dating, to be honest. I enjoy intimacy and relationships. The only reason  I date is because I hope to find this intimacy and relationship. I no longer question why someone ghosted, or bailed on plans, or barely communicates. It has become normal to meet low quality men, so dating for me is sifting through as many of them as possible and hopefully finding one who is decent enough to settle with.

It's a terrible feeling, crying yourself to sleep at night as you admit to yourself that this amazing feeling of love that you know is possible...is not going to happen. The bright side is I no longer feel worried about being liked. I just go through the motions and hope I'll find something decent along the way. I think this happens to most people who have spent a long time looking for their lifelong partner and only meet disappointments.

I think for me loneliness doesnt bother me that much but knowing I am in fact worthless does at times. 

I have sometimes wondered what was the point of me even existing, its not like i mean anything romantically to any one and likely never will.