What's the right thing to do for a zoom engagement with family?

[Squirmingabout]

My daughter will be getting engaged this weekend and it has always been planned that I would be there. However because of the coronavirus I will not be able to travel. So what’s planned is after her boyfriend pops the question he will join me and my son and his family into a zoom celebration. I have been dating somebody for eight months so I care about a lot and he has been very good to me and my children. He would like to be part of the zoom celebration but I know that my daughter does not care for him although I’m not really sure why. I don’t want to ruin the celebration for her under any circumstances but he is my significant other and he does want to participate and I would like him to participate with with us. What’s the right thing to do?

[VIOLET EDEN]

This is your daughter's engagement. If you think that she will be very upset with him there then he shouldn't be there. But if you think it might be slightly okay, maybe let him join in at the end of the celebration. But for your daughter's big day, her happiness and comfort is needed.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Honestly, as a mother myself I would not push this. You'll be putting her in a position where she either has to feel like the bad guy, or feel uncomfortable so she doesn't disappoint you. This is their day and they'll only do it once. Let her just enjoy her day without having to worry about stuff like this. Just my $0.02.

[Blind-Sided]

Why can't they just wait a few months until this is over enough to travel?  Ultimately... it won't change "Life" for them.

[Emilie Jolie]

You say your daughter does not care for your bf. Did she actually tell you she doesn't want him to take part or are you assuming she doesn't him there? You may want to clarify.

FWIW, it's her party - she's  allowed to celebrate with whomever she wants.

Congrats in any event!

Edited April 21, 2020 by Emilie Jolie

[Fletch Lives]

Well if your daughter does not like him he should not go.

[Squirmingabout]

How do I explain that he can’t be part of the zoom “party” when he’ll be at my house? Either I have to tell him it’s best if he and I call her at a later time because having him there will make the loss of her dad (passed away) that much harder or tell him she doesn’t want me physically with anyone yet because of social distancing so we can call her at a later time? She isn’t aware he visits me on weekends from time to time because she’s nervous about me having visitors until public health conditions improve. 
 

[CaliforniaGirl]

20 minutes ago, Squirmingabout said:

How do I explain that he can’t be part of the zoom “party” when he’ll be at my house? Either I have to tell him it’s best if he and I call her at a later time because having him there will make the loss of her dad (passed away) that much harder or tell him she doesn’t want me physically with anyone yet because of social distancing so we can call her at a later time? She isn’t aware he visits me on weekends from time to time because she’s nervous about me having visitors until public health conditions improve. 
 

You both know that actually, no, none of us are supposed to have visitors from outside the home, especially in an intimate context, so why would it be hard for you to tell him that he should hang out somewhere else in the house at that time? Or, can't he not come over that weekend?

[Emilie Jolie]

Squirmingabout, you seem to have a severe case of conflict avoidance - would that be fair to say? If your partner is reasonable, he'll will not make it harder for you to deal with this situation with your daughter at least for the engagement, but he's not a mind reader either so he'll need to be told not to be there. This is not going to go away.