Having second thoughts

[Islander49]

After being together for 13 years, married for 9 my wife told me she wanted to separate. Do to financial reasons and to be close to our kids I moved into the suite in our house. We continued to get along really well and talked about working things out. Jump forward 4 months and I found out she was dating someone, it only lasted 3 weeks and she told me it was a huge mistake. She wanted to start going to counseling together and really work on things. At this time I was looking for my own place and we had formal seperation agreement.  I did agree to start counseling but unfortunately our first appointment was 2 days after we got locked down for covid. It's now been 5 weeks in the house together and things have been going great, we have reconnected and have been quite happy. But I have now just found out she has been chatting with a old friend and he has been sending her nudes of himself. She is not aware I know this. Since we are still going to be stuck living together for at least another month I'm not sure what to do here. Do I call her out and cause a big fight/issue or let it go and once the lockdown is over continue with the seperation? 

[Woggle]

Sit on it now and hit her with the separation once lockdown is over. Get your ducks in a row as much as you can during the situation and prepare to live life apart. If this one ends then she will just do it again and again.

[preraph]

Well, call her out?  I mean, if not for the virus, you would still be separated.  So she's going forward with life after separation.  Get out of there once you can and move forward with your life as well.  

[Islander49]

I did end up calling her on it, she denied everything and said it was all in my head. Even after I told her exactly what I saw. Now she is really mad at me for accusing her of doing something. Also it turns out the guy is married. I've decided to leave it from here and keep the peace untill this lockdown is over then I'm moving out. She says that she wants to work on things but I see this happening again and again.

[Mystery4u]

14 minutes ago, Islander49 said:

I did end up calling her on it, she denied everything and said it was all in my head. Even after I told her exactly what I saw. Now she is really mad at me for accusing her of doing something. Also it turns out the guy is married. I've decided to leave it from here and keep the peace untill this lockdown is over then I'm moving out. She says that she wants to work on things but I see this happening again and again.

Why does it even matter? She has told you she wants to separate. She can do what she wants in her own time, you are not together any more. When the lockdown is over yes move out and move on. She has already started to.

[preraph]

It's an awkward situation to be in.  Just try to hold on until this virus is over and you can move out.  And then assume she's moving on since she has already dated.  Unless that guy was just a friend she knows or something.  

[kendahke]

On 4/21/2020 at 1:05 PM, Islander49 said:

Do I call her out and cause a big fight/issue

Why would it cause a fight? If you have the pictures and messages, just show them to her and keep to your plans to move out. There's nothing to fight about--she's being deceitful and emotionally cheating on you behind your back. That is what is going on.

You should call the therapist to see if they do tele-visits over Facetime or Zoom and get into solo therapy, not marital therapy. There are reputable online therapy practices you should check into. There's no point in marital therapy--she's made that clear. 

She's getting along with you better because she thinks you don't know she's got someone else to buffer her angst.