Irmaa Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 What does a gut feeling feel like? I mean a gut feeling that tells you something is off about a person, in spite of apparently seeming the best thing you have ever met and to the point of even regretting leaving the relationship. I hope my question makes sense. I have felt shiverings, blockages, like crying, and panic.... is that a gut feeling? Did time prove you right? Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 I think its that little voice in your head telling you "not to do something"; that niggling little doubt that something isn't right and you should back off or step away from a situation. And yes.. most of the time that "gut feeling" or "little voice" has been correct and kept me from making some big mistakes or putting myself in a bad situation. About 15 years ago, I was dating this woman and things were going OK, but she just drank a little more than your average social drinker. That niggling little voice told me to run away and end it, but I stuck around. Things got worse. I got dragged into a bunch of drama and things went from bad to much worse (with her drinking). So I bailed... Fast forward about a year and I ran into a friend of hers at a local pub, she had graduated from heavy drinking and smoking pot to shooting black tar heroin. I should have listened to my "gut feeling" and bailed a lot earlier. I would have saved myself a lot trauma and drama. Link to post Share on other sites
chillii Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 10 hours ago, Irmaa said: What does a gut feeling feel like? I mean a gut feeling that tells you something is off about a person, in spite of apparently seeming the best thing you have ever met and to the point of even regretting leaving the relationship. I hope my question makes sense. I have felt shiverings, blockages, like crying, and panic.... is that a gut feeling? Did time prove you right? Yes , that and much more , but have "you" had it before , did it prove right ? lf this is genuinely you on that person, then yeah l would def get away from them. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 "gut feelings" come from first-hand experiences in the past Link to post Share on other sites
Author Irmaa Posted April 22, 2020 Author Share Posted April 22, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, chillii said: Yes , that and much more , but have "you" had it before , did it prove right ? lf this is genuinely you on that person, then yeah l would def get away from them. No, I had not had it before with a person. I do no t know, I always feared he would talk to his ex behind my back and now he is married he contacted me to check up on me (I am pretty sure his wife did not know). i wished him and his family, including wife, well. He has not replied back. Edited April 22, 2020 by Irmaa Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Irmaa said: i wished him and his family, including wife, well. Good for you. Some people just create drama wherever they are, glad you didn't get drawn in. Link to post Share on other sites
SumGuy Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 17 hours ago, Irmaa said: What does a gut feeling feel like? I mean a gut feeling that tells you something is off about a person, in spite of apparently seeming the best thing you have ever met and to the point of even regretting leaving the relationship. I hope my question makes sense. I have felt shiverings, blockages, like crying, and panic.... is that a gut feeling? Did time prove you right? The problem with gut feelings, we remember when they were right (or at least like to remember we had a right one, ahh the curtains of our memories) and tend to forget when they are wrong. Gut feelings are to me a subconscious reaction. Yes they are our minds putting together pieces of information and then saying something is off, there is a dissonance with our conceptions. Problem is, it could be our conceptions and perceptions that are off. Cognitive bias is a big thing, we want the world to fit in the boxes we have in our heads, to fit our preconceptions. When people or things don't we rarely look to our preconceptions (those are unquestionable) and even more rarely look at the basis of our information and if it really is the complete picture or just the parts we pay attention to. This kind of bias is common, the norm. It's not that all of our conceptions or perceptions are off, however in the realm of relationships here is just an example...but a fairly common one for people that keep getting in one bad relationship after another. If one comes from a dysfunctional family background for example...one's conceptions about what is an exciting versus boring relationship, what is chemistry and even how people interact can be off such that only relationships that are not good for you seem to do it for you. A person who doesn't fit that mold, who treats you with respect can seem too good to be true, so you look for ways to put them into the box your mind has created for relationship partner...a box created when you where young and built from the materials of the dysfunctional relationships you observed, the only relationships you knew of then. I listen to my gut, but then it has to go through a rigorous objective evidence test and what if scenario test, as in if my gut is right what then, if not what then? I've found in life that in the edge cases it often doesn't matter if my gut is right or not as my behavior, my response, is not necessarily different. As an example, I wouldn't end a relationship that from all evidence I have is good, especially if I believe I have enough evidence to make that assessment. I would look very hard at my thoughts to see what I think may be off versus if I am just looking for an excuse / reacting in fear...fear of commitment, fear of being abandoned, etc. I like to think it was my gut feelings that were proved right, but in reality when I have ignored such "feelings" they were always backed up by objective evidence. Rather is was my feelings that caused me to ignore the evidence. So I trust my mind, and the counsel of the wise, over my gut feelings any day on ongoing relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyM Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 There is no 1 answer for everyone or you alone. Sometimes go with your gut feeling sometimes override it. Gut feeling is a popular cliche now. It means your intuition. Based on your past experiences and a physical response. Emotive. But this is often misleading so no one can say for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 IMO, when dating, "bad" gut feelings pop up and should be paid attention to. For me, it's just that feeling of unease; it takes a lot for me to be uncomfortable around someone so I listen to my instincts when I feel that way. Sometimes they're relatively unwarranted and other times, my gut is right on the money. I went out with a woman three times who was charming and pleasant. However, I noticed that on each date, she had two rather stiff cocktails. They could be considered "sophisticated" drinks that she spread out responsibly but they had a lot of alcohol in them. In my experience, even heavier drinkers tend to taper their alcohol consumption on those first couple dates; she didn't. My gut feeling was that she was a bit more than a "social drinker" and I was right; I was drunkenly love-bombed on a Tuesday night/Wednesday morning as she went out with friends and got hammered. She had to work the next day, barely remembered sending the texts and I politely tapped out. Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted April 24, 2020 Share Posted April 24, 2020 (edited) The month before my break up I was often stress/sad and had stomach burn almost every two days (never had, this problem in my life). After I broke up, I was relieve and never had a stomach burn… Edited April 24, 2020 by the tank Link to post Share on other sites
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