My boyfriend stole from me !

[poppyfields]

I'm wondering if he was just so desperate, like perhaps he was in trouble with his bookie, loan sharks or drug dealers?  

Or doing drugs? Drugs can make people behave in some pretty crazy ways like stealing from loved ones to support their habit. 

 

[Ellener]

10 hours ago, Kaykay7512 said:

I know that’s what people are telling me , he is out of work because of the virus , and I feel as if he was embarrassed to come to me and say he didn’t have the rent money so he tried to double it so he wouldn’t have to ask his girlfriend . I think it’s an ego thing but you still went behind my back and betrayed my trust . I just don’t know how to take this . 

Take it in context is what I'd do.

And if this is the only time you've ever seen anything to question I'd give it another chance myself, and use it to open up a wider discussion about that ego stuff.

 

[preraph]

I just have to say there is no excuse for stealing from friends, and it can only go downhill from here. 

[Kaykay7512]

5 hours ago, poppyfields said:

I'm wondering if he was just so desperate, like perhaps he was in trouble with his bookie, loan sharks or drug dealers?  

Or doing drugs? Drugs can make people behave in some pretty crazy ways like stealing from loved ones to support their habit. 

 

It’s so out of his character , I’ve literally seen him give me his last . And yes desperate , not sure what for but definitely desperate . 

[Ellener]

3 hours ago, Kaykay7512 said:

It’s so out of his character , I’ve literally seen him give me his last . And yes desperate , not sure what for but definitely desperate . 

I think everyone deserves a fair go, these are the kind of times when people will do stupid irrational things in a panic. It will soon become apparent if it's going to be a pattern or if you can get past it. 

Good luck! 

[S2B]

How long have you been dating him?

and are you sure you really know him that well? ... or just what he wants you to know about him?

[justwhoiam]

His level of desperation (if that's it) makes me think that he might have lied and maybe was laid off or fired time before he told you. Maybe there are no savings in his bank account, like he's supposed to have. Chances are the idea he had when he picked that stash of money... he tried it before and maybe lost money. Was it through gambling? Betting? What? The worst would be he got into a bad circle dealing with illegal stuff.

It's rather funny because until 60 years ago, it would have been customary for the male partner to put his hands on whatever money in a couple and do what he thought best, in the interest of the family. Anyway, it's unclear how long you two have been together and if your arrangement is like husband and wife or more casual.

There's a trust issue now that is difficult to overcome. Guess if he had been your husband and had taken all the joint money in a bank account. Maybe it wasn't such a big deal in his mind... considering that if he had made you pay half of the rent every month, in like 7 or 8 months, that money you were saving would have been gone, so it wouldn't have been there in the first place. You gotta thank him for that. Yes, you had money to save thanks to him.

Also, he didn't flee with the money, he bought groceries for the both of you and I'm not sure what he wanted to do with the rest of the money. Maybe buy you something. Who knows...

Whatever it was, now you won't know it, as he can come up with whatever excuse, and you're left with either take it or doubt it.

Now you have a tough decision to make. Be wise.

[S2B]

Did you decide to stay with him or leave him?

[Kaykay7512]

6 hours ago, S2B said:

Did you decide to stay with him or leave him?

I haven’t made a decision, I’ve been staying at my fathers . I just needed to get away and clear my head 

[LivingWaterPlease]

On 4/24/2020 at 10:38 AM, Kaykay7512 said:

I’m from Ohio , yes rents pretty cheap here . And he’s been laid off because of the virus . But he has savings , I’m just not sure why this happen . I don’t know what to do moving forward . I live with him and love him . This is just so unlike him . He’s been begging me to come home . I’ve been staying with my dad . I’m just a wreck . 

Dear Kaykay, this is exactly who he is. You learn who a person really is when they're in crisis mode.

When things are going well, most folks can navigate life pleasantly and seemingly successfully. When push comes to shove, a person's real character emerges.

You say you're not sure why this happened. The reason it happened is because that's the way your hopefully ex bf deals with life.

I can understand why you're a wreck. It's because reality has clashed with what you believed to be true. It may take some time to process this but please don't go back to him. You will live to regret it.

[LivingWaterPlease]

19 hours ago, Kaykay7512 said:

It’s so out of his character , I’ve literally seen him give me his last . And yes desperate , not sure what for but definitely desperate . 

You have seen him give you your last because that's what he wants you to believe about him. Behind your back he stole from you. He tried to hide who he is from you. 

I do think it has become acceptable for some folks to excuse crime when they think there is a good excuse. But, to a person who has integrity there's no excuse for crime.

Why do you think so many high profile figures get in the news about having committed crimes? Because somehow in society there's, in some circles, an unspoken law that "you do what you have to do" when crisis arises, even if it's illegal. The thing to remember is that it ALWAYS hurts someone else when something is done that is morally wrong, no matter how big or how little the action is. There are always consequences to some degree even if seemingly small.

A person who does a wrong against another because they are desperate is not a person of high character. Though some in society have sunk to that level, not everyone has. Why not find someone who has integrity to have a relationship with? 

If you get back with him I can almost guarantee in the years to come (who knows when?) you will find his character disappoints you. I say this having observed decades of knowing people who have done things like this, and those who won't. 

People with character do not steal from others, whether it is those they have a relationship with or those who are strangers to them.

[S2B]

Now you know exactly who he is and what he’s capable of.

choose wisely!

[Kaykay7512]

15 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

Dear Kaykay, this is exactly who he is. You learn who a person really is when they're in crisis mode.

When things are going well, most folks can navigate life pleasantly and seemingly successfully. When push comes to shove, a person's real character emerges.

You say you're not sure why this happened. The reason it happened is because that's the way your hopefully ex bf deals with life.

I can understand why you're a wreck. It's because reality has clashed with what you believed to be true. It may take some time to process this but please don't go back to him. You will live to regret it.

Thank you , I have decided to leave . It’s for the best 

[Kaykay7512]

14 hours ago, LivingWaterPlease said:

You have seen him give you your last because that's what he wants you to believe about him. Behind your back he stole from you. He tried to hide who he is from you. 

I do think it has become acceptable for some folks to excuse crime when they think there is a good excuse. But, to a person who has integrity there's no excuse for crime.

Why do you think so many high profile figures get in the news about having committed crimes? Because somehow in society there's, in some circles, an unspoken law that "you do what you have to do" when crisis arises, even if it's illegal. The thing to remember is that it ALWAYS hurts someone else when something is done that is morally wrong, no matter how big or how little the action is. There are always consequences to some degree even if seemingly small.

A person who does a wrong against another because they are desperate is not a person of high character. Though some in society have sunk to that level, not everyone has. Why not find someone who has integrity to have a relationship with? 

If you get back with him I can almost guarantee in the years to come (who knows when?) you will find his character disappoints you. I say this having observed decades of knowing people who have done things like this, and those who won't. 

People with character do not steal from others, whether it is those they have a relationship with or those who are strangers to them.

Thank you , I have decided to leave . Your right who knows what he’ll do next 

[preraph]

Sorry it turned out that way, but Living Water is right.  It's his ethics, and they underpin everything else about him.  He's got crap ethics and would only disappoint and do wrong in regards to other things in the future.  He'll no doubt be very sorry for himself.  Just don't misinterpret that as true remorse.  We don't do things we truly regret that are this deliberate.  He'll be sorry for himself he got caught.

 

Just so you don't feel alone in this, an ex-roommate of mine had a bf she eventually married.  I knew he had bad ethics (and hers weren't great either ) because I saw him stealing something of mine from a distance.  She went on to marry him because she was soft on the stealing.  She married him as he joined the Navy and moved to where they were stationed across the country, in a place she didn't know anyone.  Here, she had a circle of friends and her family.  As soon as he got her away from her friends and family, he got very physical with her.  I mean, just as soon as they got moved in.  She had always made excuses for him (and again she wasn't a saint) because he had a harsh childhood.  She called me and I told her to come home and she left immediately and drove back to her home state. 

The thing is, ethics aren't just about one thing.  They're reflected in everything, but these people know to hide that they're that way from everyone.  Then they get caught.  Neither she nor I (he lived in our apt for awhile) had any hint he was violent.  

He followed her back to her home town and broke into her apartment, stalked her.  She reported him to the Navy, and the Navy kicked him out and classified him as sociopathic personality eventually because he had no conscience about what he was doing.  He did a little time there.  

He came back to town again after the Navy and was using an alias.  Maybe 3 years later, a guy at work told me his ex-girlfriend had taken up with a new guy and mentioned the name.  I told him about the guy and he told the ex.  She didn't do anything immediately, and then he started stealing from people she knew.  I mean, these guys don't change.  He never had a steady job but was trying to work around arenas unloading band equipment when he could get he work.  He stole that too. 

 

I'm glad you decided to leave him.  He would eventually end up in jail, and then he'd have a hard time ever getting work.  If he works anywhere he can rip them off, he will.  You don't need this.  I'm sorry because I know you can't help but have emotions about him.  Just know that there are people you can love but not keep around.  You can understand them but it doesn't excuse their behavior.    

Edited April 26, 2020 by preraph

[Kaykay7512]

1 hour ago, preraph said:

Sorry it turned out that way, but Living Water is right.  It's his ethics, and they underpin everything else about him.  He's got crap ethics and would only disappoint and do wrong in regards to other things in the future.  He'll no doubt be very sorry for himself.  Just don't misinterpret that as true remorse.  We don't do things we truly regret that are this deliberate.  He'll be sorry for himself he got caught.

 

Just so you don't feel alone in this, an ex-roommate of mine had a bf she eventually married.  I knew he had bad ethics (and hers weren't great either ) because I saw him stealing something of mine from a distance.  She went on to marry him because she was soft on the stealing.  She married him as he joined the Navy and moved to where they were stationed across the country, in a place she didn't know anyone.  Here, she had a circle of friends and her family.  As soon as he got her away from her friends and family, he got very physical with her.  I mean, just as soon as they got moved in.  She had always made excuses for him (and again she wasn't a saint) because he had a harsh childhood.  She called me and I told her to come home and she left immediately and drove back to her home state. 

The thing is, ethics aren't just about one thing.  They're reflected in everything, but these people know to hide that they're that way from everyone.  Then they get caught.  Neither she nor I (he lived in our apt for awhile) had any hint he was violent.  

He followed her back to her home town and broke into her apartment, stalked her.  She reported him to the Navy, and the Navy kicked him out and classified him as sociopathic personality eventually because he had no conscience about what he was doing.  He did a little time there.  

He came back to town again after the Navy and was using an alias.  Maybe 3 years later, a guy at work told me his ex-girlfriend had taken up with a new guy and mentioned the name.  I told him about the guy and he told the ex.  She didn't do anything immediately, and then he started stealing from people she knew.  I mean, these guys don't change.  He never had a steady job but was trying to work around arenas unloading band equipment when he could get he work.  He stole that too. 

 

I'm glad you decided to leave him.  He would eventually end up in jail, and then he'd have a hard time ever getting work.  If he works anywhere he can rip them off, he will.  You don't need this.  I'm sorry because I know you can't help but have emotions about him.  Just know that there are people you can love but not keep around.  You can understand them but it doesn't excuse their behavior.    

Thank you so much for that , yes it’s very hard because I can’t help but to love him but I have to love myself more , thank you this helped a lot .

[Ellener]

7 hours ago, Kaykay7512 said:

Thank you , I have decided to leave . It’s for the best 

Good luck. Forgive him and move on. ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[preraph]

People can be disappointing.  Once you accept that he's not who you hoped he was, it will be easier to move on without him.  It happens to all of us at one time or another.  We give people the benefit of the doubt, but eventually we find their flaws, and if they're not serious, we love them despite it, but when they are, we have to move on.  

[Kaykay7512]

8 minutes ago, preraph said:

People can be disappointing.  Once you accept that he's not who you hoped he was, it will be easier to move on without him.  It happens to all of us at one time or another.  We give people the benefit of the doubt, but eventually we find their flaws, and if they're not serious, we love them despite it, but when they are, we have to move on.  

Thank you so much for your words , they have helped me ❤️

[preraph]

I'm so glad!  ((((((((()))))))))

[major_merrick]

There's no coming back from this.  No use calling the cops...you got your money back.  Don't worry about the stupid lease, just leave and do your own thing.  Unless you want revenge, which is totally up to you and depends on your personality. 

Most people in this world are total crap.  You do what you need to do and move on - no use crying over spilled milk.  This fool was obviously not worth your time.  Loyalty is the #1 thing to look for in a relationship, and is the hardest thing to find.