Pabloxuchiha Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 So full disclosure this may touch on sensitive topics before you begin reading. So recently my ex and I broke up after she got an abortion. Prior to us dating we were friends for about 5 years after meeting on social media and talking primarily over that and text, last month we finally met for her birthday and decided to be in a relationship though it would be long distance. We clicked and already had a years-long connection so I totally thought it would work and grow into something great as we'd already been friends for so many years and known each other through many rough patches of both of our lives. After seeing her for a week then travelling back a week or so later we ended up finding out that she was pregnant. I was totally supportive in her decision in either way it went and she decided because of the pandemic it wasn't a good time to keep it. Part of me was hurt but I totally understood and supported her during the process despite being in another state. The week leading up to it she became incredibly distant and then on my birthday she mentioned that she wasn't sure it'd work as she felt so distraught about what was happening. The day of the abortion came and I'd sent her a letter and poem that would arrive once she's gotten home from the appointment. That night after the appointment I saw her posting on social media hanging out with another guy and looking pretty intimate then deleted in the morning and when I mentioned it she didn't respond. Finally when she responded days later it was a simple "I already told you I just can't be with you right now" at this point I'm full on obsessive, hurt, and confused but not blowing her phone up. Just mentioning to her that I wanted closure and that I could understand her wanting to be as distant from me as possible since it reminds her of one of the hardest things ever. She said she would call me but I just finally told her it's fine if she didn't and I hope she's happy and better off without me. There's been no contact since though I've seen from social media that her new relationship is also long distance. I'm in a position where I could move to her immediately and resolve any issues but have been trying to commit to no contact and let her choose when we talk. This has been a week since we last talked. Should I hit her up ? Or initiate no contact and wait our the rebound. Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Give her time mate. Women goes through horrible emotions before during and after pregnancy. You did your job by being supportive. For a while stay away from, let her figure what does she actually wants in life to be with you or be without you. I'd say give a month or so. Write a last msg that you'll be there when shes ready to talk. Thats all. Rest leave on fate, it wasnt your fault, and you had a strong connection before you started relationship so sure theres some bonding and she will think about it seriously. Dont cling to her it will push her away. Meanwhile prepare for the worst too. If still doesnt wanna do anything, move on dont put your life on hold. Keep us updated and let us know what happens Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pabloxuchiha Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 17 minutes ago, TeddyBundy1993 said: Give her time mate. Women goes through horrible emotions before during and after pregnancy. You did your job by being supportive. For a while stay away from, let her figure what does she actually wants in life to be with you or be without you. I'd say give a month or so. Write a last msg that you'll be there when shes ready to talk. Thats all. Rest leave on fate, it wasnt your fault, and you had a strong connection before you started relationship so sure theres some bonding and she will think about it seriously. Dont cling to her it will push her away. Meanwhile prepare for the worst too. If still doesnt wanna do anything, move on dont put your life on hold. Keep us updated and let us know what happens Thank you. It's just hard because I see her posting things with the new guy nonstop and it hurts though I do understand in her mind it probably makes sense to just go to something else to get over the kids of both me and our potential child. And I'm trying to be understanding of that I just don't want to also lose that friendship ya know ? Like I'm glad she's not alone during all this as much as it's hurting me. But mother's day is coming up and I want to get her something Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pabloxuchiha Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 20 minutes ago, TeddyBundy1993 said: Give her time mate. Dont cling to her it will push her away. Meanwhile prepare for the worst too. If still doesnt wanna do anything, move on dont put your life on hold. Keep us updated and let us know what happens Like at what point before then is it okay to just even talk to her. I know her new guy is long distance too so I doubt she'll see him physically for a while either and I know I could jump on a plane and be there tomorrow. I want to go through this with her as this issue effects both of us Link to post Share on other sites
Yosemite Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 I think it's very hard for any couple to go through that and remain a couple...it sounds like you two were only together in person for two weeks, so it would even more difficult for you to stay together anyway. I'm sorry, but it's very unlikely that she'll come back to you...in her mind, you're linked with her unborn child and she's running away from that entire situation probably forever. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 4 hours ago, Pabloxuchiha said: But mother's day is coming up and I want to get her something I know your heart is in the right place, but I wouldn't do this. Given that she has cited the stress from the termination as a reason to end it, I don't think a gesture reminding her of that loss is going to be well-received. Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do at this point. She has to want to work on things with you, and at present, she doesn't share your interest in getting things back on track. I realize it huts, as it was an upsetting situation for you as well, but we can't change how someone else feels. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 This is a sensitive subject but: Can you reassure me as to the paternity of the unborn baby and that you have no qualms about stating that it is yours? You did have a DNA test, right? This was a LD relationship after all and the rapidity with which she moved on raises a red flag for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pabloxuchiha Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 I wasn't able to get a DNA test as she wasn't far enough along yet to do one though I trust her and don't think she'd just make it up and I saw the pregnancy test. She also had two kids before and thought she wasn't able to get pregnant which is why it came as such a shock. My biggest concern is the rebound now. I get that after our situation she probably is just trying to distance herself from me as far as possible but do you think it'll last ? Or is it just a crutch to get over losing me & the child ? He's also long distance. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 You had a friendship foundation but the reality is you dated her long distance for 1 month. It wasn't that serious for her, then this happened & her world rotated off it's axis. You also weren't physically there the day of. Since she already has a new relationship, you have to assume she's never going to look back & you have to behave accordingly. I am deeply sorry for you loss but you need to grieve & move on too. She is not your future. There was not enough between you for you to count on her rebounding back to you. You will always remind her of events she'd rather forget. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pabloxuchiha Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 1 hour ago, d0nnivain said: You also weren't physically there the day of. I wanted to be there the day of but she was worried about me flying because of Covid. I understand if we aren't able to be together but I don't want to leave the friendship behind as well. Also since we haven't had the chance to talk about the termination at all it just leaves me with no closure Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 You are never going to get closure from her. It comes from within. I hope you get there. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 I agree that this wasn't that real for her. I'm also guessing that even though you spent a week together, it did not heighten her love for you and that in fact she may have realized it wasn't worth pursuing -- and then the pregnancy. You know, being face to face is a lot different than being online. I'm sorry you're so hurt. Now that you understand how this can happen, please only date locally. Long distance just hardly ever works out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Pabloxuchiha Posted April 25, 2020 Author Share Posted April 25, 2020 I thought that might have been the case but after meeting in person she was the one who initiated the actual relationship, saying "I have never missed anyone as much as I missed you" and more. It was incredibly deep how much she cared and she showed it as well, posting me on social media, telling her friends and family about me, etc. It was really after the pregnancy things changed. Also the person she rebounded with is long distance as well Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 Oh I missed the part and didnt read she had a boyfriend now. Boy then shes not worth it. A person who moves on from relationship this fast definitely have issues my ex for 3 years broke up with to date another guy got pregnant within 1 month of relationship. Now they have deep troubles. And child isnt born yet. My point people who go through relationship this fast are not worth worries and stress we go through. I mean you should see yourself, she aborted instead of staying alone and grieving she got into a relationship with a new guy that too long distance more likely she needs someone all the time. My strong advice for you leave this women, she wont return even if she does she womt stay. Sadly some women are this way. Shes not even probably thinking about you !! You are just a passing thought in her mind. You invested in a wrong girl, we all do it. Keep no contact and move on. Shes not a keeper dont ask for closure she wont give you are true answer. This is a blessing in disguise boy Link to post Share on other sites
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