What is going on between us?

[geezitsmatt]

Heyo, this is my second topic about this, but idk. Anyway let me tel you a little about the back ground. 

 

My bestfriend and I met almost 5 years ago on the internet. We played video games together. We then added eachother 2-3 months after we met on snapchat and instagram. We also skyped a lot to talk while we were playing games. We grew very close very quick. I never really had a guy bestfriend in real life. I came out as bi in 2017 i think, and i just had girl best friends wherever i went. But he was special. We went through a lot. Back in grade 11 (my memories are fuzzy so bare w me) and I was going through a rough patch. Suicidal thoughts and s*** like that. He saved my life. I was there for him when he learned he was bipolar and i helped him get through it. At least i feel like i did. We facetimed all the time. It was kind of our thing, facetiming during the week until like 4am, knowing i had to work at the daycare before school. 

 

When I graduated from high school, I had to move for college. Oh, btw i never seen him in real life. We snapchatted everday since we first met and idk i just felt good with him. No judgement. When I came out, he was the first to know. I told him and he never said anything about it. Couple years after, we make jokes about it. He's not the "toxic masculinity" type at all. 
 

Slowly, i started to fall for him. I told him multiple times that i would never have feelings for him, he was like a brother to me. But he gave me affection and just being such an amazing friend, that i didnt want to let that go. I started to have feelings, and quickly hid them. 
 

Now, its totally different. Ive had a tough year at college yknow, i had to see a psychologist because I was f***ed mentally. I felg like he started to drift away slowly but didnt have the guts to tell me. I talked to him multiple times about it. "If you dont want to be friends anymore tell me, id be less upset now than if youd lie to me". Everytime i brought that up, he'd always reassure me that he's not going anywhere and that he'll always be there for me. Since  covid19 hit us, its been isolation. More time to do nothing. More time to overthink, more time to drown in your demons. Wel my demons are very much alive now. 

 

I told him about my feelings couple weeks ago. I couldnt hold it in anymore. I just explained to him how i felt, now just my romantic feelings but how he was distant and thats what hurting the most. He just said that he's not going anywhere. However, last time i talked to him, like actually talked to him, was like 2 months ago? He snaps me like once a day, just for our streak on snap. He told me that he's busy on his game (i dont play it) Which i know he was because I can always see him with his team on discord. O just wished he made a little time for me.

 

I was supposed to move in the same city as him this summer because of my parents work. We had to make a choice as a family and decide to either move or stay here and get ourselves a bigger house. Today, we had a house visit. My parents really want to stay here. So i texted him saying that i dont think id be moving. He just said " that sucks ish". Idk how to take it. i felt like he didnt care. He's one of the reasons why i would move there. 

Right now, right at this moment, i can feel my blood boiling. He's being such an ass, i mean i feel hurt. I cant talk to my bestfriend. Feels like im talking to a wall. And some of my friends tell me to let him go, some say to just give it time. With our history, I would never in a milion years let him go. He's too precious to me. He probably knows that too. I want to f***ing punch him in the face or beat him up because him hurt. It f***ing sucks. I hate this feeling. 
 

I had to let this s*** oht because its been piling up and idk what to do anymore. Am I suicidal? No, but i do feel the suicidal thoughts. I try to not give them my time, but its hard. will I do it? No, I know this will come to an end, and that its not forever. I just wish i could feel good in this isolation. I cant get out and get drunk with my friends or just see them so my mental health is falling apart. All the work i did with my psychologist, all gone.

 

 

[JTSW]

From your last post it seems he backed off after your love confession.

He went back to his ex girlfriend.

The guy is straight and doesnt sound like he has any romantic feelings for you.

There is nothing but friendship between you and you need to accept that.

[geezitsmatt]

8 hours ago, JTSW said:

From your last post it seems he backed off after your love confession.

He went back to his ex girlfriend.

The guy is straight and doesnt sound like he has any romantic feelings for you.

There is nothing but friendship between you and you need to accept that.

I do accept that, I knew from the start he was straight. Im just mad he's distant. And if it is because of my feelings thats on me.

[K.K.]

This sounds like a painful situation. It’s really no different, I guess, than it is in having these feelings for any sort of person in your life that you feel like you’re losing. I’m sorry you’re going though this. 

Maybe if you can try to gain control of your emotions so that you don’t end up pushing him farther away, you can somehow redefine your friendship with him and be even stronger in the long run. Try not to let your hurt and anger cause you to lash out and make him not trust you or see you as a less than positive thing in his life, if you can. 

[geezitsmatt]

3 hours ago, K.K. said:

This sounds like a painful situation. It’s really no different, I guess, than it is in having these feelings for any sort of person in your life that you feel like you’re losing. I’m sorry you’re going though this. 

Maybe if you can try to gain control of your emotions so that you don’t end up pushing him farther away, you can somehow redefine your friendship with him and be even stronger in the long run. Try not to let your hurt and anger cause you to lash out and make him not trust you or see you as a less than positive thing in his life, if you can. 

It really is painful. He acts like everything is fine, and he knows im hurting because he knows im not doing so well in this isolation. Im trying to not let my emotions take control. Do you have any idea on how i could redefine our friendship? He's my ride or die. Even with or without feelings, I honestly don't know what I would do with my life. Id also probably be dead🤷🏼‍♂️ 

[K.K.]

Hi Matt 🙂 I had a guy named Matt too that was my best friend and I fell in love with him too just like you with your guy friend. lol. He was taken too so it didn’t go too awfully far. Sometimes things can get too complicated so ya just jump ship. 

Anyway, forgive me for the rambling I’m about to do but I have a lot of jumbled thoughts on this. It’s probably more private message material but I think you have like 7 posts and can’t receive them yet so what the hell.. I’m just gonna throw them out there as they come. 

I don’t think it matters if it’s boy/girl boy/boy girl/girl whatev. Feelings are feelings. And it sucks, right? It hurts like hell to feel that you’re losing someone close to you. 

I think your anger is coming from the fact that you feel like you care more than he does. Maybe you do in a different way than him. But he still cares about you. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot of s*** together in the last 5 years even though you haven’t even met in person. 5 years is 5 years regardless. 

And I hear ya there. I’ve developed online friendships that hadn’t even made it 5 months and I still felt some of the feelings that you’re feeling. Its like you almost feel closer to them than maybe if you did know them in real life! All the talking and heart to hearts. I’ve had crushes and gotten my feelings hurt. You can get needy quickly. Because where’s the actual payoff?Hell yea. I know, it sucks! 

Ok ...when he said that “it sucks s***” when you weren’t going to be able to move to his town, you probably wanted more of a disappointed ok I’ll say it .. devastated factor from him. 😉 Who wouldn’t? But he did say it sucks and it sounds like from everything else he’s said to you over the years, that he meant it. It does suck. You might’ve had a chance to be real life buds. 

The bad thing here is that you have love feelings for him and he’s straight. That’s not going to be easy any which way you look at it. No false hope in the world that I could give you would make this hurt less. 

So when I said maybe you could re-define your relationship, well... I meant that somehow you have to just be a friend to him and maybe instead of having any expectations of him, you can just be his soft place to fall. Let him know that you’re there for him but try to pull back a little and not put any emotions out there as far as say ... talking anything about his girlfriend badly or anything like that. (Not saying you do!) Because you’ve said that she doesn’t like you already and she’s probably jealous so she’s not going to want him talking to you anyway. So try to forget her.

You’ve already confessed your feelings to him. That’s out of the way. Now it couldn’t have made him feel too weird or anything because he’s still your friend. Even though he can’t reciprocate. He said he understood and he didn’t try to make you feel stupid for it. He sounds like a really nice guy actually. Some guys might’ve acted differently about it. You know what I mean. 

I can see that you feel like you need him in your life. Hell yea, I understood your drug comparison! It starts to be an addiction. I get like this and addicted to people quite easily. So if you know you want to keep him around or die from withdrawals if you don’t  ... you have to try to take him as you can get him. Maybe just try to be a fun person. Try to refrain from telling you he’s killing your heart. He’ll pull away if you do that. It won’t make him closer because he knows he can’t be in the capacity that you want him. He may even feel guilt and not want to talk because of that factor alone. 

Try to be fun. Try to talk about fun things. Try to listen if he needs to talk. Try to put your pain on the back burner so that you might have a more healthy kind of relationship with him that goes both ways instead of you hurting and him knowing he caused it. Maybe then he’ll want to talk more and you can get your fix. 😉 

Now that’s the ‘real talk’ side of me talking and that’s how I feel. What I think I’m supposed to be telling you (I’m not really a ‘healthy’ thinking person though... I’m like you and feel or have felt all the same things you do in this situation.) is to let him go and try to find a friend like this in real life. To go cold turkey on this guy so that you can heal. Thats probably what healthy people do. 

But what I would do in this situation is try to just pull back and when you do talk to him, don’t let any anger show. It’s not going to help anything. Just take him in whatever capacity that you can get him. He might want to talk more when he knows that you’re not going to be upset ya know?

You have 5 years of memories with this friend. That’s not gonna change. I think he probably cares about you a lot! Ride or die is what it is. So maybe let his non communication ride a bit until you can get a grip on it all and when you talk to him, be what made him like you in the first place! 

Just maybe send him a how ya doing or what cha been up too message sometime and go from there. How come you can’t play whatever online game he’s playing? (Im not a gamer so I dunno how that works) It would be nice to just share an activity with him that wouldn’t require too much room for talking about anything too serious. 

My heart really, really breaks for you. I can see myself in you. Feeling like you need someone so bad. There’s no way for me to sugarcoat it. It hurts like hell. And it’s probably going to keep hurting for awhile until you can come to terms with the loss. But remember its not a total loss. He’s still your friend. I know it sucks that he doesn’t feel the exact same way about you as you do him. But I bet he does care about you on the friend level just as much as you care for him.

I’m sitting here now trying to figure out what the loss is. I mean, you didn’t know him in real life. Is the loss maybe the loss of the future real life friendship that you could’ve had if you could’ve moved to his town? Nah, I know theres a loss. Im just thinking out loud. For my self too cause I’ve felt this same loss. Especially with online friends. Sometime you have all these hopes and feel so close to them and then one day, something changes and it’s not the same.

Maybe you know you can’t move forward with anything so it just all changes. Can’t keep up the momentum maybe. I’m not sure but it happens. Sometimes ride or die friends can go through a little separation. Sometimes they fight. Sometimes they become estranged. But when push comes to shove, they’d still have your back. Because they’ve made it to that level in your heart. And you theirs. 

If all else fails here, just try to take the high road and if you guys are meant to part, make sure at least he remembers you as a good thing in his life. A special thing. I know I’d wanna be remembered in that way and not for some of the less desirable traits I may have. It’s an online relationship. It has its own kind of misery when it seems like it’s ending. 

I feel ya... I do. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry. 😞
 

omg I’m so sorry for the freakin book I just wrote! 🤦‍♀️

Edited April 26, 2020 by K.K.
:-/

[JTSW]

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

He's my ride or die. Even with or without feelings, I honestly don't know what I would do with my life. Id also probably be dead🤷🏼‍♂️ 

This is not healthy.

You need boundaries.

He has likely backed off because he is not comfortble being your lifeline.

[geezitsmatt]

8 hours ago, K.K. said:

Hi Matt 🙂 I had a guy named Matt too that was my best friend and I fell in love with him too just like you with your guy friend. lol. He was taken too so it didn’t go too awfully far. Sometimes things can get too complicated so ya just jump ship. 

Anyway, forgive me for the rambling I’m about to do but I have a lot of jumbled thoughts on this. It’s probably more private message material but I think you have like 7 posts and can’t receive them yet so what the hell.. I’m just gonna throw them out there as they come. 

I don’t think it matters if it’s boy/girl boy/boy girl/girl whatev. Feelings are feelings. And it sucks, right? It hurts like hell to feel that you’re losing someone close to you. 

I think your anger is coming from the fact that you feel like you care more than he does. Maybe you do in a different way than him. But he still cares about you. Sounds like you’ve been through a lot of s*** together in the last 5 years even though you haven’t even met in person. 5 years is 5 years regardless. 

And I hear ya there. I’ve developed online friendships that hadn’t even made it 5 months and I still felt some of the feelings that you’re feeling. Its like you almost feel closer to them than maybe if you did know them in real life! All the talking and heart to hearts. I’ve had crushes and gotten my feelings hurt. You can get needy quickly. Because where’s the actual payoff?Hell yea. I know, it sucks! 

Ok ...when he said that “it sucks s***” when you weren’t going to be able to move to his town, you probably wanted more of a disappointed ok I’ll say it .. devastated factor from him. 😉 Who wouldn’t? But he did say it sucks and it sounds like from everything else he’s said to you over the years, that he meant it. It does suck. You might’ve had a chance to be real life buds. 

The bad thing here is that you have love feelings for him and he’s straight. That’s not going to be easy any which way you look at it. No false hope in the world that I could give you would make this hurt less. 

So when I said maybe you could re-define your relationship, well... I meant that somehow you have to just be a friend to him and maybe instead of having any expectations of him, you can just be his soft place to fall. Let him know that you’re there for him but try to pull back a little and not put any emotions out there as far as say ... talking anything about his girlfriend badly or anything like that. (Not saying you do!) Because you’ve said that she doesn’t like you already and she’s probably jealous so she’s not going to want him talking to you anyway. So try to forget her.

You’ve already confessed your feelings to him. That’s out of the way. Now it couldn’t have made him feel too weird or anything because he’s still your friend. Even though he can’t reciprocate. He said he understood and he didn’t try to make you feel stupid for it. He sounds like a really nice guy actually. Some guys might’ve acted differently about it. You know what I mean. 

I can see that you feel like you need him in your life. Hell yea, I understood your drug comparison! It starts to be an addiction. I get like this and addicted to people quite easily. So if you know you want to keep him around or die from withdrawals if you don’t  ... you have to try to take him as you can get him. Maybe just try to be a fun person. Try to refrain from telling you he’s killing your heart. He’ll pull away if you do that. It won’t make him closer because he knows he can’t be in the capacity that you want him. He may even feel guilt and not want to talk because of that factor alone. 

Try to be fun. Try to talk about fun things. Try to listen if he needs to talk. Try to put your pain on the back burner so that you might have a more healthy kind of relationship with him that goes both ways instead of you hurting and him knowing he caused it. Maybe then he’ll want to talk more and you can get your fix. 😉 

Now that’s the ‘real talk’ side of me talking and that’s how I feel. What I think I’m supposed to be telling you (I’m not really a ‘healthy’ thinking person though... I’m like you and feel or have felt all the same things you do in this situation.) is to let him go and try to find a friend like this in real life. To go cold turkey on this guy so that you can heal. Thats probably what healthy people do. 

But what I would do in this situation is try to just pull back and when you do talk to him, don’t let any anger show. It’s not going to help anything. Just take him in whatever capacity that you can get him. He might want to talk more when he knows that you’re not going to be upset ya know?

You have 5 years of memories with this friend. That’s not gonna change. I think he probably cares about you a lot! Ride or die is what it is. So maybe let his non communication ride a bit until you can get a grip on it all and when you talk to him, be what made him like you in the first place! 

Just maybe send him a how ya doing or what cha been up too message sometime and go from there. How come you can’t play whatever online game he’s playing? (Im not a gamer so I dunno how that works) It would be nice to just share an activity with him that wouldn’t require too much room for talking about anything too serious. 

My heart really, really breaks for you. I can see myself in you. Feeling like you need someone so bad. There’s no way for me to sugarcoat it. It hurts like hell. And it’s probably going to keep hurting for awhile until you can come to terms with the loss. But remember its not a total loss. He’s still your friend. I know it sucks that he doesn’t feel the exact same way about you as you do him. But I bet he does care about you on the friend level just as much as you care for him.

I’m sitting here now trying to figure out what the loss is. I mean, you didn’t know him in real life. Is the loss maybe the loss of the future real life friendship that you could’ve had if you could’ve moved to his town? Nah, I know theres a loss. Im just thinking out loud. For my self too cause I’ve felt this same loss. Especially with online friends. Sometime you have all these hopes and feel so close to them and then one day, something changes and it’s not the same.

Maybe you know you can’t move forward with anything so it just all changes. Can’t keep up the momentum maybe. I’m not sure but it happens. Sometimes ride or die friends can go through a little separation. Sometimes they fight. Sometimes they become estranged. But when push comes to shove, they’d still have your back. Because they’ve made it to that level in your heart. And you theirs. 

If all else fails here, just try to take the high road and if you guys are meant to part, make sure at least he remembers you as a good thing in his life. A special thing. I know I’d wanna be remembered in that way and not for some of the less desirable traits I may have. It’s an online relationship. It has its own kind of misery when it seems like it’s ending. 

I feel ya... I do. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry. 😞
 

omg I’m so sorry for the freakin book I just wrote! 🤦‍♀️

First I want to thank you for your message. You seem like a really great soul and you opened my eyes a little. As for the games, I don't play the game he's currently playing (I hate it actually, not my kind of game😅). 
 

As for his ex, she cheated on him, doesnt give me a reason to not like her, but she still hurted him and i didnt like seeing him hurt. Im just super protective over my friends, didn't have much when i grew up (Maybe that shouldn't be public, thats an other part of my life lol). I can say that I do in fact not have a friend like him in "real life". Ive never have an actual straight male friend. I always feel uncomfortable around them, i guess this is because the people who scared me growing up and bullied me, were straight men. He's the only one that truly accepts me for who i am.

 

With that being said, I think i don't give him enough credit. Now i think if how he must feel, dealing with my ass all the time😅. I guess im just gonna have to give him some space and hope that he'll want to "reconnect" (we snap everyday, like 3-4 times. He sends me tiktoks and s*** but we don't talk, thats what upsets me). 

There's just so much things in the background that i don't want to share on here, in case someone he knows finds this and whatever. I don't have anything to hide. 

 

As for the "healthy way", Ive been doing that for a couple weeks now. Not to him though. Ive been cutting super toxic people from my life because it was doing more drama than anything else. I just dont want to cut him off. Im gonna have to learn how to live with my feelings until i find someone who accepts me just like him. 
 

Its rare for a not-straight man to find straight friends. At least thats what i see. A lot of the straight men i know hurt me, by leading me on once they learned I was into guys as well. Being led on sucks, i think everybody can relate to that. But he was always accepting towards me. I guess im just overreacting because I miss my best friend. I f***ing miss my bro.

 

Today I watched Rupaul's drag race Celebrity edition, and its ironic because in the episode theres a straight actor doing drag. And I was emotional because during his speech he said something important. He's comfortable enough with his sexuality to do drag, to participate in lgbt culture, while still being a straight man. And I was proud of him. For standing up for us, who get stereotyped. I guess i can see my best friend in this. Just because he loves me for who I am, and he never hurted me on purpose. I should be trusting him 100%, but because of my past I just expect to be let down every time. 

 

Sorry for this book haha I know its long. Your message gave me some clarity on what i should be doing. Thank you. Some people don't try to understand, it seems easy to just cut people off. But Im glad someone can relate to how i feel a little. Again, I want to thank you for saying what you think, your opinion. It really means a lot. Of course it's not over just like that, I still have work to do, but you helped me kick start.

 

Thanks 😁

[K.K.]

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

First I want to thank you for your message. You seem like a really great soul and you opened my eyes a little. As for the games, I don't play the game he's currently playing (I hate it actually, not my kind of game😅). 
 

Hi Matt! 😀 (hey when I say Matt, it comes out like 2 syllables. Ma-yat. lol I don’t really pronounce much else too awfully southern but that name does it to me) You’re so welcome, my pleasure. You know how sometimes certain posters posts just speak to you? Yours did to me. And thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate that a lot. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

As for his ex, she cheated on him, doesnt give me a reason to not like her, but she still hurted him and i didnt like seeing him hurt.
 

She cheated on him? What a bitch! *snicker* so much for my good soul. 😁 Nah for real though. Why’d he take her back and totally understandable why you wouldn’t like her. That’s reason enough. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Im just super protective over my friends, didn't have much when i grew up (Maybe that shouldn't be public, thats an other part of my life lol).

Hey, I hear ya there. I used to tell all of my business here. Still do kinda. But I know how it is. Your screen name kinda becomes ‘you’ and it’s a bit harder to put it all out there. We’ll stick to the basics. Cause I have a million questions I could ask you, believe me. I’m so curious and interested in your life from what you’ve even written so far. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

I can say that I do in fact not have a friend like him in "real life". Ive never have an actual straight male friend. I always feel uncomfortable around them, i guess this is because the people who scared me growing up and bullied me, were straight men. He's the only one that truly accepts me for who i am.

This is so sad that you had to go through any kind of bullying. I bet finding him was a fantastic surprise. (Hey what can we call him so we don’t just have to call him ‘your friend’? Let’s call him butter buns. Please! It’s the first thing that just came to my mind ! 😁 ok then you pick. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

With that being said, I think i don't give him enough credit. Now i think if how he must feel, dealing with my ass all the time😅.
 

This is how I feel about people that put up with my silly, moody ass! lol I hear you. Awww. I can be a bit of a drama queen. How bout you? Only a little though. I’m not full on insane or anything. 😕 (I can just hear the coughs and oh yea you are bittcchh remarks now as I write lolll) 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

I guess im just gonna have to give him some space and hope that he'll want to "reconnect" (we snap everyday, like 3-4 times. He sends me tiktoks and s*** but we don't talk, thats what upsets me). 
 

Oh hey now see that’s good. I wonder how you could do more talking. Well, how did you normally talk before? You said he’s busy a lot too so that might come into play. I bet if you had a problem or something and reached out, he would be there for you right? 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

there's just so much things in the background that i don't want to share on here, in case someone he knows finds this and whatever. I don't have anything to hide. 
 

I gotcha. I did that when I first came here. I changed a lot and wrote that I was a different age and stuff like that. I had a crazy boyfriend. He would’ve killed me if he saw what I was writing and he always found out what I did. Thing is though that he wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed so I knew even if he thought he found me, the changes would make him immediately think it wasn’t me. I’m way older than you but I haven’t gotten fuddy duddy yet so don’t hold back with any and every kind of thoughts on life you may have. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

As for the "healthy way", Ive been doing that for a couple weeks now. Not to him though. Ive been cutting super toxic people from my life because it was doing more drama than anything else.

Good for you! 🙂 It feels good doesn’t it? You ever have those friends that just want to jump in your face or put you down every chance they get? Or the ones that it seems like they want to own you? Demanding. Won’t let you be yourself. Or the ones that don’t know how to handle themselves if they’re buzzed up and just want to bring down the whole thing. See I’m a little drama as far as I can have a short fuse in the face of idiocy, but I don’t think I’m toxic. Hmm nope. Definitely not. I thought about it. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

I just dont want to cut him off. Im gonna have to learn how to live with my feelings until i find someone who accepts me just like him.
 

And there it is. The very best plan that there probably is in this situation. Yep. I wouldn’t cut him off either. He sounds like he’s been a great friend. I think somehow you can make this all work and not lose anything in the process. I just do. You can master these emotions. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Its rare for a not-straight man to find straight friends. At least thats what i see. A lot of the straight men i know hurt me, by leading me on once they learned I was into guys as well. Being led on sucks, i think everybody can relate to that.
 

You know ... I’ve given this a lot of thought over the years. I think most straight men think they’re too ‘manly man’  to have a gay male friend because they’re scared they’re gonna maybe be ‘guilty by association.’ Either that or like I’ve said a lot here, they want some of that and scared they might succumb and wake up gay. I can’t believe they lead you on though. See that’s an angle I never considered. Like they just want to see if they’d be deemed “f***able” or something. Hmmm.

Boyyy don’t even get me started with this. Anybody that knows me knows how fascinated I am with the gay lifestyle. And I mean the male one. It’s always been my lifelong dream to have a gay male friend ! You don’t even know. Maybe it was Will and Grace. I just loved the banter and genuine affection they had for each other. And could talk about anything with no weirdness in the way. Ya know? I would love to have a best male friend that I could giggle and play with. I like the gay guys with the snotty attitudes too lol. I would want him to be able to come at me like ‘Girl no. uh uh. What are you wearing that for, you look like an absolute trollop. And those eyebrows! They’re sisters not twins remember?! Girl just no!!’ 🥰 

Like if a female said these things to me I’d be like “ yea bitch you betta get out of my face!” But if a guy said it, it would be so fun. Ok maybe not a guy like a romantic interest but you know .. gay. I have gay girl ‘friends’ and that’s great too. But I’ve always wanted to be Grace. Never found a Will. 

Hey! While I’m at it. Look. I don’t know the proper way to put things I’m just going from the heart. So if I do say something offensive please please tell me the right way to say it.

And while we’re at it... I think one of your posts said you weren’t gay but bisexual. Is this right? Cause that’s a whole other big thing where I’d have a lot of questions. I’ve had experiences with girls. Even fell in love with one of them. She was an absolute bitch though so I said forget this crap. Women are mean right!!?? 😮 lol 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

But he was always accepting towards me. I guess im just overreacting because I miss my best friend. I f***ing miss my bro.

I know you do. I felt that right off. Big time. 😟

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Today I watched Rupaul's drag race Celebrity edition, and its ironic because in the episode theres a straight actor doing drag. And I was emotional because during his speech he said something important. He's comfortable enough with his sexuality to do drag, to participate in lgbt culture, while still being a straight man. And I was proud of him. For standing up for us, who get stereotyped. I guess i can see my best friend in this. Just because he loves me for who I am, and he never hurted me on purpose. I should be trusting him 100%, but because of my past I just expect to be let down every time. 
 

Ya know I’ve never seen this show but I could picture it just by what you said. When does it come on and what network? I never see it on the guide. I love Rupaul! Always have. I gotta say, he looks way better in drag. I saw him on QVC or home shoppers one of those- selling makeup and I was like giiiiirl put some on. lol nah I just missed him as a woman but it was quite fascinating. Your friend (so what are we gonna call him??) He really does sound like a great person. I can see why you like him. Ok forget butter buns how bout Jared? Nah .. too diamond-y. “He went to Jared” lol

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Sorry for this book haha I know its long.

Pssshhh doesn’t bother me. I’m on chapter 2 here myself. 😁 you write as much or as little as you’d like. It’s all good. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Your message gave me some clarity on what i should be doing. Thank you. Some people don't try to understand, it seems easy to just cut people off. But Im glad someone can relate to how i feel a little.
 

You’re welcome sooo much. Yea, if it’s one thing I’ve learned by being here is that it always seems so easy to tell someone in a sentence “well you’re dumb. Move on. “ but it doesn’t work like that. There’s all kinds of other things going on below the surface and sometimes it’s just not that cut and dry. I’ve been guilty of doing this myself. But I know what you mean.

Different people call to different people ya know? And your post just called out to me. But remember like I said, I’m not exactly the ‘healthiest’ person in the universe when it comes to matters of the heart so all I can do is talk and listen and maybe say what I think or what I’d do. It doesn’t make me right. Only you know what’s best for you when it comes down to it. But talking about it can help a lot. 

7 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Again, I want to thank you for saying what you think, your opinion. It really means a lot. Of course it's not over just like that, I still have work to do, but you helped me kick start.

 

Thanks 😁

You’re going to be just fine. You have a great attitude even for the hell you’ve been feeling and going though. I like that. It’s refreshing. Thank you! 🙂 

Have a great day! 

[geezitsmatt]

8 hours ago, K.K. said:

Hi Matt! 😀 (hey when I say Matt, it comes out like 2 syllables. Ma-yat. lol I don’t really pronounce much else too awfully southern but that name does it to me) You’re so welcome, my pleasure. You know how sometimes certain posters posts just speak to you? Yours did to me. And thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate that a lot. 

She cheated on him? What a bitch! *snicker* so much for my good soul. 😁 Nah for real though. Why’d he take her back and totally understandable why you wouldn’t like her. That’s reason enough. 

Hey, I hear ya there. I used to tell all of my business here. Still do kinda. But I know how it is. Your screen name kinda becomes ‘you’ and it’s a bit harder to put it all out there. We’ll stick to the basics. Cause I have a million questions I could ask you, believe me. I’m so curious and interested in your life from what you’ve even written so far. 

This is so sad that you had to go through any kind of bullying. I bet finding him was a fantastic surprise. (Hey what can we call him so we don’t just have to call him ‘your friend’? Let’s call him butter buns. Please! It’s the first thing that just came to my mind ! 😁 ok then you pick. 

This is how I feel about people that put up with my silly, moody ass! lol I hear you. Awww. I can be a bit of a drama queen. How bout you? Only a little though. I’m not full on insane or anything. 😕 (I can just hear the coughs and oh yea you are bittcchh remarks now as I write lolll) 

Oh hey now see that’s good. I wonder how you could do more talking. Well, how did you normally talk before? You said he’s busy a lot too so that might come into play. I bet if you had a problem or something and reached out, he would be there for you right? 

I gotcha. I did that when I first came here. I changed a lot and wrote that I was a different age and stuff like that. I had a crazy boyfriend. He would’ve killed me if he saw what I was writing and he always found out what I did. Thing is though that he wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed so I knew even if he thought he found me, the changes would make him immediately think it wasn’t me. I’m way older than you but I haven’t gotten fuddy duddy yet so don’t hold back with any and every kind of thoughts on life you may have. 

Good for you! 🙂 It feels good doesn’t it? You ever have those friends that just want to jump in your face or put you down every chance they get? Or the ones that it seems like they want to own you? Demanding. Won’t let you be yourself. Or the ones that don’t know how to handle themselves if they’re buzzed up and just want to bring down the whole thing. See I’m a little drama as far as I can have a short fuse in the face of idiocy, but I don’t think I’m toxic. Hmm nope. Definitely not. I thought about it. 

And there it is. The very best plan that there probably is in this situation. Yep. I wouldn’t cut him off either. He sounds like he’s been a great friend. I think somehow you can make this all work and not lose anything in the process. I just do. You can master these emotions. 

You know ... I’ve given this a lot of thought over the years. I think most straight men think they’re too ‘manly man’  to have a gay male friend because they’re scared they’re gonna maybe be ‘guilty by association.’ Either that or like I’ve said a lot here, they want some of that and scared they might succumb and wake up gay. I can’t believe they lead you on though. See that’s an angle I never considered. Like they just want to see if they’d be deemed “f***able” or something. Hmmm.

Boyyy don’t even get me started with this. Anybody that knows me knows how fascinated I am with the gay lifestyle. And I mean the male one. It’s always been my lifelong dream to have a gay male friend ! You don’t even know. Maybe it was Will and Grace. I just loved the banter and genuine affection they had for each other. And could talk about anything with no weirdness in the way. Ya know? I would love to have a best male friend that I could giggle and play with. I like the gay guys with the snotty attitudes too lol. I would want him to be able to come at me like ‘Girl no. uh uh. What are you wearing that for, you look like an absolute trollop. And those eyebrows! They’re sisters not twins remember?! Girl just no!!’ 🥰 

Like if a female said these things to me I’d be like “ yea bitch you betta get out of my face!” But if a guy said it, it would be so fun. Ok maybe not a guy like a romantic interest but you know .. gay. I have gay girl ‘friends’ and that’s great too. But I’ve always wanted to be Grace. Never found a Will. 

Hey! While I’m at it. Look. I don’t know the proper way to put things I’m just going from the heart. So if I do say something offensive please please tell me the right way to say it.

And while we’re at it... I think one of your posts said you weren’t gay but bisexual. Is this right? Cause that’s a whole other big thing where I’d have a lot of questions. I’ve had experiences with girls. Even fell in love with one of them. She was an absolute bitch though so I said forget this crap. Women are mean right!!?? 😮 lol 

I know you do. I felt that right off. Big time. 😟

Ya know I’ve never seen this show but I could picture it just by what you said. When does it come on and what network? I never see it on the guide. I love Rupaul! Always have. I gotta say, he looks way better in drag. I saw him on QVC or home shoppers one of those- selling makeup and I was like giiiiirl put some on. lol nah I just missed him as a woman but it was quite fascinating. Your friend (so what are we gonna call him??) He really does sound like a great person. I can see why you like him. Ok forget butter buns how bout Jared? Nah .. too diamond-y. “He went to Jared” lol

Pssshhh doesn’t bother me. I’m on chapter 2 here myself. 😁 you write as much or as little as you’d like. It’s all good. 

You’re welcome sooo much. Yea, if it’s one thing I’ve learned by being here is that it always seems so easy to tell someone in a sentence “well you’re dumb. Move on. “ but it doesn’t work like that. There’s all kinds of other things going on below the surface and sometimes it’s just not that cut and dry. I’ve been guilty of doing this myself. But I know what you mean.

Different people call to different people ya know? And your post just called out to me. But remember like I said, I’m not exactly the ‘healthiest’ person in the universe when it comes to matters of the heart so all I can do is talk and listen and maybe say what I think or what I’d do. It doesn’t make me right. Only you know what’s best for you when it comes down to it. But talking about it can help a lot. 

You’re going to be just fine. You have a great attitude even for the hell you’ve been feeling and going though. I like that. It’s refreshing. Thank you! 🙂 

Have a great day! 

Hey! 

 

First of all I just wanna say how refreshing it is talking to someone you don't know! I just want to talk to you for hours and I would be glad to answer all your questions! I also just want to state, my sexuality is a big confusing cloud in my life. I really hate labels. Oh gosh i hate those. Just a quick story, i came out as bi-romantic 3 years ago (ALREADY?!?) when I was in grade 12. Which basically means i had romantic feelings toward men and women, but sexual preference for women. Although thinking about it now, i lied to myself since i was like 15. But thats beside the point. A year after, i came out as bisexual. Being in college and experimenting was fun😂. Now, I can feel that i am not attracted to women that much anymore. Like I did have a crush on this girl in my arithmetics class last year, but now i think my sexuality is more homoflexible. But like I said, i hate labels. My friends know that, I'm just Matt. 

 

We can call him whatever you want!😂😂 I actually laugh when i read Butter buns then Jared, i thought it was pretty funny😂. Last time we spoke about his ex was like 1 month and a half ago, he was hanging out with her after a separation of 5-6 months. I get that he has feelings for her, my old love broke me multiple times, yet I knew everytime that it was going to hurt. 

 

Omg I watch drag race on Netflix! Or since Im in Canada, we got Bell on Demand and I watch it there. VH1 screens it, I could also send you a streaming website if you want! Its such a great show. So many iconic moments. With drag race i learned a lot about myself. Im a bi/homoflexible/f***Labels man who is masculine. Although theres a women in every men, I do feel it at times, when im with my girl friends at the club😂 

 

I am sure you will find your Will! Its not easy, finding someone to be close like that to. Heck, even with ALL my girlfriends, I think theres only 1 that i can be 100% genuine and myself without being judge. Most of my girl friends wanna be friends because its easier right? Being friends with a "gay" man so you know for sure no feelings will play a part in the friendship. I really hope you find your Will, and I an sure theres one looking for a Grace like you. 
 

I really want to keep touch with you. You said you are a couple years older than me, so now im questioning everything😂 Im going to send you a message on here so if you ever want to chat there are quicker ways to reach me! I come here like once a night or when I think about it😅

 

Have a great day! Or evening, or after-noon, whatever time it is when you read this☺️

[geezitsmatt]

8 hours ago, K.K. said:

Hi Matt! 😀 (hey when I say Matt, it comes out like 2 syllables. Ma-yat. lol I don’t really pronounce much else too awfully southern but that name does it to me) You’re so welcome, my pleasure. You know how sometimes certain posters posts just speak to you? Yours did to me. And thank you so much for your kind words. I appreciate that a lot. 

She cheated on him? What a bitch! *snicker* so much for my good soul. 😁 Nah for real though. Why’d he take her back and totally understandable why you wouldn’t like her. That’s reason enough. 

Hey, I hear ya there. I used to tell all of my business here. Still do kinda. But I know how it is. Your screen name kinda becomes ‘you’ and it’s a bit harder to put it all out there. We’ll stick to the basics. Cause I have a million questions I could ask you, believe me. I’m so curious and interested in your life from what you’ve even written so far. 

This is so sad that you had to go through any kind of bullying. I bet finding him was a fantastic surprise. (Hey what can we call him so we don’t just have to call him ‘your friend’? Let’s call him butter buns. Please! It’s the first thing that just came to my mind ! 😁 ok then you pick. 

This is how I feel about people that put up with my silly, moody ass! lol I hear you. Awww. I can be a bit of a drama queen. How bout you? Only a little though. I’m not full on insane or anything. 😕 (I can just hear the coughs and oh yea you are bittcchh remarks now as I write lolll) 

Oh hey now see that’s good. I wonder how you could do more talking. Well, how did you normally talk before? You said he’s busy a lot too so that might come into play. I bet if you had a problem or something and reached out, he would be there for you right? 

I gotcha. I did that when I first came here. I changed a lot and wrote that I was a different age and stuff like that. I had a crazy boyfriend. He would’ve killed me if he saw what I was writing and he always found out what I did. Thing is though that he wasn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed so I knew even if he thought he found me, the changes would make him immediately think it wasn’t me. I’m way older than you but I haven’t gotten fuddy duddy yet so don’t hold back with any and every kind of thoughts on life you may have. 

Good for you! 🙂 It feels good doesn’t it? You ever have those friends that just want to jump in your face or put you down every chance they get? Or the ones that it seems like they want to own you? Demanding. Won’t let you be yourself. Or the ones that don’t know how to handle themselves if they’re buzzed up and just want to bring down the whole thing. See I’m a little drama as far as I can have a short fuse in the face of idiocy, but I don’t think I’m toxic. Hmm nope. Definitely not. I thought about it. 

And there it is. The very best plan that there probably is in this situation. Yep. I wouldn’t cut him off either. He sounds like he’s been a great friend. I think somehow you can make this all work and not lose anything in the process. I just do. You can master these emotions. 

You know ... I’ve given this a lot of thought over the years. I think most straight men think they’re too ‘manly man’  to have a gay male friend because they’re scared they’re gonna maybe be ‘guilty by association.’ Either that or like I’ve said a lot here, they want some of that and scared they might succumb and wake up gay. I can’t believe they lead you on though. See that’s an angle I never considered. Like they just want to see if they’d be deemed “f***able” or something. Hmmm.

Boyyy don’t even get me started with this. Anybody that knows me knows how fascinated I am with the gay lifestyle. And I mean the male one. It’s always been my lifelong dream to have a gay male friend ! You don’t even know. Maybe it was Will and Grace. I just loved the banter and genuine affection they had for each other. And could talk about anything with no weirdness in the way. Ya know? I would love to have a best male friend that I could giggle and play with. I like the gay guys with the snotty attitudes too lol. I would want him to be able to come at me like ‘Girl no. uh uh. What are you wearing that for, you look like an absolute trollop. And those eyebrows! They’re sisters not twins remember?! Girl just no!!’ 🥰 

Like if a female said these things to me I’d be like “ yea bitch you betta get out of my face!” But if a guy said it, it would be so fun. Ok maybe not a guy like a romantic interest but you know .. gay. I have gay girl ‘friends’ and that’s great too. But I’ve always wanted to be Grace. Never found a Will. 

Hey! While I’m at it. Look. I don’t know the proper way to put things I’m just going from the heart. So if I do say something offensive please please tell me the right way to say it.

And while we’re at it... I think one of your posts said you weren’t gay but bisexual. Is this right? Cause that’s a whole other big thing where I’d have a lot of questions. I’ve had experiences with girls. Even fell in love with one of them. She was an absolute bitch though so I said forget this crap. Women are mean right!!?? 😮 lol 

I know you do. I felt that right off. Big time. 😟

Ya know I’ve never seen this show but I could picture it just by what you said. When does it come on and what network? I never see it on the guide. I love Rupaul! Always have. I gotta say, he looks way better in drag. I saw him on QVC or home shoppers one of those- selling makeup and I was like giiiiirl put some on. lol nah I just missed him as a woman but it was quite fascinating. Your friend (so what are we gonna call him??) He really does sound like a great person. I can see why you like him. Ok forget butter buns how bout Jared? Nah .. too diamond-y. “He went to Jared” lol

Pssshhh doesn’t bother me. I’m on chapter 2 here myself. 😁 you write as much or as little as you’d like. It’s all good. 

You’re welcome sooo much. Yea, if it’s one thing I’ve learned by being here is that it always seems so easy to tell someone in a sentence “well you’re dumb. Move on. “ but it doesn’t work like that. There’s all kinds of other things going on below the surface and sometimes it’s just not that cut and dry. I’ve been guilty of doing this myself. But I know what you mean.

Different people call to different people ya know? And your post just called out to me. But remember like I said, I’m not exactly the ‘healthiest’ person in the universe when it comes to matters of the heart so all I can do is talk and listen and maybe say what I think or what I’d do. It doesn’t make me right. Only you know what’s best for you when it comes down to it. But talking about it can help a lot. 

You’re going to be just fine. You have a great attitude even for the hell you’ve been feeling and going though. I like that. It’s refreshing. Thank you! 🙂 

Have a great day! 

So i tried sending you a message but it says i'm not allowed! So i sent a message to the administrators so hopefully they can solve this!

[Cornholio12]

Brother, I totally get what you're going through because I can totally relate. I've been talking to a woman online for about two and a half months now and we've nearly talked everyday. And like you, feelings started to develop out of the blue with little to no warning and it's something that I honestly for the life of me didn't expect to happen. But she's managed to brighten my day no matter what and very few people in my life have actually been able to pull that off.

The only thing about it is that I've never not once told her even though I've been tempted more than once. I'm not entirely sold on if she feels the same way, but there's a feeling that I just can't shake and I think that maybe she does in a way. But I plan to tell her anyway. Someday. 

But these things just happen when you least expect it. It's common. Really common. But for now just keep your chin up. Perk up. Smile. If he's really your friend, hell, I'd think he'd come around. I'm pulling for you on this. 

Edited April 27, 2020 by Anonymous

[geezitsmatt]

4 hours ago, Anonymous said:

Brother, I totally get what you're going through because I can totally relate. I've been talking to a woman online for about two and a half months now and we've nearly talked everyday. And like you, feelings started to develop out of the blue with little to no warning and it's something that I honestly for the life of me didn't expect to happen. But she's managed to brighten my day no matter what and very few people in my life have actually been able to pull that off.

The only thing about it is that I've never not once told her even though I've been tempted more than once. I'm not entirely sold on if she feels the same way, but there's a feeling that I just can't shake and I think that maybe she does in a way. But I plan to tell her anyway. Someday. 

But these things just happen when you least expect it. It's common. Really common. But for now just keep your chin up. Perk up. Smile. If he's really your friend, hell, I'd think he'd come around. I'm pulling for you on this. 

Hey Anonymous,

 

Thank you for your message. Im happy you can somewhat relate to my story. When I was in grade 11, in english class, we had to make a presentation on something unique about yourself. I decided to make my presentation about my online friendship. My classmates knew of him, because i just talked about him so much that everybody knew who he was. Not a lot of people have online friendships, and they don't know how hard it can be. I am sure your friend is an amazing person, and I really hope that she feels the same way towards you. All Im saying is these friendships are real, and real feelings can appear. For me, he is my number 1 best friend. He makes me a better person (unless he's being an ass, like now) and just overall happy. I hope that when you do tell her, I hope she feels the same way. Make it happen for me. Make it happen for all the people who can't. Keep it up, and I am sure you are a great guy.

 

[JTSW]

9 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

So i tried sending you a message but it says i'm not allowed! So i sent a message to the administrators so hopefully they can solve this!

You have to be a member for a certain amount of time before you get the privte messaging option.

[JTSW]

4 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

When I was in grade 11, in english class, we had to make a presentation on something unique about yourself. I decided to make my presentation about my online friendship. My classmates knew of him, because i just talked about him so much that everybody knew who he was. Not a lot of people have online friendships, and they don't know how hard it can be.

It sounds like you have an unhealthy obsession with this guy. Especially if your revolve your whole life around him.

4 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

For me, he is my number 1 best friend. He makes me a better person (unless he's being an ass, like now) and just overall happy.

He's not being an ass. 

You changed the dynamic of the friendship.

You made him uncomfortable because he does not feel the way you do.

[K.K.]

15 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Omg I watch drag race on Netflix! Or since Im in Canada, we got Bell on Demand and I watch it there. VH1 screens it, I could also send you a streaming website if you want! Its such a great show. So many iconic moments. With drag race i learned a lot about myself. Im a bi/homoflexible/f***Labels man who is masculine. Although theres a women in every men, I do feel it at times, when im with my girl friends at the club😂 

Hi Matt! 😀  found it! Yep it’s on VH1. I do have Netflix too but I never watch it lol. I’m gonna catch it on one of those though. I kinda wanna watch the same episode as you when it comes on again in real time so we can discuss later! 

 

15 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

I am sure you will find your Will! Its not easy, finding someone to be close like that to. Heck, even with ALL my girlfriends, I think theres only 1 that i can be 100% genuine and myself without being judge. Most of my girl friends wanna be friends because its easier right? Being friends with a "gay" man so you know for sure no feelings will play a part in the friendship. I really hope you find your Will, and I an sure theres one looking for a Grace like you

I don’t think I’ll find my Will. You’re going to be as close as I can get. 😁 and that’s just fine. You never know though. You could be right. I think with me it’s maybe a little of the making sure he has no feelings part but more of the I think he’ll be honest part. You know how women are. They can be secretly jealous of you and try to sabotage even if I think they don’t mean to. Or they try to steal your man. 

Like this one time in school. This friend of mine wanted to do my makeup, right? She said I wore too much and so she wanted to keep it more ‘natural’. Well guess what? That ‘natural’ crap only works on naturally beautiful women! Lolll I looked like some kind of alien sweet potato with legs. The worst part is that guy I liked saw me and kept asking if I was sick. 🥴 

Bitch totally erased my face while she piled her makeup on and looked all hot and s***. Talked to the guy I liked all night while I sat there feeling like a weirdo. Lesson learned. I think a gay male friend would’ve been way more honest and just come out and said “girl, you’re a Golden Retriever, let me help you bag this honey.”   

That was long ago. I probably have 20 years on you. But don’t let that deter you. As far as maturity levels go I’m like ... 15. 😁 With a male brain. And a tendency to laugh at that which what would normally kill a person lol but I have had a whole bunch of experiences in life so maybe I can help you to have someone to talk to about this and you can serve as my window to the world that eludes me. 

At least you have real life friends. I have one but she is so only because she chooses to beat down the walls of my hermit nature to get to me. Most of mine are online. But very important to me. Maybe I don’t hang out with them in real life, but we’ve spent a lot of time ‘together’ in this thang called life. So I know how you feel about Butter Buns. (Butter Buns it is!!) I do. 

It’s all good. 🙂 I hope you have a fantastic day. Canada huh? I’ve always wondered about Canada. Seems like a nice place. 

Oh !! Hey! I have a thread here about horoscopes. It’s in the water cooler section. It’s older now so it’s kind of pushed to the bottom. I’d love for you to post on it. Put you and BB’s signs so I can see what my trusty dusty app says about the connection lol. I’m a weirdo with the horoscopes. I recently met another Aquarius like me. The thing kept telling me he wasn’t my type. Only friends. Would butt heads all over the place. I fought it but in the end it was right on. 😞 No wonder I’ve never had another Aquarius lover.  

Maybe I can link it let me see. Don’t feel like you have to. But if you want to. If not then just tell me what y’all are and I’ll put the answer here. Or if that’s not your thing don’t worry about it. Bye for now ✌️kk

What’s your sign :)

 

 

[Cornholio12]

11 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Hey Anonymous,

 

Thank you for your message. Im happy you can somewhat relate to my story. When I was in grade 11, in english class, we had to make a presentation on something unique about yourself. I decided to make my presentation about my online friendship. My classmates knew of him, because i just talked about him so much that everybody knew who he was. Not a lot of people have online friendships, and they don't know how hard it can be. I am sure your friend is an amazing person, and I really hope that she feels the same way towards you. All Im saying is these friendships are real, and real feelings can appear. For me, he is my number 1 best friend. He makes me a better person (unless he's being an ass, like now) and just overall happy. I hope that when you do tell her, I hope she feels the same way. Make it happen for me. Make it happen for all the people who can't. Keep it up, and I am sure you are a great guy.

 

And thank you for your message, but I'm totally in the dark here because you just never know what the other person is thinking or feeling. It's probably just wishful thinking on my part as it always is, but that's what I get for thinking with my heart instead of my head. And from my experience, that's just something I don't want to do. I'm just better off if I think about things logically instead of emotionally. And I don't mean that to sound cold by any means, but it's just me. And I'm still debating on whether it's even worth telling her anything. 

[geezitsmatt]

8 hours ago, JTSW said:

It sounds like you have an unhealthy obsession with this guy. Especially if your revolve your whole life around him.

He's not being an ass. 

You changed the dynamic of the friendship.

You made him uncomfortable because he does not feel the way you do.

Hey JTSW,

 

Like I said in a previous post, when I told him about my feelings, he didn't mind. He knew. He said he wasn't going anywhere. This whole thing started before I told him about my feelings. Being Isolated at home for weeks made me tell him how I felt. 
 

Weve always had this rule, that we don't lie to each other and we always say how we feel. He had the opportunity to tell me if he was uncomfortable.

 

Maybe I do have somewhat of an obsession. I mean, when someone saves your f***in life, you keep this person around. I almost killed myself couple years ago. He's the only one who tried to stop me. Ill always be grateful for him no matter what. 

[geezitsmatt]

55 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

And thank you for your message, but I'm totally in the dark here because you just never know what the other person is thinking or feeling. It's probably just wishful thinking on my part as it always is, but that's what I get for thinking with my heart instead of my head. And from my experience, that's just something I don't want to do. I'm just better off if I think about things logically instead of emotionally. And I don't mean that to sound cold by any means, but it's just me. And I'm still debating on whether it's even worth telling her anything. 

Hey Anonymous,

 

The best way to find out is for you to tell the truth. When you feel ready of course

[geezitsmatt]

3 hours ago, K.K. said:

Hi Matt! 😀  found it! Yep it’s on VH1. I do have Netflix too but I never watch it lol. I’m gonna catch it on one of those though. I kinda wanna watch the same episode as you when it comes on again in real time so we can discuss later! 

 

I don’t think I’ll find my Will. You’re going to be as close as I can get. 😁 and that’s just fine. You never know though. You could be right. I think with me it’s maybe a little of the making sure he has no feelings part but more of the I think he’ll be honest part. You know how women are. They can be secretly jealous of you and try to sabotage even if I think they don’t mean to. Or they try to steal your man. 

Like this one time in school. This friend of mine wanted to do my makeup, right? She said I wore too much and so she wanted to keep it more ‘natural’. Well guess what? That ‘natural’ crap only works on naturally beautiful women! Lolll I looked like some kind of alien sweet potato with legs. The worst part is that guy I liked saw me and kept asking if I was sick. 🥴 

Bitch totally erased my face while she piled her makeup on and looked all hot and s***. Talked to the guy I liked all night while I sat there feeling like a weirdo. Lesson learned. I think a gay male friend would’ve been way more honest and just come out and said “girl, you’re a Golden Retriever, let me help you bag this honey.”   

That was long ago. I probably have 20 years on you. But don’t let that deter you. As far as maturity levels go I’m like ... 15. 😁 With a male brain. And a tendency to laugh at that which what would normally kill a person lol but I have had a whole bunch of experiences in life so maybe I can help you to have someone to talk to about this and you can serve as my window to the world that eludes me. 

At least you have real life friends. I have one but she is so only because she chooses to beat down the walls of my hermit nature to get to me. Most of mine are online. But very important to me. Maybe I don’t hang out with them in real life, but we’ve spent a lot of time ‘together’ in this thang called life. So I know how you feel about Butter Buns. (Butter Buns it is!!) I do. 

It’s all good. 🙂 I hope you have a fantastic day. Canada huh? I’ve always wondered about Canada. Seems like a nice place. 

Oh !! Hey! I have a thread here about horoscopes. It’s in the water cooler section. It’s older now so it’s kind of pushed to the bottom. I’d love for you to post on it. Put you and BB’s signs so I can see what my trusty dusty app says about the connection lol. I’m a weirdo with the horoscopes. I recently met another Aquarius like me. The thing kept telling me he wasn’t my type. Only friends. Would butt heads all over the place. I fought it but in the end it was right on. 😞 No wonder I’ve never had another Aquarius lover.  

Maybe I can link it let me see. Don’t feel like you have to. But if you want to. If not then just tell me what y’all are and I’ll put the answer here. Or if that’s not your thing don’t worry about it. Bye for now ✌️kk

What’s your sign :)

 

 

Hey K.K !

 

I can always be a Will for you, whenever you need. As soon as I can send private messages Ill give you like my instagram or something so we can chat ☺️

 

The episode I was talking about came out last week! Its the Celebrity edition, so it's not on netflix yet. Maybe they will replay it on VH1. Although i strongly suggest you watch normal drag race at first since the inside jokes can be confusing. If you don't want to watch 12 seasons, i suggest you start at season 6. That's what I did and I am not that lost! There's also All Stars which is all the famous drag queens that go back for the ultimate crown. Its such a good show!

 

Yup I'm from Canada! I'm on the East coast! I also speak french as my first language. I learned english back in middle school when I moved away😅 It is nice! We just had the biggest shooting in Canadian history where I live so things are kind of weird right now. 

 

And omg I love horoscopes! Im going on your post right now! 

 

Ill cya later! 

[Cornholio12]

2 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Hey Anonymous,

 

The best way to find out is for you to tell the truth. When you feel ready of course

Thanks, man. But I'm fairly certain she's not feeling it no matter what I want to believe. I'm not trying to beat down myself, but it was just wishful thinking on my part and likely nothing more than an unrealized dream or fantasy. 

[JTSW]

2 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

I almost killed myself couple years ago.

I'm so sorry things became that bad for you, I truly am.

I know what it's like to not want to be around anymore. 

Im here to talk of you need to.

[geezitsmatt]

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

I'm so sorry things became that bad for you, I truly am.

I know what it's like to not want to be around anymore. 

Im here to talk of you need to.

Thank you :) 

[K.K.]

18 hours ago, geezitsmatt said:

Hey K.K !

 

I can always be a Will for you, whenever you need. As soon as I can send private messages Ill give you like my instagram or something so we can chat ☺️

 

The episode I was talking about came out last week! Its the Celebrity edition, so it's not on netflix yet. Maybe they will replay it on VH1. Although i strongly suggest you watch normal drag race at first since the inside jokes can be confusing. If you don't want to watch 12 seasons, i suggest you start at season 6. That's what I did and I am not that lost! There's also All Stars which is all the famous drag queens that go back for the ultimate crown. Its such a good show!

 

Yup I'm from Canada! I'm on the East coast! I also speak french as my first language. I learned english back in middle school when I moved away😅 It is nice! We just had the biggest shooting in Canadian history where I live so things are kind of weird right now. 

 

And omg I love horoscopes! Im going on your post right now! 

 

Ill cya later! 

Hi Matt! 😃 

I knew you sounded like a fellow astrological sign believer. Yeay!  Yes, I’ll take your advice on the shows and what order to view. Sounds great to me. 

Hope you’re doing great today!! 

Here’s your daily. Although I don’t believe in the daily’s half as much as just the basic characteristics. 
 

Taurus Wednesday 4/29

You may be telling yourself that all is well and right with a present endeavor, Taurus, even though you have a sneaking suspicion that something might be wrong. You are at a point in this where you would rather deny the existence of a problem than admit to yourself that something needs to change. But if you don't admit to a problem, you will be depriving yourself from getting this perfectly right, and you are also delaying the inevitable. There is no shame in miscalculating or in making an error. Go back and fix what needs to be fixed and move on. 

Hmmm 🤔 

Hey and here’s the weekly. Why not. 
 

Taurus Week 4/27-5/3

Peer pressure can be a hard thing to overcome. Everyone wants to be included and liked, and sometimes we do things under peer pressure that we won't normally do in an effort to be accepted, appreciated, and liked. We tend to think about children and teenagers when the subject of peer pressure comes up, but don't kid yourself, Taurus - adults are sometimes as susceptible to peer pressure as children. This week, you may find yourself wanting to belong in some way, and you may think about going along with something that you wouldn't ordinarily consider. But deep down you are strong enough to resist. Don't do anything you might regret later.

This week could also bring you a sense that someone in your life is a beacon of light and hope for something you are feeling unsure about. Turn to that person if you feel the need, and you may find them to be a great source of strength and inspiration. Late in the week, it might be wise to leave well enough alone with an agreement you are making with someone who can be difficult to deal with. If you have more of what you want than what you don't want, consider it a victory.
 

I like that one ^^ 🙂 
 

And thanks for saying you’d be my Will. 🥰

Talk soon and have a great day!