Nasty neighbour and I miss talking to people

[Stret]

I live alone in a foreign country (UK). I moved to this city a year ago for a good job. My house is duplex, semi-detached and the woman next door has been the worst neighbour. 

Some time in March I had to make an urgent trip home as my mum had fallen ill with some stomach issues. I took my spare key from my neighbour to give it to a lady that was gonna stay with my cat. When I returned I went to work for about four days and then started feeling the first Covid19 symptoms and came home. Scared and alone, I washed my hands and knocked on my neighbour's door to ask her if I can throw in my spare keys, on her floor, just in case I needed help and couldn't get up to open the door. I knocked and she opened and immediately started yelling at me for closing the door of my own car, in my own driveway too loudly for her taste. No hello, no how is your mother, nothing... just started going off at me out of the blue. She is 65 and I noticed that there is something off with her as she is panic stricken, nagging all the time, and makes issues there where don't exist. I was polite and never told her what I really wanted to. Once she  complained about me coming down the stairs late at night and so making noise while walking in my own home. I tolerated her for the sake of peace and was nice to her but yelling at me like I'm 5 years old for closing my car was the end of the line for me. So when I knocked and she finished shouting, she looked at my hand that was holding up the keys and adds: I am not taking your keys, it's too much responsibility. I just turned around and walked away. I am not sure what kind of person puts her annoyance at someone closing the door of their own car ahead of good relationship with neighbour and what kind of person doesn't care to ask about my urgent trip home due to my mum's ill health. I didn't say a word, she wasn't worth it and I just walked away. That was it for me - I was not going to talk to her again. I spent two weeks at home fighting the virus and some days were scary. Ambulance was coming one day and she saw it but didn't care to ask or offer help to the only foreigner in the neighbourhood and a person that was very helpful to her. No. The fact that I "slam" the door of my car to her annoyance was more important. She obviously has issues with her nerves and that I understand. But she is also evil. She gossiped to everyone in the neighbourhood about me (not sure what she had to say but I overheard her talk to a neighbour from across the street that just moved in a few months ago).  She is narcissistic and manipulative. She lied to me number of times but I kept polite and kept my distance. My landlord remarked that she was a bit crazy.

During the lockdown she was hosting a neighbour from across the road (whom I never even talked to). She was hosting her adult daughter that lives in another place and some other people. She was not practicing social distancing as required while over 20000 people already died in the country because of selfish and irresponsible people like her. So I recorded her and sent evidence to police. Police issued two letters of warning but she ignored it. They were knocking on her door once and had a very friendly chat and laughed together having established that they know a guy who works in police. Yesterday, neighbour hired a guy to cut the bush that is a fence between our backyards. There were two bird nests in the bushes and I was trying to grow the bushes higher so I cannot be seen when in my backyard. I wasn't going to trim them until the birds fly away. A guy that provides non-essential service was hired (breach of lockdown rules again by both) and he brought a big hedge trimmer. I heard her tell him that she cannot reach branches in the back (on my side of the fence) and she wanted him to cut it down. At this point, I walked over to the fence and warned him that it is illegal to cut bushes on my side of the fence (it is trespass). She told him "just ignore her, she's a weirdo".... and then I called landlord who called her and told her what she can and cannot do. The guy she hired nevertheless cut a lot from my side while I was telling him "please stop, you're trespassing". He didn't care and she was thrilled that she is forcing something abusive on me. I wrote an email to the same guy in police that sent her two letters of warning for the breach of lockdown rules and told him she has again breached the rules and now she is breaching another law. He asked me to call him and when I did he started shouting at me. He said he spoke to her and she told him I was just harassing her (harassment meant that I reported her to police a few times after she ignored the warnings). He told me "how do I know those people you say she hosted don't live in the house?" Errr... because they don't as I know who lives next door. He shouted that they are not going to do anything about it and started giving me some lectures (not sure about what but his tone was shocking). This sudden change in attitude towards this case happened after he talked to her. If I were a white, English and male, both police and the guy with a hedge trimmer would treat me completely differently. Anyway, I did some research and it seems that police in England is selectively imposing fines for beach of lockdown. Mostly poor and minority get them - class system is strong here and the working class is looked at with condescension. I read quite a lot on this topic. Sad.  

I still cannot bring myself to look inside the bushes and see if they killed baby birds that were in the nest or they just traumatized them. I didn't sleep well thinking about it. This morning I had to clean all the branches that fell on my side and still couldn't look. 

I am Eastern European and well-educated but the discrimination in the UK and the treatment I got over the short time I lived here is unbelievable. I lived in 7 different countries of the world and have never seen a police in a "developed" world country that is so corrupt. Until I came to the UK I didn't know how does it feel to be discriminated. I now also understood the English mentality that burned "witches" in medieval times. Gossip, cheap, low gossip is rampant. Neighbour managed to make me into an object of gossip and the others who have never spoken to me just couldn't wait to have someone to point finger at. Loud verbal abuse is spoken between my next door neighbour and the one that lives across the street, so that I can hear it when I'm in my backyard and or in my driveway.   

I cannot and don't want to move, I'm tired of moving. My cat is always traumatised when we move and cannot get used for months to a new place. This is ideal for us because we are basically in a park. 

Does anyone have similar experience living next to a complete and utter $%^& ? She poisoned the whole neighbourhood against me, people that I don't even know. I live my life quietly and people here are not too welcoming so I just mind my own business. Xenophobia and otherness is something I considered as a reason or a part of the reason. I haven't done anything that I can think of that could have provoked her reaction other than I was closing my car door and going down my stairs. Only afterwards I reported her to police, but even before that she was nasty. 

It has now been 7 weeks since I talked to another human being face to face. I feel alone and because I am home all the time and respect the lockdown rules, the verbal abuse that I hear now and then is getting to me. Sigh. 

Advice? 

[Ellener]

1 hour ago, Stret said:

Does anyone have similar experience living next to a complete and utter $%^& ?

Of course. Most people do, and in places like the UK you can be very close to your neighbours...I lived in England for years and the guy next door once attached a huge metal gate to the side of my house, the homes were that close together! 

Sorry you are lonely, could you find some websites for people of your nationality who emigrated, that's what I did when I first came to America.

Ignore the lady next door, she's unfriendly and reacting badly to the pandemic.

1 hour ago, Stret said:

If I were a white, English and male, both police and the guy with a hedge trimmer would treat me completely differently.

It's not fair but yes, there's lots of discrimination in the world. You'll meet other decent people there, you just needed help at a bad time from an unhelpful person. Don't let it prejudice you against everyone else. 

Talk to us here!

What's the park like? I love parks, English parks are often Victorian or Edwardian relics.

 

 

[Stret]

Thanks Ellener, really appreciate your kindness. There are very few people from my country here. I tried looking when I just arrived and found only one family that I am in touch with via messages. Technology isn't doing it for me any more. It was ok for a while but now, after 7 weeks, I am dying to talk to someone in person. I think the neighbour situation has made me feel much worse than I normally would and has brought up the feelings of loneliness. 
BTW, I found a link about narcissistic neighbour that perfectly explained her to me

Basically, people like her will not be ignored. She will force the reaction and if she doesn't she will raise the game until she does. For me, the reaction came when I saw a guy cutting my side of the fence where bird nest is... I could see the nest inside now, but not sure if there is any birds in there. I think they might have flown out early, they abandoned their nest. It was a blackbird so they can do this when they feel threatened. 

Edited April 25, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
removed link to commercial URL

[Ellener]

4 hours ago, Stret said:

dying to talk to someone in person.

I think a lot of people feel like that.

There's been a huge use of Zoom for organisations here. 

I'm a long term Unitarian Universalist, there are various representations in the UK I believe, but I also have connections with other churches and Temples so I've been texting and emailing friends from there. I didn't enjoy the Zoom Church, too many internet glitches, but I'll try it again maybe. 

Emigrating is hard, it took me a long time to settle down and I had a family and friends around me. Each culture is so different. 

I'm going to brush up my spanish speaking over the next few weeks if I'm not busy. I have a little routine which helps too.

 

[preraph]

You just got a bad neighbor.  I'm 67 and live in Texas and I wouldn't complain about those things that she did.  Old people often don't have anything better to do than to sit around and butt their nose into what's going on.  Some may have lived there a long time and feel they own the neighborhood or something.  

 

I had a couple nextdoor that were nice for a long time and then turned on a dime ( I think it was because I lost weight being that was the only change) and then I saw her literally doing a religious shun on me.  OMG.  Never seen anything like it.  And they killed the honeysuckle that was on our mutual fence, the only thing stopping us from looking into each other's homes and in the process, they killed a tree I was growing there for that reason.  Man.  I never said anything to them about it or anything.  Old people can get fussy, that's all.  

 

I have one across the street catty cornered who was friendly until I started talking to the neighbors to her left recently.  She likes to bad-mouth them which I didn't take seriously since simultaneously, she has done things to help out with them.  I'm sure they think she likes them.  One of them is disabled and lived there alone for awhile, but his grown son and new wife moved in.  So I texted her during the virus to see if she was going okay, and she ignored me and I've seen her make faces when I mention her neighbor.  Maybe she knows something I don't, probably, but right now, he's helped me bury my dog and I'm going to hire him for odd jobs.  It will probably make her mad. 

 

Just be lowkey.  And do call police if she does anything awful or yells so much it scares you.  And you'll probably be the one who ends up having to move, though.  I bet she's been there awhile.  

[Stret]

Thanks Preraph. Certainly not the case with all older people as with both of our neighbours. She is only 65 and not really old. I don't understand the evil part, I would understand the fussy and the crazy part. It came out of nowhere. 
Today I went to the shop and came back home in some 25 min. I saw that someone was in my backyard that is enclosed with high fences on all sides. Someone had dug up Bumbi... it is a bumble bee that tried to save but couldn't and I buried him. We had "funeral" and I even put a small tombstone. I was just bored and was recording videos to share with my colleagues. So today I came back and someone dug it up, tore up the paper and opened carefully the aluminum foil in which I put Bumbi with flowers. It was just left a foot away from the grave, and the tombstone was placed in the hole in upright position. Animal couldn't do all this. I have no security cameras but now I will get some. 
What she did yesterday with the fence was illegal, and if she had someone from the neighbourhood go into my backyard... it is no longer an issue of a crazy neighbour but a dangerous neighbour. 

 

[Ellener]

6 hours ago, Stret said:

it is no longer an issue of a crazy neighbour but a dangerous neighbour. 

it's probably children? curious about the little tombstone.

 

[Stret]

On 4/26/2020 at 3:50 AM, Ellener said:

On 4/25/2020 at 10:29 PM, Stret said:

it is no longer an issue of a crazy neighbour but a dangerous neighbour. 

There are no children around here at the time of a lockdown. The fence is very high too. They saw that I went to shop and knew I'd be gone for a while.

Yesterday, the neighbours across the street installed a second security camera for their front yard. This one is directed straight at my house and my windows, and was installed for that purpose alone. It is a harassment and it is illegal. Now I cannot even open my curtains without being recorded and observed. 

I've never even spoken to these people. My next door neighbour just poisoned them against me and they are pissed that I reported them to police for breaches of lockdown. 

I am really in a nasty place right now and it is affecting my well being. 

 

On 4/26/2020 at 3:50 AM, Ellener said:

 

 

[IndigoNight]

Stret

Sorry that your neighbor is causing you stress. Unfortunately, with the lockdown it is difficult to do much about it. Avoid her as much as you can, but don't make your life difficult to do so. You have no reason to hide from her, she's just obnoxious and best abided when possible.

If it were me I would be calling the landlord to report what happened with the hedges, and the little bumblebee. The trimming of the hedges may not have been approved, and you don't want to be blamed for anything your neighbor has done. It was very sweet of you to bury Bumbl with such kindness and consideration. 🐝 👍🐝

Having someone in your back yard is creepy! Report it to the landlord, and put in some cameras. I would try to make them as discreet as possible so that if it's your lovely neighbor, you have proof of what she is doing. 🕵️‍♂️

Once the lockdown has lifted, do you have friends or coworkers that you could invite over? Perhaps a BBQ or outdoor dining with them would help lift your spirits.

I know that online just isn't the same as in person, but you could invite some people to have a Zoom get together with you. A friend of mine gets together with people for Zoom karaoke. They have a great time. Another friend hosts book club meetings using video chat. There are some really creative suggestions online on how to use video conferencing for social interaction. Maybe doing something like that would help get you through this difficult period.

As for your neighbor, if you have to interact with her be as nice as you possibly can. I realize that may not be how you would prefer to deal with her. However, if you are always polite and civil, other people will see her instigating things with you. Hopefully. She may have all of your close neighbors on edge because she is so rude.

There are websites that rate neighbors. I'm not sure if you have anything like that there. Have you ever tried to Google her name to see if she had made her mark on the internet? Not snoop, just a quick search to see if anything showed up.

I would like to believe that we're at least hallway through the pandemic, and life will be returning to "somewhat" normal, soon. I'm getting a bit stir crazy at home, and could definitely use a change of scenery to brighten my mood. Have you heard of Google art using a selfie to find the artwork you resemble most? I think you can just your in Google Art, and a link comes up. I haven't tried it yet, but it sounds interesting. It will consume at least a few minutes of cabin fever. I have walked around cities that my friends love in using Google Earth, just to see what their city looks like. Honestly, I really enjoyed it. I put on relaxing music, and went exploring. It was fascinating!

You might want to keep a journal of all of the weird and what things that your neighbor does. It's better to be proactive with someone like her. Best wishes to you. I do hope you continue to post here. Perhaps we can all learn about new and interesting ways to kill some time, as we wait for things to get better.

Sorry if things are a bit jumbled. I haven't had my morning coffee yet. 😴

 

 

[Stret]

Thanks very much for your kind post Indigo. Some very good advice in your post.

I have not heard of the Google Art but sounds like something I'd like. I like taking photos and editing them for hours. 
You want to see Bubmi's funeral? I put it on youtube. Next to it you can see another tombstone of another tiny creature. It was a slug that fell into my dish water and then lived less than 24 hrs after that. It's a Tiny Creature Cemetery.  Tadaa..